In a world devastated by alien monster attacks, the Busan Shatterdome is at the forefront of the Kaiju war. Rangers, scientists, engineers, everybody is doing their part to cancel the apocalypse. With humanity counting down its days, it really is the worst time to fall in love but... what if it's also their last chance?
GENRES. pacific rim au, hurt/comfort, romance
WARNINGS. birth names used, canon-typical mentions of violence, loss and death (story-specific warnings are listed on each post)
NOTES. the stories are posted in chronological order and characters are cross-referenced but each story can be read as a standalone
WAR TIMELINE:
war of hearts
kaiju scientist!Leehan & ranger!female reader × best friends to lovers
“Donghyun–”
He could see something break in your eyes as you glanced behind your shoulder and then back at him. Your pulse thundered under his fingertips. The sound of sirens and footsteps dulled in the background.
“Don’t go,” he pleaded, cold fear grasping him with bony fingers.
war with heaven
ranger!Taesan & nurse!female reader × he fell first, he fell harder
“Does this hurt?” You ask, voice coming from much closer.
“No,” Dongmin lies because this much is nothing. He has once showed up to his Academy evaluation with a broken rib and nobody noticed. You hum again, contemplating, then press into the skin near his shoulder blade harder and he nearly blacks out from the sharp pain. “Ah, fuck.”
the great war
drift specialist!Riwoo & ex-ranger!female reader × he becomes her safe space
For a while it’s easy to forget that humanity is still fighting a deadly war.
Then two days later the alarm sets off and Sanghyuk watches through a screen as Canada loses a Jaeger and two Rangers. When he finds you in the crowd, you're shaking. He holds you until it stops.
a love like war
ppdc field agent!Sungho & black market dealer!female reader × enemies to lovers
TBA
war of hormone
j-technician!Jaehyun & loccent officer!female reader × situationship to lovers
TBA
start a war
cadet!Woonhak & cadet!female reader × rivals to lovers
Neuroscience suggests that it’s good for the brain to forget. Especially painful memories. Sanghyuk doesn’t understand why you keep revisiting that day… until he does.
TROPES. pacific rim au, hurt/comfort, he becomes her safe space
WARNINGS. birth names used, canon-typical mentions of violence, loss and death, mc has ptsd and panic attacks, past minor character (mc’s co-pilot) death mentioned a lot
WORDS. 6.6k
NOTES. i guess it's a series now... @mirouie ranger taesan shows up in this too for like 2 seconds
third event of the love & war series
When Sanghyuk started his neuroscience studies, he didn’t expect the world to go to shit midway and to end up working for the military on a technology so advanced even the best of the field could barely comprehend it. He has always thought that his professor has recommended him to the Busan Shatterdome because he was on the top of his classes and a scholarship kid, so he couldn’t really afford to say no. But now as he watches yet another neural bridge fall apart during a Drift test, he wonders if it has something to do with his (mind you, still unfinished) thesis research on brainwave behaviour when different types of memories are triggered.
Everyone knows that there are two main reasons why the number of successful Drifts are low: R.A.B.I.T and the modesty reflex. When Random Access Brain Impulse Triggers occur, the pilots get stuck in a memory blurring lines between reality and subconscious, which unstabilizes the connection both between them and the Jaeger. Or worst case, their actions in the memory get reflected in the robot’s movements which can cause huge damage. Modesty reflex is kind of the opposite: it’s a psychologists-coined term about when the pilots try to control what memories appear during Drift, usually out of embarrassment. It’s probably why a lot of cadets are unfit to actually pilot. It’s especially frustrating when it happens to pairs who would be perfect for the role on paper.
“Let’s pull them out,” Chaein suggests but before she could but even before she could manually stop the drifting process, the compatibility score displayed on the computer plunges from a promising 56% to zero. The girl cadet rips the helmet off her head and turns to the boy lying in the seat next to her with barely concealed anger. Sanghyuk half-expects her to hit him but then she just sighs and turns to him instead.
“He’s not letting me in. It’s not going to work. I don’t get why they are making us keep trying,” she says and Sanghyuk understands her frustration but the rules don’t allow him to tell her that out of all the cadets, their simulation scores and combat styles are the closest to compatibility. That’s why the Marshal is making them do a test run weekly. In about two months, the Mark-6 Jaeger will be ready and it will need pilots.
“It won’t change unless he gets his shit together,” the girl points out the obvious.
“Maybe I would if you didn’t barrel into my mind like a bull as soon as we’re connected,” Kim Woonhak protests immediately as he has sat up. His words only make the girl scowl at him.
“I’m not! But you know what? Whatever. I will be a Jaeger pilot way sooner than you,” she says decidedly and marches out of the Drift Test Room. The door closes behind her with a loud bang. Chaein stands up and follows her.
When Sanghyuk looks back at Woonhak, he has the decency to look somewhat sheepish at least. It makes it impossible to be mad at him. Sanghyuk knows he shouldn’t but he has somewhat of a soft spot towards him. It’s hard not to when he sits down at his table in the canteen, calls him hyung and flatters his ego with awestruck looks when he learns about his job. So Sanghyuk sighs and just adds their results into the system.
“She’s right, you know? You should stop trying to control memories during Drift. Just… calm your mind and try not to think of anything. If a memory pops up, let it pass,” he says while typing in the usual metrics: Drift length, compatibility score, achieved phase, cause of instability.
“I managed to Drift with Minjae though,” the cadet points out defensively and Sanghyuk gives him an unimpressed look.
“Yeah and then couldn’t keep the connection stable for five seconds because you kept laughing at something in your memories,” he reminds him, then after a deliberate pause turns in his chair to face him. “Look, Woonhak, you can be the best fighter out there but if you can’t Drift, you can’t pilot a Jaeger.”
“I knoow,” the boy whines not unlike how he does when Han Dongmin steals his fries during lunch. He looks like a defiant child when he insists: “But I can’t do it with her. She is like the bane of my existence."
Sanghyuk rubs his temple. Big words.
“She’s one of the best cadets,” he reminds him even though he knows Woonhak is well aware. The two of them have been competing ever since the boy set foot in Busan. It probably had something to do with the girl humiliating him during their first time on the Kwoon combat mat. Sanghyuk never asked, he isn’t nosy like that, Woonhak just likes to overshare and gossip goes around quickly in the Shatterdome. “Anyways, send in the next pair and don’t forget to meditate before our next session. I will know if you skip it.”
Woonhak salutes and makes promises he probably won’t keep because he has trouble sitting in one place for too long. Sanghyuk doesn’t have it in him to be angry, so he just prepares the Drift setup for the next cadet duo.
He’s ready to clock out from work for the day and get some fresh air that’s not the overly sterilized smell of K-Science wing or the accumulated rust, burned metal and grease from the J-Tech wing when the Marshal calls for him. Now, that’s not often that it happens, so he can’t help but wonder what he did… or didn’t do. Then maybe the man merely wants to ask about his personal opinion beyond the numbers about the cadets. He isn’t delusional about his position in the organization when the head of their department is right there but Miss Kim is rarely in for cadet tests since she’s more concerned with active Rangers.
“You called for me, sir?” Sanghyuk steps into the Marshal’s office after politely knocking and waiting to be granted permission to go in.
“Ah, Sanghyuk, yes. Please sit,” the man instructs him and shuffles through a pile of dossiers on top of his desk. He’s not the type of person to go in a roundabout way about anything and Sanghyuk appreciates his directness when he slides one of the folders in front of him. “PPDC transfers here a Ranger from Incheon for rehabilitation.”
Sanghyuk lets the last word echo in the room like a gunshot. He knows what it means. Something happened and the soldier is now unqualified to pilot. He opens the folder and scans through the first page. The girl in the picture is vaguely familiar to him but he can’t quite place where from until he spots the Jaeger name: Vicious Siege. It was all over the news a few months ago.
“Y/N lost her partner during the Shanghai attack. She has recovered since physically but mentally she has been struggling,” the Marshal continues while Sanghyuk reads further. Nightmares. Anxiety. Survivor’s guilt. It sounds like something a psychologist could help with, not him. So he doesn’t understand. He looks up at his superior, the question on the tip of his mouth but the man is already ready with the answer: “She wants to Drift again.”
“Oh,” Sanghyuk mutters and glances at the girl in the picture again while the Marshal talks about objectives and changes in his schedule. He nods robotically but his thoughts are miles away.
PTSD is not unusual, a lot of Jaeger pilots experience various versions of it. Some can’t make themselves get in a Jaeger again after seeing a Kaiju in real life. Some can’t overcome a traumatic Drift experience or losing their co-pilot. Usually when a Jaeger is destroyed, both pilots die, either from actual physical reasons like the Kaiju piercing through the Conn-Pod or sinking to the bottom of the ocean with their oxygen supplies cut, but it can happen from the mental stress as well. It’s rarer that one of the pilots survives and Sanghyuk hasn’t heard of a case when they went back to field ever again. They’re usually discharged from Ranger duties if not altogether leave behind their career at PPDC.
As he’s leaving the Marshal’s office with a dossier in hand, he can’t help but wonder what makes you want to be wired up to a machine again. Patriotism? Guilt? Or you just have something to prove?
Word gets around quickly in the Shatterdome about the new transfer and the whispers are quite loud. Everybody has heard of what happened with Vicious Siege. Everybody knows that only one of the pilots made it back alive. Everybody has different theories why.
The classified case file in Sanghyuk hand feels heavy.. He started reading it the day before but stopped after half a page. It just felt wrong to read about the tragic events so clinically described with numbers he knows well: Drift parameters, Jaeger sync data, Rangers referred to with numbers instead of names…
He knew what he needed to know. Nobody could forget the Shanghai attack. It was the first time a Category V Kaiju came from the Pacific Rim. It was not only massive in size but it was smarter than any of its peers, almost like these creatures learn and evolve even if Jaegers keep killing them off. This Kaiju hid in the waters and attacked from behind, bit into Vicious Siege’s leg and dragged it underwater then pierced through the robot’s body again and again with its spiky tail. The LOCCENT lost contact with the Jaeger after the Conn-Pod was breached. If the backup didn’t arrive in time from Hongkong and Fukuoka, the Kaiju would have surely left an unprecedented damage on the Chinese coastline. The broadcast was cut off right after the Kaiju was declared dead. Everybody was celebrating when not even twenty minutes later the news came: one pilot in critical condition and one dead.
Sanghyuk isn’t sure what he expected from meeting somebody who has been so close to being grasped by Death but when you walk into the Drift Test Room, it’s different. You don’t wear the usual Ranger uniform but two sets of dog tags still hang from your neck. You don’t carry yourself like something broken but there’s something ghost-like in your eyes, like you are not really there.
He stands up from behind the computer.
“Ranger L/N–” He greets you politely and bites his tongue where a sliver of hurt flashes in your eyes. What a great way to start, he internally scolds himself.
“I’m not a Ranger anymore,” you correct him in a neutral voice that makes him wonder whether it’s just how you think or you have been officially discharged from the post. But why would they go along with the drifting practice if either was the case? PPDC isn’t famous for its generosity when it comes to its resources.
Your attitude doesn’t tell much about your reasons as you glance around the room that’s not much more than a Pons system and two drifting seats. There are not even windows there, just the quiet hum of the ventilation system and for a moment Sanghyuk worries that it might bring a claustrophobic feeling and bad memories but then you turn back to him with a small smile on your face.
“Just Y/N is fine,” you tell him, your dry, bitten lips curling up slightly. He can’t tell who you’re trying to fool: him or yourself. “You’re Lee Sanghyuk, right?”
He nods and pulls out the extra chair from behind the computer. He doesn’t want to jump straight into drifting practice. He needs to know what to expect.
“The Marshal told me you want to practice drifting alone to see if you can still maintain a stable connection,” he says once you’re seated and he sits down as well. He wants to be on the same page with you about what you expect from these sessions. The Marshal also told him that every Drift initiated back in Incheon went awry, so going back to the foundation seems like a good idea. Cadets start drifting alone just to get used to having their minds hooked onto a machine before being paired up to attempt proper Neural Handshakes.
“Yes, that’s what I told him,” you nod and Sanghyuk can tell that there’s more to it, so he raises an eyebrow at you in a silent question, not pushing, not rushing, just waiting. Eventually you give in. “But I don’t want you to pull me out when I get R.A.B.I.T.”
He notes that you say when and not if, almost like you’re sure it would happen or maybe you would even want it to. You’re a Ranger with experience: you have run through countless Drift tests, full-on simulations and even real Drifts. Sure, the trauma you have suffered could affect your ability to do so but even then the pattern your test results from Incheon show is too much of a coincidence: being hit by R.A.B.I.T every single time right after connection is established.
Almost like you’re not even trying to empty your thoughts and stabilize the connection.
“You want to relive your memories,” he realizes. It’s not a question but he looks at you for some kind of confirmation. You keep eye contact stubbornly, not denying it and that says enough.
“I was a left hemisphere pilot. Do you know what that means?” You ask as you glance sideways at the drifting seats.
It doesn’t sound like you expect him to say anything, so he keeps his mouth shut. Of course he knows. Right-hand pilots are considered the dominant ones. In case of conflicting decisions from the two sides, the right one would overrule the left. It also makes them have better chances at survival purely because of the instinctual brain reaction that also makes car drivers turn the steering wheel away when seeing danger.
“Statistically, logically, it should be me who’s dead. And I don’t remember why I’m not.”
There’s a tremble in your voice as you say that and your knuckles whiten as you curl your fingers into the chair you sit on. It’s the first crack in the strong facade you’ve put up so far. It does explain though why you would like to chase the rabbit on purpose. A Drift usually brings back memories from the subconscious even if they’re suppressed or old enough to be forgotten. But there’s always a reason why the brain decides to smudge details.
Once again Sanghyuk feels a bit out of his element. His job is to make sure drifting processes are safe and teach the cadets how to prepare for it, it’s not his responsibility to tell you that it’s a bad idea to relive traumatic memories even if he thinks so.
“Are you sure this is the best solution?” He asks quietly as he pushes back up his glasses and pinches his nose bridge. When he opens his eyes again, you’re looking back at him with something pensive swimming in your eyes.
“My psychologist told me not to force it. According to him I just need to get out more, make new friends, get new experiences. He says it will get better with time. He’s probably right but it’s hard to believe him when I still wake up crying or screaming in the middle of the night.”
Your honesty leaves Sanghyuk speechless for a bit. He’s not good with vulnerability, not his and much less others’. It always makes him feel like opening the door to something he shouldn’t see.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers, not because it’s anywhere near his fault but because he doesn’t think anybody deserves to be plagued by nightmares and the heavy weight of grief and guilt. But like it or not, that’s the world they live in now. Marred with unfair losses and constant fear.
You shake your head but even when your hair falls into your eyes, you don’t bother to brush it away. It’s almost like you don’t even notice it because you have more important things to focus on.
“I didn’t tell you this to get your sympathy. I just want you to understand why I need to do this,” you tell him, determined. He might not understand it fully yet but he has no professional reason to stop you.
“If you’re really sure, we can try,” he says, reaching towards the computer to switch on the Pons systems and load in your data. “I won’t pull you out unless it’s starting to overwhelm you.”
That’s the most he can promise you. He won’t let you risk your life over memories no matter how important they are. You probably understand the weight of that responsibility too because you don’t argue, just nod and walk over to the drifting seat. It’s different from the proper Drivesuit with spinal clamps you’re probably more used to but for test runs, it’s unnecessary to get connected to something as complex as a Jaeger, for a simple Pons system a much lighter equipment is enough to imitate a Drift.
What comes after you’re seated is all part of the routine: he puts a pulse oximeter on your right index finger and a patch on the top of your spine. He hands you a Pons helmet which is also full of sensors. His computer screen fills with data about your heartbeat, hormone levels, brain activity and such. Everything looks normal. Sanghyuk expected elevated levels of sweat functions and rapid pulse but you seem calm. Then he realizes you have done this dozens of times if not hundreds. Of course you know how to regulate your reactions. The issues start when your subconsciousness takes over.
“Ready?”
Your gazes meet as you nod, then you close your eyes and he presses a button.
“Test Drift initiated,” a robotic voice announces and Sanghyuk watches your body tense up.
It will rain.
Dark splashes of clouds are gathering on the horizon and the waves are getting wilder by the minute. He can practically smell the rain in the air already, humid and heavy. He knows he should go inside but doesn’t move, just watches the sea eat up the beach, waves licking at the Shatterdome’s massive walls.
Over the sound of the sea and his loud thoughts, he hears the rooftop’s door open and close behind him faintly and then soon enough there’s a solid body right beside him.
“What’s gotten you so zoned out?” Jaehyun gets all into his space, rubbing their arms together like he needs the warmth of another person. Maybe he does: he has been surrounded by giant mecha parts all day and it’s not like the technicians can chit-chat among themselves at the workstation while drilling, laser cutting, forging and such. He’s still in his work overalls, smelling faintly of grease but Sanghyuk doesn’t mind; it’s familiar.
“If you watched somebody really close to you die, would you want to remember it? Even recall it on purpose?” The question stumbles out of his mouth after careful consideration. Not because he’s afraid Jaehyun wouldn’t take it seriously but because he isn’t sure how much he can tell without exposing too much. Nobody knows he has been assigned to guide you through Drifts again but it’s only a matter of time.
“I guess it depends on what happened. If they passed away in a brutal way, I don’t think I could stomach seeing it again but otherwise I would want to cherish our last memory together,” Jaehyun hums, leaning more into him when a particularly cold blow of air comes their way.
“Wouldn’t it be better to focus on the happy memories with them?”
“Life’s not all about the happy parts,” the J-Technician matters, thoughtful, before his mouth forms a grin and he playfully nudges into Sanghyuk’s side. “We wouldn’t have even met if it wasn’t for Kaijus trying to kill us.”
That makes Sanghyuk smile too and he lets Jaehyun drag him inside when the first big droplets of the rainstorm reach them.
When you started crying and your cortisol levels were rising during the first time he was watching over your Drift, he had the urge to go against your request and stop the process immediately but he respected you enough not to. The fact that you were there and trying shows that you’re stronger than most people. He swore he wouldn’t make the mistake of underestimating you.
Now, you’re coming back every other day to try again and again and again.
Sometimes you don’t get to latch onto the memory you’re looking for. It’s always quite obvious when that happens because your charts are normal, your numbers are much less frantic. Afterwards sometimes you tell him bits about the memory you saw: your father teaching you to bike, the trouble you used to get in at school for not paying attention or your first time on the mat with your co-pilot. Sometimes you’re quiet and he knows better than to ask. He just shares his stack of sweets with you.
Other times you startle out of the Drift by yourself almost right after the initial connection is established. It’s like your brain has a built-in safety switch whenever you get close to remembering. You don’t say anything but Sanghyuk can tell that you’re getting frustrated whenever that happens, so he reads through every available neuroscience and psychology paper on the topic. He suggests doing thought experiments, brain dumps, walking him through that day until you remember.
He already knows how it went: the exact steps to the Conn-Pod from your bunk bed, the shade of the liquid filling your Drivesuit after the spinal cords are attached, your argument with your co-pilot the day before about something ridiculous, the eerie feeling of being watched after being dropped down into the ocean with no Kaiju in sight and then the yank from under the surface.
But the memories are not always sequential. He sees the exact moment something goes differently during your next Drift. Your body switches to fight-or-flight mode and your heart rate goes crazy. Your breathing becomes erratic and he can see the adrenaline spike on your hormone chart. It’s when you start shaking and whimpering your former partner’s name when Sanghyuk ultimately decides on pressing the kill switch and pulls you out of the Drift, disconnecting you from the machine. Even after the connection goes dead you can barely catch your breath beneath the Pons helmet.
“Y/N?” He calls your name, gently, trying not to startle you when he puts a hand over your arm. Your skin is cold and dressed in a thin layer of sheer sweat. You don’t answer but your body is still heaving and it scares him.
“Y/N… Can you hear me?” He takes the helmet off you and cradles your jaw in one hand, checking your forehead for fever with his other. You can barely open your eyes and keep gasping for air.
“I– I can’t breathe… I–” You mutter, clearly hyperventilating as you grab onto his wrist for some kind of anchor and Sanghyuk tries his best to stay still. He has had to calm down cadets too when a Drift attempt overwhelmed them but this is different. He lets you lean your weight on him and puts his free hand gingerly on your back while you’re sobbing into his shoulder.
“It’s gonna be alright. Listen to me, okay? We’re going to breathe slowly. In–” he instructs and demonstrates a long, deep inhale, encouraging you to follow him. “Then out.”
He repeats the pattern a few times until you’re doing well enough on your own, tears drying on your cheeks just before the panic settles over. It takes a few minutes of nothing but silence and quiet breathing but he can finally feel your body relax against him. It makes him relieved too.
“Sorry,” you whisper into the air between when you pull back and realize that your tears have left a wet patch on his shirt.
“Don’t be,” Sanghyuk simply shakes his head and watches you carefully. “Do you feel somewhat better?”
“Yes but…” you cast your eyes down, cracking your fingers in your lap. “I was so close this time. I saw the Kaiju’s tail pierce through the Conn-Pod’s glass. We lost connection to the LOCCENT and the pod started to get filled with water. It felt like drowning.”
Your voice is still weak and you look visibly shaken up but at least you’re more present than before. Seeing you like this breaks Sanghyuk’s heart a little.
“Are you sure you still want to do this?” He finds himself asking because even though he understands why you would like to remember, he’s starting to think that maybe it’s better that you don’t. There must be a good reason why your subconscious is fighting back so intensely.
When you don’t answer, just sink your teeth into your already chapped lips like you’re trying to hold yourself back, he doesn’t push.
“I have this sort of hiding place where I go when things get a bit too much. Not that much of a hiding place anymore actually since my friends found out but it’s still nice,” he changes topic. It’s quite unprofessional of him, so he doesn’t blame you for looking at him surprised, but he pushes through the awkwardness. “Would you like to check it out?”
There’s a long moment of silence as you stare at him and he thinks you will call him out on acting weirdly. But instead, a shadow of a smile appears on your lips before nodding.
So Sanghyuk takes you to the rooftop and indulges your questions about how he figured out that the door leading there is never locked, about his friends who sometimes bother his peace even when he just wants to be alone (because they know as an overthinker it’s bad to let him simmer too long alone with his thoughts), about his job and what he likes about it. You even seem to appreciate his nerdy neuroscience fun facts about spinal cord mechanisms and neurons and such. You’re especially invested when he tells you that the reason why PPDC is pushing the Jaeger Academy programs is because the newest research shows that pilots under the age of 25, whose frontal lobe development hasn’t finished yet, are often handling Drifting better than their older counterparts. He talks about memory capacity and how access time changes with age and you joke that you would have paid more attention in training if he was your drift specialist back then. Sanghyuk blushes like a teenager because of that.
The two of you talk until the Sun sets and you seem much better than back in the Drift test room. It’s nice, just sharing a space and sharing stories. For a while it’s easy to forget that humanity is still fighting a deadly war.
Then two days later the attack alarm sets off and Sanghyuk watches through a screen as Canada loses a Jaeger and two Rangers. When he finds you in the crowd, you're shaking. He holds you until it stops.
“Would you drift with me?”
Sanghyuk can’t even pretend he is not taken aback when that question falls from your lips during your next session. You have barely lowered yourself into the seat and he got ready to set up the machine when you speak up. For a bit he thinks he has heard you wrong.
“What?”
“Maybe I could stay in the memory longer if I had somebody with me,” you say, more certain, like you have thought about it before. But you haven’t drifted with anybody since the Shanghai incident, so if you were, he would imagine it being better with somebody with more experience. The last time Sanghyuk drifted with somebody was during training when he got this job. So he’s about to protest, not because the thought of bearing your memories is too heavy but because you deserve better. A proper chance.
He doesn’t know yet that you don’t want anybody else. You want it to be him.
“And I… I trust you,” you whisper and that’s enough to make him give in.
That’s a big thing, a lot of responsibility. You’re entrusting him with your most traumatic memory. But two people drifting is never a one-way street, you would also poke into his brain. He knows it best that he shouldn’t control what comes to the surface once you’re connected but he realizes that with you, he doesn’t mind that vulnerability.
“Let me get Chaein,” is all he says and pretends not to notice your shoulders dropping in relief.
He finds the other drift specialist hanging out with the LOCCENT girls. When he steps into their circle and all of them look at him expectedly, he suddenly gets why even Jaehyun thinks twice before approaching a group of girls alone. They’re a bit scary.
“Uhm, hi! Can I borrow Chaein for a bit? I need her help with a Drift test,” he gets to the point in one big breath and luckily the girl is cool enough with the interruption. She’s not too weirded out about the idea of him drifting either and knows better than to ask one too many questions, so it’s all good.
In theory Sanghyuk knows everything about the drifting process. He has assisted probably hundreds since he came to the Shatterdome. He has helped dozens cadets master the art of emptying their thoughts and guided them through a smoother connection. And yet, it’s very different when it’s him who’s sitting in one of the seats. He keeps fidgeting with the Pons in his lap. He doesn’t want to mess this up for you. He would like it if he could help, if you were right about having him there with you could give you the push you need.
“You can still say no,” you remind him, patient, understanding but Sanghyuk shakes his head. How could he not do this when you have gone through hell? When you have been waking up in cold sweat for months? When you need this to move on? What kind of person – friend – he would be if he wouldn’t do so much for you? Or at least tried?
“Not happening. Unless you changed your mind?” He tilts his head, giving you a way out too, but you don’t take it. He smiles at you encouragingly before he puts on the helmet and leans back in the seat.
Chaein counts down and he closes his eyes, thinking of nothing but an empty space.
“Test Drift initiated,” the familiar robotic voice chimes and he feels thousands of tiny neuron shocks in his brain. Or maybe he just imagines it because he knows that’s how it’s supposed to go. For a long moment nothing happens, everything remains blank and static. He’s almost tempted to open his eyes. Maybe it’s not working. It would make sense on the first try. Two people might not need to be drift compatible to complete a test run but it’s still rare to immediately connect.
Then when he’s just about to give up, a white flash blinds him and suddenly he’s on a carousel of memories. They float around him like horses on that damned thing, spinning and moving up and down. He catches a few he recognizes: the last time he called his mom, that time he broke his arm in middle school, Jaehyun sitting at his table in the canteen after he spent his first two weeks at the Shatterdome making sure he sat alone. But he also sees unfamiliar faces and places and he knows these are your memories mixing with his.
He has never experienced R.A.B.I.T. himself, so he isn’t quite sure what to expect. When suddenly the world stops moving and everything stills like a movie frame, for a moment he thinks it’s over and you managed to connect with him successfully. But then he hears the loud beeping of a machine and feels something wet at his feet. He looks down and sees the rising sea water at his ankles. When he looks back up he’s suddenly in a Conn-Pod and there you are: attached with your Drivesuit’s spinal cord to the Jaeger right next to your co-pilot. You look horrified, eyes wide behind the shield of your helmet as you assess the damage in the cockpit around you.
Sanghyuk turns his head to the cracking glass of the Conn-Pod and his blood freezes when he sees the Kaiju’s massive scaled backside, its tail piercing right through everything that holds the control center of the Jaeger together.
“We lost connection to LOCCENT,” he hears your voice but he can’t be sure if it’s said out loud or it’s just in his mind. You’re connected after all. All of you: he’s wired to you who is in your past self’s body who is connected to your co-pilot. “Why is the plasmacaster not working? It will drown us at this rate. We should– Unnie…”
Your voice trails off and as Sanghyuk follows your gaze, the memory glitches, like an old television when the signal is too weak. Everything seems to blur around him and he feels you panic but it could be both present you or memory you.
“Stay with me, Y/N. You can do it,” he says, gentle and coaxing, trying to guide you with his voice. He isn’t sure you hear him at all but slowly his surroundings sharpen once again and suddenly everything is blaring and red around them. That’s when he sees it: your co-pilot’s Drivesuit slashed open and blood dripping down her side. It must have been the Kaiju’s spiky tail’s doing.
When your partner’s knees give out and you lean down to help her up, the Jaeger stumbles too. The movement makes the mecha sink fully beneath sea level and the Conn-Pod is rapidly filling with salty water. through the tail-shaped hole in the glass.
Sanghyuk feels himself lose balance and the memory gets blurry again. He calls your name.
The other girl whimpers something in pain but he can’t hear what she’s saying, only your loud protests:
“What? No! I’m not leaving you!”
The Jaeger gets another hit in the side and the warning signals are getting louder.
“Rangers are out of alignment. Jaeger shutdown initiated. Get ready for evacuation. Countdown from 10 starting…”
The water already reaches Sanghyuk’s knees. He knows it’s a memory, he knows it can’t hurt him but it all feels very real. Because it’s real to you. You have lived it through. You have watched your closest friend use the last of her strength to push you back into your hemisphere.
“Y/N… you need to survive.”
It’s the last thing your co-pilot tells you before she presses a button on the holographic screen hovering in front of her. Your pod closes around your body and you get ejected from the failing Jaeger. Somewhere between the disorienting sensation of the push and coming up on the surface of the sea, you feel it: the bone-deep fear and the inevitability of death. Not yours.
You faint.
The neural bridge collapses.
Sanghyuk is yanked out of the Drift.
He’s told that you need to stay in the infirmary under supervision for twenty-four hours. It’s nothing serious, just out of precaution, the nurse tells him when he visits. Han Dongmin has to drag him out of there, which is ironic if one knows anything about how much time the Ranger spends around the nurse station.
Sanghyuk has a hard time focusing during Drift tests the next day. Not even Woonhak’s bickering with his so-called nemesis can steal much of his attention. By the time all the cadets assigned for the day are finished, your infirmary bed is empty and it has him worried sick. It must be written on his face because Mrs Hwang is quick to reassure him:
“She’s fine. She was discharged not long ago.”
Sanghyuk thanks her and leaves the sterile corridors to wander around the Shatterdome aimlessly. His feet lead him to the rooftop like always. He expects it to be empty or maybe to find Jaehyun there moping about that girl that keeps breaking his heart but instead it’s you there.
The wind is blowing your hair wildly and the orange glow of sunset is like a halo around you. You look like something divine, like you were born out of sea and sunshine.
“Stealing my spot?” Sanghyuk’s words are laced with casual playfulness and he hopes it’s enough to dissipate any remaining awkwardness that might have followed the Drift session. He wonders whether you still hear the ghost of his voice in the back of your mind just how he hears yours, a side effect of the abrupt disconnect from the hardware.
“Maybe,” you answer with a twitch in the corner of your mouth as you turn to him. You stay still when he sits down next to you, fingers drumming on the concrete beneath you.
“Are you okay?” The boy finds himself asking quietly. He doesn’t mean it physically. A lot of people get overwhelmed from Drifts, especially after experiencing R.A.B.I.T. but your case is special. For you it wasn’t just a one time thing. That memory was buried under fear and denial. Recalling it was probably your final goodbye to your other half.
“I will be,” you nod slowly. “For the longest time I thought that it was somehow my fault. Maybe I did something stupid or I froze and that’s why I didn’t remember but… she saved me. She would want me to live fully, so I guess the least I can do is to try.”
Sanghyuk knows it’s not easy. Healing from such trauma is never just a walk in the park. You will need more time to be able to sleep through the night without nightmares and to be able to watch Kaiju attack broadcasts without breaking down. But the most important thing is to not give up. After all, sometimes the greatest wars are fought against ourselves.
“So what now? Now that you know what happened?” He questions.
The Marshal had already told him earlier that day that you would officially withdraw from the Ranger program, so more Drift sessions wouldn’t be necessary. He couldn’t help but wonder whether it meant you would go back home. You have no reason to stay in Busan after all.
“I don’t know. I didn’t really think that ahead. I don’t think I could ever get in a Jaeger again but maybe I will ask the Marshal if I could help with the cadet training.”
You sound uncertain even though it makes perfect sense. You might not have as much experience as Dongmin and his co-pilot, but you have more free time, so you could help out efficiently. However, you didn’t clarify where or which Marshal, so Sanghyuk just has to make sure:
“Here?”
This time you don’t even hesitate.
“Yeah. I’m doing better here. In Incheon everything reminds me of her,” you explain calmly and Sanghyuk tries not to show it but the thought of you staying makes him giddier than he expected. He doesn’t have the excuse of semi-daily Drift sessions to see you though, so after a few long seconds, accompanied by the crashing sound of waves, he takes a leap.
“Since you’re staying... How do you feel about a city tour? I know cool places outside of the Shatterdome too,” he proposes and he’s itching to tell you about this waffle place where every topping combo is named after a Jaeger.
“I could be convinced,” you smile at him with a crunched nose and sparkling eyes. It’s the brightest thing Sanghyuk has seen all day and he thinks he could spend the rest of his life trying to make you smile again.
END NOTES. header pic from the action concept photos
title from the taylor swift song, i think this part fits them:
To that bloodshed, crimson clover
Uh-huh, the worst was over
My hand was the one you reached for
All throughout the Great War
FROM THE START — I know I've loved you from the start ₊˚⊹ ᰔ
bsf!woonhak x gn!reader
SYPNOSIS: texts between you and your bestfriend who is extremely down bad for you.. and you might feel the same way.
ఌ︎. mentions of ‘yn,’ reader is soft spoken-ish??? woonhak is very very much in love 👀 and more!
ఌ︎. lots of fluff, both are oblivious, friends to lovers, both have a soft spot for eachother + moreee
NOTE 🗒️: this is such a contrast to lovely dasher 😳 i had to do a oneshot for my bias so here we go 🥰🥰 this is also my apology for no chapter of lovely dasher for the next few days MY BADDDD
aight its time to pack it up everyone! x reader writers go on the left wing, yaoinextdoor on the right wing! please make sure you leave no belongings that will help them identify your identity and track you down! its been a good run! hope yall live a good life!
Warnings: Zombie apocalypse AU, survival themes, mentions of zombies and danger, minor injuries, mutual pining, confession, kissing, fluff, established friendship.
Summary:The world ended months ago. While searching an abandoned apartment complex for supplies, Leehan decides there’s no point hiding his feelings anymore. After all, what’s the worst thing that could happen?
The building appeared at the end of the street just as the sun was beginning to set.
After walking for hours, any place with walls and a door that could be closed felt like a luxury.
“We could stay here tonight,” Sungho said as he looked up at the apartment complex.
Nobody complained.
Everyone was tired.
Their backpacks felt heavier than usual after spending the entire day walking, scavenging for supplies, and avoiding crowded streets.
Jaehyun glanced up at the upper floors.
“Looks quiet.”
“Too quiet,” Taesan muttered.
Still, they went inside.
Like always, they moved carefully.
Quietly.
Without letting their guard down.
The first few floors seemed empty.
Some apartment doors were already open.
Furniture had been overturned, clothes were scattered across the floor, and belongings had been abandoned as if their owners had run out one day and never come back.
After checking several hallways and confirming there were no immediate signs of danger, the group finally relaxed a little.
“We can stay here,” Sungho decided.
Jaehyun dropped his backpack against a wall.
“There’s still some daylight left. We should search for supplies before it gets dark.”
Everyone agreed.
It was a routine they knew all too well.
Find food. Find water. Find batteries.
Find anything that could help them survive one more day.
“We should split up,” Riwoo suggested.
“But don’t close any doors,” Woonhak added. “If a zombie shows up, I want an easy escape route.”
“For once, I agree with him,” Taesan said.
After deciding on groups, Sungho and Jaehyun headed one way.
Riwoo, Taesan, and Woonhak took another hallway.
And before you could say anything, Leehan had already stepped beside you.
“Let’s go.”
“Was that an invitation or an order?”
“Both.”
You lightly smacked his arm.
Leehan smiled.
Then the two of you headed upstairs.
+++
The third floor looked untouched.
Or at least as untouched as anything could look in the middle of the apocalypse.
The first apartment had several cans of food hidden in a cabinet.
The second was almost completely empty.
The third looked like it belonged to someone whose entire diet consisted of instant ramen.
“I think this person would've died from something else before the zombies got them,” you muttered.
Leehan laughed.
“Take the ramen anyway.”
“I already am.”
They also found bottles of water.
Batteries.
Flashlights.
And a half-full first aid kit.
By the time they finished searching, both backpacks were noticeably heavier.
That was when you found an open bedroom.
The closet was still full of clothes.
You looked down at your torn sleeves.
Then at the clean clothes.
The decision was easy.
“I’m going to change.”
“Okay.”
Leehan continued searching through a few drawers.
“I’ll check the kitchen again.”
“Don’t go far.”
“I won’t.”
+++
For the first time in weeks, you were wearing clean clothes.
They weren’t exactly your style.
But they were clean.
And that was enough.
When you stepped out of the bedroom, the apartment was quiet.
“Leehan?”
No answer.
You frowned.
The front door was still open.
You walked toward it.
“Leehan?”
Just as you were about to step into the hallway, someone grabbed your wrist.
The scare was so bad you almost swung your bat at their face.
“Are you insane?!”
Leehan took a step back.
“You almost killed me.”
“Because you appeared out of nowhere!”
“I called your name twice.”
“No, you didn’t.”
“Well... once.”
Before you could answer, you heard something.
A sound.
Slow.
Dragging itself down the hallway.
Leehan’s smile disappeared immediately.
You heard it too.
Both of you turned toward the doorway.
Without thinking, you carefully peeked outside.
That was enough.
A zombie was shambling down the corridor.
It had probably come from the first apartment you'd searched.
And it was much closer than you liked.
You immediately stepped back.
“Zombie.”
Leehan tried to look.
“Where?”
“Right there!”
You shoved him back inside.
Both of you lost your balance.
And a second later, you were on the floor.
Leehan wrapped his arms around you before you could slam into a nearby table.
The fall wasn’t bad.
But when you opened your eyes, you realized you were lying right on top of him.
Very much on top of him.
For a second, neither of you spoke.
You could hear his breathing.
His heartbeat.
And the way his hands were still holding onto you.
“Hi,” Leehan whispered.
“ I didn't mean to fall on top of you.” You said
“There’s a zombie outside.”
“I know.” You murmured
“Just making sure.”
Despite everything, a laugh almost escaped you.
You had to bite your lip to keep quiet.
Then a growl sounded right outside the door.
Both of you froze.
Leehan shifted slightly and pulled you against his chest so neither of you would accidentally make a sound.
The zombie continued wandering through the hallway.
Dragging its feet.
Growling.
Searching.
Several minutes passed.
Then more and more.
Until your legs started going numb.
“Did it leave yet?” you whispered.
“I don’t think so.”
You waited.
You couldn’t hear anything.
Absolutely nothing.
“Leehan.”
“Yeah?”
“I don’t hear anything.”
“Neither do I.”
“Then it left.”
“Probably.”
“Then let go of me.”
Leehan stayed silent.
“Leehan.”
“I’m thinking.”
You had to cover your mouth to stop yourself from laughing.
“You’re impossible.”
“I’m evaluating the situation.”
“Liar.”
“A little.”
This time he finally let go.
He looked just as embarrassed as you felt.
And for the first time since the apocalypse began, he seemed unable to look you in the eye.
Which was strange.
Very strange.
You stood up first.
Then offered him your hand.
“Come on.”
Leehan took it.
But he didn’t stand.
He just kept holding it.
Looking down at the floor.
“Leehan?”
Nothing.
“Did you hit your head?”
He shook his head.
“Then what is it?”
Leehan took a deep breath.
Once.
Twice.
And when he finally looked up, he seemed more nervous than he ever did fighting zombies.
“I know this is probably the worst possible time to say this.”
You blinked.
“Say what?”
He let out a nervous laugh.
“That I like you.”
Your heart stopped or at least it felt like it did.
Leehan looked down again.
“A lot.”
The apartment went completely silent.
“And I know the world is ending.”
“Leehan...”
“Let me finish before I lose my nerve.”
You bit your lip.
“Okay.”
“I’ve liked you for a long time.”
He scratched the back of his neck.
Clearly embarrassed.
“And I figured if zombies haven’t killed me yet, I probably shouldn’t keep hiding it.”
That earned a small smile from you.
“How romantic.”
“I know.”
“Terrible.”
“I know that too.”
Finally, he looked up.
And there it was.
That expression.
The one he always had when he was nervous.
Like he expected you to laugh at him.
Or reject him. Or both.
And somehow that made him even more endearing.
The apocalypse was still happening outside.
Tomorrow you'd probably be running for your lives again.
Searching for food.
Trying to survive.
But for a moment, everything felt strangely normal.
You stepped closer.
And kissed him.
Just once.
Soft.
Enough to leave Leehan completely frozen.
“Was that a yes?”
“Do you need another one to be sure?”
“Maybe.”
“Leehan.”
“I’m verifying.”
You laughed.
And so did he.
Until someone cleared their throat from the doorway.
Both of you turned at the same time.
Jaehyun was leaning against the doorframe with his arms crossed.
“Sorry to interrupt.”
Leehan closed his eyes.
“No, you’re not.”
“But somebody had to.”
“Jaehyun.”
“I’ve been looking for you two for ten minutes.”
“Jaehyun.”
“And besides, we all already knew.”
You froze.
“What?”
“Everyone.”
Jaehyun pointed upward.
“Literally everyone.”
Leehan looked like he wanted the ground to swallow him whole.
“Come on, let’s go.”
“Yeah, yeah.”
Jaehyun grinned.
“Congratulations on finally confessing, by the way.”
And then he walked away before Leehan could throw something at him.
You laughed.
Leehan dropped his forehead onto your shoulder.
“I want to become a zombie.”
“Too late.”
“Why?”
You took his hand.
And started walking toward the door.
“Because you’re my boyfriend now.”
It took Leehan a full two seconds to process that.
And then he followed you with a smile that never left his face for the rest of the walk back.
