as time rolled on and their wedding grew closer, nevaeh was struggling with the fact that her sister wouldnāt be around to see it. it struck her as so unfair, something sheād struggled with her entire life; if god was a fair, loving, just god, why did little kids die of cancer? why do some parents outlive their kids? why is there so much pain in the world and some people are created unable to withstand it? nevaehās heart was sensitive, and there was so much darkness in the world, at times, she grew discouraged. but then she looked at nora, with her innocence and her joy that was unbridled and shared with everyone who came in contact with her. sheād watched as jess would walk in the door after a hard day, and noraās arms would outstretch to him, asking to be held, and itād pull a smile to his lips, no easy task. he loved his daughter, and she loved him; their little family might be a lot of broken pieces all glued back together, but there was a crazy amount of love.Ā āi used to want to be a surgeon, like my parents. fix people the way they did, maybe find a cure for cancer one day. now, itās like outside of being noraās mom, i have no idea who i am,ā a nervous chuckle followed that revelation as she twisted a dark strand of hair around her finger, brown eyes glancing over at him.Ā āi hope she wears it all the time. that girl thinks that tutu makes everything okay, and in the off chance that i canāt do that, iād like there to be backup,ā she joked, getting out of bed and digging around for clothes to put on to go out.
jess canāt really remember who he wanted to be when he grew up. he doesnāt recall having any set goals other than maybe getting out of the foster system. it was like that, with most kids he grew up with. there was no long term goal, nothing to really reach for other than getting out of the hell hole that the foster system gave them. most dreams were short term, small things like going out to eat with your foster parents, maybe watching a new movie if there was enough money. jess was a different case, he didnāt see his parents for visitations like other kids, christmases were always so new and different but he still got something. itās just how it went. it breaks his heart knowing that someone like nevaeh had no idea what she was doing with her life, it was like things had been kind of put on hold for the time being because of their wedding, their daughter, jess as a whole. it made him ache, wishing that he could help in some way. but he wasnāt ever good with words.Ā āyou still can be,ā he says with a small smile.Ā āit may take a while but...ā he trailed off, looking down at their little girl. he doesnāt know if heāll ever be in a place where he can ever have a job like a surgeon, it was a discussion that his parents and nevaehās had a lot when they thought he wasnāt listening. his disorder was like a volcano, it came, it happened, and then it left until the next one. he was unpredictable like that but dangerous. he gulped, grabbing her hand and caressing his thumb against her skin.Ā āyou can be anything you want to be. youāre more than justĀ ānoraās momā.ā and he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.Ā āi think we can all use our own tutu.ā jess said with a small smile.Ā Ā