𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐈 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐚 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐬𝐜𝐞𝐧𝐭...
~ Synopsis: they can't get over you. How could they, when you're all they've ever known?
~ Characters: Rin Itoshi, Oliver Aiku, Michael Kaiser
~ A/N: "Oh Alocia but you said you'll only post fluff from now on!!" SHUTUPPP IK WHAT I SAID IM SORRY IM GONNA POST A FLUFF REQUEST TOMORROW PLS BE PATIENT WITH ME 😭
𝑰 𝒅𝒐𝒏'𝒕 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒏𝒂 𝒈𝒆𝒕 𝒖𝒏𝒅𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒔𝒆𝒅 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒂 𝒏𝒆𝒘 𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒐𝒏 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒂𝒈𝒂𝒊𝒏
Rin has never had an easy time opening up to other people.
Ever since he was a kid, talking about his feelings and thoughts never came as easily to him as it did to others. Feelings were... well, complicated. The only one who could make him come out of his little shell was Sae Itoshi, his older brother. The one who promised to always be by Rin's side. The one who he looked up to. The one who comforted him and gave him free popsickles.
The one who betrayed him. The one who felt disgusted by Rin. The one Rin wanted to crush and destroy.
And also the one who broke Rin. Who made him cry countless times, wondering just what was wrong with himself.
After that fateful night, Rin never opened up to anyone again. Why bother? If even his own brother abandoned him, others would too, right? People come and go, so what's the point in being an open book? They're gonna leave anyways. He's clearly destined to be alone (And he's okay with it, really.)
Or perhaps not, cause somebody else managed to break through the walls he oh so carefully built up. You managed to.
Talking to you was easy. He didn't felt like he was forced to speak, it just came naturally. It was as if his own body wanted to open up to you, to have a shoulder to cry on - Or maybe it was just the effect you had on him, he'll never really know.
He told you everything. He talked to you about the ugliest parts of him, the ones he tried so hard to hide. He told you about Sae and how the whole situation regarding both of them made him feel. He felt vulnerable enough to cry in front of you, multiple times.
He still remembers your arms around him, the embrace strong, yet so gentle. You clearly cared for him. Scratch that, you told him you loved him, more than once. And he loved you back. So, so much.
That's why he doesn't understand what went wrong. Why he's here and you're there. Why he's alone again.
Don't get him wrong, his new girlfriend is good. Great even. She's pretty, the media loves her and her cooking is very good.
There's just one problem.
His shoulders are shaking as he lies with her in their shared bed, his back facing her while he looks at the wall as if it was the most interesting thing in the room.
"Mhm" He nods, trying to calm down. His breath is unstable, even if he tries to hide it.
"You're shaking. You sure you're alright?"
The feeling of her hand going up and down his back, clearly trying to calm him down, does nothing to help. Actually, it only makes things worse: he feels disgusted by it. Her touch feels so, so wrong. It feels forced. Out of place. Strange.
He brushes her hand off like it physically burns him, but realized he used too much strenght and tried to play it cool.
"Sorry" he says, finally finding his voice again "I'm fine, really. You should sleep now... love"
He almost spits the pet name, like it's acid going through his mouth. The stinging sensation in his mouth after saying it makes his head start reeling and his heart beat faster.
"Rin, you know you can always talk to me when somethings wrong, right? I'm your girlfriend, sweetie. You need to trust me for this relationship to work"
Trust? He trusted too many people already. Sae. You.
And, suddenly, the yearning becomes hatred. For a split second, he holds the pillow tighter, and the longing he felt for you was quickly replaced by pure anger.
You promised him. You told him you'd never leave him. And the worst part is that he believed you. He wanted to believe.
He really should talk to her. She's waiting for an answer, staring at him in silence. She stares at him like the kids used to when he was little: like his feeling were too confusing to understand. Like he was too much.
You never once looked at him like that. You looked at him with understanding in your eyes. With care and patience.
The anger turns into tears. One by one, they begin to spill from his eyes as he hiccups into his pillow. It's as if the ghost of your hands is right there, wiping away his tears.
"Talk to me, Rin" she says - no, pleads.
But he can't. Even though he knows he should, his mind doesn't want to. He opens and closes his mouth, trying to find the right words to say, but finds none. His body physically holds him back from talking to her.
Not to her, especifically, but rather to anyone who's not you.
He'll never be able to open up to another person, as long as the ghost of you still haunts him.
𝑰 𝒅𝒐𝒏'𝒕 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒏𝒂 𝒌𝒊𝒔𝒔 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒆𝒍𝒔𝒆'𝒔 𝒏𝒆𝒄𝒌 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒕𝒆𝒏𝒅 𝒊𝒕'𝒔 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒔 𝒊𝒏𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒂𝒅
This wasn't supposed to happen.
He wasn't supposed to get attached.
It was meant to be an one stand, a quick "fuck and go" to help him get his mind off of the current... situation he was facing.
But Aiku couldn't help it: she just looked too much like you.
Her hair, her face, hell even her name sounded like yours - which really helped him cover his slip ups (moaning your name instead of hers) many times.
When they were sleeping together, she put her cold feet under his legs to warm them up, just like you used to do. Her favorite series are the same as yours. Her style looks liked yours. She was almost you.
But if Aiku sealed his eyes really close, he could pretend it was you.
He knew it became an obsession, but he just couldn't stop it.
When he gifted her the perfume you used, he brushed it off as a coincidence. Many girls wear that fragrance, so it's not a big deal, really. When he "accidentally" bought her VIP tickets to that rock band you liked - the one he refused to go with you many times, claiming he was "busy" - even though he knew she doesn't like rock. When he kisses her neck, he just wants to pretend it's yours. He closes his eyes and inhales your her cologne, smiling to himself as he mutters your name.
"Aiku?" She asks, looking at him "Who's that?"
And that's when he realized: she was not you. Because her eyes were nothing like yours.
He misses them, your eyes: the way the colors in your irises danced, invinting him in and making him grow an inexplicable need to kiss you till you're both a breathing mess of love and yearn.
That's why he knows he should stop.
"What do you mean? I said your name"
There's not an ounce of doubt on his voice when he talk to her, as if they've had this conversation hundreds of times already.
And when she turns and he can't see her face - her eyes - anymore, he automatically goes back to pretending it's you again.
So you have to understand, he couldn't let go of her. Cause then he'd have to get over you, and he's not sure if he'll ever be ready to.
𝑰 𝒍𝒐𝒐𝒌 𝒂𝒄𝒓𝒐𝒔𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒄𝒌𝒔 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒔𝒆𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒂𝒏𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆'𝒔 𝒏𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒔𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒏 𝒔𝒆𝒆𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒎𝒐𝒗𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒐𝒏 𝒘𝒉𝒊𝒍𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒔𝒖𝒇𝒇𝒆𝒓
Kaiser feels sick to his fucking stomach.
What the actual fuck is happening just in front of him? Why are you at your cafeteria with a lowlife? Your cafeteria. Yours and Kaiser's. The one you had your first date in. The one where he asked you to be his girlfriend.
Why are you with that bastard? He looks like a dog that hasn't taken a bath in weeks - no, months. He's so much better than that idiot that's in front of you right now. He knows it. And he's sure you know it too.
So why are you smiling so hard?
How can you be smiling so hard without him, when he's never gotten over you? When he still yearns for you, still goes through your old photos on his phone? When he still calls you just to listen to your voicemail message?
How can you move on while he's still suffering? And how can you look so pretty while doing it?
It's unfair. He's been on dates after your break up, sure, but never managed to find anyone even remotely close to your level. That's why he doesn't know how you managed to.
Kaiser knows he's pathetic. He though those lovesick fools from the movies you forced him to watch were ridiculous - until it was him in their position.
He rejects every girl that as much as tries to talk to him. The scented candles - the ones that have your scent - are always lit. He checks your social media like it's a ritual.
He cries himself to sleep sometimes, trying to figure out just what went wrong. Why he's so easy to abandon. Why no relationship - be it familiar, platonic or romantic - ever works for him.
"Micha... Kaiser" He hears someone call.
It's you. Hand in hand with your new... lover.
He can't help the disgusted expression that appears in his face, neither does he make any effort to hide it.
"...hey" It's so weak, so low, so unlike him that even you seem surprised.
"What are you doing here?"
I was looking for you, hoping to see you here. Alone. Looking for me, too
"Ah, just passing by. The coffe here is the best, you know."
It's not a question, it's an affirmation. He knows you know. You told him yourself that they serve your favorite coffe.
"Yeah, I know" an uncomfortable silence settled, but Kaiser didn't even pay attention. His eyes were focused on your hands, intertwined with that guy's. "So..." You start, looking at him. Oh, how he missed your eyes.
But not like that. You're looking at him with indifference, not with the love you used to. The love he desperately chased and thought he'd finally found it - only to have it taken from him "How's life going?"
"Amazing" Terrible "I'm seeing someone" it's the most absurd lie he's ever said.
"Really? That's great!" No. You're not supposed to be happy. That would mean you...
"I'm glad you also managed to move on" Also? "You know I still care for you, right?"
"Y-yeah" How many times has the mighty Michael Kaiser stuttered tonight? Much more than he'd like to admit, that's for sure.
"You should call me" he's blocked.
You seem to remember it, since you blush and look to the side. His face softens when he sees this. You really haven't changed. At least, not completely. "I'm gonna unblock you, don't worry"
Oh, how long has he yearned to hear those words? But not like this. Whatever this is, it isn't what he wanted at all.
"Sure" he puts his cold and tragically alone hands inside the pockets of his jacket, pretending it's you holding them. "I need to go, now. She's waiting for me at home"
There's no one at his house - he can't call it home anymore. Home is where you are.
"Yeah, sure. Goodbye, Kaiser."
He begins walking away, his eyes pathetically glossy and the air around his face filled with the puffs from his heavy breathing.
He looks at you again, locking eyes. He takes in your whole body, almost as if it's the last time he'll ever see you: and it might be.
"Take care of youself, Micha."
It seems his pillow will wake up wet again.
~ A/N²: IM SO SORRY FOR THE LONG WAIT EVERYONE WHO REQUESTED BUT HOLIDAYS HAVE BEEN CRAZY BUSY FOR ME AND I DON'T HAVE TIME TO WRITE ALL REQUESTS 😭😭 PLS DONT KILL ME I PROMISE I'LL WRITE EM ALL
Tags!(Ask to be added!!): @falsedivide @5noring6lossoms @arninie @cornbreadslam
jacobvanloon
origamiaround
germansingergirl
romaincrisis
blakekathryn
