rewatched phantom menace and revenge of the sith today, and i think it's interesting how long i spent thinking that padmé was trying to fix anakin. but she's not. she's not loving him to fix him. she just truly, deeply loves him for who he is, in every moment, even at his worst. i think it comes back to them meeting so young, his readiness to risk his life for a group of strangers, his compassion and strength. it's all there in the beginning. she's seen his best.
there's a childlike naïveté (edit: idealism) to both of them, a child who is called to be a queen and a child who chooses to be a jedi, both making more grown up choices than their peers. his consistent inability to stop being so human speaks to her ideals, those that the people of naboo cherish so highly, but it's personal. he doesn't meet her as a queen and get on his knees. he sees her as an angel and then finds out she's a queen. from "are you an angel?" to "i'm a person, and my name is anakin." in a few seconds. he pushes back at her without devaluing her and withdrawing his idealization. but i wouldn't even call it idealizing. it's just open, curious, scientific even. "you're so beautiful. maybe you're an angel."
then they don't see each other for ten years, and there's a collision, a desperate humanity on both sides, a need to break free from social constraints symbolized by their love. she tries to be the grown up because that's part of her identity, being a leader, trying so hard to be responsible and think through all the outcomes. but anakin's actively struggling with the detachment of the jedi code. he's stuck in a cycle of shame where he gives into his urges and then chastises himself, or is chastised by obi-wan. padmé comforting him, even when he does something terrible, is a way of showing compassion to the part of herself that's long tucked away. it's her saying "i can't let this happen to someone else." they both chose to sacrifice in pursuit of their ideals, and the things he's externalizing are a reflection of her inner world.
they just love each other. full stop. they don't want to fix each other. they just want to love fully without compromising their individual dreams outside of the relationship, so they keep it a secret. and then palpatine weaves his web, something that padmé falls victim to as well, both in the phantom menace and in a deleted scene from revenge of the sith where she expresses that palpatine was her ambassador and couldn't be as bad as her fellow senators are suggesting. that's how manipulation works. it gets into your mind, finds your humanity, and plants seeds of doubt. it's not a moral failing to fall for it.
then everything falls apart. padmé is not trying to fix anakin. he's experienced very deliberate and intimate grooming, and his deepest fears are being constantly manipulated. her attempts to call him back to himself aren't "i can fix him." they're an acknowledgment of her trying to keep up. everything is happening so fast. the democracy she loves is dying. her husband is having prophetic dreams about her dying in childbirth. he's filled with internal conflict and trying to shut her out. and now all of a sudden obi-wan is saying he's the very evil they've been fighting. she goes to him to see for herself. she's trying to remind him of the good that's still in him, not the good he has to earn but that has always been there. she goes to her death bed loving ani. not the chosen one. the little boy who thought she was an angel. the man who never stopped thinking about her even after ten years apart. the husband who would do anything not to lose her. the way he always loved her, that's how she loves him right back. it's not "i can fix him." it's "i have seen firsthand the good in him, and no one can convince me it's gone for good."
the tragedy is not their relationship being secretly toxic. it's that they truly, deeply, unconditionally love each other, and that wasn't enough to overcome the insidious, oppressive, and universal forces working against both of them, but especially against anakin. palpatine turns him on his own wife like an attack dog. he uses their attachment to manipulate anakin expertly. he plants seeds specifically about obi-wan that fuel his fear that he's going to lose padmé even if she lives. the tragedy is that anakin tried with everything he had to keep his dream from coming true, and every step he took brought it closer to reality. his insecurities were exploited, and the "good" people he leaned on basically said "sorry fam she's gonna die 🤷🏻 and shame on you for having feelings about that" but simultaneously "trust your feelings. something's off with palpatine." confusing, isn't it? "this war represents a failure to listen." the tragedy is that padmé was right and that she would have listened to anakin if palpatine hadn't gotten to him first.
training to be a jedi physically separates them. the war, something palpatine orchestrates, physically separates them. the jedi order demands that they be emotionally separated. palpatine is the first one to suggest that it's good for them to be together. of course anakin believes him! that's his experience with padmé: goodness and love. his experience with obi-wan is more in line with someone trying to fix him. "he's overly critical. he never listens. he doesn't understand." if they'd been able to be together, padmé would have helped him. she saw so clearly that he'd been told that the boy she met on tatooine needed to be managed. and that's why he's so pulled to her, someone who loves him the way his mother did, before he chose to leave and everything went wrong. because it's not just palpatine that drives them apart. it's the jedi. he blames himself for his mother's death, and by the time he finally figures out that everything he lost started when he chose to become a jedi, it's too late. he finally gives them the blame they deserve, and all palpatine has to do is stoke the fire.
their love is so pure. their love is not the problem. it just wasn't enough. just as anakin was more susceptible to ruin because the jedi demanded he be emotionally isolated, keeping their relationship a secret became an obstacle to its longevity. it's romeo and juliet. a preventable tragedy. their love was always pure.
