Black souls

thirteen fourteen fifteen more- let's destroy what we adore.

[moonblacckkk]

[moonblacckkk]

I know you have a lot in your heart.

I know you think about the father who lives far away from you, the one you never truly knew, whose personality remains a stranger to you. I know you think about your wasted potential, about how you deserve more because you have so much more to give. I know about the love that doesn't nourish you, the love that dismisses you. I know about the mother who sacrificed everything for you without ever asking for anything in return, only to blame you for it later, to regret it, and to place that regret on your shoulders.

I know you carry so much that you cannot bring yourself to speak aloud. And I know that now, once again, you are alone, with sleepless nights, a lying tongue, and a mind overflowing with hatred toward yourself.

I know you are struggling. I know you are trying to become better, to do better, to feel better, and simply to survive long enough to truly live this life.

I know the silence is eating you from the inside.

I know you wonder what is so wrong with you that people can leave so easily, dismiss your feelings so effortlessly, or choose comfort over understanding you. I know you replay conversations in your head, searching for the moment where you became too much, too emotional, too difficult to love.

I know you carry guilt that never belonged to you. You apologize for existing, for asking to be heard, for needing reassurance, for wanting someone to stay. Somewhere along the way, you learned that your needs were burdens and your feelings were inconveniences.

I know you mourn the person you could have become if life had been kinder to you. But kindness from life was never the only path. There is another one, slower and lonelier perhaps, where you become that person anyway.

[paper-wounds]

[letsbelonelytogetherr]

— octobersfilm on substack (via letsbelonelytogetherr)

[moonblacckkk]

it's so tempting to relapse again, to hurt and just become her again

[konoko]

[moonblacckkk]

My whole life has been a lesson of independence and detachment and yet i am the most loving emotional person i know.

i would still sit here around waiting for love, although love has done me wrong, i would wait for that long lasting friendship although they seem to disappear into thin air, i would aid, fix my heart to love again while it still bleeds.

[moonblacckkk]

i will always believe that if someone wants to, they will, because when i wanted to i did.

i showed up even when I was drained and tired, i made time even on my busiest days, and i chose effort instead of excuses. So now, when someone says they care but does nothing i already know the answer.

Because I believe in actions, not words. Wanting is loud, trying is visible, and real love never makes you feel unsure, confused, or like you are too much or asking for too much.

[titansaresexy]

Not big on love anymore. But, Oh man, you should've seen me when I was...

[moonblacckkk]

maybe one day<3

[moonblacckkk]

[moonblacckkk]

let it be

[shisasan]

—and although I’m very tired, I’m writing to you,

17 July 1926 Letters to Véra by Vladimir Nabokov

[sophie-poetry]

But how could you say all those beautiful things when you knew how desperately I had waited to hear them? How could you hold my heart when it was the most honest thing I had to give and still let it break? How could you know my fears, my thoughts, my laughter, the quiet parts of me that I never showed anyone else and still treat me like I was something you could simply walk away from?

Mine.

[thoughtkick]

“Be the love you never received.”

— Rune Cazuli

[quotefeeling]

“and at some point I thought to myself: ‘no person deserves this,’ and I realized that includes even me.”

— Unknown

[moonblacckkk]

who knew something so small, would make me relapse