even stars burnout-ā
chapter 01 ā
warnings: 18+, minors dni, smut, unprotected sex, teasing, oral, drunk sex, alcohol, angst, toxic jiyong.
a/n: first official chapter !! next part friday.
{even stars burnout playlistš§}
it was dark outside when you saw the call, the call you didnāt expect. why would you? since heād been taken, jiyong had been acting like he wanted nothing to do with you. so when you saw a call from ājiā on your phone it was surprising.
you stared at the screen for a second, like it would disappear if you blinked.
you sat up from where youād been lying on the couch, half wallowing in your sadness and half trying to forget about it. the room felt too quiet, the tv still playing something you hadnāt been paying attention to for the last hour.
you let it ring about four times before picking it up. you didnāt want to seem desperate, even if you most definitely were.
āji?ā you said quietly as the line crackled on the other end. āwhyāre you calling at this time?ā
āi need you.ā he said, words slightly slurred.
you could hear distant traffic in the background and the uneven sound of his footsteps, like heād stumbled for a second before catching himself, it made your stomach twist from anxiety.
you swallowed down the lump in your throat. the only time he seemed to bother calling was when he was intoxicated and you didnāt know whether to call him out on it or just help him. part of you knew to hang up and protect yourself for once.
but you decided you were going to help, you couldnāt help it. you were so afraid of letting him down, even if he had done it to you.
āhave you been drinking?ā you asked, your voice coming out quieter than you meant it to. your fingers tightened around the phone. you never really knew how to deal with him when he was like this.
āno. i just said i needed you and you seem to not even care? i thought i could fucking come to you when i needed.ā he practically snapped into the phone.
the words made your chest tighten. you pulled the phone away from your ear for a second as if it would ease the pain.
you tried to ignore the ache in your chest. it hurt hearing him talk to you like that, especially when youād been missing him an embarassing amount. you were about to say something,then he spoke again.
ācan i come over. i just need a break from everything.ā his voice was rougher now, he sounded hurt, even tired. it was hard to tell through the slurred, messy way he was speaking.
you rubbed your thumb against the edge of your phone, thinking.
āuhā¦ i donāt know.ā you mumbled quietly. the words felt weak the second they left your mouth. in all honesty, you were scared of how he could get when he was like this. he could be unpredictable, and the last time youād seen him like that hadnāt ended well.
your heart was already starting to give in before your mind had even made the decision. however your lack of response set him off before you could even think about it.
āyouāre such a useless fucking piece of shit sometimes i swear. you donāt even want to help me, do you know how selfish that is? after everything iāve done for you.ā he spat out harshly.
you felt your chest tighten further, the words hit you harder than they should have. you could almost cry, your eyes burned but you forced yourself to keep it together. you felt so bad even though it was him being cruel and that was what you hated about yourself.
you knew he was gaslighting you and that made it worse. because even knowing that, part of you still felt guilty. like you really were being selfish and you were the problem.
you bit your lip so hard it almost bled, trying to keep yourself together.
āokay you can come. how far away are you? where even are you?ā you said quietly, trying to keep your voice steady so he wouldnāt hear the hurt sitting in your throat, as if heād care anyways. ānot far.ā he said bluntly before hanging up.
the call ended before you could say anything else.
you stared at your phone for a moment, the silence in the room feeling heavy, making your anxiety increase even more.
you waited restlessly for him to arrive, you couldnāt sit still. your mind kept spinning with a thousand thoughts you couldnāt slow down.
it was so late. why did he even want to come to you?
he had a girlfriend. why didnāt he go to her?
and why did you still say yes?
what would he even do when he got here? yell at you more? pretend nothing happened? make you feel bad again until you apologised for something you didnāt even do?
you were pacing back and forth through your lounge, your arms wrapped tightly around yourself, trying to calm the anxious feeling spreading through your chest.
then suddenly loud knocks hit the door, you flinched.
he was banging on it, again and again, like he expected you to open it the second he arrived.
your stomach dropped, you walked over slowly and pulled the door open, your eyes lifting to look at him.
he looked a mess, and that was putting it nicely. his hair was damp with sweat and sticking up in every direction, his hands trembling slightly at his sides. his eyes were red and swollen too, and you couldnāt tell if it was just the alcohol or if heād been crying. you assumed both.
he locked eyes with you for a second before pushing past you. you couldnāt read what he was feeling right now, so you didnāt say anything. you just stepped aside and let him walk into your house, like you always did. you couldnāt quite bring yourself to stop him, no matter how many times you told yourself you should.
the silence stretched out between you, long and heavy. it felt like with every passing second your stomach twisted a little tighter with anxiety.
you both sat on opposite ends of the couch. youād left that space on purpose, making him comfortable, even though he had shown up pretty much uninvited.
after a while, you finally spoke, your voice careful and quiet.
ādo you want some water or something?ā
for a moment, he didnāt respond. the silence hung and you half expected him to snap at you or brush you off.
but instead, he started crying.
his shoulders folded in on themselves as his whole body began to shake, loud sobs slipping out before he could stop them.
āshe broke my heart,ā he choked out, his voice rough and cracking. āshe fucking broke me.ā
you just stared at him for a moment, stunned.
so that was why heād called, drunk and heartbroken. why he treated you the way heād treated you earlier, the way heād twisted the interaction on the phone until you were the one feeling terrible.
that realization stung more than you wanted, but this wasnāt about you. and you refused to make it about you, no matter how much it hurt.
slowly, you shifted closer to him on the couch, you hesitated for a second before wrapping your arms around him.
āshh itās okay, Ji,ā you murmured softly. āiām here.ā
you held him while he cried, swallowing down the tightness in your own throat.
after a while, his shaking eased a little. He lifted his head to look at you. his eyes were still glassy with alcohol, but the way he was looking at you made your chest ache, like he needed you.
and as much as you hated to say, you needed him too.
āYouāre the only good thing in my life,ā he mumbled quietly before leaning in and pressing his lips to yours.
they were drunken words and you knew it but they still had an affect on you.
you froze as he pressed his lips against yours. every instinct screamed at you to pull away, tell him heās drunk and that heās hurting and doesnāt need you, say he shouldnāt be here.
but you didnāt youād wanted this for far too long and selfishly, you let it happen anyway. even if it meant losing yourself in the process, and that it would hurt.
you melted into the kiss, letting it sweep over you, letting him lure you into something you werenāt supposed to want.
it was wrong, and yet there was something in the way he looked at you that made everything else fade. like the world was just the two of you, and the rules you had set didnāt matter.
the way his hands lingered made your stomach tighten and your mind spin. desire and fear crept inside you, and you couldnāt sort them out, or stop yourself from giving in.
you moaned softly as you felt his hard dick on your clothed, already soaked, pussy. he seemed to pick up on this as he roughly pulled you closer and slid his tongue into your mouth with no mercy.
you could taste the bittersweet flavour of alcohol on his tongue and if you were being honest, it turned you on. you carried on sucking at his tongue until you felt his hands slide down into your pants.
your body froze up. youād never expected to go this far with him, even if youād fantasised it a hundred times it still felt wrong. he had been your bestfriend for years and the fact he wasnāt even in the right state, he was heartbroken and drunk.
he stopped as he acknowledged your hesitation and gazed up at you with glassy eyes.
āplease i need this. i need you.ā he breathed out. āplease do it for me ill make you feel good.ā he said. and it was such a shitty excuse and he was manipulating you but you just couldnāt see it like that. not when he was looking at you that way.
you exhaled and slowly shuffled to slide your trousers down along with your undies. he eyed you down before nodding his head to get you to lay back.
you obeyed him and laid back and before you knew it his face was between your thighs. he flicked his tongue up and down your folds, savouring every bit of it on his tongue. you arched on the couch as he made you feel euphoric, you were dazed. his hot mouth felt so fucking good on you and you needed more.
you pushed down on his head so he would go further. āsuch a desperate girl hm?ā he murmured as he came up for a breath and made eye contact with you that felt so tense you couldāve exploded then and there. he carried on and gently bit around your sensitive clit which was now throbbing.
you threw your head back and moaned. āholy fuck jiyong.ā you groaned and pushed your hips forward, grinding against his mouth.
he came back up and licked his lips before sliding his own pants down and flipped you around so you were on all fours in the way he could hit it from behind.
āyou okay with this?ā he asked gruffly like he couldnāt wait any longer for this.
you werenāt thinking straight, still dazed from him eating you like a five star dish, so ofcourse you said yes. how could you deny what youād been secretly desiring since you first laid eyes on him?
āmhm please i want it so bad.ā you breathed out.
his lips curved into a small smirk āthatās what i thought.ā he said smug as ever.
he slid his cock into you making your body shiver with pleasure, you gasped as he started thrusting at a quick pace already, as you clenched around him.
āmm fuck youāre so tight.ā he groaned as he threw his head back and tightened his grip on your hips, his cold hands just adding to the feeling.
ājiyong faster.ā you gasped as he thrusted extra hard into you making your toes curl and your back arch.
āsay please.ā he teased, because he knew you would actually do it. you were so desperate and needy for him and you didnāt even fully realise it and he was going to use it to his advantage.
ājiyong please im begging.ā you let out in a whiny tone which made his smirk curl upwards.
āgood girl.ā he murmured before going faster. he gripped your hips with his cold, slender fingers making the sensation even more unreal.
you moaned his name as you began to feel the build up in your stomach, signalling you were close.
āiām close.ā you cried and to your surprise he actually let you.
he leaned back against the couch, breathing hard, and you sat beside him trying to steady your own breathing. the room felt too quiet now, like everything that had just happened had drained the noise out of it.
you glanced at him. for a moment, he looked back at you, his eyes heavy. your stomach flipped when your gazes met.
then the thought slipped back in, he was drunk.
the feeling in your stomach shifted instantly, what had felt warm and dizzying seconds ago started to sink into something heavier. your heart ached as the thought sat in your mind.
there was a chance he wouldnāt remember any of this tomorrow and if he did he might wish he didnāt.
you tried to push the thought away, but it stayed there, stubborn and loud. maybe it meant something. there was a possibility he had wanted this too, but the negative voice in your head answered immediately.
your eyes dropped to the floor, suddenly unable to look at him again. you rubbed your hands together, trying to distract yourself from thefeeling building in your chest.
you had wanted this for so long, longer than youād ever let on. there were nights youād imagined this moment, daydreams you had told yourself didnāt matter.
in those versions, he looked at you differently. like you were the one he truly wanted and it meant something, but now you couldnāt stop thinking about her, the girl who had left him. the realization crept in, the painful truth making you feel sick.
you werenāt the person he wanted, you were just the person who happened to be there when he was hurting.
your head hurt at the thought, but you tried to argue with it and tell yourself it wasnāt fair to assume that.
he could want you. maybe this wasnāt about her, but the doubt kept slipping back in relentlessly.
because deep down, there was a part of you that had known this would happen and knew you might have walked away from this feeling worse than before, and you had let it happen anyway.
because wanting him had always been stronger than protecting yourself.
series taglist- @kokochxnel
