sypnosis: myung jaehyun is spider-man, and today he's expectionally nervous. (wc 1.8k)
content warnings: they talk about sex at one point. perverts (lovingly).
a/n: prequel reading is not strictly required but heavily recommended! dedicated to my other spidey lover and one of spidermyung's biggest fans @taestulipss 🩷 happy birthday my rosypie! i'm so happy that i get to yap to you everyday!!
"do! not! ruin this for me!”
spider-man pointed an scolding finger at the trio of goons, who shivered in spider-man’s webs, the ten dollar they managed to snatch before spider-man came down upon them like rain on a sunny day and webbed them up faster than they can scream HE’S HERE! slipped out their grasp and drifted pathetically to the floor.
"dude - why are you so trigger happy today? you nervous or something?” one of the masked goon groaned, his ears still ringing from how quickly spider-man webbed him to the wall.
spider-man’s posture wilted from his place on the opposite wall, "you can tell?”
"yeah!” one of the other thieves squeaked, "i can barely breath! you're usually way cooler than this!”
he elbowed one of the other goons, who reacts with a squirm and a yelp as he attempted to shift away and create more space.
if you could see under spider-man’s red mask, you would be able to see a jaehyun that’s as red as a tomato.
jaehyun flipped down onto the floor and started pacing.
"i - i’m not nervous! i’m just being careful! they - they deserve the best and i don’t want to mess it up!” he blabbered, more to himself than the gaggle of petty thieves.
"dude, calm down,” one of them pipes up and jaehyun pauses mid-step, "you’re spider-man! what are you so nervous about?”
"what if they don’t like the ring i picked?” jaehyun - to his credit - does not clam down, instead, his voice rises as he continues to panic, "what if they say no? oh my god - what if they actually hate me and has just been pretending to like me all this time?”
the goons exchanged a glance.
"did you ask them? about... you know?” one of them asked.
"of course i did! i quadruple checked literally three days ago!” jaehyun blurted out, "a - and they just winked and said that they’d love to marry me.”
"so… why are you worried?”
"what if they changed their mind!” jaehyun clutched at his head in a panic, "i forgot to take out the trash yesterday! oh my god - they’re so not marrying me now!”
"bro, chill,” one of the goons held out a placating hand - well, his best attempt at one while his arms are still webbed down to his side, "you should trust them - if they said they want to marry you then you need to believe them.”
"b - but i’m a horrible partner! they made me dinner yesterday and i forgot to eat it!”
"dude, he’s crazy,” one of the thieves whispered to the others, "like - he actually needs help.”
"we’ve been together since we were sixteen. guys, do you think they’re sick of me? it's been a really long time.”
spider-man looked up to the thieves from where he is crouched in the floor - and all of them furiously shook their head and plastered their best smiles on. one of them even shot spider-man a thumbs up.
"no way man - that’s a long time!”
"yeah! if they were sick of you they’d had left a long ass time ago!”
jaehyun took a deep breath and stood up, patting one of the goons on the back.
"you’re right. thanks guys, i really needed this.”
"no problem, spider-man!” one of them wriggled in the webbing, "could you let us go then? in return for being your hypemen?”
spider-man laughed, "sorry, dudes! stealing is still a crime!”
the three of them groaned as spider-man took off - swinging out of the atm room.
"wait - spider-man’s about to get hitched?”
"hi, baby!” jaehyun swung in through the window, landing lightly on the floor and crawling the rest of the way until he has his face pressed into your lap, his mask already pulled off, "did you have a good day at work today? i missed you!”
you laughed, setting down your book and ruffling his hair, "yup, finally handed in the new draft of my paper. sorry i missed you, had to stay behind to explain how dinosaur babies are made.”
jaehyun’s ears flushed a deep red - it seemed like any mention of babies or romance or marriage flustered him lately. not that you would know anything - not when he’s been guarding his sock drawer like a protective dog these past two weeks and launching himself at you when you dared tried to approach his drawers to put his socks away. nope - you didn’t know a single thing.
"y - yeah?” jaehyun coughed and tried to return to a normal colour, "that’s cool.”
"what?” you raised an eyebrow, "you interested?”
jaehyun jumped up, "n - no! i know how babies are made!”
you giggled, "i bet.”
"what are you insinuating?” he did not succeed in his mission. instead, he got even more red - the colour splashed across his cheeks and you resist the urge to tease him.
"hmm - i thought your memory was pretty good? weren’t you talking all about it last night?”
jaehyun spluttered and wrapped his arms around himself, "you’re such a pervert!”
"hey,” you held up your hands in surrender, "you’re the one who blabbed all that.”
jaehyun fumed, “i’m gonna go take a shower!”
you laughed loudly as he scrambled away, picking up his pajamas from where you always left them on the back of the couch and booking it to your bathroom.
"remember, turn the handle to the right for cold water!”
"shut up!”
you watched him eat.
jaehyun chewed dutifully on his dinner while getting his knee knocked by your own repeatedly - force of habit - you said, i'm bad at staying still. jaehyun doesn't mind.
"i think i got better at cooking,” you say absent-mindedly, pushing more meat onto his plate.
"ish weally good,” jaehyun said through a mouthful of broccoli and you laughed fondly.
"i got more time since i got that promotion,” you drummed your fingers on the table, "i’ve been thinking about bringing you lunch so you don’t have to reheat and eat last night’s leftovers.”
you raised an eyebrow at him, "and to make sure you actually eat.”
jaehyun’s head spun.
bring him? lunch? the only people who gets lunch brought to them was - oh god - one of the biochem teachers. she had her husband bring in lunch everyday - husband! he was loud everytime he swept through the office like a hurricane and everyone teased her about her husband everytime and - they’re married! and if [y/n] brings him lunch, then they’d have to be married and then -
"hello? earth to jae?”
you snapped your fingers in front of him and he reacted just as quick, immediately straightening up and trying his best to not look flustered and/or embarrassed.
"what’s that?”
you laughed fondly at him, "nothing. finish your food before it gets cold.”
you picked up his empty bowl and shuffled into the kitchen, humming loudly as you turned on the tap and started scrubbing at the dishes in the sink.
jaehyun slowly brought a piece of meat to his mouth before dropping his fork - it clatters against the plate loudly as he pushed back his chair with urgency.
"honey - wait! no! it’s my turn to wash the dishes! you promised you’d let me do it!”
"ugh! myung jaehyun! go to bed!” you giggled, pushing his arms away from your side as you squirm, "stop that!”
"but i missed you!” he whined, ceasing his tickles and settling for wrapping his arms around your waist and burying his face into the crook of your neck.
"i’m right here, aren’t i?”
"yeah, but…” he murmured, rubbing his eyes sleepily against your collarbone, "i always miss you.”
you rolled your eyes in the dark, "so clingy.”
jaehyun giggled happily, "you love me.”
"’course i do.”
"i love you too.”
"i know.”
"just making sure,” he exhaled.
you’re warm and almost asleep when jaehyun speaks up again.
"thank you.”
"mm?” you stir slightly.
"thank you for coming into my life,” he whispered, "thank you for making it better. thank you for making me better.”
"you’re welcome, jae,” you slur, finding his curls under your finger and patting it softly. he responds by pressing himself tighter against you, his grip on your tightening.
"i promise i’ll always come home to you. i promise i’ll always be someone you can rely on. i promise myself to you, always. come rain or shine, hell or heaven - i’m your’s.”
jaehyun peeks up from where he’s situated against your chest when you don’t respond, a smile slowly splitting across his face when he sees you’re completely out, eyes closed and mouth slightly ajar as you breathe deeply, your breath tickling your hair.
"sleep well, my love,” he leaves a soft kiss against your skin, nestling deeper into the pillows and blankets, "i’ll meet you in your dreams.”
you remember how bright the sun used to be when you lived alone, waking you up rudely with it’s sun rays beating down on your face.
nowadays, its not so bad. not when jaehyun takes care to block the sunlight from catching onto your face, shifting ever so slowly with his arms still wrapped around you so his shoulders catches the sunrays and leaves them there - the sun warming his back.
"you’re staring,“ you mumble into his chest, and his arms around you tighten.
"i have the world’s most gorgeous person in my arms and i’m not allowed to stare?“ he softly exhales, brushing his nose against the top of your head.
you curl into him, smiling into his skin. somehow, in the middle of the night, you’ve switched positions, with you buried in his chest while he tucks your head beneath his chin.
jaehyun’s hand moves up to brush your hair out of your face, sighing lovingly as he does so.
"can i ask you a question? three, actually,“ he whispers.
"so curious so early in the morning,” you murmur, drawing circles around his heart - you own it - he swears, that’s why you do it. drawing circles around myung jaehyun’s heart so everyone knows it’s yours.
he exhaled a laugh, "humour me.”
"alright, hit me.”
"what day is it today?”
you blink sleepily, "um, thursday? why?”
jaehyun’s chest rumbles under your cheek as he laughs, rubbing his cheek into your hair, "nothing. ready for question two?”
"they better not all be this silly,” you scold, but he can feel the curve of your smile wrinkle up his shirt.
“it’s not - i promise,” he takes a deep breath, "what did you mean? back when you said i was something?”
you pause, thinking back to that first conversation you had all those years ago - when he tripped in the hallway and you picked up his book and told him he was something.
"i guess… i didn’t really know back then. but i do now. you’re something good, jae, you’re everything.”
"really?”
"really.”
the crickets continue to chirp outside your window, and when you shift to look at jaehyun’s face he’s staring off somewhere else, his face doing that thing again - where his nose scrunches slightly because he’s thinking hard and fighting internally with himself about something.
you reach up and poke him in the cheek, he reacts with a startle and immediately laughed when you pinch his cheek.
"satisfied with my answer?”
"very,” he laughs, pinching your side in retaliation, "you’re my everything - too. you know that."
“i do. so - what’s your third question?”
jaehyun looks at you strangely, then his eyes break into something soft, tender - like the type of eyes he gave you at the top of that ferris wheel in the fair, the eyes he had when you finally woke up in the hospital, and the eyes he had when the two of you visited the gravestone of his parents for the first time.
"promise you won't say no?" he fiddled with a piece of your hair.
"is that your third question?"
"huh? no! no... it's not," he groaned, hiding himself in your hair in embarrassment, the tips of his ears going red as you laugh.
"pop the question already, jae. i know my answer."
jaehyun laughs back, pulling back so he can look you in the eye, "you know me too well."
jaehyun breathes you in.
"[y/n], will you marry me?"
for rosy who from literally part two of the spidermyung series has given me a comment along the lines of WHEN WILL THEY GET MARRIED AND BE HAPPY?? this is for you 🤞🤞
♡ or ↻ if you enjoyed, support your writers, thank you!!
SYNOPSIS : With the promise of having someone that not only understands Donghyun, but will also listen to him, he started to write letters about his high school life and his journey of finding actual friends and love.
📨. LETTER NUMBER: #04
March 28, 2024
Dear Friend,
Maybe it’s too soon to say that, but I’m finally enjoying school. School is no longer a place I feel forced to go; it’s a place I enjoy going to because I can talk to my friends. It feels so good to finally say and feel that I have friends. Sometimes we ditch the after class study sessions to eat chips and talk under the gymnasium’s benches and it’s really fun! I get to watch Jaehyun and Sanghyeok secretly practice for the next game’s performance and laugh at Y/N bickering Dongmin.
They mess with me a lot, but I see it in a funny way because they’re not disrespectful towards me and, depending on how I react to their jokes about me, they apologize and don’t repeat them again. Dongmin is the one I got close to the most because we’re both in the same classes. You know when you get along with a person so well that in a matter of days you get super close to them? That’s what happened to us.
Yesterday I went to his place to do a biology project and his room is so him. There are some rooms that are just plain or don’t say anything about the owner’s personality—I think mine would be like that if I didn’t have the fish tank and my dad’s old CDs collection—, but his room screams Dongmin and it made me learn more about who he really is. The walls have cool paintings that I tried to figure out what they were, but he said that he just took the spray can and followed his intuition, it turned out really well. It also has a lot of rock bands’ posters on the walls and stickers all over the closet. He also has a collection of sneakers that he decorated himself and his guitar and microphone are also personalized.
“I like how you personalize a lot of things.”
“You know that silly phrase ‘personalize everything or die with nothing to your name’? I take that phrase a little too seriously. I don’t know if I’m dying in 80 years or tomorrow and I’d hate to die and be forgotten easily, that’s why I personalize almost everything that I own,” he handed me a pair of the sneakers he personalized . “I don’t really like recording videos for Youtube or writing on blogs, so I write and produce songs and paint on my clothes. I don’t need to be reminded as Han Dongmin forever and ever like, I don’t know, Isaac Newton or some other very important guy. People acknowledging my work and effort, even if they don’t know who i am, is already enough. So when I die and my clothes end up in a thrift store after years of my death, maybe someone will buy one of these pieces and will post on Twitter talking about how the original owner must’ve been really cool and artistic; or maybe someone will find my music on Soundcloud and will mention one of my songs on those videos about good songs no one knows about, and that’s exactly what will keep my soul alive until the world ends.”
“Wow, are you that afraid of being forgotten?”
“Aren’t you afraid? You come into this world without even wanting to, you suffer throughout your entire life and after a few decades after your death no one cares about you or anything that you’ve done anymore. You have to show to the world that you were here, that you lived in the same world as them and suffered just as much as them.”
“I don’t know, I never thought of that. I was always so accepting about being forgotten. Unless I died in a tragic and historical accident, then I’d want people to always remember me as one of the victims and feel bad for me.”
“You’re such a gloomy prick, Donghyun.”
I shrugged my shoulders and kept looking at the sneakers as a way to avoid his glance. The truth is that I felt a bit judged at that moment, so the wave of vulnerability hit me and suddenly all that I wanted was to disappear. But now that I’m writing about this, I feel kind of stupid for feeling judged by Dongmin because he simply turned his back to me, took a black plain shirt from his closet, grabbed his painting supplies and handed them to me.
“Forget about the biology class for a moment. Let’s personalize this shirt together.”
I knew that he was doing that because he didn’t want me to keep having that mindset and that made me feel something strange in my heart, but it was a great feeling. We painted together and, even though I’m not that good at painting, I think it came out good enough for a tall 20-years-old guy to wear it with a simple pair of baggy jeans that you can find in any clothing store, post a picture of the outfit on Instagram and be called a fashion king by a lot of people. Especially if the guy is white, somehow they’re always called fashion icons for wearing a cool shirt and a basic pair of jeans or jorts along with black or white sneakers and a few necklaces. I heard Yujin complaining about that during a call with a friend of hers a few days ago.
We forgot about the shirt for a couple hours to do the project and prepare for the upcoming presentation and he’s a very good person to work on a project with, he actually did his part and didn’t just tell me to do everything because “I know better about the topic”. Later on, his mom—a very polite and cheerful woman, I had to thank God for my mom not being like her or else it’d be very depressing having to leave her—ordered pizza and his entire family ate together. We didn’t eat in silence, everyone was talking about their day, making light jokes and asking me things, but it didn’t feel like an interrogation.
The mood was light until his mom asked me about my mom and I said that I don’t live with her and we’re not that close. Dongmin glanced at his mom like she just asked me about something that shouldn’t be asked and she looked apologetic while his siblings and his father just sat quietly and seemed to find the pizza much more interesting than the conversation we were having. I didn’t understand why they acted like that. I don’t really talk about my mom, but it’s not because we have a bad relationship, it’s simply because I don’t have anything to say about her.
“I’m not saying that you need it,” Dongmin’s mom reached out to my hand and squeezed it gently while smiling softly at me. “But if you ever need a maternal figure and you can’t reach out to your mom, I’m here.”
“Mom, come on… It’s his first time here, don’t be making a whole big deal, you’ll scare him away,” Dongmin mumbled and glanced at me. “You don’t have to, really.”
“It’s okay. I appreciate it, Mrs. Han. If I ever feel like I can’t reach out for my mom, I’ll reach out for you. Thank you.”
Everyone but Dongmin seemed relieved, he seemed a bit embarrassed but I didn’t care because I felt grateful for his mom. Saying such a thing to me right on the first day we met must be because she liked me, right? Knowing that his mom liked me is nice, it means she doesn’t see me as a bad influence for her son.
When dinner was over, I got back to Dongmin’s room. “I’m sorry for my mom, sometimes she can be a bit invasive and sentimental, but she’s a good woman.”
“It’s okay, I don’t mind talking about my mom and I found her offer very endearing. Who knows if one day I’ll knock on your door and you’ll think I’m here to meet you, but I’m actually here to talk to your mom.”
“I wouldn’t be surprised,” he chuckled while checking the shirt, trying to make sure that the painting was dry. “It’s done. Put it on.”
“What? Now? Here?!” I swallowed hard. I’ve never changed in front of anyone before. I even wear swimming shirts when I decide to do a water sport, and it’s not because I’m ashamed of my body, it’s because I’m simply shy.
“Yeah…? I can turn my back to you if you want to.”
“Yes, please.”
He gave me a small nod and turned his back. I quickly changed my shirt and cleared my throat to get his attention but immediately got embarrassed because I must’ve sounded like a ridiculously shy character from a fanfic where the main character’s love interest is a mafia member and the main character is waiting for their mafia man to turn around and see how they looked with the expensive clothes he bought for them to wear it on an important night. “I’m ready.”
“You look good,” he said as soon as he turned around and flashed a smile. “Lemme take a picture of you and the shirt and send it to the groupchat. Jaehyun will go crazy about it.”
I didn’t know what pose to do, since I’m not used to taking pictures of myself. Usually I just take pictures of my fishes, the sky and of cool and cute things I see when I go out. I tried to think about a cool pose to do, but I couldn’t think of any so I just stayed still and did a peace sign. Dongmin pointed his phone’s camera at me and glanced at his phone, then at me and then back at his phone’s screen once again and smiled faintly before taking the picture.
“You look cute. You’re not used to people taking pictures of you, are you?”
“Is it that obvious?”
“Very much so,” he laughed out loud and placed his fist in front of his smile, which was honestly a little bit disappointing because Dongmin has a very nice and contagious smile and laughter.
I think that Dongmin is very misunderstood by other people due to his resting face that can be intimidating, giving him the impression that he’s cold and very nonchalant, when in fact he’s actually a cute and easygoing person. I know that the rumors Y/N created also help to make people think he’s intimidating, but ever since I became his friend I look at him and see a sweet and expressive person. However, he does look a bit intimidating when he’s annoyed and Jaehyun once told me that he looks scary when he’s mad, but I’ve never seen him mad.
“I liked it, we did a good job with the shirt.”
“We did, didn’t we? You can keep it. It’ll be the cool shirt that someone into fashion will find at a thrift store years after your death and you will be remembered.”
“But it’s your shirt.”
“Not anymore, I’m giving it to you.”
“Thanks,” I flashed him a smile. “I’ll always wear it.”
“You better! Now come on, I’ll drive you home.”
I said goodbye to his siblings and parents and his mom made me bring home some homemade donuts and they were delicious. She's an incredible baker.
In the car we sang along to Don’t Look Back In Anger like our lives depended on it and I think it was the highlight of the day. Dongmin looked really happy singing at the top of his lungs, smiling when we glanced at each other at the same time and clenching his fist and bringing it close to his chest while driving with only his left hand. It was a very special moment. Then the song ended and the moment as well, but Dongmin kept singing the next songs quietly.
“Hey.”
“Yeah?”
“Did you wish that Y/N hadn’t created and spread those rumors about you?”
“Not really. We’ve been friends for a long time and I know how bad and guilty she feels ever since the day those motherfuckers beat me, so I know she did that because she wanted to protect me. And I have good friends, so I couldn’t care less about how other people perceive me.”
“Guilty? Why?”
“I had asked her to go to the convenience store with me during our study session’s break and she said she didn’t want to go because she was still studying. She was a bookworm back then. So I went by myself and when I was going to my class they grabbed me by the wrists and took me to an empty classroom and just started to hit me like I had killed their pets or some shit like that,” his grip on the steering wheel tightened and I could see the hurt and disgust on his face by the way he clenched his jaw and took a quick glance at his lap before focusing on the road again. “They just kept hitting me until they were tired of ‘playing’ with me and then just left me there, coughing blood and feeling the worst pain I’ve ever felt in my entire life to the point that I couldn’t even stand up or shout. I’ve never asked Y/N and she never told me, but I must have stayed in that empty classroom for quite a while because she went to look up for me, opening every door of the classrooms and asking for me. When she finally found me, she let out the rawest scream I’ve ever heard, no cap, it was like a Mia Goth scream. She was the one that called the ambulance and my parents. I think the worst part wasn’t getting beat up, it was definitely having to listen to her apologizing for not going to the convenience store with me and asking me for forgiveness. She felt so guilty and kept saying that if she went to the store with me nothing would've happened, but I just think it would postpone the moment.”
“That’s horrible.”
“I guess so. My mom got sick during my recovery time and it was hard to be with Y/N because I could feel the guilt radiating from her every time she saw my swollen face, black eyes, the way I limped or hissed when I was going to sit up or stand up. That made me ghost her for a while and that was the moment I hit the bottom, I felt so lonely and hopeless that I felt like ending everything. Then, one night, Y/N went to my house and started to throw tiny rocks on my window until I opened it, then she climbed a tree and got inside my bedroom and just stayed there with me in complete silence. We just sat on the floor beside each other, not saying anything until I broke down and cried every emotion I was bottling up and she was just… there. When I calmed down she didn’t hug me or console me, she just apologized again, but not for not avoiding that to happen, she apologized for not being the friend I needed during that rough time,” he smiled a little bit and I could see some tears running down his cheeks, but he didn’t wipe them away, he kept his hands on the steering wheel. “And then I broke down again because the loneliness disappeared at that exact moment. That was a very strange yet intimate night because we laid down in bed together in silence and from time to time we would laugh so hard out of nowhere, then we would cry out of the sudden. Ever since that night, Y/N never talked about how she was the one to blame or about that day, but I know she still feels guilty. That’s why she doesn’t study as much as she did anymore and she hates that I leave by myself when we’re having a break. She was one of the most hard working students of that damn school, but I guess that it kinda became a trigger for her, so she makes Woonhak study as much as he can.”
“I’m sorry that happened to you, Dongmin. You didn’t deserve that, but I’m glad you study at our school now. Otherwise we wouldn’t have met each other.”
“And I’m sorry your parents’ marriage didn’t work out, but I’m glad you moved out with your dad. You are a good friend, Donghyun, and it upsets me that people didn’t notice you before.”
“I guess I was still blooming, maybe. My dad used to say that I’m a late bloomer and that makes me special but I know he was just trying to make me feel better about my almost non-existential social life.”
“I agree with him. Late bloomers have this very special melancholic beauty in them. They experience sad feelings earlier and most of the times that make them feel this urge to live their ideal life and watching them build that life is so beautiful. I almost cried along with you when we made that toast for you, I could see how it touched you and seeing that is really good. You may not notice the difference that quickly because you are living it, but we notice, Donghyun. We noticed the way you’ve already changed a little bit.”
The thought of him and the others noticing how I’m already starting to change and talking to each other about it was something that never crossed my mind before. It made me wonder if I was being too quiet or too awkward when we first talked, but it also made me happy to know that I’m making progress and there’s people on my side noticing it and caring about me.
“I don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t have to say anything. If the silence is too loud for you, you can choose a song to play next and sing along with it.”
“It’s okay, we’re almost at my place.”
Dongmin nodded and just kept driving. I couldn’t hold back the small smile on my face, so I spent the rest of the drive looking outside the window smiling to myself and I felt so alive, so important.
“We’re here.”
I took a look at my house and then looked at Dongmin. “Thank you for today, it was really nice. And thanks for the shirt, I'm really going to wear it every time I have the opportunity to. Tell your mom I’m thanking her as well, for the dinner, the offer and the donuts.”
“You’ve already thanked her.”
“And I’m thanking her again,” I unbuckled the seatbelt and left his car. Part of me felt sad that I had to say goodbye because the drive was fun, but I also didn’t want him to waste gas just to drive me around with no clear direction. “And thanks for opening up to me and for the talk.”
“You don’t have to thank me for that. It’s just what friends do,” he winked at me. “See you tomorrow, prick.”
I watched him drive away before getting inside the house. I shared the donuts only with my dad because his wife and her daughter were out having a girls’ day, so we ate the donuts and watched a soccer game. And if you’re curious about, he didn’t shut up for a single minute, always complaining about something the player did wrong or could’ve done better. Just the usual.
I went to bed thinking about what Dongmin went through and the unspoken guilt Y/N still feels and I couldn’t help but wonder if she will carry this guilt until the day she dies. I hope she doesn’t.
I’m glad Dongmin is not dealing with this awful bullying anymore, he must have suffered a lot because I don’t see a reason for him being randomly picked to be beaten up like that, he must have been a target for a while before that happened. I just hope he succeeds in life and those guys rot in hell.
The recommended song this time will be a contrast from these last thoughts. It’s Top Of The World by Carpenters. Dongmin played it on his car and I really liked it, so I felt like recommending it to you.
pairing: little!jaehyun x cg!riwoo (mentions of gfz and nunnyangz)
synopsis: jaehyun is stressed from comeback era, stressing him to the point that he can never sleep. but everyone is stressed too so he can't do anything about it. on a rare off day, everyone takes a break. except jaehyun. what's going to happen with jaehyun when he breaks?
details: a little angsty, overworking, breakdown, crying, comforting, very big emotions, a little of non-verbal, anger, yelling, panic attacks, fluff
wc: 0.7k
a/n -- first fic and its about jaehyun 🙂↕️ ill do like leehan next trust! i hope yall like it since it's my first fic on this acc.... okay bye love yall!
work drained everybody. the members are tired, exhausted to the point that they can't get up to shower. jaehyun was one of them, his head pounding so hard it made him want to throw up. they have an off day tomorrow, which is very rare in the kpop idol community.
jaehyun's head was very fuzzy, making it feel like there was a big thundercloud over his head. he ignored it fully and pushed it to the back of his head. he got up, going to his computer to work. he sat and stared at his screen, looking at it like it affected his mental health. it did, he just didn't want to say it. he started working, putting on his headphones to block the noise.
while working, the rest of the boys wanted a regression night to relieve stress. leehan and woonhak regressed quickly, running downstairs to have a good night.
"hyukie, where's aegi?" riwoo turned around to see who asked that question. woonhak asked, looking around.
"i don't know, hakie. i'll go get him, hmm?" riwoo ruffled woonhak's hair, leaving to see where jaehyun was. traveling upstairs to his room, it was quiet everywhere.
"jaehyun?" riwoo walked to his room, looking at the state he was in. he was staring into the screen, working. "jaehyun, we have an off day. can't you just relax?"
jaehyun turned off his headphones, looking at riwoo. "no, riwoo, i can't relax. this album can fail, we can disband, there's so many possiblities that can happen to me. us."
"i know that, just relax." riwoo said.
"STOP telling me to relax, i can't!" jaehyun yelled. riwoo touched his arm, jaehyun pushing it away. "STOP IT! STOP, Stop, stop, stop." jaehyun screamed, tears streaming down his face.
"leave ME ALONE!" jaehyun screamed again, running to the bathroom. jaehyun locked himself inside, sliding down the door. he sobbed hard, bawling so hard that he couldn't breathe.
"i can't do this anymore." jaehyun hiccuped out, sobbing crying. jaehyun started hyperventilating, having a panic attack. riwoo went to the door, knocking.
"let me in, jae. i hear you in there." riwoo knocked quicker, hearing the panic attack. riwoo ran to sungho's room, grabbing the bathroom key and unlocking the door. riwoo ran in, hugging jaehyun.
"hey, hey, look at me. breathe in, breathe out." riwoo told him, following his pattern. after jaehyun calmed down, he sobbed.
"let it out, baby, let it out." riwoo whispered sweet words in his ear, brushing his hair. jaehyun aggresively wiped his tears, making a mess.
"you have to be more softer, aegi." riwoo wiped carefully. they sat there for a couple minutes, hugging eachother. "you better, hyunie?" jaehyun nodded, shifting around.
"are you little?" riwoo asked, kissing his head. jaehyun nodded again, snuggling in. riwoo got up, bringing jaehyun to his bed.
riwoo comforted him, changing him into more comfortable clothes and getting into bed. jaehyun was snuggled in, wearing a white warm onesie and hugging his yunie. riwoo turned on something for jaehyun and slipped out to grab his sippy. riwoo went downstairs, seeing the littles dead asleep while sungho and taesan trying to keep awake. riwoo chuckled, covering all of them with blankets.
he came back up to see jae crying again. "what's wrong, aegi?" riwoo wiped his tears, getting into his bed. "stay, please." jaehyun mumbled. "jus' wan' 'ou to stay, appa."
riwoo cooed, giving him his sippy and letting him lean on his shoulder. riwoo was shocked about the nickname, it would usually be 'woo but appa? he didn't like it, he loved it.
"appa will always be here, right next to you." riwoo whispered, kissing his forehead.
" 'ove 'ou, appa!" jaehyun said, hugging him real tight.
"i love you too, myungie." riwoo tucked him in, laying down next to him. jaehyun instantly fell asleep, sucking his thumb. riwoo noticed and leaned to grab his pacifier, sliding it in between his lips. riwoo texted sungho, typing as quiet as he can.
riu - sungho, tuck the kids into bed and don't fall asleep there.
sungho - ugh, okay. is jae okay? i heard some of the screaming.
riu - yeah, just overworking himself to the point he broke into pieces. now good night.
sungho - good night, hope he feels better.
riwoo placed his phone down, snuggled in and fell asleep. "good night hyunie, i love you." riwoo kissed his forehead and fell asleep right next to him.
after a while and tucking the kids to bed, sungho slipped inside, snapping a photo of jaehyun and riwoo snuggled together. "cuties." sungho smiled to himself, quietly walking out and going to bed.
warnings: younger bf (duh), use of petnames (noona, love, darling, etc.), skinship (cuddles, kisses, etc.), height difference w/ Taesan
genre: fluffffffff fluff fluff fluffy fluff
A/N: Prompt #5 by @fanibap!
I'm younger than all of them so this was funny to write lmao
woonni's collection
₊˚⊹♡🧸ྀི♡‧₊˚
Sungho
I think he'd be okay with dating someone several years older than him, maybe even up to 4 or 5 years older
Would be so respectful when he first meets you, speaking to you formally at all times, no matter how often you tell him to just call you noona
When he finally caves in, he calls you noona with a small blush, averting your gaze
After you start dating, he becomes more comfortable, calling you noona as if it's the most normal thing in the world
He would start sprinkling in other nicknames, occasionally calling you 'sweetheart' or 'angel' and smiling at your blush
If his friends question why he's dating an older woman, he'd shrug it off and say he's happier than ever, and that it's none of their business
If you're being ridiculed by your "friends" in front of him, he lets you stand up for yourself, choosing to watch as you speak up
If they take it too far though, he's definitely stepping in
"Who we choose to date is our business. Go worry about your own lives."
He would occasionally gently kiss the back of your hand
Like when you're done getting ready for an event and he's waiting at the doorway
He'll see you all dolled up and wonder how he got so lucky
"You're beautiful, noona." And he'd lean down and press his lips to your hand
Argh he's so sweet and gentle and mongshang mongshang (idk if all Onedoors will get that reference lol)
Riwoo
Same as Sungho; wouldn't mind a large age gap
Respectful boi pt 2
Sungho was more respectful cuz of... Sungho, but Riwoo is just downright shy
It's to a point where he's low-key horrified and scared to talk to you
Would keep bowing to you when you first meet?
It takes him MONTHS to get comfortable
Would lightly call you noona and go beet red after
This causes you to laugh and ruffle his hair
This turns him redder (justice for Riwoo)
When you start dating, he's still very respectful
Does a lot of housework and chores for you
Likes going on walks with you, especially late at night (omg you're my cozy matches so well to that)
Would frown when his friends ask why he's dating an older woman
Like, you're this hot and beautiful, and they don't understand why he's in love with you?
He loves when you play with his hair, either to pat it or ruffle it or just stroke it while you're scrolling on your phone
Would constantly be going red and flustered when you flirt with him
Overall a very sweet and respectful younger boyfriend
Myungjae
Similar to Sungho and Riwoo, he'd be okay with anything from a few months to 4-5 years of age gap
He's respectful at first, but when he gets comfortable he becomes a menace
Would sometimes call you by name informally just to see you get flustered and scold him
Would worship the ground you walk on
If you come home late from work, he'd kneel down in front of you and take your heels/shoes off for you
Would constantly lay his head on your shoulder, chest, head, wherever
You're his personal pillow, pls accept it
Would brag to everyone about his older girlfriend, this man has no shame
Not that there's anything to be ashamed of, but honestly his friends are a bit tired of hearing about you
Would call you constantly just to hear your voice
Low-key goes around the house looking for you to bother you
You'd be chilling in your room and you hear the monster traveling around, and all you hear is "Noona. Noona. Noona noona noona noona noona—"
And when he finds you you're required to watch an hour of funny dog videos
Would pout his lips out at you to ask for a kiss
Purposefully speaks in a baby voice cuz he wants you to call him cute
Has you on his phonecase, background, wallet, pfp, etc etc
"Jae what's your favourite colour?" "Y/N noona"
"Jae what's your favourite animal?" "Y/N noona"
"Jaehyun what are your hobbies?" "Y/N noona"
"Jaehyun are you free tonight?" "Y/N noona"
The most obsessed puppy of a younger bf ever, but can you blame him?
Taesan
Behold, peasants. The real menace has arrived
Taesan would lean on less of an age gap, me thinks: maybe a few months up to 2 to 3 years?
But then again if you're just that irresistible then ig he could make an exception
This quote is how I think about his relationship with you:
"I've been your age and you haven't been mine, so you should listen to me."
"Well I've been your height but you haven't been mine, so I'll do whatever I want."
Would rest his arm annoyingly on your head, causing you to swat him off
He drops noona and calls you by name so often you've started forgetting he's younger
LIVES to have his hair played with though
Honestly he's secretly a big baby but he thinks he's too nonchalant to admit it
But then when he wants a kiss or something he leans his cheek towards you and you can't believe you find a grown man this cute
If you don't kiss him to tease him he just pouts and raises an eyebrow (the eyebrow makes it even cuter, promise)
Would not bother mentioning to his friends that you're older; he didn't think it was that important of a detail
They they find out and are like "Huh, why?"
And he's like "What do you mean why? Why are you dating someone younger?"
If he finds your friends making fun of you for it he steps in and spits bars
"I don't know why you're so worried about someone else's love life, but I'd have you know that no guy would want your sorry a$$, younger or older"
Overall a very protective, annoying, yet romantic boyfriend
Leehan
Chill with a big age gap (Honestly all of them are if you think about it)
Would call you noona from the get go
He has an elder sister that's much older, so he knows his way around older women
He says noona in the most flirty, obnoxious way ever like why is this guy tryna rizz you up
It works though 😔
When you start dating he gets so comfortable with you
Absolutely LIVES for being adored (this is canon atp)
Will speak in aegyo, pout, fluff up his hair, send silly selfies, anything to hear the holy word leave your mouth (cute)
Would legit make a habit of getting a goodnight kiss from you
He is also the official winner of the play-with-my-hair-please competition
Would stop straightening it the moment you say you like it curly
His lips are constantly puckered and pouted, waiting for a kiss
You are his pillow pt 2
Loves coming home, laying his head on your chest or lap and you play with his hair while you tell him about your day and he tells you about his
He really wants to raise fish/a dog with you
Idk that was random but it's so true
When he opens up and gets excited about something (fish etc) he would talk nonstop, going on and on with his weird as heck hand gestures until eventually you can't handle it and you peck his lips
"Oh? What was that for?"
"I don't know, you were cute."
"Oh. Heh." And he's touching his lips as if you don't kiss him everyday anyways
The cutest younger boyfriend
Woonhak
Again, fine with a large age gap
This guy's already the youngest amongst his friends, so he knows all about appealing to an older partner
That doesn't stop him from being a nervous wreck though
For the first few months of meeting him he's a stuttering mess whenever you're around
When he finally gets comfortable he gets so touchy? Like he's constantly lightly brushing against your hand or touching his knee against yours
It drives you crazy
When you start dating, he gets WAY too comfortable
Another one of the play-with-my-hair-please gang
Also another you're-my-personal-pillow guy
He also enjoys filming reels with you lmao he has a playlist of disgustingly cute couple trends he wants to try out with you
He does nearly all of the cooking for you
If you call him a nickname "Woon, love, etc", then he'd get SO upset if you use his full name
Would pout and whine about it till you apologise
Likes to take care of you, despite him being younger
He knows you're independent and capable of taking care of yourself, but he likes to see that you're comfortable enough to trust him to take care of you too
That doesn't mean you don't have to take care of him though
He's constantly breaking stuff, bumping into stuff, burning his hand, etc etc
The first aid kit is the house's most valuable asset
If you were fixing up a scratch on his face or something he'd stare at you the whole time
When you tell him to stop, he'd just go
"You're so pretty though noona"
And then when you're done he leans in and pecks your lips
You had basically taught him how to kiss and now he was using it against you
Late nights, shining stars, and sunsets didn’t mean a thing without Woonhak.
˙⋆✮ SYNOPSIS: Your nights had been dark and starless for years, leaving little space for wonder and spark. But when a cute stranger challenged you to chase sunsets, you accepted regardless of the sights. Because who needed the sun when you had Kim Woonhak?
˙⋆✮ PAIRING: woonhak x reader
˙⋆✮ GENRE: fluff, angst, wartime au, teen romance, first love
˙⋆✮ WORD COUNT: 8.2k
˙⋆✮ NOTE: inspired by so let's go see the stars. i listened, i came, i wrote (this). in all seriousness, this is my fave bnd song and i hope this idea did it justice ♡
You met him under the stars.
Although they were hidden at the time, their sparkles dulled to the point of invisibility above the slumbering city. But while the city might be asleep, you were wide awake.
The sanctioned curfew had been getting stricter with each passing month. Energy was sacred at this time, and everyone knew to treat it as such. They followed the protocol, turning off all electricity and resorting to candlelight or the occasional battery-powered flashlights if they were fancy.
You had neither as you set out into the street tonight. Some might see this as hubris or negligence, but you trusted your instinct. Besides, with the artificial lights smothered not too long after the sun set, you didn’t plan to venture far. It was a new moon today, which meant the sky would be at its darkest phase of the month. While this might deter the denizens from leaving the comfort of their homes, you took a hike up the local lookout with just your house keys and a mission.
You thought this would be a perfect time for the stars to appear again. Living in such an urban area, spotting any celestial body in the sky was nearly impossible on a regular night. But this wasn’t a regular night. It’d been a while since you had the privilege of having those anymore.
Presently, as you stood at an elevated hill overlooking the urban sprawl, you could see that not all the lights were shut off. Unfortunately, the factories at the edge of the town were still up and running. Flood lights illuminated the work areas as fumes billowed out of smokestacks into the already murky sky. All those who weren’t in bed or resting within their homes were hard at work in those factories. Every able-bodied adult and every resource were poured into powering the machinery needed to keep production alive. It was what the government ordered, after all. And when the nation was in need, one could hardly refuse.
Alas, that meant no more mind-rotting television, no more reading in the dark, no more lamps to light the way home. This didn’t bother you, though. You had lived here all your life, and you knew the way home from every corner of this city. A few years of this designated darkness was not enough to erase 17 years of learned routines and muscle memory.
Which is why you knew you had never seen him before.
There were a handful of other curfew-breakers out on the streets tonight, but none were interested in the sky. All of them kept their heads down as they passed on by, focused on getting home safe and avoiding scattered debris. But this stranger stood stalwart on the top of that hill, his attention solely on the expansive space above.
He looked unassuming for the most part, hands stuffed in the pockets of his black hoodie that made him almost blend into the night. The hill was big enough for the both of you, so you kept a comfortable distance as you approached. You would have left it at that, standing on opposite sides to watch the same sky in silence, but he glanced over his shoulder at you. He acknowledged you with a friendly smile, lips pressed together as his cheeks puffed up to say hi. It felt like an opening to start a conversation.
“Are you looking for the stars, too?” you asked, breaking the ice as you walked closer to where he stood. At a closer look, he appeared to be around your age but was a good deal taller than you. With black hair that swept down his forehead and curious eyes that followed your movement, he looked every bit unfamiliar to you.
“You’ll never see starlight here,” he responded matter-of-factly.
“Not with that attitude.” The snarky comment came out faster than you could consider if it was wise to challenge a random stranger. This could go one of two ways—he either laughed at your joke, or he judged you and moved on. Somehow, he picked the secret, third option.
“You’re right, let me just…” The boy started stretching his arms out dramatically as if getting ready for a fight. But instead of throwing fists, he held his hands to his eyes, mockingly peering through binoculars as he craned his head toward the sky. “I think I can, I think I can.”
This display caught you off-guard as you felt a scoff escape your lips. You somehow managed to politely hold it in, clearing your throat. “Okay, now you’re probably scaring them off.”
“The stars shouldn’t be scared of some kid.” He redirected his attention so his gestured binoculars were pointed toward you. His eyes barely peeked through his encircled fingers, and you had to fight back a chuckle.
“Mm, I don’t know,” you said in a sing-song manner. “You do look pretty menacing.”
The boy eventually lowered his hands to his side, cracking a smile. You finally got a good look at his face—it was youthful and kind. He resembled the type of boy you would find living next door, except there were no boys in your neighborhood like him.
“You seen stars here before?” he asked.
“Not yet, but I hope to one day.”
“Hmm…”
You looked at the boy, who seemed to be interrogating you with his narrowed eyes and crinkled eyebrows. “What?”
“So you’ve never seen them either,” he said with an accusing tone that all but called you a liar.
“Hey, there’s still a possibility,” you retorted. You furrowed your eyebrows and tilted your head back, searching the black canvas for any spark or shimmer. To your dismay, the cute stranger was right. The light pollution from the factories was enough to stave off any hopes of stargazing, even with the new moon. However, you were never taught to be a quitter. And you were certainly never taught to let boys convince yourself otherwise. “Okay, maybe not tonight, but you just have to wait for a clear forecast.”
“You’d be waiting forever. You’re better off chasing sunsets.”
“Mm, tried that too.” You shook your head in disapproval. If there was a view to be seen in this city, you could bet you had already tried to capture it to no avail. Natural wonders seemed to be allergic to this place, but you couldn’t blame them.
“Maybe you need a pair of fresh eyes.”
Even with the discouraging sentiment on stargazing, it didn’t seem like he meant it in that way. The boy held a modest grin, but you swore you saw a twinkle in his eye as he peeked through the darkness to meet your gaze. It caught your attention in an instant, like finding an oasis in the vast desert.
“Is that an invitation?” you asked.
“Maybe more of a bet.”
Your lip quirked at that. Now your interest was definitely piqued. In a world of diminishing daylight and dwindling resources, the last thing on people’s minds was frivolous adventure in the name of wagers and capturing phenomena. But maybe that was just what you needed.
“That does sound tempting.”
The boy turned at that, removing a hand from his pocket to extend it forward. It was the beginning of a bridge between you two, waiting to be built. “I’m Woonhak.”
The only sensible thing seemed to connect the bridge. As you reached forward to shake his hand, it was surprisingly soft—a rarity in these parts where boys wear hard-earned callouses from manual labor or rough play.
You introduced yourself, and he repeated your name as if testing it on his tongue. To your ears, it sounded as if it were not the first time he spoke it. You were hoping it wouldn’t be the last, either.
Woonhak broke out into a goofy smile, revealing a characteristic snaggletooth that was hard to miss. His grin earlier was welcoming, but this smile felt brighter than any star you’d seen. You had forgotten what it was like to be faced with such unsullied joy. Your own lips curved into a smile as a laugh bubbled up your chest, feeling a bit like unearthing a long-forgotten treasure that had been buried for far too long.
Your clasped hands bobbed up and down to a shared rhythm, the bridge made between two strangers, now acknowledged as acquaintances.
You got to know him at sunset.
The two of you got there early, and while the lead-up to dusk wasn’t promising, you seated yourselves at the edge of the placid waterfront nonetheless. You watched each breeze ripple across the water’s surface as you passed the time, sharing interests and anecdotes of the people you were. What were people anyway if not the culmination of their experiences?
As suspected, Woonhak was far from home. The military presence had only arrived a few years ago, and with it, so had he. The troops had set up a temporary base which included the families of some army officers. His father was a lieutenant commander, which allowed Woonhak to follow along on his journey across the country, despite having no part in the family business. Much like the rest of them, he was just a passenger on this ride to a destination unknown.
“There’s a whole street dedicated to PC and gaming rooms!” Woonhak recalled the last city he lived in, swiping a hand across the air to emphasize the length of this infamous street.
“We used to have something like that. It had a PC room, arcade, movie theater, manhwa room,” you listed, stopping yourself even though it could have gone on and on.
“Are they still open?” Woonhak looked expectant, but you shook your head. His shoulders dropped a bit at the news. “Oh, well that’s a shame.”
“Do you miss it? Your home?”
You expected a quick answer—it seemed so intuitive and obvious. But Woonhak paused for a moment, a pout appearing on his face as he mulled over the question. “You know, I moved around so much that I barely know what city I would call home.”
“You must have one that you want to go back to rather than staying here.”
“Oh, all of them.” Now that answer was quick.
“Ouch.” You reacted with a feigned wince, to which Woonhak raised his hands in front of him in a fury to explain himself.
“No offense! This place is great!”
“Don’t lie.”
“No, really. I like the, um, trees.”
“The trees?” you asked incredulously. You looked around, suspiciously seeing no trees near your current vicinity. “They don’t have trees where you’re from?”
“The trees here are especially… leafy.”
You nodded slowly, watching him squirm with an innocent smile that wasn’t fooling you one bit. “That bad, huh?”
He started with an awkward laugh that eventually turned more genuine as you laughed along with him.
The exchange of history and shared interests brought with it a nostalgia that should have been left for elders, not teenagers. You let the emotion settle as you both looked forward longingly across the water, one with the lens of a newcomer and another a veteran of this land.
You remembered this horizon as a kid. You had visited here with your father years ago when the city’s population was lower and the factories had not yet been constructed. Even back then, the view had been nothing to write home about. But now, you could hardly call it a view.
Unlike the stars that had been scared away into hiding, the sun fought—and lost—in an attempt to pierce through its concealment. All elements of the setting sun were masked by the dusty clouds and the smog of a hard day’s work. The gray and beige haze snuffed out what you could only assume was the beauty of the sun’s rays behind it.
“No luck today,” you said once enough time passed for hopes to be let down as quickly as the sun.
“Maybe another time,” Woonhak responded as sure as there will be another day. “There’s still a possibility, after all.” He flashed a cheeky grin as he repeated your previous sentiment. At first, you thought the failed sightseeing would lead to disappointment. Instead, his words brought a smile to your face and unbridled excitement at the prospect of seeing him again.
“There are actually a lot of things to see in the city—if you know where to find them.”
“Oh?” His eyes were filled with that same curiosity from when you first saw him, with just a bit of mischief shining through. If it had been the you of the past, you would not have been so forward. You would have played it safe, but that was an archaic sentiment lost on the you of the present. You had nothing to fear and nothing to lose.
“I could show you around. Maybe you’ll end up liking it here.”
Woonhak beamed at the suggestion, and from then on, you decided that it would not be a bad goal to see more of that smile. You extended an invitation, a promise of another day you two would meet, and he treated it as if it were the most valuable opportunity in the world.
“I’m gonna hold you to that offer.”
Even as the glow of the sun’s rays disappeared to leave behind a gray and navy residue, you sat with one another, exchanging stories of the lives you once knew. Two acquaintances quickly bonding over inquiry and wonder, finding yourselves sitting side-by-side as blossoming friends.
You fell for him through the late nights.
When you couldn’t find the light in the skies, you took to the streets. Scouring the city for hidden gems and treasures was just as much of a challenge, but that didn’t stop you two from trying. You stayed out in neighborhoods exploring both the abandoned and those still hanging onto life. You found your way, even as the lamps went out one by one.
You took him to places you knew, and Woonhak explored with you the places that were new. In the early days of your adventures, you would lead him down roads well-worn from your childhood as he tried to keep up. Other days, you would follow more cautiously as he scouted ahead to unfamiliar areas that should—and often did—have caution signs hung around the perimeters. Of course, sometimes the roles were reversed.
“Whoa, that’s kinda creepy.” You glanced over at the structure Woonhak was pointing his flashlight at.
It was an unassuming shop at the corner of an abandoned strip mall that had been boarded up and tagged with graffiti. There was nothing outstanding about it. Although, maybe the words TURN BACK dripping in red paint across the peeling exterior did give it a spooky vibe.
“I dare you to go in,” he said.
“Alright.”
Woonhak looked at you like you were crazy. “You serious?”
You shrugged. “Why not?”
“What if it’s haunted?”
That was not the worry you expected him to have. In your mind, it was much more realistic to run into squatters or wild animals than any sort of demon or ghoul. Still, you weren’t going to ruin the excitement of possibilities.
“There’s only one way to find out.” You started walking toward the building in full confidence, scanning the walls for some sort of entryway. You turned back when you heard no movement behind. “You coming?”
The expression on Woonhak’s face seemed very much like he wanted nothing to do with this, but you didn’t wait for his response. You continued forward, spotting a loose plank that was haphazardly left leaning against a doorway. At first glance, it seemed boarded up like everywhere else. But now that you tugged at the corner of the weathered wood, it tilted back with ease.
“Jackpot.” You outstretched a hand behind you, facing your palm toward Woonhak. “Flashlight?”
He complied without hesitation, probably because relinquishing it meant you would be taking the lead. He placed the light source into your hand, and you immediately flashed it toward the interior.
It was pitch black in there, with no moonlight allowed to trickle in through the covered windows. The beam of the flashlight was the only illumination, casting long shadows across the dusty furniture and wares still left within what looked to have been a clothing store.
You maneuvered over some debris on the floor as you entered into the darkened confines of the building. You could hear footsteps behind you as Woonhak followed suit, albeit straggling just a little slower. You moved past some deconstructed shelves and stacked boxes until you drew the spotlight to another piece of red writing on the wall.
LAST CHANCE
You swore you heard Woonhak gulp behind you.
“Okay, this place is definitely haunted.”
“I don’t think it was a ghost who wrote that.” The more probable explanation was that some of the other neighborhood kids claimed this as a hideout and didn’t want trespassers. Either that or it was some employee’s funny way of advertising a last chance sale on some discounted clothes.
“Maybe we should leave—”
“Shh.” You held up a hand, stopping him mid-sentence. You glanced around for good measure, acting as if you just heard a sound. Woonhak immediately had his hackles raised, scanning the surroundings along with you with a sudden urgency. It was quiet, almost too quiet, as you waited for any sign that you were not alone. Then, as Woonhak turned his attention away for a moment, you made your move.
“AHH!”
“AAUGHHHH!!!”
Woonhak’s scream echoed through the abandoned store as he nearly leapt out of his skin. You couldn’t help but cackle even as you held a finger to your ear. You were sure he took out some of your hearing with that holler. Hell, you were scared of what was left of the windows because that sonic boom could be enough to make them shatter.
“Gotcha,” you said slyly, moving the flashlight closer between the two of you.
“Come on!! Are you serious—” What followed was a string of complaints you could barely make out through his giant pout. He hopped in place, flinging his arms around him as he essentially threw a tantrum. “Ahh!! You’re going to regret this!” He tried to act serious with his threat, but you could see the slight tint of his cheeks from the embarrassment. As for yourself, you couldn’t stop laughing.
That was, until you heard a sound.
Both of your heads snapped in the direction, a sudden stillness falling over you two again. You flashed your light in the general vicinity, searching for what could have made the noise. You saw movement in the corner, and when you followed it with your light, you realized it was a mouse that had knocked over some debris. You scoffed, the tension releasing from the atmosphere.
“I think you woke the ghost up,” you joked, turning to poke fun at Woonhak. Except he was nowhere to be found.
You turned around fast enough to see him hightailing it out of the building, not bothering to look back. This left you laughing again, even as he left you hanging in the abandoned building alone. You knew that he would never live this incident down.
“All that time cooped up in the base has made you soft,” you said to him once you two rendezvoused outside of the building. You expected him to argue all the merits and tough points of being a military brat. Instead, he just frowned like a regular brat, arms crossed in front of his puffed chest.
“I’ve always been soft.”
Whether real or imagined, the dangers of exploring these areas were ever present. That was the fun of it, though. The two of you broke curfew and snuck around in the dark, finding stray resources and collectibles that were left over and undetected by the troops and volunteers that swept by. The items might not have been worth their weight in scrap, but to you and Woonhak, they were invaluable.
Your first shared treasure was a VHS player buried deep within one of the living rooms of a decrepit apartment complex. Woonhak’s cheer could probably be heard from a block away when you brought it back to your place to see that it was functional.
“This bad boy’s gonna play so many tapes,” he said, patting the top of it with a satisfied grin.
“Great! Do you have any?”
His smile wiped off his face. “No. Do you?”
“Nope.”
After that embarrassing revelation, you got to work, because there was no way you were going to let this machine go to waste. Over the next few weeks, your mission became to gather as many VHS tapes as possible—everything from The Goonies to The Breakfast Club. You huddled together in front of a vintage television under a makeshift blanket fort propped up by pillows and musty furniture. You even siphoned some energy during lights-off hours, keeping the curtains drawn and the volume low. It was your diminutive form of protest, stealing power when you were ordered to live in darkness. But what was a little bit of electricity compared to all that was robbed from you?
“What do you think happened after that?” you asked as the credits rolled after a movie one night. There was still one whole year of high school to follow the characters through, but the story was left open-ended for the audience to mull over.
“I don’t know. Happily ever after?” Woonhak said with an exaggerated stretch.
“That seems unrealistic.”
“What do you think then?”
“Honestly?” You thought for a second before shrugging. “They probably graduated and grew up into boring adults.”
“Ugh,” Woonhak responded with a groan. “I sure hope not. That’d be a bummer of a sequel.”
You just chuckled, nodding in agreement as you pressed eject on the video player.
“Probably better the movie ended where it did, then.”
The two of you went through the VCR tapes faster than what was probably recommended or sustainable. It wasn’t a worry though, because once you ran out of new content to watch, you popped the same tapes back in to enjoy a second or even third time. These movies taught you two of high school delinquents and friends with a taste for adventure, of getting in trouble but still getting home on time for dinner. Some of these themes dissolved to tint your own world in technicolor hues.
“Look at these!”
Woonhak appeared to your doorstep one day with an extra skip in his step. He spun around, extending his legs to show off what you could clearly see were pants two sizes too big. He looked a bit ridiculous, whether it was unintentional or by design. Maybe he would grow into them.
“Real vintage jeans. From the late 1900s!”
“Those are from the ‘90s.”
“I said what I said.”
Woonhak always knew how to make you laugh, even in the darkest of times. The two of you searched deserted closets and discarded garments to find more bounties. You ran around singing tunes and recycling old fabric as bandanas, cosplaying as rebels from a time far from your own. You explored in tandem, marching forward like the leaders of a rebellious gang of two with your scuffed sneakers and loose jeans. Then, you hid away again, watching retro movies of a world that once was.
Your most prized possession actually came from your father’s bedroom. Tucked away in a box underneath his bed were two walkie-talkies. They were kept with his military keepsakes that weren’t important enough to pack with him—or maybe he left them behind to keep them safe. Regardless of the reason, Woonhak easily convinced you that you would just be borrowing them for the time being.
You scavenged some batteries and repurposed the technology into your own personal toys. Yet another rule broken for your own benefit. With these walkie-talkies, you were kids again, exchanging messages and whispering secrets that no one else could hear. You were an astronaut and a space cadet, a spy and a mastermind, a ghostbuster and a medium. With these walkie-talkies, you were anything but the product of this war-torn country.
“Hawkeye to Honey Badger. Do you read me?”
Your walkie-talkie buzzed with white noise at the end of the transmission. You lifted the device up to your lips before pressing the button to speak.
“Loud and clear.”
Suspiciously, you could hear a faint static behind one of the trees lining the courtyard nearby—the very leafy tree, you might add.
“I’ve spotted my target. How should I proceed?”
It took no effort to match Woonhak’s energy, dropping your tone to be serious in your answer. “Approach with caution. The target may be armed and dangerous.”
“I’m going in, over.”
It wasn’t long before you heard a rush of footsteps behind you and a rally cry sounding too happy to be threatening. Woonhak rushed in for the tackle, swooping in low to take hold of your torso. You let out a surprised squeal as your footing slipped and you both went tumbling into the grass.
The impact of the fall was softer than you expected, and you took this opportunity to use your most effective weapon—you warned him, after all. You reached around to wiggle your fingers into Woonhak’s sides, successfully hitting him with a tickle attack. His movements became erratic as he cackled uncontrollably, and you found yourself giggling along, lungs strained with laughter as your world spun around you. The two of you rolled across the grass until a truce was called and you both lay on your backs next to each other, dizzy but with great smiles on your faces. If this was him enacting revenge, you didn’t mind it at all.
Your heart was racing when your hands first touched. It was just the faintest brush of your knuckles, almost as if by accident. Except your fingers nudged against his again, daring to push the boundaries. With that, he quickly enveloped your hand, holding it in such a way that couldn’t send any mixed signals.
Through these nights, you fell into a rhythm and for each other. First following one another, and now side by side. Your footsteps aligned, your breaths intermingled, your hands intertwined. And once you were fully in each other’s grasp, you never wanted to let go.
You dreamed of a brighter future on the horizon.
Not every evening was a success. In fact, the majority of them could be considered failings, your prizes obscured by pollution of both light and air. But once in a blue moon, you would be blessed with a glimpse of something special.
The sixth time was the charm. There was a break in the clouds for merely a short moment, the smog letting up just enough to allow the light in. A sliver of orange filtered through the monotone sky that had been painted above your heads, reflecting off of the river below, as you and Woonhak watched on. The rare phenomenon had your undivided attention. You stood on the bridge, leaning forward as far as the railing would safely allow, hoping to catch this elusive sunset. It was like catching sight of a mythical being. The splash of color painted warmth across the landscape, like a flash of what could be. A sight of maybe what awaited you at the end of all this.
As quickly as it arrived, it vanished.
You let out a sigh, a breath mixed with amazement and parting sorrow. The skyline left behind was still thrumming with a warm tone, but it faded far too swiftly. While it had been a remarkable view, it left you wanting more. Like those films of youth and summer vacations by the beach, you wanted to experience that bold, almost oppressive warmth.
“The sunsets in Busan must be amazing this time of year,” you wondered out loud, remembering the visages from magazines and movies.
“I lived there for a while!” Woonhak exclaimed, flaunting with his chest puffed.
Your eyes lit up. “Really? How was it?”
“I was too young to remember.”
You visibly deflated, throwing a playful punch at his arm. It was like pushing a button that extracted a complaint and a laugh from him. “Don’t get my hopes up like that.”
“My mom liked it, so I’m sure it was great.” He paused before correcting himself. “Probably still is.”
You heaved another dreamy sigh. “I’ve always wanted to go.”
The entire world was all facing toward the same burning star in the sky, but somehow each perspective was vastly different. The sun was like a tired mistress here, rising and falling just because it was expected of her, kept under a veil to shield her from prying eyes. But the Busan sun seemed like a newlywed bride, flourishing and flaunting her beauty for the whole coast to see.
“Will you take me with you?” Woonhak asked.
It was a rather innocent question, but you felt the anticipation behind it. You craned your neck to look at him as you leaned on the railing together, shoulder to shoulder. His imploring gaze made you realize you hadn’t even considered a future where he wasn’t there with you, basking in the true dusk of a clear sky.
“I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
You leaned in for a chaste kiss, capturing his lips with a newfound resolution. You could feel him smile against your lips as he deepened the kiss. In this moment, it felt like you sealed a promise. When you parted, you shared a meaningful look, your smiles never falling from your faces.
Woonhak shifted to stand behind you like a pillar of safety. He wrapped his arms around you and held you tight, nuzzling his cheek closer to yours. You placed your hands over his arms, letting yourself lean back snugly against him in full trust.
“You know, the sun is just a star in our solar system,” you recited as the remnants of day soon descended into night.
“Well, no wonder our luck’s terrible,” Woonhak said with a huff. “We’ve been trying to chase starlight all this time.”
A smile curled on your lips as you both watched the same darkening sky. “Maybe we’ll have better luck somewhere else.”
“I heard there’s real sunsets in L.A.,” he said into your ear.
It felt like a promise. Another one you exchanged with no need for further words.
There might not be sunlight filtering through the dark storm of dust and carbon, but you felt a different type of warmth in Woonhak’s secure embrace. A warmth that brought up the image of the trickling sunlight you just bore witness to. While it had been painfully brief, it now lived in your memories where you would keep it safe. You might even nurture it and let it grow into a dream, looking forward to the days when you could save dazzling horizons and brilliant skies into your precious bank of memories.
“Let’s go see it together.”
You lost him at sunrise.
It was your initial fear when you awoke at dawn to the city’s commotion of rumbling engines and stomping feet. You could hear it even from your home, despite being further in the suburbia, and it left an uneasy feeling that drove you to start the day early. You turned on the news to get a sense of what was going on but obtained no helpful information whatsoever. It was to be expected—these broadcasts didn’t give the people true updates, only the usual placations for its citizens or diversions for potential eavesdroppers. It was only when you stepped out of your home that a neighbor returning from his graveyard shift at the factory broke the news.
“The troops are all leaving. Heard it was a ‘tactical retreat.’ They’re heading back inland to the new base.”
The jaded neighbor went into more detail, reeling off a long list of grievances with how the base was built with their blood, sweat, and tears. The efforts and materials put forth by the factory laborers of this city were all being hauled out of its origin to go fortify this new rendezvous point. But you weren’t listening. You were panicking.
You took off down the street without another thought, ignoring the last grumble of protest toward the military presence from the unhappy worker behind you.
“Good riddance.”
The streets were crowded and rife with action by the time you made it downtown. All down the main road, military personnel were loaded into trucks and vans heading out eastward. Vehicles roved and soldiers marched on toward the rising sun, its young rays peeking over the inhabitants who have all been rudely awakened at this early hour. It seemed that the neighbor’s intel was right. The troops were all departing. But even as you watched them with your own eyes, you couldn’t believe it to be true.
He had promised.
Breathless from your urgent sprint, you rushed forward to follow alongside the fleeting formation. Your gaze swept across the faces for any sense of familiarity, for anyone’s gaze to meet yours, but everyone kept their eyes locked forward. They didn’t bother to pay a random teenager any mind, even as you raced to the front of the exit route and waited as each soul passed you by.
You watched carefully, scanning the faces that came and went in the windows of each truck. You even peered at each officer’s uniform, trying to spot the telltale stripes and star that would signify a lieutenant commander. You stood resolute at the edge of that road, braving the dirt and debris that got kicked up to burn your eyes and sting your lungs. You tried to hold onto hope, but each beat of a soldier’s step or exhaust’s backfire drove the stake deeper in your heart until fractures spread across its surface. You weren’t sure how much longer you could last, but you withstood it until the very last soldiers passed the threshold, leaving behind only tire tracks and scattered footprints.
At the end of it all, you were left with an empty road and the sun’s diffused light high in the dusty sky.
The walk home was unbearable in more ways than one. Your dry eyes and hoarse throat were made worse as you choked down the sobs that threatened to rise up. It was a struggle to breathe, even as you wandered back into your neighborhood and away from the urban sprawl. You held it together, hands clutching at your own arms as you drew them in tight toward your torso. You felt as if you would fall apart if you didn’t.
But then you saw him.
A lonely figure paced back and forth on your front porch. His rigid posture exhibited almost as much distress as you felt, the frenetic energy emanating from his harried steps on the faded wood. Your breath finally caught in your throat when he looked up with widened eyes. The moment your gazes met, Woonhak rushed forward.
You found yourself running, your hands letting go of yourself as you reached out to him. The impact was almost painful as Woonhak drew you into a bone-crushing embrace. The air knocked out of your lungs, and you flung your arms over his shoulders to cling onto his taller form. In that instant, you let yourself fall apart in his arms, and he held you impossibly tighter. Behind him, you saw his walkie-talkie laying strewn by the front doormat. You had stupidly left yours behind in your bedroom.
“I thought they took you away,” you managed to say in between your tears that had begun flowing.
“Don’t worry, I’m here. I’m not leaving.”
His words were assured, but his voice trembled with a great effort to keep himself steady. To keep from breaking, too. It was a frivolous attempt, because soon enough, you could hear his stifled sobs by your ear as he pressed his face into your neck.
You couldn’t imagine what he was feeling, what he was going through. Woonhak’s family had gone without him, whether willingly or not. Instead of sitting on one of those caravans with them, he was standing on this empty street with you—and that was willingly. You continued to hold onto one another with desperation and a settling realization that you now understood what it meant to be two lovers who had each other completely.
He had promised, and he had remained.
You placed your faith in the constellations.
It was amazing what a little imagination could do for humankind. It was sometimes the driving force behind people’s lives when the days became too dreary and the nights droned on in an identical manner. People often saw it as a privilege to be creative, but at times it could be necessary.
“There’s the Big Dipper,” you recited, pointing your index finger to the northern sky. The formation of stars was easy to spot if you knew where to look, coming together to connect the mental picture of a tilted ladle. It was always found in the night sky year-round, never disappearing below the horizon. Or, it wasn’t supposed to. It wasn’t lost on you that your finger traced over nothing, but Woonhak’s eyes still followed. “They also call it the Seven Stars of Fate.”
“Sounds pretty important,” Woonhak responded, turning his head to regard you. You both lay on your favorite secluded hill, one you two claimed with a small flag made from a wooden skewer and crumpled snack wrapper. Here, you could rest with your backs on the grass and eyes on the blanket of night. “Why’s it called that?”
“People prayed to it in the past. They believed that the constellation oversaw fate, lifespans, and…”
“And?”
You ducked your eyes to meet Woonhak’s. “The protection of children.”
Everything from birth to death, each star in the Big Dipper was believed to write and erase names from the Book of Life. It was a story passed down through the generations, once viewed as a belief as true as water flowed downstream, now more of a folktale of forces beyond your time.
“That’s a lot of pressure to put on a few stars.”
“Yeah, it is,” you agreed solemnly. “But you gotta place your faith in something.”
You wondered how those people were like in the past, praying to a deity in the stars they could not see. Attributing good fortune to being heard by the heavens while the ignored suffered with bad omens. In a way, it was admirable, holding onto a blind faith in spite of any challenges they faced. To be honest, you were starting to understand how that must have felt.
“Look there. Do you think that’s a star?” You pointed up in the sky again as both of your attentions shifted toward the space. You knew the answer already. It was just a satellite in orbit, a single light in the otherwise bleak span of the night. But you had imagination on your side.
“Absolutely.” Woonhak just smiled at you brightly, and you wanted to believe it more than anything. “We should give it a name.”
“What do you have in mind?”
He hummed, taking a long pause to ponder. “The Little Helper.”
You had to stop yourself from snorting, an amused smile tugging at your mouth. With how long he took to come up with the answer, you expected it to be some sort of profound name.
“The Little Helper?” you repeated as a question.
Woonhak just nodded cheerfully. “Or also called the Eighth Star of Fate. It can share some of the responsibility and help out the Big Dipper.”
Your laughter subsided, but a soft smile was left on your face as you appreciated the sweet boy next to you. Time and time again, he never ceased to amaze you.
The two of you continued to spend the night drawing constellations with your fingers outstretched into the air. To the two of you, the empty sky was just a blank canvas waiting to be drawn on. You lay on your backs in this grassy knoll, his warm hand held constant over yours as he guided your finger to connect the imaginary dots. Each of these dots held meaning, held potential. It held the trust that these stars were right where they would be. You might not see them at this very moment, but you knew they were there.
Stars weren’t snuffed out that easily.
Maybe they wouldn’t be there for eternity—you wouldn’t go as far as to hope for that—but maybe they would bless the earth for at least the next 50, 100, or even 400 years. Strangely, it felt like a nice, concrete number, carrying more promise than the abstraction of forever. It was a mere blip in the greater timeline of the universe, so maybe the universe would be more willing to grant that small wish. Maybe the stars would be more willing to listen.
You wished the night didn’t end.
The earth shook as the lights went out this time. The source was distant but strong enough to cause a jolt in the home’s foundation and a drop in your stomach. There was a small crash in the living room as everything went pitch black. You stood frozen for a moment, letting your eyes adjust to the sudden change. Thankfully, a bit of moonlight trickled in from the window to light your path as you carefully stepped forward out of your room.
When you made it into the living room to investigate the noise, you noticed an object laying on the middle of your wooden floor. Nearing closer, you recognized it to be a picture frame that must have been knocked off of the mantle above. You stooped down to gingerly pick it up from its faced-down position. While no glass or broken pieces littered the surroundings, a large crack ran straight across the expanse of the clear pane.
It was a picture of your father.
You had never been a religious person, but you felt a instinctive pull to pray in that moment. You weren’t sure who you were praying to, whether it was a starry entity from the past or an all-knowing figure from the present. All you knew was that you felt like a child again, holding your father close to your chest as the darkness cradled you like a doting guardian. It felt neither chilling nor comforting. It just was.
You didn’t know how long you knelt there in the middle of your home when you heard the familiar crack of static. Muffled words resonated from your bedroom as your walkie-talkie sprung to life. You couldn’t catch the content, but you knew it only meant one thing.
Woonhak was nearby.
Picking yourself up off the ground, you made a beeline toward your room. You pushed aside your pillow to reveal the walkie-talkie just as another message transmitted through.
“Hey, can you hear me?”
You picked up the device, pressing the button to respond. “Loud and clear.” A burst of white noise signaled he was speaking again.
“I’m in front of your house. If you’re not asleep, let’s go on a walk.”
It was an invitation that normally would send a giddy flutter through your heart. But rather than a spike upward, you felt your chest sink into the words. You were no strangers to the late nights, fully prepared to face the dangers of getting caught or stumbling in the shadow. You had written your story in the dark, illuminated only by the TV screen or the infrequent flashlight. Tonight was no different, you told yourself. You breathed out, allowing for just a brief moment to let your heart rise once more before replying.
“I’ll be right out.”
Leaving your walkie-talkie behind, you stepped back into your living room. You carefully placed the photo frame upright back onto the mantle, regarding the face of your father one more time before heading out the front. You didn’t bother to lock the door behind you.
All thoughts left your head when you saw Woonhak standing a few paces away from your porch with his gaze held high. He was shaded under the lightless street, but as soon as he set his eyes on you, his entire expression lit up. An immense smile greeted you, and you swore it was enough to brighten the entire area from one end of the road to the next.
“What are you doing here?” you asked as you stepped forward to meet him.
“There were so many stars in the sky, so I wanted to walk with you for a bit.”
That was when you finally looked up. For the first time in your life, you saw the stars. Thousands of twinkling lights that could never be mistaken for anything other than what they were. The skies were strikingly clear, opening up the faint outline of an entire galaxy watching over you. Your smile matched Woonhak’s, stretching across your face so wide it almost hurt. There were far too many dots to count, but you wanted to connect them all.
“Let’s get a better view!” You took Woonhak’s hand and led him through the paths you were most familiar with.
Not one streetlamp was on as you traversed the terrain, but it was okay. The light from the stars above guided you on your journey. Your necks craned back to keep their eyes on the miracle, running as fast as you could through the sidewalks and alleyways. Your shoes hit the pavement, echoing through the otherwise silent atmosphere until a fit of laughter rose to join in the harmony.
“Look at us,” Woonhak called out into the cool night air, breath hitching with each stride. “We’re like a scene from one of our movies!”
He was right. As you laughed wholeheartedly, louder than you had in a very long time, it felt like the two of you were the stars of your own youth film. You felt like a firework ready to explode, oxygen and glee caught in your throat from the exertion of the prolonged run. Still, you persisted, running and running until your entire beings burned almost as bright as the stars. Your legs protested as you two trekked up the steep hill you had once met on until finally, you stood overlooking the city before you.
It was uncanny, standing at this vantage point to witness a completely novel scene. The entire city was blacked out, from the residential neighborhoods to even the factories at the outer border. It felt like a world flipped upside down, as if the stars swiped the lights straight from the city and painted their once-blank canvas with wondrous glowing colors.
The more you blinked, the more stars seemed to become visible with nothing to hide them anymore. You wanted to check for all the constellations, point out each and every one now that they were in full view. You wanted to capture them in your memory: Cassiopeia, Draco, the Big Dipper. But your eyes didn’t stay upward for long, because you realized in all this breathless wonder and dire excitement, you had something more important you wanted to capture.
And when you looked down at Woonhak, you saw that he was already staring back at you.
Your hands wouldn’t stop shaking. You didn’t realize it until they weren’t anymore. Woonhak drew closer, slipping his fingers with yours and clasping you steady, grounding you and keeping you from floating away. He gazed at you like you were the only person in the world—the only thing that mattered. And you believed it. You believed it to be truer than any fact of the universe, and you didn’t need the power of the constellations to confirm that.
So, you kissed him. You threw your arms around his neck and he pulled you close by the waist. You felt like a puzzle piece, resting into a place created just for you, the only place you fit. The only place you wanted to be.
Late nights, shining stars, and sunsets didn’t mean a thing without him. Even as the stars refused to shine and the sun hid from sight, these were not missed opportunities but precious memories. Time and shared space were few and far between in this realm, but you chased them like an eclipse—together. And you longed for the days to relive them. Not for their beautiful views but for him.
“I love you,” you whispered when you pulled away.
Your desperate confession was met with a tearful smile. It broke your heart and mended it again, because only he could hurt and heal you in this moment. Woonhak leaned forward, pressing his forehead against yours as a sorrowful laugh wracked through his body.
“I love you, too.”
All the stars in the sky, and yet you were staring at each other. Despite the darkness, the two of you burned the brightest—more than any star above your heads or sun across the horizons. You were the main characters of your own story, and the universe finally came out of hiding to become your witness.
Above you, the stars began to shine impossibly brighter. Then, they began to fall. Even as the lights streaked down across the night sky, blooming to reach the level of daylight, you remained in each other’s arms.
After all, the brightest stars burned the fastest.
IN WHICH: Your toxic ex boyfriend Taesan is determined to get you back even though his replacement, your sweet boyfriend Sunghoon, is a much better option…
W.C.: 15.3k!
Warnings: SMUT(mdni!), CHEATING!, angst???(if u squintt), smoking n alcohol usage, mentions of betting, Taesan is kinda evil, manipulation, rough choking, marking?, biting, fingering, cunnilingus, gagging, rough unprotected sex(*shakes head*)
ft. Sunghoon as ur bf, rage baiter Jaehyun(he’s rlly just an asshole), sweet angel Leehan, Yunjin of lssfm, mentioned Sungho, Heeseung + Jungwon, Sakura of lssfm…
(Reblogs + comments are always appreciated!!!)
A/N: First BND fic??? Omg my longest fic yet… Lmk who your bias is, mine’s Leehan:3. I SUCKKKKK at pacing so I’m warning u now… Also pls, as always, criticism is welcome. Lmk your thoughts. Enjoy:3 PS: This is a work of fiction and not at all how I think these people act in real life! Don’t be a cheater!
Taesan has a bad habit.
"Listen, like, I'm telling you," His friend urges over slurred words and a few jolting hiccups. "It doesn't matter who she's with, bro— Bro," Drunk and wobbly, the guy tilts closer, hands flailing aimlessly as if to emphasize his point.
"Leehan— Chill—"
"I'm telling you! It doesn't matter who she's with. It doesn't matter if she's with anyone at all!" At that, Jaehyun, who's been nose deep in his phone the whole night, barks out a laugh. "Don't let him talk that nonsense into you, man. She's taken, alright? That ship has sailed," He makes a cutthroat motion with his hand, clicking his tongue. "Donezo."
Taesan grunts in response, choosing to ignore that last part as he rolls his (seventh) cigarette of the night between his fingers.
"Whaaaa, no… No!" Leehan slurs, slinging a heavy arm around Taesan's shoulders. "That doesn't— hic… That doesn't matterrrrr!" He whines, his voice ringing petulantly in Taesan's ear. Taesan groans, slapping his palm over Leehan's pouting lips. "Dude, you're yelling in my ear."
"Mmph… Butmm…" He shoves his face away, shrugging his arm off. "Jaehyun's right. If she doesn't want me, who do I look like chasing someone?" He snorts over the lump in his throat. "Hell no."
Jaehyun doesn't even look up from his phone as he laughs. "Right." Taesan's eyes snap from his hands to glare at Jaehyun who shrugs lazily in response, not even bothering with both shoulders. "I don't believe you, bro. Not for a second."
"You're the one who just basically told me to give up!" He huffs, finally shoving the cigarette between his lips, his hands patting gruffly over his jeans in search of his lighter. "The hell you mean you 'don't believe' me?"
Finally looking up from his phone, "Probably what I said?" Taesan's lips twitch sharply around his cigarette before he lights it, "I just mean…" Jaehyun continues, a grin pulling at his lips at the sight of Taesan's growing irritation. "You're stubborn, man. Always have been." He lets that hang in the air, his attention quickly turning back to his phone.
"What's that mean?" Taesan questions around puffs of smoke, pulling the cig from his lips with a slow exhale, feigning for the relief this shit used to provide before he'd abused it.
Breaking his silence, Leehan sighs with the weight of someone who's experienced far too much for his young age(his dramatic ass.) "You guys used to be so… So cute together. The perfect couple…" He claims almost dreamily, looking up at the sky as if recalling the memories. Taesan can only stare at the ember glow of his cig as he taps out the ash, letting the acrid scent fill his nose, his lungs, his head until he feels dizzy wondering where it all went wrong.
"Yeah…" His voice hardly a whisper, chest tight with something he's far too sober to think about right now. Leehan chokes on a hiccup before he speaks again, "That's your girl, Tae."
"Nah." Jaehyun feels the need to interject, making Taesan's chest coil tighter only this time with something hotter.
"Notchur girl, bro." He flashes his canines almost challengingly, of course being sure to meet Taesan’s irritated gaze head on.
Slowly, Taesan takes a drag from his cigarette. His eyes are in slits boring stubbornly into Jaehyun's as he inhales, letting the smoke burn its way down his throat before he speaks again.
"Is that a challenge?" He exhales.
Jaehyun's grin sharpens. "A challenge?" He (finally) tosses his phone aside, giving Taesan his full attention for the first time tonight. He shrugs again almost provokingly, "Why would you think that?"
Taesan huffs out a short laugh, smoke blowing through his nose. "Don't know. Maybe because you've been intentionally rage baiting me all night?"
Leehan perks up, his eyes glassy as he takes in the scene before him. "Wait, Tae, are you smoking? You said you'd quit—"
"Intentionally? Rage baiting? Me?" Jaehyun waves a dismissive hand, feigning cheap innocence. "Nahhhh. Never that."
Taesan straightens up, the cigarette hanging from his frowning lips. "Tch. You know what you're doing." Jaehyun hugs his knees, his jeans scraping the grass as he scoots closer. "I'm just sayinggggg," He goes on. "if that's your girl, why's she with someone else?" He plucks Taesan's cigarette right from between his lips, bringing it to his own with a slow, deliberate inhale, wagging his brows. "Dude." Taesan growls. "I'm gonna beat your ass." Jaehyun only smirks around the cig, blowing the smoke directly into Taesan's face.
"I'm serious…" Leehan tries again. "You said you'd quit—"
"You could beat my ass…" Jaehyun laughs, backing up slightly as Taesan's hand just barely misses his face. "Or, or!" He holds up his free hand placatingly, "Or you could get your girl back." He offers lowly with a wink, making Taesan's jaw tighten.
With a scowl, Taesan snatches (what's left of) the cigarette back. "You're dumb as hell." He mutters, taking the last drag before stubbing it out on the dewy field. "So which is it, then? You're not making much sense." He grumbles, leaning back on his hands. "She's mine, right? I mean… 'First love' claim and all that…"
Jaehyun rolls onto his back, sprawling out amongst the wet grass that is surely staining his clothes. He groans, all dramatic and loud. "Claim? Dude. I know you're not dumb." He sighs, craning his neck to shoot him an unimpressed look. "Obviously not, Taesan. She's. Got. A. Fucking. Boyfriend." Taesan opens his mouth to respond but before he can say anything, Leehan interjects.
"Can I talk? Is that— hic— Allowed?"
"No, obviously not." Jaehyun snorts. "Why would you be allowed to talk?"
Taesan kicks his leg not too gently before turning to Leehan, his hands clasped in a prayer. "If you're going to speak, could it at least be something along the lines of 'You're so right, Taesan' or 'Taesan, you gotta go—"
"Get your girl," Leehan nods with eyes half closed that Taesan would be shocked are seeing anything at all, clumsily reaching over to clap his back and completely missing, hitting Taesan's arm instead. "You gotta go get your gil— Girl. Girl. Go get your girl."
"You almost got it, Leehanie." Jaehyun comments amusedly, earning a smirk and another slow nod from Leehan that is far too proud for his drunken state. "See?" Taesan says smugly, leaning back on his hands and looking triumphant. "Leehan thinks she's mine. Thinks I gotta go get her."
"Leehan can't even speak." Jaehyun says flatly, braiding the wet grass between his fingers like hair. "Hey!" Leehan exclaims indignantly, "I cam- nnnnn… I can speak!"
Jaehyun sits up and mirrors Taesan's posture, idly flicking grass in Leehan's direction who is now lying on his back mumbling something incoherent to the moon. "Besides," Jaehyun sighs, looking more exhausted than he should. "I never said you couldn't go get her, and actually I implied that you should. I just said she isn't your girl— Ah-ah…" He holds up his finger, wagging it slightly in Taesan's face to shut down any remark he was about to make. "Yet." He adds while leaning back, dropping his hand with a sly shrug. "Not your girl yet."
Taesan hummed thoughtfully at that. Admitting you're not his girl yet implies that maybe you weren't even his girl at all, and frankly, the thought alone makes something sour bubble up in his throat. Because the truth is that you are his, dating or not. It doesn't matter if you think you're 'in a relationship' and it doesn't matter what his arrogant friend says or hell, even the drunk one. But… fine. Taesan will admit that there is an obvious obstacle here. Your 'boyfriend.'
God, his face recoils at the mere thought, the taste of bile ghosting low in his throat.
Boyfriend or not, it's not stopping anything. Taesan will have you again.
The question is: How?
"Alright… Get her how?" His voice is almost a whisper when he asks, picking at a loose thread on his jeans. But Taesan's already lost Jaehyun's attention to his damn phone once again, the man in question already nose deep in it, eyes wide and reflecting off of the bright screen.
"YO!" He shouts, standing to his full height not even bothering to brush the grass off his jeans. One hand on his head, the other clutching his phone hard enough to bruise his skin; Jaehyun looks absolutely euphoric, even starting to jump on the balls of his feet. "MY BET JUST WENT UP NINETY FUCKING DOLLARS!"
He thrashes his phone into Taesan's flat stare. "I bet on them when they were at three percent odds of winning! Three. Fucking. Percent." His grin is so wide, splitting his face as he pulls his phone back to look at the score once more. "Do you understand how much fucking money I could make if they win? Nah. Nah. I have got to call Sungho right now. Right fucking now." And before Taesan could make a flat comment or even roll his eyes, Jaehyun is already walking away from them with grass stains on the butt of his jeans, his ecstatic voice trailing him as he fades away.
Taesan leans back again with a heavy sigh through his nose, the imprint of grass on his palms the only thing keeping him grounded. He takes a second to just breathe and enjoy the silence, craning his neck slightly to look up at the moon. He wonders, for a second, if maybe you're looking at the moon too, and something more desperate in him hopes you're even thinking about him. He shakes his head, a dry laugh escaping his lips. He hates that when he thinks of you, he thinks of him too, and how it's most likely that if you are looking at the moon, you're probably looking at it with him.
"Tae?" Leehan interrupts his thoughts, slurring but somehow sounding more clear-headed than he had ten minutes ago. He sits up beside Taesan, a dreaded look of worry on his face that Taesan can't really seem to meet. "When did you start smoking again?" He asks quietly, Taesan shifting uncomfortably under his gaze. Taesan avoids eye contact as he shakes his head, still picking at that same loose thread. "Nah, I quit." He lies.
Leehan blinks.
Taesan shrugs, "Bad habit." The thread snaps and Taesan stands, wiping whatever grime off of his jeans before offering Leehan a hand. "We should get going." Leehan takes his hand, looking like he wants to say more but he knows better. He decides to drop it.
They walk in silence for the most part— Taesan's hands shoved deep in his pockets skimming whatever junk he's got in there, Leehan looking more pensive while staring at his feet, kicking stray rocks, his steps still a little unsteady. After a while, Leehan breaks the silence.
"Taesan," He goes, quiet and almost shy. "You know you can tell me anything, right?"
Taesan hummed, staring ahead. The corner of his mouth twitched into something almost like a smile, though his eyes looked a little too sad for someone meant to be happy. "Yeah," Taesan affirmed. "I know."
A WEEK LATER, Taesan's life is as boring as it always has been since you. He wakes up early for work, a soul-draining minimum wage job at Target. Stocks shelves, cleans aisles, assists customers with bothersome questions, re-folds shirts that ignorant people leave lay, and eats lukewarm cup ramen for lunch every evening.
After work, when he is really drained and especially irritable, he makes the interesting decision to see his(in his opinion), idiotic friends. Peer-pressuring Jaehyun and Sungho into making thousand dollar bets(though they don't need much pressuring, do they?), drink until he feels dizzy and smoke until he chokes and his throat is left raw.
Sometimes, on Thursday's, he even helps his mother with her vegetable garden. Helping her with weeds that she struggles with pulling anymore, and awkwardly dodging questions she asks about you.
'How is she by the way, dear? It was nice having such a beautiful face around here.' Nudges him with a wink laced with that ever present parent protectiveness.
'Oh, you've got to bring her around again sometime soon! I must show her my garden.' She'll say with the brightest, most sincere smile that makes Taesan's seem far, far more performative, though she'd never notice. He'll grit his teeth and lie through them 'easily,' feeling it chip away at his very soul each time. He just doesn't have the heart, he thinks.
Or he's in deep, deep, deep denial.
NOW, Taesan sits here on Jaehyun's leather couch, long legs sprawled out in front of him with a beer nursed in his lap and a cigarette in his free hand, talking about everything yet nothing at all— Doesn't matter as long as he doesn't think of you.
"You got a light?" He mumbles around the butt of the cig while he re-pats his pockets for his own. He must've forgotten his in his car.
"Why? So I can enable your poor life decisions?" Jaehyun snides, a twisted grin playing at his lips but he's already digging in his own pockets and tossing Taesan his lighter.
Taesan doesn't bite, being too exhausted from eight grueling hours of pointing to basic aisles and 'Wait, this sock doesn't belong here…'s. But he's not above rolling his eyes and thinking things, at least.
He's grateful though, of course, because now he can drown in his sorrows with tobacco and alcohol and pretend he isn't thinking about you. Which he isn't.
Yet somehow, against all odds, every conversation finds its way back to you.
"You talk to that chick yet?" Jaehyun asks not too ceremoniously around half chewed gummy worms. Taesan shoots him a nasty look before flicking the lighter. "She's not some chick, and chew with your fucking mouth closed, you dickhead."
"Oh, right, right!" Jaehyun snorts, widening his mouth further and chewing like a child just to get a reaction. "Your ex. My bad. Did you talk to your ex, yet?" Taesan's considering not even dignifying that with a response, focused on getting this damn cigarette to light.
Once he does, he wastes no time in taking a long, slow drag. Ah. Let me pretend this feels good right now.
"No—"
"By no surprise." Another snort.
Taesan exhales very slowly through his nose, his eyes closed like if he at least can't see Jaehyun then he'll want to punch him less. "Fucks that mean?"
"You know…. What it means." He shrugs, smacking his lips louder and Taesan has to start bouncing his leg and fiddling with the tab on his beer can or else he'll put that energy elsewhere and regret it.
Taesan shakes his head and pulls from the cigarette again this time holding it, letting it simmer and burn inside his lungs like a physical manifestation of his anger. He exhales and opens his eyes, willing himself to feel better about it all.
"Can we just not talk about her right now?" He takes a swig from his can, his leg still bouncing in time with his pulse, but it stops abruptly at Jaehyun's laugh.
"Yo," He starts, shaking his head amusedly at Taesan. "I love you, but you're so fucking prickly anymore, man."
There's a brief pause.
"But you were always kinda like that, weren't you?" He adds almost like an afterthought, but his eyes are steady on Taesan, studying his reaction. "Isn't that why she broke up with you in the first place?"
Taesan doesn't react. Well, not really in the way Jaehyun might've expected. He doesn't make a defensive comment, he doesn't roll his eyes, doesn't even scowl, his leg stopped bouncing and while there is tension in his jaw, he doesn't look… angry. He just sits there looking almost thoughtful as he taps out ash into his still half-full can, his gaze a little distant. But there's something stirring much deeper inside Taesan that Jaehyun's eyes can't quite catch. Something that would be the only sign that his comment maybe got to him.
He doesn't really know how to explain the pain beneath his ribs.
Instead, he mutters a quick 'You don't know what you're talking about,' in classic Taesan fashion, though his voice is a little rough from something other than the copious amounts of tobacco he's consumed.
"Alright, Taesan. Whatever you say." Jaehyun sounds unconvinced, his sigh heavy and his read on Taesan sharp as ever. "Well," He shakes his head, clearly ready to change the subject because he knows as well as anyone else that it wouldn't go anywhere. "Since you clearly need help, there's this party this weekend at Sigma Chi. Some dress-up bullshit that I know she'll be attending with her little boy toy."
Taesan's face recoils around his cigarette. "Dress up? Really?" He scoffs something derisive before exhaling and plopping the stub into his can. "Not interested." Shaking his head firmly, he's unable to hide a scowl of pure disgust at the thought of you sharing a costume with that fucking guy. "Really? You've got a perfect fucking opportunity to finally talk to this girl and you're passing it up just like that?" Jaehyun shakes his head, a look of utter disbelief on his face. "Un-fucking-believable."
Taesan whips his head toward him, his face contorted in all sorts of defensive lines. "What do you mean, 'un-fucking-believable'? What the fuck would I even wear, dude? And not only that, but you just said her fucking boyfriend's gonna be there."
"So?"
"'So' what?" Taesan echoes exasperatedly. "So I'm not fucking going. You won't catch me wearing some dumb ass costume."
"So what if her boyfriend is there?" Jaehyun smirks, all sharp fangs and ignorance. "Cuck him."
"It smells like shit in here." Taesan grumbles into his beer can, the stuffy scent of sweat and weed clogging what feels like every pore on his body. It's fucking hell in here. It's loud, people he doesn't even know won't stop trying to talk to him, it fucking smells and worst of all, you aren't even here which makes all of this torture seem like just that— Torture for no reason.
Turns out Taesan didn't need much convincing afterall, not with Jaehyun dangling the word "cuck" in his face like candy. Though of course Taesan hadn't shown up in some getup because, as he said, you wouldn't catch him in some "dumb ass costume." The only pro to this hell in a box is that no one even bothered to dress up anyway, making Taesan's jeans and plain tee seem not so out of place. For all Taesan knows, Jaehyun could've been lying straight out of his ass just to get him to show up looking like some dork in front of his ex(Oh, he so would.) (Taesan would never, ever put that past him.)
"Where the fuck is she?" He mutters to no one in particular, fighting a headache that's been edging the base of his skull for the past forty fucking minutes. Smoke clings to the roof of his mouth and not in the good way; He just feels suffocated.
Leehan perks up beside him, having heard his mumbling. "She's still not here?" Curiously, his eyes scan the room. A cute little pout on his soft lips, Leehan looks every bit the lost puppy and less the regular partygoer. Taesan had begged him to come along when Jaehyun snorted in his face with a 'That's all you, man. Good luck, you're gonna need it.' But he hadn't needed to beg much, and actually Leehan was the one convincing him in the end to man up and go when Taesan threatened to off himself if he had to see you in matching slop with that guy.
The thought, especially now, leaves his mouth tasting of something rotten like disdain. So Taesan is praying to the Lord, to any higher power that Jaehyun was just being his usual menacing (and fucking annoying) self, and that there is no dress up occurring.
And unless everyone here decided to show up as the mentally drained college student, then, Blessed be the Lord, it really does seem like it's just your average fraternity party.
"I'm sure they'll show up soon…" Leehan assures softly, his voice almost swallowed whole by the party. Lips pressed against his beer, Taesan's response is a low huff of a grunt, his face pulled in sourly. "They'll," He echoes, his voice sounding just as disgusted as he looks. "They'll show up soon. They, they, they, they. I'm gonna be fucking sick." With one last particularly angry swig of his beer, he slams the emptied can down on the nearest surface. "I need some fucking air."
Leehan nods behind him, following Taesan as he stalks off to the balcony with progressively angrier steps. He slides the door open with a huff, immediately finding the balcony's ledge and leaning his entire body weight onto it, feeling the cool metal beneath his palms as if it could ground him. He lets the nights air fill his lungs with a deep, filling breath, though it does hardly anything to cool the growing heat simmering inside him.
"This is hell, man…" With a sigh as heavy as his doubts, he looks out into the darkening sky and lets his eyes find the moon once more. He finds it again with the same prayer, the same hope that you're out there looking at it too, maybe just as desperate as him. If he could speak to the moon, he would, and he would tell it that he can't stand this, can't stand not seeing you, not feeling you, and he'd plead it to relay this message:
'I miss you, and I love you more. Please come back—'
He cuts the thought off with a sharp laugh, feeling embarrassed even if no one had heard it, even if the one person who could have heard it would've held it in his hands like glass, gentle as ever.
Sigh. There's no time to be angsty, he thinks. There's never any time for that with him, though.
He huffs again, the sadness slowly turning into his usual prickly anger, but the tightness around his eyes betrays any willingness to let it go. He'll force it down anyway.
"I've been here for too fucking long, dude. I'm getting impatient here…"
"I know, I know." Leehan consoles beside him.
"I feel like fucking shit, man." He puts his head in his hands, his voice gruff yet sounding more fragile than Leehan has ever heard it before. Leehan shifts beside him, offering his presence as a sort of comfort. He pats his back very softly, the pout even more prominent on his lips. "Maybe… Maybe she wasn't even coming at all in the first place. Maybe Jaehyun lied about it. You know how he is…"
Taesan's head snaps up at that, so fast he could've pulled a muscle. His eyes bore into Leehan, burning with a realization that could light a fire. "You're so right." His voice is low, all traces of sadness gone in an instant. "No, you're so fucking right. That fucking dick. He really would play with my feelings like that, wouldn't he?" He growls. "I swear to God, I'm gonna kill him." Leehan freezes for a moment, realizing what he might've just triggered.
"Wait— Taesan—"
He goes to grab his arm to maybe calm him down or stop whatever he's about to do. But Taesan's too quick; He pulls away. He pushes himself off the ledge and turns on his heel in one swift, agitated motion, completely seeing red and then—
He sees you.
Taesan's whole body freezes at once like he'd been struck in place. All of the anger and all of the sadness that was once a complex, volatile storm inside him suddenly gave way to something more stunned and shocked as he stares at you beyond the other side of the glass door. You're completely oblivious, your head thrown back mid-laugh and he swears he can hear it now, ringing in his ears despite the deafening music muffling every breath.
"Holy shit, is that her?" Leehan gasps behind him, but Taesan doesn't hear him. He feels completely entranced, like he couldn't fucking look away from you even if he tried. You're clad in a pink plaid skirt paired with— fuck— fishnets leaving nothing to the imagination, and a black top that fits you like a second skin, hugging every curve and looking like it's been hand-poured onto you by God himself. His heart is beating wildly, pounding against his ribs so hard it almost hurts.
"I'm going to kiss Jaehyun right on his filthy lips, I swear to…" His voice is heavy with relief, sounding almost hypnotized.
For a second, as he watches you, he thinks you might just be chatting with friends and that maybe you hadn't even come with your boyfriend after all. But then a guy much taller than you slings an arm around your shoulders and pulls you into his side in an unmistakably possessive gesture and suddenly Taesan's heart hurts for a different reason completely.
"Fuck." He chokes. His stomach twists, fighting nausea, and he grips his shirt for a second thinking he might actually throw up this time. "Woah, woah. You okay?" Leehan moves forward but Taesan waves him off, his eyes still boring daggers at that thing beside you. "Just fine." He grunts, his voice sounding strained. But he straightens, his eyes never leaving you.
"Maybe we should just go…"
"No." He spits. "Are you crazy?" He shakes his head, the action resolute enough to make Leehan flinch.
Taesan came here with a plan: To get you back. He came here with knowing there was going to be a man on your hip (a leech, rather), and seeing it now, standing before him in the flesh makes him only want to clamp his jaw down and dig his canines in deep enough to rip every last flicker of hesitation to shreds.
Boyfriend or not, it's not stopping anything.
Taesan will have you again.
His gaze hardens with resolve, ignoring the apprehensive ache low in his gut. He shakes his head, willing the doubt away and takes a deep breath. "I'm going."
"W-well…" Leehan relents quietly, knowing there's no stopping him when he gets like this. "I'll be here, I guess…"
Taesan shoves the glass door open, the hinge groaning with the movement. He stalks his way over toward you, so tunnel visioned that he pushes past body after drunken body, nearly sending them flying across the room, and he doesn't seem to hear or care about the numerous guys much bigger than him slurring threats and shooting lazy glares.
You don't notice him until he's standing right before you, and even then you blink a few times until your face drains completely of its color.
"Y/n."
YOUR FRIEND Yunjin doesn't give you even a second to step through the door before she's pulling you not too ceremoniously by the arm into the sea of bodies, throwing winks and (supposedly friendly) heated glances over her shoulder after taking in your outfit.
You feel confident tonight. Your skirt tickles where it brushes your upper thighs, your shirt fitting you tight enough that you had to convince Sunghoon to let you wear it, your face beat to a full glam. You haven't been out in months, but months feel like years when they're full of never-ending lectures and failed tests. It's safe to say you're here to relax, whatever that may look like. And if that means drink until your kidneys feel physically sore, then so be it.
"Damn, ma." Yunjin whistles, stopping by the kitchen to slosh a red cup in your hands, and you take a sip without even bothering to ask what's inside. "You dress up nicely. As always."
"Ah," You blush, waving her off with a laugh, letting your shoulders relax. "You're too kind. Hoon asked me to wear the fishnets, so you should be thanking him—"
"Damn right." Sunghoon interjects from behind, slinging his arm over your shoulders. You roll your eyes at his smug tone, a smile pulling at your glossed lips. "She looks amazing because of me."
You raise your eyebrow, leaning back into his warmth. "You're implying I only look good because of you?" Yunjin whistles lowly, her eyebrows playfully raised. "Yikes, Sunghoon. Can't help you there."
"Ah," Dramatically, Sunghoon places a hand over his chest, spinning you around to meet his emphasized look of apology. "My baby. My sweet, sweet angel. You are always so beautiful, you know that. So sexy. You do it all on your own." He leans in, his breath already smelling faintly of beer. "Forgive me?" He smiles that same toothy thing, and pecks your lips, quick yet sweet.
Yunjin gags from the side, her face a mask of disgust but her eyes shine at your smile. "Ew, get a room."
"Alright, buddy." You laugh, patting his chest. "You're off the hook, just this once." He smiles once more, warmly and full of affection before kissing your forehead.
"Awe… You guys are so sweet I think you're giving me a toothache…" Yunjin mumbles half heartedly into her cup. "Somebody's gotta set the standard." Sunghoon's grin widens, the smugness in his tone earning an unimpressed look from Yunjin.
Yunjin leans against the counter, eyeing you both as she speaks around big gulps of whatever the fuck is in her cup. "I mean… Lowkey, yeah." She goes, almost thoughtful. "I feel like everyone's a dick nowadays. Every guy, I mean. Like a super asshole with anger issue problems or just annoyingly nonchalant." She groans, throwing her head back. "You have no idea— No idea how tough this dating pool has been recently." She peeks an eye open and smiles at you.
"You got lucky." She reaches out and squeezes your hand, throwing you a wink. You hate the way her words made you think, how they made your chest feel. You lean back into your boyfriend's warmth that is always there, just for you, and you take a sip.
"Yeah…" You clear your throat, gulping down alcohol and other things.
"Yeah, well." Sunghoon starts, softer this time, his voice rumbling against your back. "It's not hard to love my girlfriend." He spins you around once more, a crooked smile on his plump, beer-wet lips. "At all." He leans down and kisses you again, and it might be the alcohol but it's sweeter this time, lasts a little longer too.
"Okay, okay." You snort, breaking the kiss. "Let's chill out before we give Yunjin a heart attack."
"Too late." Yunjin, in all her tipsy theatrics, backs away, gripping her chest. "I think I'm gonna die. Properly. I need an out… Where the heck is Saki?" She gives you a playful wink before trailing off quickly, making you wonder why she'd dragged you over here in the first place but she's cute enough to let you shrug it off, turning your smile back toward your boyfriend.
Sunghoon is still looking down at you, his eyes soft in a way that he saves for you only. "I was thinking," He starts softly, pulling you closer by the waist. "After this party, we could—" He cuts himself off, his eyes catching on something behind you that's shocking enough to make him gasp. "YO! Heeseung?! I never thought you'd show up, man!" Distracted easily, Sunghoon lets go of your waist, your skin suddenly feeling cold where he had held it. He pulls Heeseung in, clapping him on his back, his smile bright and friendly as he easily gets lost in conversation.
You sigh, the sting hitting its mark but you try not to think much of it. Your eyes scan through the crowd of body's in hopes of finding wherever Yunjin had run off to, but it's far too crowded to really even decipher who you're looking at. You slowly fill your lungs with a deep breath, your lips pressed against your cup with a sip that makes your face pull in dramatically, but alas, the nastier, the stronger.
You mumble into your cup, your foot tapping rhythmically to the trashy music.
"Where is sh—"
There isn't really any word to describe how your entire body jolted the way it did just now. It feels like you just tried to swallow something large and dry, your throat closing in on itself. Your heart may as well had just dropped to your ass and honestly you have to blink a couple times to make sure you're not fucking hallucinating.
Because surely your ex boyfriend isn't standing in front of you like you hadn't banished him from existence months ago(at least in your mind.) Surely not.
"Y/n." His voice is painfully familiar, making your chest ache in a way you thought you'd let go of months ago. But the sight of him is even worse.
"Dongmin…?" Your voice shakes the same way your hands do, and it's a little bit embarrassing to admit the affect he has on you when he's only so much as said your name.
The corner of his mouth twitches faintly at his name only so rarely used by you, but the more you look at him, the sadder he seems. His eyes are dark, holding yours without so much as even blinking, and for a second it almost feels like they're only seeing you.
Behind you, Sunghoon sees Heeseung off into the crowd before slinging an arm around your waist, pulling you into his side. "Oh! You are…?" He eyes Taesan but not warily, no. Not in the slightest. His eyes hold no grudge, no caution, just a mild curiosity.
Because you hadn't even bothered telling him about Taesan.
Taesan flashes his canines at Sunghoon with a smile and you'd believe it was almost friendly if it weren't for the tightness around his eyes or the tension in his jaw that seemingly only you could recognize. "Taesan." He nods, dragging his hand out of his pocket to point a lazy index at you. "In her Lit class."
"Oh." Sunghoon raises his eyebrows, looking at you. "Is that so? Well, it's nice to meet you. I'm Sunghoon." He returns his smile, though his is a bit more genuine and a whole lot more oblivious. He looks like he's going to say more before he startles you with a gasp, his voice booming through the party. "YO! JUNGWON?! NO FUCKING WAY!" And before you can whisper a threat in his ear to stay, he pecks your cheek with a 'be right back' and heads off to whoever the hell Jungwon is. Well, fuck.
"Right." You clear your throat, adjusting your skirt that absolutely does not need to be adjusted, carefully avoiding eye contact with the devil that has taken human form in front of you.
Taesan's eyebrow lifts, arching high on his features. He smirks amusedly, his eyes dancing with something that makes your stomach twist, which is 'Damn, he left you just like that?'
"Well, that's a shame." He comments, not sounding at all disappointed. You scowl, wondering if he can sense how fast your heart is beating beneath your ribs.
"You're not in my fucking class." You correct.
"You didn't seem to care to correct me just a second ago." He retorts, that smirk still snug on his lips.
Your scowl deepens, digging into your cheek hard enough that you're shocked it isn't stuck that way. The initial shock of seeing him quickly gave way to an irritable guardedness because, well, he always knows just how to push you, doesn't he?
You almost don't even care to respond to him. Almost. But you've never been the type to let anyone, especially him of all people, have the last word. So you take a deep breath and smile the fakest thing you could conjure, so saccharine that you're surprised your teeth don't rot right out of their sockets, and simply say "Ok."
He blinks for a moment. "You should go away." You add with the cadence of a child, already turning on your heel and toward the menacing punch bowl on the counter. "Or die for that matter."
He doesnt even bother stifling his snort at that, ignoring your demand to fuck off and quickly trailing you, his hands shoved deep into his pockets. You pour yourself more mystery liquid, trying to ignore the way you can feel the heat of him right against your back even though he's not touching you.
"Really? Die?" His breath is warm where it hits the back of your neck, and you pray he doesn't notice the way you tense your entire body to stifle a shiver at his mere proximity. "After all of this time, you're still this bitter?"
You crane your neck back and look up to the ceiling, trying to find any last semblance of patience you still have in you before you respond to this asshole. You close your eyes and take a long, slow breath, and when you release it, you repeat these words to yourself:
'I'm too sexy for this, I'm too sexy for this, I'm too sexy for this, I'm too sexy for this…'
Ah, much better. You resume, carefully pouring more juice into your cup with a calm, collected (though slightly strained) smile. "Bitter? Nah. Nooo. Not bitter. Me? Bitter?" You laugh a little too loudly. "Nooo."
You grip your cup a little too tightly, the plastic crinkling underneath your palm, and you take a large gulp, relishing in the sting. You don't stop after just one sip because where's the fun in that? You don't even stop when your body threatens to reject the poison with a gag. You just chug and chug until the ache in your chest subsides and your cup is finally left empty again.
Taesan's expression remains completely blank as he watches you, but he releases a sharp breath through his nose. "What the fuck are you doing?"
"What the fuck does it look like I'm fucking doing?" You turn your head to shoot him a glare over your shoulder. "I'm drinking alcohol? At a fucking party? Dipshit?"
Something feathers in his cheek at that. "Real mature." He doesn't move to stop you but he almost looks like he wants to. He crosses his arms over his chest and takes a heavy step forward. "Put it down."
"Excuse me?" You huff out a laugh at his audacity. "You can fuck right off." And just to piss him off even more, you grab the ladle to pour yourself more alcohol that you know you aren't even going to drink.
You hear an exasperated sigh behind you. "You're so..."
"So what?" You slowly turn to face him, the newly filled cup cradled between your still shaky hands. His eyes flit to them for a second before meeting yours, still impenetrable, still a little sad. "Why do you care if I'm drinking at a party, asshole?"
His jaw tightens. "I think you should care. You shouldn't be sloppy. I'm just looking out for you, making sure you don't embarrass yourself." Your expression hardens, not missing that mocking edge you know so well. "Excuse me? I don't need your fucking help, thank you." You push yourself off of the counter and point a finger right at his chest. "Why're you even here, hm? You don't fucking party. I used to have to beg you to come to parties with me when we were—"
You catch yourself, snatching your finger back as if burned. You're shocked that you'd even almost slipped up like that, your heart beating wildly against your ribs but Taesan doesn't even flinch. His face is flat, impassive as ever, but you don't miss that little tilt on his lips that suggests he's amused by you.
He opens his mouth to speak but your glare cuts him right off, his smirk widening. "Don't."
"Wasn't gonna say anything." He claims, his posture a little looser. "Just… I think it's a little funny."
With a huff, "What's funny?"
"That you're getting so worked up over that. Over saying we used to date, really? Is it that big of a deal?" He steps closer, his voice lowering to a mocking drawl. "Because we did date. And if you were so stable in your relationship then you wouldn't care to pretend to hate it so much."
Your mouth bobs like a fish out of water.
"Which, you didn't even tell him about me, did you? He didn't even know a Taesan existed at our university. Why's that?" Your free hand clenches and unclenches at your side, the other like a vice around your cup, the liquid threatening to spill from how badly you're shaking. But no matter how hard you try to speak, try to shut him up, nothing comes out.
As if using his proximity as a weapon he bends at the waist to whisper right in your ear, and you shiver where his breath ghosts your neck, absolutely hating the way your body responds to him so easily. "I know you still think about me."
Your heart flutters wildly like a frightened thing, but traitorously, your feet stay in place. For a second, for just a moment, you want to kiss him, just to remember how it felt, just to reassure your brain that it was real once upon a time. But with a decisive shove, you recover quickly.
Panicked, your eyes scan the room to make sure no one noticed, flusteredly fixing your skirt. "What the hell was that?" You sound more shaken up than you'd like to admit. Your hands are shaking from anger and something much more, much hotter that you're wayyyy too sober to unpack right now.
Taesan doesn't seem affected in the slightest, and it pisses you off how he can always seem so collected when you're anything but. "Relax." His voice is quiet, softer than you've heard it tonight, and he even takes a step back, giving you some breathing room.
"See? Worked up over nothing." His words are a jab, but his voice remains painfully gentle.
"Fuck. You." You glare, setting your drink down with more force than necessary. "I have a fucking boyfriend, and you just—" You cut yourself off, closing your eyes like it could calm you down. "You are so fucking weird for that, you're lucky I don't kill you on the spot. Maybe I didn't tell him about you cause you're fucking irrelevant."
When he doesn't respond, you open your eyes. He's already looking at you with that same unreadable expression that somehow feels like it says more than any of his words ever could, and for some unspoken reason you just can't bare to meet it.
You can feel it like heat on your skin. His eyes, boring into you with that same impenetrable stare, and even if it's flat, it's knowing, and you hate to think that whatever he's thinking about you is probably right because he knows you. He sees right through your attitude and your remarks, right down to the way you keep avoiding eye contact, how you keep adjusting a skirt that sits perfectly without the help, how you're flushed even though you'd rather die than admit it and how your pulse is hammering against the skin right at the base of your neck like you're more affected than you'd like to let on.
You don't want to think about it.
You somehow find your voice, managing to speak over the lump in your throat. "I need to find Sunghoon. You know, my boyfriend." But before your body could even compute that it's supposed to be anywhere else, in front of anyone else, Taesan places himself firmly in between you and your chance at escaping.
"Y/n. Wait."
You're not really sure why you don't shove past him. Maybe it's because you think that for a second he might say something worth hearing out. "What?" You say, your voice tight and defensive, bracing for something you're too scared to admit you're anticipating.
Lowly, his voice a rough scrape, "You didn't deny it." He says, making you flinch at the accusation. Realization floods your features in an embarrassing wave before you could mask it, clumsily taking a step back only for your back to hit marble. Taesan follows you, backing you against the counter like an animal he's finally cornered. "I have a boyfriend." You repeat, but it comes out too quiet, too small, almost like you were saying it more to yourself than you were to him.
He doesn't respond for a moment, just watches your chest rise and fall with an intensity that makes your thighs clench together on their own. He's got so much power over you, pinning you with his eyes alone and it makes you want to rip the heart that feeds it right out of your own chest and crush it between your fingers.
"I can't stop thinking about you." He confesses quietly. He doesn't step closer, doesn't try to, just holds your gaze like he knows his words alone will be enough for you to come undone. "I don't know what you want me to do about that." You swallow, trying to sound more steady than you feel, trying to ignore how your heart feels like it's in your throat.
"You're telling me you don't think about us at all? Even a little?" He asks, and his voice sounds pained enough for you to hesitate on your next words. "Because I can't stop thinking about it, I—" He swallows, his gaze averted for a moment before it meets yours again, something desperate flickering in the depths of his dark eyes. "I can't get you out of my fucking head."
"Stop looking at me like that…" Taesan's gaze sharpens, becoming almost piercing. "Then deny it." He takes the last step forward and for some reason you don't pull away when he grabs your hands in his, his grip desperate but gentle like he's holding something precious. "Deny it, and I'll walk away. I'll leave you alone, I promise—"
"Just walk away now…" You plead.
"I can't. No." He shakes his head, the stubborn tilt of his lips so familiar it almost makes you smile.
"Taesan…" You're starting to get anxious now, aware anyone could see you in such a compromising position with your ex. "Sunghoon could see… You have to—"
"That's not an answer." He urges, his grip tightening but not rough. "Tell me. Tell me right now to fuck off, and I'll go. You know I will." Something aches in your chest then, a slow and throbbing pain, though you're unsure why. If your brain knows what the right course of action is, that you should shove him off and maybe spit in his face for good measure, then why doesn't your heart agree?
"I can't… You know I can't…" The words are fragile, almost like a surrender. Taesan's eyes soften, but there's a stubborn glint in them that refuses to budge. "I know, baby…" His touch gentling even further, Taesan speaks in a coo, his voice almost hypnotic. "I know you miss me. Stop denying it— Shh, shh.." He shushes you when you shake your head, a last attempt at trying to deny it. But there's a reminiscent ache sitting right behind your teeth like a cavity, persistent and impossible to ignore like its urging you to give in, to tell him exactly what he wants to hear.
"You're the worst…" You cave, feeling it more physically than metaphorically. "Of course I still think about you. Of course I miss you. All of the time."
There's a beat of silence.
If your eyes weren't closed while you focused on your breathing as to not physically recoil and punch yourself to death, you would've noticed how Taesan's expression sharpened with triumph.
"I know, I know…" Gentle words somehow seep through his wolfish grin, almost sickening in its ease. He rubs the pads of his thumbs over your knuckles ever so softly, though his eyes watch you with a smug satisfaction that would make your stomach twist with resentment if you knew.
"Open your eyes, baby." Taesan grips your chin between his index and thumb, and oblivious, you oblige. His expression is carefully neutral, almost soft, but the corner of his mouth twitches like he's fighting back a smile. "Of course you miss me. Why wouldn't you miss the way I used to love you, hm?"
Your proximity lessens as he leans in, his voice smoothing over to a hot, seductive whisper. "Remember how I used to make you feel? That one time I made you cum so hard you squirted on your roommates couch?" Heat slivers down your spine and pools low in your tummy as the memories come rushing in. He takes a deliberate step closer and presses his lips right against your ear. "Remember how your pussy used to hug me? So tight… I bet it doesn't hug him the way it used to hug me. I bet it can't."
He uses his sharp fangs to nip your ear, then your neck, and you can't help the way your thighs clench together, seeking pressure.
"Jesus— Taesan—" You gasp, not really showing much resistance at all. "You can't… Not here…" But your words betray the way you grab his (delicious) bicep and pull him almost imperceptibly closer.
It's not that you don't feel shame. Of course you feel shame, you feel guilt, you feel all of it. You especially feel hate toward the heat in your belly convincing you that he's right, that your boyfriend can't please you the way Taesan used to, but you can't deny that you've missed the way he used to fuck you the way he did, just right.
"Not here, then." He pries himself from your neck, his lips twitching at your whine. "Follow me, baby…" He whispers, tugging your hand gently toward the stairs in the living room.
You hesitate, only for a moment.
You can't pretend to ignore the desire of an ex fuck any longer. It's an ache that can be satiated by only him, his mouth, his hands, his cock— Him, and you're tired of pretending that the thought of being fucked by him at this party right now doesn't leave your cunt twitching in your panties.
You take his hand with an eagerness that will make you rip your heart out tomorrow, and follow him as he leads you through the crowd and to the staircase. You keep your head down without caring to look behind you but if you had, you would've noticed how Sunghoon's gaze was already on your retreating back, eyes glued to your hand in his, that sinister smirk planted on the culprits lips.
"Right up here," He murmurs secretly over his shoulder. "Where are we going?" You ask, hardly able to contain your growing excitement. He doesn't respond for a moment, just throws you a look that's all teeth.
"Dunno." He shrugs, tugging you up the stairs.
You snort, "You don't know?"
"How the fuck am I supposed to know? I ain't ever been here." You flinch slightly at his tone but you swallow it down, focusing on the creaking of each step under your weight to ground you.
"Okay, Mr. Sassy." You mutter.
At that, you hear a slight scoff, a tiny puff of air. But he seems to have caught himself because when you reach the top of the stairs, he turns around to pull you into his chest. "Sorry, baby." He grins widely, his fangs baring, and kisses you right on the nose. You roll your eyes but you lean right into him, choosing to shove it down with every other thing you'll hit yourself for in the morning.
He leads you down a hall, warily checking door after door. He twists each nob until one gives and the door creaks open slowly to reveal a bathroom.
"Alright, in you go." With a pat on your butt, he pushes you not too gently into the room. "You're eager." You comment, throwing him a tiny, sly smile over your shoulder. You brace your hands on the porcelain sink and stare at yourself in the mirror, taking in your dilated pupils and wide eyes. Taesan follows and locks the door, scoffing lightly. "For you? Maybe." He murmurs, that grin evident in the way he speaks to you. You hear his boots hit the floor with heavy steps until he falls into view right behind you in the mirror, his eyes finding yours through the reflection. "Been waiting all night for this. For you." His voice is low and intimate, sending shivers through your already sensitive, waiting nerves.
He takes a step forward, pressing his chest against your back and leans down to whisper hotly in your ear. "You look so damn good, but you can see that, can't you?" He nods toward the glass reflecting your flushed face back at you, his hand gruffly gripping your hip. "So fucking sexy. These fishnets… My God. You're trying to fucking kill me."
"You like them?" You bite your lip, trying your hardest to stifle a moan when he slides his palm up your side, grazing the area under your breasts. You arch back into him as his fingers find them, prodding at your flesh not too gently over your shirt. "Like them? Shit, baby… I love them. You know that."
His mouth finds your ear, your neck once more, teeth grazing not so lightly at the flesh waiting for him. He licks a long stripe from the base of your neck to your jaw, and bites down on your pulse point. "I'm gonna fucking… God, I wanna fucking ruin you." His voice vibrates through your skin, sending shockwaves of pure pleasure through your bones.
"Ruin me, then." You plead, your voice cracking on a whine when he chomps down on the junction of your neck. "Fuck— That—"
"Mhm." He muffles against your skin, his teeth digging in deeper. He keeps his head right there, shoved right against your neck, but his eyes find yours in the mirror. "I just wanna taste you. All of you. Wanna eat you alive, I swear to…" He shakes his head, his breathing already heavy. His words are drunk, sounding almost reverent, but there's a hint of something there, something dark and possessive that makes heat trickle down your spine and sit low in your cunt like a needy thing.
"Oh?" He smirks, noting the flush sitting high on your cheeks, the way your mouth falls open with chocked gasps every time his teeth graze your skin. "You like that, don't you? That I wanna eat you up." He kisses his way from the messy, used skin of your neck to your ear, his hand reluctantly leaving the swell of your breast to lightly skim your pulse on either side of your throat. He squeezes your throat with a light, teasing pressure that makes your knees buckle from under you. With a low chuckle, he catches you with a firm shove of his knee between your legs. "Seriously? You can't even fucking stand? Look at you." He taunts, his voice fucking thick with condescension and pleasure. "Bet you're soaked in your little fucking skirt right now, aren't you?" He teases, his eyes still holding yours, still intense in a way that wouldn't let you look away even if you tired.
You shake your head slowly, still trying to find any semblance of control you have in you. You find your voice even if your throat is tight, even if you're shaking so bad you can hardly keep yourself up. "No… I—"
"No?" His tone is a deliberate high-pitched drawl, echoing your desperation back at you. "No? But you're shaking so much… Are you sure?" He patronizes, his hand around your throat tightening just slightly, just enough to make you squirm.
You shake your head in a last dying, stubborn retort, earning a rougher squeeze from his hand. You choke on a moan, your back arching, hands batting helplessly at the one around your neck. "Fuck— Taesan—"
"Dongmin." He interrupts your gasps, his hand never relenting its pressure. His free hand skims low on the skin just beneath your skirt, and just as lowly, he speaks. "I like it when you call me Dongmin."
Your eyes roll back into your skull, your body arching into the pressure, trembling under each one of his hands as he works your body with a firm, knowing pressure. Your hands fall to the sink, gripping the cool porcelain in an attempt to ground you but it's too much. His hand around your neck tightens until your vision blurs just slightly around the edges, the other one skimming higher on your thigh until it finally reaches the damp fabric of your underwear.
You both share a groan, one of pleasure, one of pain. Your cunt jumps at the contact, twitching against his index as he, with a low moan, drags the pad of it up and down your slit through your underwear. "Fucking shit… You're so fucking wet you're soaking yourself through your underwear. Are you fucking serious?" He turns his head with a pointed look to your flushed side profile, not missing the tears prickling at the corner of your eyes or the way your mouth hangs open in a silent gasp with every pass of his finger.
Weakly, your hips move against his finger, trying to match its rhythm. Taesan, in all his cruel smugness, can't even help but hold back a laugh at the sight of you so easily undone by a simple touch. "My God, baby. Just… Just stop it. You look fucking ridiculous." He snickers.
"S-shut up…" You gasp, your throat bobbing against his palm with every ragged breath. "Hm? What's that?" His grin becomes wider, almost wolfish in its cruelness, his tone sardonic. "Can't fucking speak? Huh? You can't speak, you can't stand… What can you do?"
You make a noise, something in between a sob and a moan, not even caring enough to back yourself up because, well… Shrug!
He huffs a derisive laugh that makes your skin crawl. "Jesus Christ." He chuckles, almost disbelieving. "I fucking missed you. You were always so good at just taking it, weren't you?" His finger stills its rubbing motion just to tease you with light, pointed, flicks to your clothed clit that make you jolt.
"T— Dongmin… Fuck…" Your body convulses, twitching with every quick, probing flick over the sensitive bud. He watches you squirm for a long moment, his other hand on your neck keeping that same delicious pressure until you flush a deep red, your hips bucking. Then, with a mean, decisive motion, he releases the pressure on your pussy with one last sharp, stinging pinch to your clit that makes you cry out. His hand on your neck eases up the pressure just enough for you to gasp for air, and his knee leaves its stabilizing pressure between your legs causing you to lean your entire weight against the sink on heavy, unsteady legs.
You brace your hands on the porcelain, catching your breath with large, ragged breaths. Taesan just watches you, his hand still resting loosely around your neck like a chain, keeping you grounded to him. "Breathe, baby." He comforts, his other hand rubbing small, soothing circles on your arm. "You took that so well… You're such a good fucking girl."
Your shoulders rise and expand with every inhale, and eventually your breathing steadies enough for you to shoot him a half-hearted glare through the mirror.
"Asshole." You mutter, and his hand tightens just slightly around your neck in response.
"Yeah? What else am I?" He asks with a snort, sounding far too pleased with your insult. Your lips curl despite yourself, though you try your best to hide it by lowering your head. But he catches it, his mouth opening before you quickly cut him off. "Are you gonna actually, like, fuck me or something? What was even that? 'Oh, let me flick your clit a few times over your underwear while I choke you until you nearly pass out. Love you, baby.'" You top it off with an obnoxious kissy face directed at him in the mirror, your giggle echoing off the walls.
Taesan's face falls instantly, any hint of amusement quickly shuttered by a mask of pure irritation. He drops his hand from your neck and grips your arm with a little too much pressure, and spins you to face him. "Oh, you're complaining now, are you?" He pulls you closer, nearly shoving his forehead against yours. "But just a second ago you were so fucking needy, grinding your pussy pathetically against my finger that was 'just flicking it over your underwear.'" He gestures quotations in irritable flicks with his free hand, his other one still keeping a biting pressure in the fat of your bicep, his nails digging in.
You swallow, trying to convince yourself to be resentful towards the aggression he's showing that you know so well. But anticipation spreads across your skin like heat on your body, feeling anything but the resentment you feign.
He stares at you for a moment, his expression drawn in with hard, irritable lines. Then, like the mood-swinging psychopath he is, he smirks. "You're so fucking annoying." He snorts.
"Ditto." You retort, your voice a little shaky. "Yeah?" He starts backing you toward the bathroom door, his tall frame looming over you. "I don't think you'll be saying that in a second. I don't think you'll be saying much of anything at all, actually." Your back hits the wooden door, and he leans down, his dark hair falling into his eyes.
"Oh, yeah?" You goad. "And why's that?"
He grips the back of your neck and pulls you into a rough, biting kiss that you immediately fall in to. Your lips move against one another with a familiarity that makes your knees weak, but his other hand grips your hip hard enough to keep you upright. His teeth clash into yours, his tongue catching on each pearly stone with a possessive lick before it delves deeper into your gums, lapping at your spit like a man starved.
After a while he pulls back, leaving you slightly breathless. "Cause I think you're gonna feel too good to talk. Or think, for that matter." And with that, he drops to his knees, looking up at you through his dark lashes. Your breath audibly hitches, anticipation pooling low in your tummy. He grips your leg with a large hand and leans in, his eyes locked on yours, and licks a long, slow stripe up your thigh over your fishnets, his tongue catching on the material.
You shiver, feeling his spit cool over your feverish skin. "Dongmin— Fuck—" As his tongue trails higher, his nose skims the edge of your skirt before he pushes it up with his free hand. "Think your boyfriend will mind if your fishnets've got random tears in them?" He smirks against your skin, and before you can respond to him he digs his fingers through the holes and rips them open right at the crotch.
You gasp and whine, "Um, I mind?" But your whine quickly turns into a shuddering moan as he shoves his nose right against your still clothed pussy, just breathing you in like he's missed the scent of you all those months away. "I'll buy you more…" He muffles against your cunt, his hands gripping your hips just to nuzzle his nose more firmly against your clit. "I'll buy you anything you want. Spoil you rotten." He promises over wet kisses and licks to your core that make you gasp and buck your hips, your hands grabbing at his hair for purchase.
"Is that what you want? To be a spoiled fucking brat?" He pulls back with a nip to your thigh, just enough to look at you. His thumb replaces his mouth, rubbing smooth, tight circles over your clit.
"Take them offfff." You whine.
"Take what off?" He smirks.
"My underwearrrrrrr." Your voice rings off the walls, almost petulant in a way Taesan can only laugh at. "You're so fucking needy." He'll say, but he'll slide your panties to the side just as quick.
The cool air hits your heated skin for just a moment before you feel his breath ghost over your folds. "Tell me you want it." He teases, blowing cool air against you just to see you jolt. You grit your teeth, your patience thinning. "Are you on your knees for no fucking reason? Eat it, asshole!"
He glares up at you. "Watch your fucking mouth." But he wastes no time in spreading you with his thumbs and dragging his tongue along your folds with a long lick from your entrance to your clit. He closes his eyes for a moment and shudders beneath you as the taste of you coats his tongue, his irritation seemingly gone just like that.
"Holy shit." He groans against your cunt, making you clench around air. "You taste the fucking same. Just as good as I fucking remembered. Fuck." His tongue darts out for another long, slow lick that has you arching against the door.
"Ah… Yes…" You whimper, your fingers tightening in their place against his hair. "That feels… Yes, like that!"
He finally relents the slow pace with a few pointed flicks to your clit before sucking it into his mouth, his tongue flicking rapidly over the bud. Your legs shake around his head, hips grinding down onto his mouth as you relish in the pleasure you've missed so much.
"Taesan— Oh my God—"
"Dongmin." He corrects through quick licks and sucks. You don't even really seem to hear him, your head thrown back against the wall, your mouth hung open and spilling whimpers and moans that are definitely a little too loud.
"Yes— Suck— Just like that!" He obliges, a groan against your cunt being his only response to every moan you spew, and it only makes you moan more, even louder so. He pulls back, his face glossed in a fine sheen of your arousal, lips swollen. "You like that? Like it when I suck like that?"
You don't respond, a whimper escaping your lips as you try and shove his face back toward your sopping cunt. His head doesn't move, he just looks up at you with an infuriating smirk as he watches you struggle, so you tighten your grip in his strands and tug him forward, making him suck in through his teeth.
"Ah. Ease up on that fucking tugging." He groans, his tongue darting out to lick you slowly with a low, obnoxious slurping sound, his eyes never leaving yours.
"Oh— Taesan—"
"Oh, Taesan~" He mocks you, and before your brain could even compute what had just happened, his hand slivers up your thigh until he reaches your pussy, and he shoves two fingers into you without so much as a warning, digging them into that sweet spot deep inside you just to pull them out just as fast and shove them past your fucking lips.
You moan and gag, spit pooling around his digits. "I thought I fucking told you to call me Dongmin." He bites out, his teeth grazing your clit just as meanly. "If you're not gonna listen, don't fucking speak at all." And then he resumes, his tongue lapping over you with an intensity that makes your eyes roll back and your head hit the door.
You moan around his fingers, trying not to throw up as he starts fucking them into the back of your throat at the same pace as his licking, but you're still in fucking bliss. You bob your head just to test your limits, sucking off his fingers like it could fucking pleasure him, your tongue flicking against the skin. He doesn't let up on his licking below, and actually it gets quicker and more intense, groans slipping from behind his wet lips at the feel of your throat opening up so easily for him. "That's it, baby…" He moans between licks. "So fucking good, holy shit. Sucking 'em off like my fucking cock."
Your knees shake, threatening to buckle and you're so blissed about on his tongue that you don't even seem to comprehend that he, with his free hand, hooked your leg over his shoulder so he could steady you or delve deeper, maybe both, it's unknown. But he uses the new positioning to his advantage, his tongue sliding between your folds with a newfound ease until it finds your entrance and dips inside, his thumb circling your clit with tight circles as his tongue fucks a slow, steady pace inside of you.
You can feel heat coiling in your belly, your hips twitching against his mouth which only seems to spur him on, his movements becoming more purposeful as he feels you start to tighten around his tongue. His thumb quickens in pace with the wet muscle, licking and flicking in ways only he could, in ways only he knows how, until you can't hold on anymore.
Your body locks up, a fine tremor running through your bones as the first wave of pleasure rolls through you. You moan around his fingers that have stilled, his tongue and thumb the only things working you as he focuses solely on tasting your cum, on licking up everything you have to offer. Pleasure courses through your veins, your body convulsing uncontrollably as you shamelessly grind down onto his mouth until your hips twitch back with oversensitivity, your hands weakly batting at his hair.
You whimper around his fingers when he doesn't let up, licking you through your oversensitivity like a cruel, starved man just to taste you. Eventually he relents, pulling back with a smug, satisfied look on his wet face, slowly pulling his fingers from your lips with a soft wet sound. "Good?" He asks you from his knees, his eyes studying your flushed, fucked-out expression.
A weak nod is all you can manage, hardly even nodding at all, your chest heaving as you try and catch your breath. He gently unhooks your leg from his shoulder and slowly rises to his feet, forcing you to stand on unsteady legs. He stands to his full, intimidating height, and grips your chin between his index and thumb to bring you to his lips and kiss you slowly, more deeply than before, just to make you taste yourself on his tongue.
You moan into it, his spit tasting faintly of your sweet saltiness. Your lips and tongues slide against each other for a long, quiet moment, you guys kissing being the only time there's ever really any silence between the two of you. But they move like it's your own language, like the silence between you means just as much as any word would.
After another long, drawn out moment, Taesan pulls back and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, his breathing a bit uneven. "You didn't answer me." He murmurs, his thumb swiping lightly over your bottom lip. "Hm?" You hum, still hardly able to keep yourself up if it weren't for his weight pinning you to the door. "I asked you… Was it good?"
Your brows furrow as you process the question for a moment. Then, with a huff that's half-laugh, half-whimper, you nod. "Good? I think I just saw God."
He studies you for a moment, then a slow, lazy smirk curls on his lips. "Good." He says, then just as quickly, "But I'm not done with you just yet." He bends slightly to pick you up from under your thighs, and you yelp before slinging your arms around his neck. He carries you the short distance to the sink and sets you down on the cool porcelain before standing between your legs, his hands on your hips.
You look up at him with a newfound arousal, even if your legs are still shaking. "Hm? Something you want?" He questions, his voice rough in a way that exposes his mutual need. You nod slowly, batting your pretty lashes up at him. "Mhm… Want your—"
The moment is paused by a loud bang on the door followed by four other ones, a muffled, exasperated voice calling from the other side. "HEY! SOMEONE IN THERE? I GOTTA PISS, MAN! HURRY UP!"
Taesan's expression pulls in, his body stiffening with immediate irritation. He doesn't even look from you as he yells back, his voice tight. "Fuck off! Find another bathroom, you dickhead!"
A moment of silence, then the sound of audible grumbling and retreating footsteps follow. Taesan releases a sharp breath through his nose, shaking his head. "Un-fucking-believable."
"I don't care." You urge, tugging him forward by his shirt. "Just fuck meee." You plead.
Taesan's lips curl with immediate interest, his irritation quickly forgotten. He leans into your tug and braces a hand on he sink, the other still snug on your hip. "Yeah? Fuck you?"
He slides his hand from your hip to your side, pressing into the soft flesh there. He pokes you on the side just to see you squirm and bat his hand away. "You want me to fuck you here? Right on this sink? You're that dirty?" He grins, not relenting his poking. You giggle and bat his hand away half-heartedly.
"Dongminnnn! Yes!" His grin widens. "Thought so. Wasn't sure." Satisfied, he finally quits the poking and rubs your side. He pulls you closer and kisses you again, deep and messy, his thumb pressing into your stomach. "Mmph…" He groans, reluctantly pulling back from your soft lips. "You taste so fucking good. Everywhere." He kisses you again, a quick peck, then licks his lips and throws his head back with a groan. "God. I've missed the way you tasted so fucking much."
"Yeah, yeah." You wrap your arms around his neck again, pulling him even closer. He slides between your legs perfectly, fitting like a puzzle piece. Your underwear still pushed aside, he grips your hips with his hands and slowly grinds against your bare, sensitive clit. You jolt, twitching at the rough material of his jeans.
"Ah…" You grind back, bucking your hips up to match his rhythm.
His teeth flash lazily, a smug expression splitting his face as he looks down at you. "Grinding yourself on my fucking jeans? You're gonna get 'em all wet, baby." His hands slide from your hips to the soft flesh of your ass, lifting you gently off the porcelain to help your grinding. He groans, biting his lip as he looks down at where your bodies are touching, the growing hardness in his jeans unmistakable.
"Fuck… Do you feel how fucking hard I am for you?" You whimper, trying to set a more demanding pace but Taesan sets you back down and puts his hands on your hips to still you. He takes one of your shaky hands in his and guides it to the obvious tent in his pants.
He guides your hand to rub firmly up and down his length, his huge hand swallowing yours in a way that makes your size kink tremble. He groans, his hips moving against your palm. "Feel it, baby? Feel how much I fucking need you?" You nod eagerly, biting your lip, your eyes glued to his cock straining his jeans.
"Needy girl." He purrs. "You wanna see it?"
"Yes." You don't miss a beat. His smirk widens, he rubs your hand against him a few more times before dropping it and taking a step back. "Go ahead." He nods, his hands falling limp at his sides. Eagerly, you waste no time in fumbling with his belt (like, actually fumbling… he had to help you…), then his button, the sound of the zipper stark against quiet, anticipating breaths. Eventually, you get them loose enough to fall at his feet, and he kicks them away without looking from you.
He stands before you in just his boxers which are very obviously strained, the outline of him no secret. You clench around air, just remembering the sight of him, anticipation building in your gut like nausea. With a bat of your lashes, he nods, and you immediately pull them down to reveal him. The band catches on the tip slightly before springing free and holy fucking shit.
Long, pale skin stretched over a girth so fucking thick his skin is almost transparent, playing his veins on full display in a way that leaves your pussy clenching involuntary with a wild sort of apprehension, just remembering the stretch. The shaft is flushed red, but the tip is a deep purplish color that almost looks painful, the fat head drooling and sticky just for you.
You swallow for a moment, just taking him in, his cock visibly throbbing under your scrutiny. "Still like it?" His voice is a low, seductive whisper that sends chills right down your spine. "Mhm…" You nod, your eyes still on his cock.
"How rude." He reaches out and slaps your thigh lightly. "Where are your manners? My eyes are up here." He teases and grips your chin to pry your gaze away. Your eyes follow, reluctantly leaving his cock to meet his dark, unwavering gaze. He steps closer, sliding easily between your legs once more, and he leans down to whisper in your ear.
"I bet Sunghoon isn't this big."
Wellllllllllll…. Shrug!
"What? No. He's bigger." You (really fucking) lie. Taesan freezes for a moment, going completely still. His fingers on your chin tighten just slightly, and you have to try your best to hide a smirk at his obvious, growing irritation.
His face pulls in, showing you that expression you know so well. "What did you just say?" He spits.
"I saidddddd he's biggerrrrrr." You double down, the amusement in your voice obvious to you but it clearly flies right over his head. He snatches his hand away from your chin and pulls you closer on the sink. He grumbles under his breath as he spreads your thighs just enough to rip your fishnets and underwear down with quick, agitated movements, making sure to keep your skirt on.
"Bigger… Than me. Yeah, right." He huffs, and it's honestly cute enough that you let a giggle slip free. His eyes shoot up to yours, narrowing even further. "Something funny?"
"What? No. Noo." You shake your head quickly, a small, stubborn smile tugging at your lips.
He stares at you for a moment, irritation evident in every line of his body. Then, he smirks. "That's okay." He says simply. "You won't be laughing in just a moment." Your smile vanishes, any amusement quickly replaced by a growing, heated anticipation. You bite your lip and lift your hips toward him impatiently.
"Eager, are we?" He grins, slowly stroking his cock from base to tip. "You want it that bad?" You nod, feeling impatient enough to whine. He presses the blunt head of him right against you, but he doesn't push in, not yet. "Say I'm bigger than him. Admit it, and I'll fuck you."
You gasp, unbelieving of his nerve. But somehow, even in such a state, there's still a bratty itch in you that has yet to be satiated. You bat your lashes up at him, and with a defiant little pout, you say "Why would I lie?"
Taesan scowls so deep you think for a second that he might actually leave you there. But then he smirks a cruel, spine-shivering thing, and presses the head of him harder against you.
Your pussy flutters wildly around his tip, the sting making your face pull in with a sharp wince before you could stifle it. Taesan's smirk only widens, the answer to his question evident in the way you're struggling to take him right now. "Yeah, right." He snorts, and even though it's pointed, it's obvious that he can't wait any longer.
"Should I even be nice to you? Should I even let your pussy loosen? Cause I kinda just wanna shove it in you n' make you cry." He studies your expression, your face drawn in with an indistinguishable mix of pleasure and pain. Your mouth hangs wide open as you focus on your breathing, brows furrowed, arms shaking where they're braced behind you on the sink… He can only fucking laugh at the sight.
Your eyes shoot up at the noise, offense written all over your lips. "Excuse me— Don't laugh at me! This fucking hurt— OW! SLOWER!" His laugh only seems to amplify, spurred on by your ridiculous expression. "Why the fuck should I go slower? Huh? Huh?" He badgers, trying to bait a reaction out of you. "Hm? Answer me. Why should I?" He doesn't stop sliding his fat length into you, the girth making you whine and kick your legs and he only smiles more, his laugh ringing off the walls.
"Maybe now you'll learn not to fucking push me." With brutal force, he shoves the rest of his length all the way in to your struggling, fluttering pussy.
"AH— SHIT! YOU ASSHOLE!" You scream, your back arched, nails biting into the sink behind you. Well… Deserved, you guess. He only smirks down at you as you squeeze your eyes shut, breathing heavy through your mouth as you try and relax your fucking pussy to accommodate to his length. You're so full, stretched to your absolute limit and it burns in the worst best way, his cock touching every surface area you have to give.
He stills at the hilt, letting you feel him throb deep inside you. He drops his head to your forehead, his breathing ragged despite himself. "Holy shit… You're fucking tighter than I remember…"
"You used to at least fucking finger me at first! Shit… You're such a fucking dick…" You whimper, pussy clamping down on him in a way that is completely involuntary.
Taesan pulls his hips back to leave you almost completely empty and gaping just to shove himself back inside in a mean thrust. "Don't lie to me, then. You're the fucking dick for that." He grits his teeth, fighting for control, fighting to not grip your hips and fuck into your so hard it leaves you crying.
"Ah… Oh my…" You whimper, throwing your head back. "Again…"
"Again?" He snorts, chest heaving. But he pulls back and thrusts into you again, harsh enough to leave your toes curling. "I thought it fucking hurt?" He starts a steady pace now, eyes glued to the way you look and as ridiculous as he finds it, he still thinks it's really sexy.
"Uhn! It feels… I don't know… Don't stop— Oh my God, don't fucking stop—" You moan, the stinging pain giving way to a deep pleasure that you feel low in your gut and down your legs.
"Hah.." He laughs, breathless yet full of a pointed amusement. "You like that? Hm?" You shake your head though the action holds no denial, your lip snug in between your teeth. You're so fucking soaked that you're dripping down your thighs and onto the sink. "Sounds like you do. Fucking looks like you do too."
He pounds into you quicker, his hips slapping against your thighs sharp enough to leave it stinging. Then, careful to catch your eye, he opens his mouth in a silent, dramatic moan just to mock you, throwing his head back. You immediately gasp in offense, a shaky hand darting out to slap his chest. "Hey!" You whine, voice breaking on a moan as he keeps that same relentless pace. "What? I ain't do nothing." He defends, his face quickly masked by his usual gruffness, but there's a mischievous glint in his eye.
Your eyes narrow, not missing the smugness underlying every thrust and pointed look. But your voice chokes on a moan before you could say anything more, your skin red hot under his hands as they slide from your waist to the fatty flesh of your ass again, lifting you up to meet every one of his punishing thrusts.
"Fuck…" He moans, his lip bitten in the same way yours is, teeth digging into your skin so deep it could draw blood. "You're so fucking tight…" He looks up at your moan, a satisfied curl on his lips.
"Right there! Holy— Right— THERE!"
"There you go, baby… You like it right there?" The muscles in his biceps flex as he lifts you higher just to shove himself deeper inside your sopping cunt, grunting after each thrust into your gummy walls. Your pussy massages him with every thrust in and out, and Taesan can't help but get lost in the sensation, his thrusts becoming almost frantic.
"This what you needed?" He grunts over sloppy thrusts and your loud, uncontrollable moans. "To be fucked stupid on my fucking cock while your boyfriend is out there probably wondering where the hell you are?"
He shifts slightly, angling his hips to hit that spot deep inside you with unerring accuracy. Your back arches into a perfect arch as a sharp cry escapes your lips, your pussy fluttering helplessly around his cock. "FUCK— Dongmin! So good!" You moan out, no room in your mushy brain to care about volume or decorum.
"I asked you a fucking question." He growls, his hips slamming into you hard enough to force guttural noises out of you on impact.
"Dongmin— I—" You choke on your own spit, your eyes watery. "It feels like I'm gonna fucking piss—"
"Oh, yeah?" His voice is thick with pleasure, focusing on the angle that makes you uncontrollably clench and tremble around him. "You gonna fucking cum? Gonna cum on my cock? Yeah?" He slurs, one hand sliding gruffly from you ass to rub your clit in frantic, matching circles.
Just when you're there, teetering right on the fucking edge, he pulls out.
"NO—" You gasp, eyes wide. Taesan pulls you off of the sink and spins you around to face the mirror, bending you over the porcelain. Your hips bite into the sink as you're forced to face yourself, your face streaked in tears, in drool, flushed with arousal and growing embarrassment. You try and look away but Taesan grips your jaw from behind, forcing you to meet your own gaze head on.
"Nah, you're gonna look at yourself when you fucking cum on my cock." And before you could say anything else, he slams into you in one brutal, filling thrust that steals the air from your lungs. He digs a hand into your scalp and yanks your head back, pushing down on your lower back to keep you bent in position. "Oh, that's it, babyyyy… Look at you… Look at that fucking face you're making."
Behind you, Taesan is a relentless machine, his cock pistoning in and out of you mercilessly. He contorts his face in deliberate, mocking lines again, throwing your fucked out expression right back at you. This time you have no room to retort, to hit his chest or whine. All you can do is stand there and fucking take it, feel the cool material bruise your hips and cool your palms.
"Can he make you look like this? Make you make these faces?" He laughs to himself, his grip on your hair tightening harshly enough to make tears prickle in the corners of your eyes. "Like, Jesus… You look a fucking mess."
He slides his hand from your back to your stomach, pulling you back against him to meet each of his thrusts. He leans in, his breath hot and heavy against your neck. "You're gonna fucking cum, aren't you? Gonna cum all over me, gonna make me feel it…. Shit, I can feel you tightening up on me, baby. That's it, just let go…"
His slams his hips against your ass harder, his thrusts losing all sort of rhythm as he chases his release and yours. You moan out, tears falling to stain your cheeks in more wet lines as you're just forced to watch yourself come undone in the mirror. He shifts the angle slightly, groaning at the way you clench around him when he hits that spot that makes you see stars.
You eyes roll back so far you swear you can see your brain. "Oh— Right thereeee!"
"Yeah? Right there? 'Oh, right thereeee'?" He drawls, a final mocking thing that is the last straw. Your entire body trembles then locks up, your legs cramping from the force of your orgasm. Pleasure rips through your veins, shooting white-hot pressure down your legs, your entire body convulsing uncontrollably under his relentless attention. He doesn't let up for a fucking second, fucking you through every wave of intense pleasure until you're squirming and even then he refuses to stop.
"That's it— Oh my, godddd… So good, baby… Holy— Gonna cum. I'm gonna fucking fill you up." His hips stutter as he feels you clench around him, his rhythm faltering as he gets closer and closer to his impending release. With a few more shallow, shaky thrusts, he stills deep inside of you, his entire body locking up as he cums with a long, drawn out moan.
You watch his face in the mirror as it contorts, this time with real pleasure. His mouth hung open in an 'o' shape, head thrown back and eyes white; you think it's the hottest thing you've ever fucking seen through your bleary eyes.
He stays buried inside of you for a long moment as you both come down from your highs, catching your breath. Then, with a wet sound, he pulls out, wincing at the oversensitivity. You stand there for a moment, not really breathing, not really thinking, just avoiding your face in the mirror as everything you've just done crashes down onto you all at once.
You just cheated on your boyfriend. With your toxic ex. At a fraternity party. That he attended. That he brought you to, actually.
"Oh, dear…" You mumble to yourself, rubbing your shaky, sweaty hands down your face, collecting makeup, spit and tears on your palms. Behind you, Taesan grabs his discarded jeans from the floor and rifles gruffly through the pockets, his movements sluggish and satisfied. He pulls out a pack of cigarettes, a neon green lighter, and lights himself one, leaning back against the wall with a heavy sigh.
He looks up at the ceiling, exhaling heavily through his nose. The smoke fills the cramped room, and you wave a hand in front of your face as you turn to him. "I thought you… Quit smoking?"
He doesn't really acknowledge you.
You adjust your skirt, still refusing to meet your own reflection. You pick up your ruined fishnets, clutching your underwear to your chest, really finding no reason to wear them anymore. You shake your head with a disbelieving, almost incredulous laugh.
Quietly, Taesan breaks his silence, his voice rough with satisfaction and tobacco. "You know you're mine now, right? You're not fucking going back to him."
Sigh.
It's a good thing you don't have your phone on you, because if you had, you would've gone legally insane.
-YOUR PHONE-
Missed Messages:
Yunjin: (sent 60 minutes ago)
-Wya?? I've been looking for you for the past ten minutes!
Yunjin: (sent 55 minutes ago)
-Hello???? Earth to Y/n?? Me n Sakura r tryna party!! wya girl??
Yunjin: (sent 40 minutes ago)
-GIRL??? Wya?? Why did Sunghoon just walk out of the party looking like he was gonna beat someone up???
Yunjin: (sent 37 minutes ago)
-Welp. Sunghoon just drove off without a glance back. R u two okay?? Is there smth u need to tell me? I'm getting worried…
Taesan had never planned to fall in love. It just happened with you. Accidentally.
He was organising a royal wedding while you were promoted to a lady-in-waiting, and you started working together. One smile shouldn't have had such an impact on him, but he was gone from the start.
➳ Characters: royal advisor!Taesan x lady-in-waiting!female reader/you
➳ Genre: magical kingdom au, fluff, comedy, he fell first, he fell harder
➳ Words: 8.9k
➳ Warning: - (let me know if there are any!)
➳ A/N: Wishing you the happiest bday @dat-town! ❤️ Hope you enjoy some loser Taesan on this fine day with lots of fun cameos and hints at future parts of the series!
Taesan’s head was about to burst with everything that he was yet to do a day before the big day after what had already seemed like an eternity preparing the palace for the royal wedding.
When Taesan had applied to become a royal advisor for the Fire Kingdom all those years ago, he had done it for the thrill of it. Politics, trade affairs and palace intrigue had always fascinated him, and though the four elemental kingdoms had not been at war with each other for a century by then, little Taesan would have loved to be in the first row if it had happened one day.
Besides, his parents had barely gotten by, and working for the royal family had seemed like the most reliable way he could ensure his parents’ finances while also having a somewhat high rank for himself. So he had read every book he could have gotten his hands on regarding the royal family, its history and palace ethics before taking the exam to become a royal advisor. He had to go through six different rounds, and as the youngest out of all the applicants, everyone (even himself) had assumed that he would not make it.
On the other hand, there he was, trying to manage the royal wedding while trying not to lose his mind. For the most part, being the advisor and administrative personnel for Prince Sungho was an enjoyable job. Even if it meant that he had to suffer through boring etiquette lessons with him or even worse, to suffer through the prince courting a humble innkeeper for about a year while going to the Water Kingdom for trade talks. Since the inn had been close to the border between the two kingdoms, it had been a sensible choice to stay there for the night when a storm hadn’t allowed them to safely get to the Water Kingdom in time.
However, Prince Sungho had managed to fall in love with the young lady who had stepped in as the innkeeper after her father had disappeared. Since Taesan had to accompany the prince almost everywhere, he had to sit through all of his embarrassing attempts at striking up a conversation with the innkeeper and all of his lame excuses to stay at the inn on the way back to the Fire Kingdom.
Sure enough, as the heir to the throne, Prince Sungho had been assigned to the task of ensuring prosperous deals and strengthened trade routes between the Fire Kingdom and the Water Kingdom after the royal family’s second-born - Princess Seungyeon - had married Prince Donghyun from the Water Kingdom. Thankfully, their marriage ceremony had been held at the palace in the Water Kingdom, so he had merely needed to accompany the prince, not actually help in the event’s organisation. And thankfully, the youngest child of the royal couple - Princess Seunghee - was only 16, so wedding talks were out of the question for her for the time being.
But doomed he was now because the prince was about to get married to the innkeeper, and their evident love towards one another started to get on his nerves. Not that he was jealous. Pff… No! Not a chance! Prince Sungho deserved happiness, and props to him for even changing legislation, so that he would be able to marry a commoner.
Though the legislation had more to do with Prince Sungho’s cousin - Prince Jaehyun - and his seemingly undying love for a florist. According to Prince Jaehyun, the florist girl had not taken his courting seriously because he would have not been able to marry her either way and so she had assumed that he had been merely playing with her. Yet, that was on Prince Jaehyun because he had been sneaking out of the palace in disguise (so the florist had thought that he was a commoner just like herself) to see how the kingdom’s people lived and what their concerns were, but had fallen in love along the way…
Yet, what do you mean they needed to import 300 flowers from the Water Kingdom because the Fire Kingdom’s climate didn’t exactly make it possible to produce colourful and blooming flowers with its frequent thunders, storms and volcanic eruptions, and Prince Jaehyun’s beloved didn’t have enough of the exact type of flowers they needed? And that the curtains had to be changed because their style didn’t fit a wedding? Or that the colour of the napkins was so important that they had to hold a meeting to debate the meaning of the colours? The Queen was especially passionate about the latter, but thankfully, she was busier than to spend too much time deciding on just this one detail.
Not to mention the guest list that kept on growing longer and longer, and how after having zero experience in organising weddings, Taesan was suddenly thrown into it because Prince Sungho trusted him the most?
“My dear friend, I will get married only once,” the prince liked to remind him and though they were indeed friends (while still honouring their differences), Taesan hadn’t become a royal advisor for this.
“I would hope so,” he retorted with a snort before he resumed going on about his day organising the wedding.
Even the day before wedding, there was just so much to do, and even though he tried to keep everything under control and remember what everyone had to do, when he suddenly saw you, a court lady, walking out of the wing that was supposed to be the princess’ after the wedding, his voice was more strained when he asked:
“What are you doing here?”
You were taken aback by his tone for a second, your carefully curated expression replaced by a somewhat hurt one, but you recovered in no time. Your voice was polite yet confident when you spoke up.
“I was chosen to become the soon-to-be princess’ lady-in-waiting,” you announced matter-of-factly, but there was an edge to your words when you continued. “I was told that you were aware of the change, and that you requested the wing to be ready for the wedding.”
Taesan gulped at the way you oh so politely yet firmly called him out on something that he had indeed known yet forgotten about. He was a man who rarely made mistakes, so when he did, it stung a little, and with the way you looked at him, he was sure that you wouldn’t be able to forget about his mistake for a long time. Something about the way your eyes narrowed as you waited for him to continue made him feel like a little boy having caused trouble.
Damn this wedding and this whole ruckus over the napkins’ colour when he couldn’t even recall the name of the future princess’ lady-in-waiting!
“Indeed, I was the one who made that request, and indeed, I approved your promotion. I apologise if my words were condescending, I did not mean to sound harsh or accusing,” he apologised profoundly before bowing his head a little.
It was common courtesy, really, but when he straightened his back, he could see that you were taken aback, but for a different reason than before.
“There is no need, Aide Han,” you bowed your head a little in return before you let a small smile return to your lips. “I assume we will see each other a lot from now on, so you will get used to my presence. I am looking forward to working with you,” you added in a much lighter tone than before.
Taesan was rarely caught off-guard, but alas, he wasn’t a connoisseur of the female mind, so he had no idea what you could be thinking of him or why your demeanour had changed so suddenly. One thing was for sure though. When he replied with a polite ‘likewise’ and your lips pulled into an even wider smile, he felt something that he had never felt before.
His heart skipped a beat.
Apart from going crazy because of the wedding, Taesan was now going crazy because 1) he still didn’t remember your name, not for the life of him 2) how was it possible that his heart had skipped a beat over a simple smile?
All that stress must have been going to his head because it wasn’t like him to be so affected by a girl’s smile. He had worked long enough in the palace to notice when maids blushed in his presence or hear the whispers about his handsome features behind his back, so he should not have been affected. Not to mention that you had done neither, you just smiled at him, and if anyone, a lady-in-waiting knew how to smile politely and genuinely enough to cover up her real feelings, so it could very well be that you were just faking a smile.
Wait, why did he even care if you were faking a smile or not? He had a wedding to take care of. Such fickle things couldn’t stand in his way of succeeding!
Hence, he moved on with his day, and quite flawlessly if he could say so himself. By the end of the day, all the decorations were in place, the guest list was finalised with last-minute replies received from the different kingdoms, the ingredients were all securely stored in the palace kitchen, and as he was notified, the wing was prepared for the soon-to-be princess’ arrival, so he only needed go there to check if it was up to his liking.
It wasn’t because he wanted to see you again, absolutely not. But since he had to be there either way, he took his time walking down the corridors, checking the shelves, the curtains and the beds while stealing glances in your direction.
He was usually very smooth at doing so, hence, your eyes didn’t meet, but when they met, shamefully, he was the first one to look away.
“Is something not up to your liking, Aide Han?” You inquired curiously when he was still fumbling with a particularly heavy curtain.
“No. Everything is fine,” he shrugged off your concern, but it didn’t slip his attention that your eyes were still fixed on his. He turned around to face you fully, resuming the eye-contact, and that’s when you decided to justify your question.
“I am merely asking because we have already gone around this room twice,” you pointed out with a forced smile. Huh, now that was a forced smile! He could tell. Your earlier one was genuine.
When the words finally registered in him, Taesan gulped to ease the knot in his throat. What a fool he was! Though to be honest, all four rooms in this wing were identical, so he couldn’t be blamed for losing count of what he had seen and what he hadn’t seen.
“I was just lost in thought,” he tried to save himself from further embarrassment, and added after clearing his throat. “Her entourage will arrive soon, so you may have your dinner before greeting them by the entrance.”
Taesan had been told that the soon-to-be princess would arrive with those who worked with her at the inn. When he had been there, he could have seen just how close they had been, so it was no surprise that everyone would accompany her and the inn would be closed for two nights while they would be at the palace for the wedding. That meant the porters, Mr Kim and Chanyoung, Mrs Park from the kitchen, Intak, the stableboy and Haewon, her chatty best friend. The others’ names he couldn’t quite recall.
“Thank you, Aide Han. Let me know if you need my assistance,” you bowed your head respectfully before turning around and leaving the room you were currently in.
However, before he could change his mind, he started running after you.
“Wait!” He exclaimed as he fell in step with you. At times like this, he was thankful to his parents for his genes.
“Yes, Aide Han. Is anything the matter?” You blinked up at him, furrowing your eyebrows at him. He could understand your reaction since he had just told you that you could have dinner and you weren’t needed for the time being.
On the other hand, there was something that made him feel uncomfortable about the way you addressed him, so he voiced out his discomfort before he could backtrack.
“Please, just call me Taesan!”
Your lips parted slightly out of surprise, but before you could object, he came up with a more logical reasoning than the fact that he didn’t want you to draw a line between you as a lady-in-waiting and him as a royal advisor. Technically, he was in a higher rank than you were, and usually, such things didn’t bother him, but this was not a usual circumstance.
At least, that’s what he told himself.
“Since we will be working together a lot as you have previously pointed out and we are similar in age, I believe it is better if we drop the formalities. If you are comfortable with it, that is.”
“Of course, I wouldn’t mind,” you replied with that sweet smile painting your lips yet again. There was just something striking about it, it was as if he was directly looking into the sun, and there was something electrifying about it like the fire powers that were rushing through his veins. “In that case, you may also call me Y/N if you wish,” you added coyly, and oh, how thankful he was for what you did because he could finally know your name!
Of course, Y/N. How could he forget?
He bobbed his head in acknowledgement before turning his head towards the windows, so that only the walls could whisper tales about his wide grin, not you.
When the wedding was finally underway, Taesan quite literally felt adrenaline pulsating in his veins. He felt like he couldn’t catch a breath because someone always had a question, something always had to be fixed, or something was missing. And there were so many people, far away relatives and princes and princesses from other kingdoms, it was just so difficult to keep track of everyone.
So when the actual wedding ceremony was going as smoothly as possible, and Taesan stood to the side of the hall, watching everything unfold from the speeches to the wedding vows and the announcement of the new princess’ title, he had a little bit of time to steal glances in your direction.
You were, after all, standing on the other side of the hall by the princess’ side, so if he looked ahead of himself, he had the perfect view of you. Of course, he didn’t want to be too obvious, but your burgundy-black dress was a sight to behold and a striking change from your usual court lady attire. Red was the official colour of the kingdom, so royalty and those in higher rank - like Taesan and now yourself - wore red-coloured clothes or a combination of red with other non-royal colours. Blue was the official colour of the Water Kingdom, green was the Earth Kingdom’s colour and white was the Air Kingdom’s colour, so anything apart from these were acceptable.
Most people who worked at the Fire Kingdom palace wore black or grey clothes, except those who were in higher ranks, and you usually wore something similar before, too. However, from now on, you could also wear red, and even though Taesan didn’t pay much attention to others’ clothes, he couldn’t help but notice how much the combination suited your pale skin, and how beautiful you were with your more vibrant make-up. Even if your dress did not have any laces or delicate embroidery or jewels like the princess’ dress, you were practically dazzling. Plus, despite the fact that your knee-length dress covered most of your body, this was the first time he actually saw you without long sleeves, and though he did not have unruly thoughts regarding your exposed skin, it felt weird. He felt weird for noticing such a thing.
You just had to catch his stare in that moment, and ashamed, Taesan turned his head towards the now married couple because he wanted to crawl out of his skin after your exposed arms had such an impact on him.
He needed to focus on others instead, but it was quite a difficult feat when you accompanied the princess everywhere and he accompanied Prince Sungho almost everywhere. You both stood behind the married couple when they greeted guests such as Princess Seungyeon (Prince Sungho’s sister) with her husband, Prince Donghyun from the Water Kingdom.
Even when the celebration part of the wedding ceremony started, he was seated opposite of you. He had no say in the seating since it was the Queen who had arranged it, but now he wished he could have done everything in his power not to be seated close to you because he had to sit through an entire three-course meal watching Intak, the stableboy from the inn, flirt with you.
Since the princess’ mother had died and her father had disappeared, Mr Kim and Mrs Park from the inn were seated beside her as her found family parents and then came the rest of the team: Intak, Haewon and Chanyoung. While he could not catch everything that you were talking about with Intak and Haewon because the table was quite wide and he was seated beside Prince Jaehyun who chirped about everything that came to mind, you were often laughing and smiling with those two as if you had known them forever.
He reassured himself that maybe you were just friendly with everybody and since they were practically the princess’ family, you wanted to leave a good impression on them. However, when the dancefloor was opened, you even ended up dancing with Intak, and though he was definitely not jealous, he couldn’t comprehend what you could see in such a boy. A sweet talker, he was for sure, but would he cherish you and tend to your heart? He didn’t look like the type.
“You know, you can also stop standing here and ask a lady to dance instead,” Prince Sungho suddenly showed up by his side, and held out a glass of champagne to Taesan. He shook his head as a sign of refusal because he couldn’t let his guard down, he needed to supervise everything until the end, preferably sober.
Especially when people like Prince Woonhak - who was a cousin of Prince Donghyun’s - thought that a formal dance was the perfect time to goof around and invent dance moves in front of the youngest princess from the Air Kingdom.
Argh, kids these days…
“I am not the dancer type,” he reminded the prince with an unamused stare. Though seeing Prince Woonhak dance like that, even Taesan could be considered a good dancer…
“Then, why are you ogling at the dancefloor like that?” He inquired with a teasing yet curious quirk of his eyebrows between two sips of champagne.
“I am just trying to oversee if everything is going well,” Taesan retorted defensively, trying to avoid getting caught staring at you and the stableboy you were dancing with.
“Everything is going well, Taesan. Relax! You have done an amazing job,” the prince reassured him with a smile, and he was glad that the topic still didn’t involve his not so smooth glances in your direction. Taking it as a good sign, the royal advisor let out a sigh before thanking his friend for the compliment.
A few seconds passed by in silence (between the two of them, at least) before Prince Sungho asked a question that made Taesan freeze for a second.
“Would it be fine with you if you worked more closely with Y/N in the next few weeks?” His eyes went to the prince’s face to see if he had caught onto anything, but he remained cool and collected, no sign of playfulness in his voice. “Until my wife settles into her new home and her duties, I believe it would be best if you could let her know about my wife’s schedule and help her out in case she encounters a situation that is new to her as a lady-in-waiting,” he added in detail, and Taesan had never been as quick to accept a new task as now.
“Of course,” he answered without hesitation, his eyes flicking to your dancing form for a moment before he averted his eyes back to the prince.
“Thank you, Taesan,” he replied as he patted him on the shoulder.
“By the way, you’ve gotten used to calling her your ‘wife’ quite quickly,” he pointed out with a boyish grin, and now instead of a friendly pat, he got a semi-strong punch to the shoulder.
“When you fall in love, you’ll understand how quickly these things come to you,” Prince Sungho admitted gently, a lovesick smile evident on his lips.
Even though the King and Queen were not opposed to his marriage with a commoner once the legislation had been changed after Prince Jaehyun’s lobbying, Taesan knew that it was a big sacrifice for the princess to leave her ordinary life and her beloved inn behind. She had also not been the first choice for the kingdom because there had been talks about a marriage proposal with a princess from another kingdom before Prince Sungho had decided to face his parents and tell them that he had been in love with someone but someone who wasn’t royalty.
After all those obstacles, they really deserved happiness, and Taesan was truly happy for them. Though he would be even happier in a month’s time when they would go on their honeymoon and he could have a well-needed rest for two whole weeks because he would not be needed with them.
“I highly doubt it,” Taesan retorted with an eyeroll, but who was he to know such things? After all, he had never been in love, so he couldn’t even explain why his shoulders sagged in relief when you and Intak finally stopped dancing, and you started conversing with Haewon instead.
Either way, he excused himself when a guard called for his attention because Prince Woonhak from the Water Kingdom and Prince Jihoon from the Air Kingdom had somehow managed to break a vase in a corridor where they should have not ventured into. He also checked on Prince Riwoo from the Earth Kingdom on the way there who just stood in front of a window, looking quite pensive, and even though Taesan asked whether he was lost, the prince shook his head with an awkward smile. Maybe he just wanted to be away from the hustle-bustle, he thought to himself, before he resumed his journey.
At least, the two young princes seemed remorseful over their actions, so after a slight lecturing from the royal advisor, they scurried away, and Taesan turned to the guard who had discovered the “crime scene”.
“Good job! That was a good call,” he bobbed his head in the direction of the guard who seemed quite young. Was he one of those guards-in-training who had also been asked to supervise the wedding because the palace usually did not need that many guards?
“Thank you, sir,” he replied respectfully and did a full 90-degree bow in front of Taesan.
To be honest, both the way he addressed him and the action made him feel quite uncomfortable, so he helped the guard up and patted his shoulder once.
“Please, don’t call me sir. That makes me feel old,” he admitted awkwardly, and the guard let out a short-lived laugh in return.
“Should I call you Aide Han then?”
“Yes, that’s better,” he agreed before asking for the boy’s name.
“Dohoon. Kim Dohoon, sir. I mean, Aide Han,” he corrected himself clumsily, but Taesan merely smiled at his antics.
The royal advisor knew that he was also rather young compared to a lot of staff working for the palace, so he didn’t want others who were around his age or maybe even younger than him to fear him or walk on eggshells around him. Even though he was high in rank, he didn’t look down on others due to their rank, and he was glad that the royal family also set an example by abolishing the law that used to require the members of the royal family to marry other royalty. He knew that the Earth Kingdom had never had this rule in place, but both the Fire Kingdom and the Air Kingdom still had such requirements.
Taesan thanked Dohoon for notifying him and told him to keep up the good work before going back to the chaos of the ballroom.
If anyone dared to ask why Taesan was spending so much time around the princess’ wing, he would have said that it was because he wanted to oversee that everything was up to her liking. Besides, he had to accompany Prince Sungho everywhere, and he also frequented the wing much more these days, so that was his other excuse.
However, deep down, he knew that it wasn’t because of either of these things. After all, despite being a lady-in-waiting for only a short span of time, you were very much up to speed with how things were handled, and though you consulted Taesan on a daily basis, the more time passed by, the less he needed to help you out.
Since he usually ended his day by walking Prince Sungho back to his own chamber (which wasn’t far from the princess’), he sometimes stole glances in your direction when you were assisting the princess. However, your day usually ended later because you stayed by the princess’ day while the maids took care of the usual feminine things Taesan didn’t want to think too much into, so he didn’t linger around long enough to actually speak with you.
That night though, the princess retreated to her chamber earlier than usual, yet the prince had to sign a few more papers, so the royal advisor walked away from the prince’s chamber just in time for you to call after him as you both headed towards the courtyard.
“Taesan?”
“Hmm?” He turned his head around so fast that he might wake up with a terrible pain in his neck the day after. It would be all worth it though for the smile you gifted him with when you fell in step with him was simply otherworldly.
He assumed that you might want to talk about your duties or the princess’ schedule for the next week, but instead, you brought up a more personal topic.
“I wanted to thank you for being so kind to my little brother.”
“Of course,” he donned a smile before he realised he didn’t even know who you meant. Embarrassed, he cleared his throat before innocently asking who exactly your brother was. Just to be sure that he got it right, he reasoned.
Thankfully, you didn’t seem to mind his behaviour and answered him without being suspicious.
“Dohoon. He still has six months left from his training, but he was very excited to be at the wedding as a guard. He told me that you were very appreciative of his efforts,” you explained in detail, and now that you mentioned it, he could see the resemblance in you two.
“Oh yes. He was very vigilant,” he tried with a friendly smile, engaging in conversation even though he felt like he could just listen to you talk all day. Your voice resembled joyful chimes in the wind, and they brought the same warmth as the summer months did.
Lost in thought, he merely stared at the way your lips turned into a coy smile and the way your eyes were filled with beaming little lights. There was a loose strand of hair that escaped your bun, and he itched to reach out and tuck it behind your ear, but before he could actually do so and make a fool out of himself, you spoke up.
“You know, he’s wanted to become a royal advisor like you, but he didn’t make the cut. So he was afraid that he wouldn’t be good enough as a soldier either because he’s such a softie, but he did it. We’re all really proud of him,” you shared with him gently and quietly, and he didn’t need to be told just how much you loved your brother. He could see it clearly for himself.
“Did he follow you to the palace or…?” He inquired as you turned a corner to leave this wing of the palace.
He purposefully slowed his steps, so that you could comfortably follow him in your high heels. Also, this way he could drag out the time you spent walking together, and he felt like he would give anything just to steal a few more moments with you, so he didn’t mind at all.
“Oh,” you chuckled, and though Taesan couldn’t tell what you found so amusing, he found your reaction endearing. “My parents work for the crown, so we were brought up here in the courtyard. Mum works at the kitchen, dad works as a coachman, so we both knew that we also wanted to work here once we were old enough.”
Oh, now your reaction made a lot more sense. Those who worked at the palace and had young children lived in the courtyard with their families, and it also wasn’t rare that people fell in love whilst working here. Since the Fire Kingdom valued communities and families (the fire statue in the gardens with the King and the Queen holding an eternally burning torch in their hands also symbolised the warmth of family), the courtyard kept being expanded to accommodate everyone. There was even a school built for the staff’s children though they did not share the same teachers as the royal kids because the latter learned privately. They did, however, have access to an apothecary, a library, a canteen and a smaller park. So it was like a little village, but for the people of the palace. After all, without them, there would be no palace either.
On the other hand, Taesan had never met anyone who grew up with their family in the courtyard. He had always kept to himself outside of the palace walls, enjoying the peace and quiet of his own home, and he had no reason to interact with others because his meals, clothes and everything he would have needed for work were provided by the palace. Yet, he couldn’t help but wonder if he had accidentally seen you before since he had been living in the courtyard for a long time now and you had grown up there.
Instead of wondering about such silly things out loud, he asked if you had ever felt lonely growing up here. You told him that it had been actually quite lovely because a lot of elderly women and men who worked for the palace had looked after you and Dohoon when your parents had been working, so it had felt like you had a big family because you always had people you could turn to.
While you were crossing the royal gardens to get to the gate that led you outside of palace grounds, you asked about his side, and how he had ended up here. So he shared that he had applied to become a royal advisor to ease the financial burden on his parents because there was nothing to hide about his background. Even though the Fire Kingdom had tried its best to consult common people and shrink the gap between the rich and the poor, it wasn’t as easy of a task, especially given the unfortunate climate of the kingdom.
He was thankful that you didn’t pity him after hearing about his background story, and instead, you were curious if he missed his parents. Corny or not, Taesan admitted that he did miss them, especially his younger sister, but he visited them whenever he had time off, so it was fine.
“They must be proud that they’ve brought up such a fine young man,” you mused out loud, looking ahead of yourself as you walked over the bridge connecting the palace to the courtyard. It was illuminated by lanterns at this time of the night, and Taesan was thankful that his face couldn’t be seen fully because the content grin that spread over his lips hearing your compliment was not something that he wished for anyone else to see but you.
“Oh, so you think I’m such a fine young man?” He quirked an eyebrow as he turned towards you, willing his lips to cooperate and stay in a firm line as if he was not at all affected by your words.
Even though he managed to keep a somewhat nonchalant expression for a few seconds, he couldn’t keep it that way when you mirrored his actions and quirked an eyebrow as you asked:
“I mean, isn’t it a fact?”
He boasted a boyish grin hearing that because that definitely fuelled his ego a bit. So much so that he didn’t even tear his gaze away from your face, resulting in him walking straight into a lantern’s pole at the bottom of the bridge.
“Oh my gosh, Taesan! Are you okay?” You exclaimed worriedly, and the very much obvious repercussions of his actions hurt more than the impact of the collision.
“I’m fine,” he shrugged as he stretched his neck and wanted to resume his walk, but you cupped his face with your hands and turned his head sideways, so you could see the red line where his skin encountered the pole.
The royal advisor had never understood what people meant when they said that someone’s heart skipped a beat. However, this was the second time his heart skipped a beat because of you.
But then, his heartbeat picked up its pace, thundering wildly against his ribcage as your fingers touched the sensitive skin of the wound, and even though your touch should have hurt, he felt warmth instead. At the way you caressed his skin, at the way worry reflected in your orbs and at the way you cutely scrunched your nose while examining the bruise.
He let out a slight grumble in disappointment when you suddenly let go of his face, but if anyone had asked, he would have said that it was because the pain finally registered in him.
However, the pain didn’t register in him for a long time afterwards because you dragged him to the apothecary of the courtyard, made him promise that he would use the medicinal cream that the woman behind the counter made him, and wished him goodnight when you halted in front of a cottage that he could have only assumed was your family’s.
Not to be a lovesick fool, but he would have walked into poles many different times if he could have just repeated this once again.
Taesan assumed that he had been subtle enough about his gazes whenever you were around, and he could mask his expression well whenever your name was brought up in a conversation. When it was just the two of you, it was fine, he could be silly and awkward and teasing, but for whatever reason, he didn’t want others to see him acting the way he did around you.
The truth is, it wasn’t like him to be so interested in a girl, to be seeking your company constantly and to be so lovestruck that he could walk into poles because he wasn’t looking ahead. Even though the redness from the bruise was slowly fading, the embarrassment followed him everywhere, but if it hadn’t been for that unlucky incident, he probably wouldn’t have developed the habit of walking you back home at the end of a workday. Maybe it was a lucky incident after all.
Prince Sungho was occupied enough with the last of his paperwork before he would head off on his honeymoon that he didn’t notice a thing, but it seemed like someone else did.
“Taesan, can I ask you a favour?” Prince Jaehyun inquired with a wide grin one night after Taesan had finished for the day.
He was just stalling by the archway between the palace’s main building and the chambers, hoping that you would show up sometime soon, but he got Prince Jaehyun instead.
Even though Taesan was a royal advisor and Prince Jaehyun was a prince, the latter often treated him like a brother that he liked teasing. It was probably because Taesan had to accompany Prince Sungho to all his classes back when he had been younger, and Prince Jaehyun had also been there, so he had gotten used to the aide’s company. Taesan had also grown fond of the other prince for his heart was in the right place, but as kind and warm-hearted as he was, he was still a pain in the ass sometimes. Especially when it came to favours.
“Is it something that Hanbin can’t do for you?” Taesan raised an eyebrow suspiciously, referring to Prince Jaehyun’s own royal advisor, Aide Sung Hanbin.
“Of course not. You are Sungho’s advisor after all,” the other deflated before he leaned closer to him as if sharing a secret. This already didn’t seem promising… “I know Sungho’s schedule is pretty packed because he’s about to go on his honeymoon, but I really need to talk to him.”
“Is it concerning state matters?”
“Somewhat?” Prince Jaehyun half-asked, half-confirmed before he leaned even closer. Taesan was about to point out that his personal space was seriously invaded, but the prince was faster. “I want to propose to my beloved on the night of the spring farewell ceremony.”
The Fire Kingdom had a farewell ceremony for all four seasons when people bid goodbye to the previous one and welcomed the new one, gathering around a huge fire in front of the palace and giving their blessings to the kingdom and the royal family. It was a celebration for all to enjoy, so common people often travelled from far and wide to take part.
The problem wasn’t with the actual farewell ceremony. It was with the prince’s plan. Taesan had barely recovered from the wedding he had to put together, now there was another royal proposal on its way? Spare him from all these lovesick fools who called their significant others ‘my wife’ and ‘my beloved’ any chance they got...
“Did you get the King and Queen’s blessing on the matter?” Taesan deadpanned, seriously not believing what he had just heard.
“Of course! What do you take me for?” Prince Jaehyun huffed, and started pouting as if he was a sulky kid who had been reprimanded. Taesan rolled his eyes at his antics, but to be honest, as long as the royal couple (and probably the prince’s own parents) agreed to the proposal, there was not much he could do to get out of it.
So he prompted the prince to go on which immediately put the other in a much better mood.
“I know my dear cousin likes to spend time in the gardens with the princess, but I really want to propose to her there. To be precise, the pavilion by the lake. So could you relay my message to him and tell him not to go there with the princess on the night of the farewell ceremony? Please?”
It didn’t matter if he looked at him like a wide-eyed puppy, Taesan knew that he wouldn’t have the heart to go against what he had been asked. He merely had not prepared himself for all these grand love stories and proposals and weddings when he had applied for this position. Even though he had seen it coming because the law had been changed due to Prince Jaehyun’s pleading, he didn’t think that it would be so soon.
“Of course,” so he merely grumbled, and the bone-crashing hug that he got in return was nothing short of enthusiastic.
However, even after Prince Jaehyun let go of him, he didn’t leave, and Taesan grew suspicious of his silence because he was pretty much never silent. Plus, he should hurry up or else, Taesan might miss out on walking you home because you could show up any minute now.
“Anything else?” He prompted the older boy whose mischievous smile didn’t bode well for what he was about to say.
“You know, I’ve been watching you…”
“Yes?” He faked enthusiasm, but he really hoped that the prince would blurt out what he wanted to say because he could hear high heels clicking on the ground, and he had a feeling that it would be you closing in on them.
“And I can see that you are in love, my friend,” Prince Jaehyun continued as if nothing had happened, the smile not leaving his lips.
On the other hand, the royal advisor felt as if he had been electrocuted, and when he frantically looked behind, he could see that you were indeed the one who walked out of the main building.
“Not a word,” he hissed to the prince just in time for you to walk up to them, curtsy politely and address the two of them accordingly.
“Your Royal Highness… Aide Han.”
It didn’t slip his attention that you didn’t call him Taesan like you had been doing so for the past few weeks, but of course, you were professional, and didn’t call him by his name in front of royalty. However, it also didn’t slip his attention that you gazed at him longer than you did at Prince Jaehyun even though it should have been the other way round.
When the prince called you by your name with that grin on his face, so that meant that you could go on your way, Taesan felt like turning around and facepalming the archway. It wasn’t enough that he had to let you walk back home alone because of the prince, but he could also feel what Prince Jaehyun was about to say before he even opened his mouth once you were out of ear sight.
“I am not in love with her,” he stated before an accusation could come his way.
“Oh really? So you were looking so fondly at that boy from the inn who danced with her at the wedding instead?”
Taesan felt like his brain malfunctioned for a moment because he could not believe that Prince Jaehyun would ever say something like that to him. He was in the wrong, of course, because he denied something that was obvious, but the other boy didn’t have to do him so dirty.
“You are impossible,” Taesan snorted, shaking his head. That was enough of a confirmation for the prince to tease him further.
“I’m just saying, love looks good on you. And you know, you could court her. It’s not against the rules,” Prince Jaehyun pointed out casually, but this wasn’t his problem. It did cross his mind, but just like he had said, they wouldn’t break any rules by falling in love at the palace. It was just…
“I’ve just never felt this way before,” he admitted and thus, admitted defeat. He had never planned to fall in love. It just happened with you. Accidentally. “And I want to talk to her and spend more time with her, but I don’t want to be too much. Besides, what if she doesn’t feel the same way?”
He was aware that he sounded pathetic, but what was there to deny anymore? He was embarrassed more because of the prince’s reaction than admitting his own feelings to him, but once the confession was out, it seemed like the prince’s features softened a bit, and his teasing words were replaced by reassuring ones.
“I know it can be difficult to tell when you are the one who’s feeling this way, but trust me, she likes you. I’ve heard her say it.”
“You heard what?” Taesan was so shocked that his voice jumped an octave higher, and he was sure that his eyes were literally falling out of its sockets because he stared at the prince so wide-eyed, so shaken.
“I mean, it wasn’t me per se, but Hanbin did walk by when she was discussing it with some court ladies, and then, Hanbin told me.”
“What else did she say?” He inquired, feeling a bit calmer, but damn was he curious. Since when did you like him? What was the turning point for you? So when you had said that it was a fact that he was a fine young man, was that supposed to be a confession of some sort?
“I don’t know much. The only thing Hanbin caught was that she said that she feels affectionate towards you, and she said something about you being nice to her brother?”
Oh, so that really left an impact on you. That was good to know. Though he didn’t really have a lot to do with royal guards and their training, if he did pass by Dohoon again, he would make sure to have a few words with him.
Either way, as much as Taesan was ashamed to admit it, he had to come to terms with the fact that he wasn’t that subtle with his gazes, and that he was indeed in love with you. The fact that you liked him too did help, but the question was how to bring it up? How to move things forward?
Despite the fact that he would never ask such things from Prince Jaehyun, he was grateful that he helped spill the beans. So the least he could do was to relay his message to Prince Sungho in return.
For a royal advisor like Taesan, the spring farewell ceremony was pretty boring.
After all, all he had to do was to stand to the side of the royal family, watch as people came to give their blessings to them and that’s it. He didn’t really play a role in the organisation of the ceremony (thank god), he didn’t have to give a speech or anything like that, so he just had to stand there and wonder just when it would end.
On the other hand, this gave him the chance to keep his eyes on you because you were also standing by the side of the royal family alongside royal advisors, court ladies, ladies-in-waiting and guards. For such a ceremony, even Princess Seungyeon had come back from the Water Kingdom, but Taesan kind of wished that she had not because her husband, Prince Donghyun, had also come with her, and the prince could not tear his eyes away from her face. The sight was pretty sickening, to say the least…
On the other hand, when his eyes met Prince Jaehyun’s who had planned to leave with his ‘beloved’ an hour into the ceremony for the proposal, and the prince gave him a teasing grin, Taesan had a feeling that he was yet again not very subtle with his gazes. So he rolled his eyes as if he was annoyed by the other’s reaction and looked elsewhere.
Even though the ceremony yet again stretched excruciatingly long, it was a small price to pay for the two whole weeks he would get off work after that night because Prince Sungho and his wife would depart for their honeymoon the following morning. Of course, he planned to visit his family like the good son that he was, but he would still have plenty of time on his hands because his parents lived just outside the capital city, so they could be reached shortly from the palace.
With his time off in mind, he also had to realise that he would not see you for the next two weeks which, for whatever reason, filled him up with dread. What if you found someone in the meantime? What if your feelings would fade during the next two weeks? What if you wanted to visit the Phoenix Inn to continue talking to Intak?
He was being unreasonable, he knew that. After all, Prince Jaehyun had told him that you felt affection towards him. So he shouldn’t have felt this way, but he had been acting crazy and totally out of character ever since you had smiled at him like that the first time, so he couldn’t help himself.
On the other hand, he had to thank Prince Sungho and his wife because they were being so lovey-dovey in the hallway after the ceremony that you inquired politely if you two should leave them alone. To which they both said yes, so Taesan didn’t even have to wait for you by the archway, you naturally left their side together and headed towards the courtyard.
“Do you have any plans for the next two weeks?” The royal advisor asked curiously, but of course, he hoped that he could also ask smoothly afterwards whether you wanted to spend some time with him during this time.
You answered him with a smile, and though he should have been used to your smiles by now, he wasn’t, and so, he had to look away because looking at you made him blush.
“We’re planning a picnic with some court ladies, I’m going to spend some time with my family as well, and I’ll finally visit the Friday market with Dohoon because he also has time off then,” you replied joyfully, and he could tell that you were looking forward to spend some time with your parents and brother. “I guess you’ll go back home,” you added on an afterthought, and Taesan looked back at you, bewildered.
“How did you know?”
“You’ve told me that you usually do that when you have time off. When we talked about our families, and I told you that my family lives in the courtyard. Remember?” You quirked an eyebrow, but there was no challenge or malice in your voice.
Taesan felt the need to facepalm himself. Of course, he remembered! That was the first time he had felt he stood a chance with you!
“Oh yes, right,” he murmured under his breath, ashamed.
As you turned a corner, Taesan was trying to hype himself up to finally ask the question, but you were faster than him.
“Do you have any other plans?”
Suddenly, his throat felt dry as if he had swallowed sand, and his heart started beating faster. Damn, the effect you had on him and his nonchalance was truly spectacular! He could feel the seconds passing by, but with each one, his body felt heavier and heavier.
“Actually, I do,” he blurted out, but god knows how he had managed to utter the words. His curt answer and the silence that followed triggered the completely opposite reaction in you that he had hoped for.
“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” you noted quietly, empathetic and kind as always.
“No, I have to!” Taesan protested immediately, startling you, himself and even a guard by the window at the bottom of the staircase. You stopped in your tracks, looking up at him from a step below him, so now you two were the same height. And it was silly, he knew that, this was probably the least romantic place he could have chosen for his confession, but he felt like if he didn’t do it now, he would chicken out of it altogether.
“What I meant to say was that…” He cleared his throat out of embarrassment, but he was sure that his face was even more embarrassing for he felt heat creeping onto it. “I was hoping that we could also spend some time together. Outside of the palace walls. Outside of our duties. If you are comfortable with such a plan, that is.”
It was out, finally, and Taesan had never waited so eagerly for a response all his life. Maybe that’s why the seconds that passed before you answered felt so excruciatingly slow.
“Do you wish to court me?” You asked instead of giving a firm answer, and he could understand why you wanted to make things clear, but yet again, he felt like he had climbed a mountain to put together his previous sentences, he was sure that now even sweat was forming on his forehead.
Taesan pulled himself together yet again, and announced loud and clear:
“Yes. If you let me.”
He could see that you were fighting a smile before you spoke up, but that alone was enough for him to know that he did it. He really did it!
“In that case, yes. I would love to,” you confirmed giddily, and a lovely hue of pink coloured your cheeks as you looked up at him. You looked so beautiful, so otherworldly, and to know that it was his confession that prompted you to look at him like that made him feel like the happiest man on Earth.
So he descended to the lower tread to be on the same one as you and reached his hand out like a gentleman. You took it, and laced your arm around his, as naturally as if you two had done it a thousand times before.
He could only hope that you would, in fact, do it a thousand times after.
A/N: Hope you enjoyed this story of mine. Let me know what you think. I’m always happy to hear your feedback. 😊
Header taken from the 'If I Say, I Love You' teaser pics.
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