☾ Queen Of Disaster ☾

Tales from the Borderline 🥀 Limerence Specialist Books: https://a.co/d/03p1NHS7 https://www.amazon.com/Foundations-G-Gray/dp/B0FJ21NR8J

[moonlitmesss]

Links to my poetry books

Amazon.com: G. Gray: books, biography, latest update

https://a.co/d/0cJiIjGj

https://a.co/d/0d8sor4O

https://a.co/d/03eYaQ7N

[moonlitmesss]

All Grown Up

Sometimes I think I see you still

Your weightless smile echoes through the halls you once roamed

Filled with magic and mischief

I’ve now grown into the rooms they once occupied

Where only whispers remain

What’s left of you slips right through my fingers

There’s not enough left of you to hold

I’m sorry I had to leave you behind

And that I won’t ever see you again

The sun had never shone brighter

than it did when I knew you

You complained about the heat

Not knowing the eternal winter that lay ahead

We’re freezing now

And what I wouldn’t give to be warm with you once again.

From the book. Foundations.

https://a.co/d/0297tGwp

[moonlitmesss]

Somewhere else

In another universe I’m easier to love

And caring about me isn’t the hardest thing anyone’s had to do

the weight of my name doesn’t burden the ones who bear it

And kindness doesn’t burn the lips of the people foolish enough to spill it

In another universe my hands don’t crush the ones that intertwine them

And backs don’t break when I hold the ones I love

Sympathies don’t shatter with a single touch

And ears don’t fall deaf when I speak

In another universe

I am less destructive

And maybe

That’s finally enough.

From the book, Foundations.

https://a.co/d/0dnMh432

[moonlitmesss]

Me, Myself, And I

I can feel my heart beating hollow in my chest

Desolate

Yet brimming with the whispers poured out for me

through the devilish lips of the fragmented memories

of the man who haunts me

Of course it's you

I swear I'm seeing double

Chasing the ghost I loved through this sterile wasteland

I’m smothered and strangled by the parts of you I won't let go

The ones who left each and every fingerprint on the windows that hold the perfect view of what it meant to be with you

We couldn’t be more different

and yet we were one and the same

I could never tell your hand from mine

I swear, when we intertwined

the boundaries that separated us dissolved

and we became something new

It was ineffable

The pain was so pleasant

And I grew to love the haunting beauty of my cries

They echoed through the halls we roamed

Even as the walls crumbled and the emptiness closed in

A silent suffocation stripped of  its weight

The vacant spaces within me

filled with the air my lungs refuse to hold

Drowning has never felt so weightless.

From the book, Foundations.

https://a.co/d/0hgrPAyW

[moonlitmesss]

Not That Deep

I know it’s not that deep

And yet the logic is lost amongst the abyssal caverns

that surround a heart

That has been abandoned one too many times

You’re a monster.

Not one twisted and created from the painful perception

that darkens with each knife you stick into my back

but one that was born

that crawled its way out of someplace most sinister

and has always walked amongst men

With such a poor disguise

Yet one that fools almost every naked eye.

You have mastered the art of seduction

Crawling beneath defenses

and sticking your sin-soaked fingers

into every limb you wish to bend and break for you

You arm and disarm with every word you speak

Striking sideways just when I start thinking straight

Do you know what it feels like?

To feel every little thing that rolls in

with the intensity of a brand new potential?

Reaching new highs and lows that set a standard to break

The war between lost and found

The shattered mosaic mindset whispers gently

 as the world radiates insistence

She commands submission

A full surrender to the never-ending barrage  of tidal waves that carry with them an intensity

that was never meant to be felt

Still

I carry it all

Twisted with the persistence of the masses that I’m too much

If only  they knew what it was

To have the antithesis of harmony

 gut out your core and take its place

Wearing the mangled remains of the soul that once ruled

I know I shouldn’t care

And I know this time

It will be the death of me.

From the book, Foundations.

https://a.co/d/0iTDjvWD

[moonlitmesss]

Somewhere else

In another universe I’m easier to love

And caring about me isn’t the hardest thing anyone’s had to do

the weight of my name doesn’t burden the ones who bear it

And kindness doesn’t burn the lips of the people foolish enough to spill it

In another universe my hands don’t crush the ones that intertwine them

And backs don’t break when I hold the ones I love

Sympathies don’t shatter with a single touch

And ears don’t fall deaf when I speak

In another universe

I am less destructive

And maybe

That’s finally enough.

From the book, Foundations.

https://a.co/d/0dnMh432

[moonlitmesss]

Halfway healed

I fear I am more creature than man

Trapped in an inescapable world of anger that was just as much my making as theirs

I can do my part and yet theirs remains

Untouchable by the hands that were tied during its creation

Now what good is a halfway healed heart when the biggest cracks are the ones that were meant to hold it all in place

With all the pieces in tact

There’s nothing left to bind them together

The frame and foundation crumbled from the start

You can’t rebuild what was never whole

Maybe this is as good as it gets.

From the book, Foundations.

https://a.co/d/05NmuOYQ

[moonlitmesss]

Final moments

Even in death

Her beauty is tragic

The ground beneath her has welcomed her home

Tree roots entwined with her ribs

And vines adorning her collarbones

Flowers now grow in the shadow of her last breath

No one knew she was gone

Or that she had been hurting

Lost and never found

Mother Nature cradled her last moments

And sealed her fate with a kiss

No one had ever held her so gently

And for the first time

Drinking in the saccharine sight of death

She finally felt alive.

From the book, Foundations.

https://a.co/d/08qTcwT2

[moonlitmesss]

The Demons Within

Drunk on frozen moonlight

I spill my sins and purge my soul

Unraveling the walls within

I fear I’ve lost control

Confessions drip from icy lips

Fractured starlight shines within

On my knees, blood starts to freeze

As lies tarnish my skin

As feelings bleed and demons need

I fear I may not be alone

A darkened past that's built to last

I feel it deep within my bones

From the book, Foundations.

https://a.co/d/0dgpFGKp

[moonlitmesss]

Final Farewell

I’ll mend your broken heartbeat

And melt your icy veins

I’ll reach into your very soul

And take away the pain

Your hair is strewn with starlight

Your eyes shine like the moon

I’ll swim with you in galaxies

And we’ll soak up sun till noon

You once said that darkness ruled you

And that the nightmares kept you cold

But when I saw the fire leave your soul

I knew you hurt more than you'd told

As the darkness pooled around us

I watched the light die in your eyes

You held your breath and took a step

And drowned without goodbyes

From the book, Foundations.

https://a.co/d/0bF8l7qA

[moonlitmesss]

Weighted Waters

When darkness comes to visit

And empty plans to stay

The stars seem cold and dismal

And the moonlight fades away

The weight to bear is steady

Like anchors thrown out to sea

The water collapses inevitably

And the pressure will set me free

Bones cracked, crumpled, and calling

Heart beaten and ground into dust

Eyes glossy, glazed over, and mournful

Left sinking and thrown out to rust

From the book, Foundations.

https://a.co/d/0c8d1PK6

[moonlitmesss]

Burnout

My hands have grown tired

And my fingers ache to the bone

Arms shaking and shivering from the endless weight I carry

Displacing my own

Yet the horrors never cease

The weight only multiplies

And now I'm lost in a sea of memories that are not my own

The pain is no longer separate

And I no longer know what it means to heal

Wounds become infected

But with my soft touch now hardened

I rip two stitches for every one I sew

I see through the eyes of every life I've touched

And I no longer recognize my own

Apathy drowns the spark once ignited

That thawed the hearts of those who sought my comfort

Frozen by the isolation they held before me

But my presence has grown stale

And the silence now sour

The healing hand now does all the damage she's undone

No tears are shed from the eyes that lost their purpose

And I don’t care anymore.

From the book, Foundations.

https://a.co/d/0c18Npgy

[moonlitmesss]

My Own Worst Enemy

I did not deserve all of the mean things I said to me

But that hasn’t stopped me yet

Those dull green eyes hold 24 years of vitriol

passed down from lips to heart

And in them a reflection of all I never was

In my hands rest the promises I said I’d keep

Shriveled and dried up like the love that passed me by

Hard to swallow

I choke down the tears

that mourn the girl I should have been

Kindness coats the knife that kissed my skin

Scrawling my story with each stroke

The portrait left behind paints a picture that doesn’t exist

Can you feel it?

You’re becoming what you’ve always hated

Caustic words cradle what’s left of the girl they’ve burned

I spent my life hunting monsters

And setting fire to their homes

Who knew I would be reborn from their ashes.

From the book, Foundations.

https://a.co/d/06dcTVwy

[moonlitmesss]

I Broke Another Mirror Today

Shards of glass litter the ground beneath my bloodied feet

And I’m stuck standing on all the pain you never see

The pieces are shattered like my hopes of ever healing

Still reflecting the essence of everything I’ve tried to hide

Making decisions that please my demons

My softer side has gone to hide

The shell that I left has been filled with fantasy

and phantom remnants of who I thought I could be

Sabotaging myself for the smiles

I set the rest on fire just to choke on the smoke

My lungs burn and I love the taste

Drowning out the screams of every part of me that had to die

Please save me from myself.

From the book, Foundations.

https://a.co/d/0dm3n28t

[moonlitmesss]

Path to the Past

Why go back to the past?

No one lives there anymore

Still

We plant flowers on the graves of the children we once were

In remembrance and shame of what we did to them

We saw how they suffered

And knew not how to save them

So we put them out of their misery

and used their bones to climb free

 out of the world we burned down

We made the mistake of looking back

And saw all the corpses of who we used to be that lie rotting with the hopes of who we could have been

Skeletons of loved ones passed line the halls

of the future they never met

And rubble paves the way back to the home we died in.

From the book, Foundations.

https://a.co/d/03DdJDQe

[moonlitmesss]

"Whatever eats my corpse will have its teeth so deeply drenched in my love for you that the only word it will be able to speak is your name."

-G. Gray, Hiraeth

https://a.co/d/0iAYz25g

[moonlitmesss]

No Escape

Sleepless nights full of dreams

My unconscious becomes the very threat I sought to escape

Filling every crevice of my mind

There's no spot left untouched

by the antithesis of my essence

Rest is no longer sacred

And time spent outside loses all meaning

 when the borders erase

Exhaustion follows me with every turn I take

And she seeks to love me as her own

But her love is corrosive

Erasing all the parts of me she's touched

She longs to feel lonely together

The void seeks company full of life

To drain face to face and unbecome together

With nowhere left to turn

I pray I find peace in non-existence

If this is all that's left

Let death be kinder than man.

From the book, Foundations.

https://a.co/d/07zbhF6r