fandom homophobia, the m/m POV
Even in fandom and even from LGBT fans who write and draw m/m ships you can always tell that gayness between men is a joke or something thatâs just okay for everyone to grab and play with and consider their own emotional and sexual growth⌠itâs so rare for me to meet a fan of any m/m ship who isnât a man and who does treat those relationships and characters with respect.
I think people forget how hard it is to live as a man attracted to men, and how much of that struggle can be identity in its own way. I genuinely canât believe people donât realize how disrespectful it is to just shove your kinks at those m/m relationships if youâre not a man, or to completely erase that part of struggle and pain, or to treat those ships as if itâs just okay and right for you to write/draw porn of gay men because you think itâs hot.
The only reason m/m ships are considered so hot and attractive is because everyone still considers them taboo and dirty and deviant. That was the basis for homophobia against gay/bi men in the first place and as far as Iâm concerned considering m/m porn part of your âsexual expressionâ if youâre not a man is just as homophobic. Youâre not a friend or ally to gay/bi men, youâre just attracted to how secret and sexy and provocative you think sex and relationships between men are.Â
Gay porn isnât for you. Gay male relationships arenât for you. You donât get to just appropriate them without thinking for two seconds about how you can portray them with respect and accuracy (to the characters, to where they live, to the time period, to the various ways men who love men experience homophobia and try to confront it or protect themselves from it). Black and white gay men are second only to black trans women in the reported amount of LGBT murders between 2012 and 2015 in the US. In France where I live, homophobia targeted at men makes up 66% of all the anti-LGBT violence and discrimination reported to SOS Homophobie in 2015, with more than 700 cases for it alone. These are just two examples that Iâm personally familiar with. Keep in mind that hate crimes and abuse are always severely underreported.
I know people like to believe being A Man Who Happens To Be Gay isnât an issue anymore in todayâs world, but thatâs only true for wealthy men (who are white, who are not GNC, who are not disabled, etc) and in very few countries. Youâd be a fool to believe that no boy faces violence anymore for questioning his sexuality. The vast majority of them do. And itâs a sign of homophobia and privilege in itself that so many non-men get to just write/draw about men being gay, in the most explicit ways, without ever facing consequences for it, whereas men and young boys feel too threatened to say anything in fandom just like in real life.
Way too often these boys and men are exposed to the worst predatoriness in fandom, because by now entitlement to gay/bi menâs bodies, relationships, and experiences isnât just about fictional characters, but about real people as well. RPS is a blight that has banalized not only the invasion of celebritiesâ private lives and bodies but also that of men who arenât as distant from and protected against their fans and followers. And it needs to stop.
Gay/bi men didnât sprout into existence for fandomâs enjoyment. They are real people with a real history of persecution, abuse, and murder, one that continues today everywhere in the world.Â
Having respect for this history while still drawing or writing m/m relationships includes but is not limited to:Â
- Not treating gayness as a joke
- Not erasing a characterâs gayness despite their being in a gay relationship (i.e. âhe had only ever dated women and didnât consider himself gay or bisexualâ, âhe was only gay for [insert name]â, etc). This is an absolute red flag that you donât like the concept of men being gay or bi as an important part of their identity, just of men fucking each other.
- Getting rid of entitled and fetishistic language (âmy gaysâ, calling yourself a yaoi or BL or slash fan, âuke/semeâ, etc)
- Respecting the boundaries and privacy of real men, and that includes popular youtubers and internet famous men as well as athletes and actors who are more protected against this. Just because he will probably never read your fanfiction of him fucking his best friend doesnât give you the right to write it.
- Not calling m/m relationships and gay/bi men âsinâ, âfilthâ, âsinnersâ. This is homophobia.
- Not furthering the portrayal of gay/bi men as predatory in general and particularly not toward minors and particularly not if they are men of color
- Not treating gay/bi male characters as inherently sexual or inherently non-sexual, especially if being non-sexual means being âpureâ to you. Both are bad. Both are homophobic.
- Not perpetuating stereotypes about sex between men (the infamous top vs bottom dichotomy) and especially not if you base those stereotypes in misogynyâand in general realizing that whatever cultural words and stereotypes regarding sex, appearance, and demeanor may be real for some gay/bi men, those are probably not yours to claim to understand and depict realistically. Any understanding you have of them will be rooted in homophobia, so fight to unlearn that first of all.
No oneâs saying you canât write or draw m/m relationships. Just do it with some respect is all. The rhetoric that fanfiction and art of m/m ships is female sexual empowerment and liberation, because of how women-dominated transformative works are, is outdated and homophobic. Itâs disrespectful to every man and boy out there who has to live through homophobiaâtheir struggles, their lives, their experiences are not for anyone but them to claim as empowering or liberating.Â
Spend less time thinking of fictional gay/bi men and more time supporting actual gay/bi men in your life. This starts by hearing them out when they say that the way you ship men makes you entitled and fetishistic and, yes, homophobic.
amandla
turnnoffyourmind
titsay
pixelskylines
tangentwithtanner
dailybridgerton
