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Not Giving Up

Well, I missed a week. I promised to write once a week, and I’ve already failed. Normally I would write this off as a failure and just give up, maybe because I have low self esteem, maybe it’s the depression, or maybe it’s my OCD. Regardless, my therapist told me I need to work on my resilience, and I feel like this is a good way to do that. I am not going to roll over and give in to my doubts…

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A New Start for a New Year

Happy 2018, everybody! From breaking bad habits, to starting good ones, from making new goals, to recommitting to goals that you have let yourself lapse on, a new year means a chance for change, and I intend to take full advantage of the opportunity. There is a lot of fat in my life (literally and figuratively) that I am cutting out, and a lot of good that I intend to bring in. The road is sure…

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Keeping on

Work has been pretty good. It has some ups and downs, and I definitely need to talk to my doctor about adjusting my medication because I have the hardest time getting out of bed in the morning, and I’m still having minor panic attacks before work once or twice a week. Maybe I’m still adjusting. Other than that it’s been pretty nice having a job that gets me out of the house and forces me to talk…

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Ah, fall. It’s finally here in earnest, and I say this because we have Halloween decorations up, and it’s been cooling down again... Ah, fall. It’s finally here in earnest, and I say this because we have Halloween decorations up, and it’s been cooling down again.

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Update... Sort of

Update… Sort of

Sorry it took me so long to post this week. I haven’t really had much to report. The training for my job has been fun and interesting, but it’s not exactly something I would want to write about on here. Well, I did get to teach the class for about five minutes, and although I was anxious about it, I think I did alright. I’ve mostly switched back to vaping rather than smoking, and that’s been…

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Another Week

Well, I tried to get this out on time, I really did. Of course by tried, I mean procrastinated until the very last moment. As such, I don’t have a lot of time to write this, but I don’t really have any earth shattering news to relay. I do want to up date you all on the job. It is going as smoothly as can be expected. I’ll be in training for at least two more weeks before I’ll actually start…

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I Made It!

I meant to post this on Sunday, sorry you guys. I just got caught up in other things, and lost track of time. I will try to mostly make my posts on Sunday in the early afternoon. Anyway, enough about my failures, let’s talk about my success! I made it through my whole first week of working! Yay! It’s not too hard yet, I’m still in training, but as all of you know, I suck at being in social…

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Tonight's the Night

Tonight’s the Night

And it will happen again, and again. I know, it’s a little melodramatic of me to apply the opening lines of Dexter to my life, but what can I say? I’m a melodramatic kind of girl. Anyway, it is the night before my first day of work, and I’m trying to stay up until 3 AM, which is harder now that I am medicated/on my depressed cycle, but since work doesn’t start until 3 PM I figure I should try to…

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Hair Dye and a Bottle of Pills So as those of you who subscribe, and read this blog regularly already know, I have been looking for work.

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Tragic Loss, Funeral, and GoFundMe Campaign

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Therapy #4 So, on Wednesday I had my fourth session with my therapist. I have to admit that I was a little annoyed that the topic of conversation is still suicide, but as I've thought back on it I do recognize that since this is still something that is on my mind a lot of the time, it probably is the most urgent of my symptoms, and therefore the most important.

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Insects

***WARNING: this post may make your skin crawl…*** I have been having trouble with the air conditioner in my house lately. The AC unit does a great job of cooling the air in the vents, but a terrible job pushing the air out of them. A couple of days ago I got fed up and shut it off, opting to open the window in the hope that I could get some better air flow that way, and maybe neutralize the…

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Back to Work Today I begin the long and arduous task of finding a job. I can't afford to stay unemployed any longer, there are just too many bills piling up, and too many people relying on me for food and shelter.

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Therapy Session 2

This time I was ready for the awe inspiring lobby, but what I wasn't ready for was the wait. This time we got there early, but my therapist was stuck in a meeting that ran a little long. He was less than ten minutes late for our session, but waiting alone in the waiting area was torture. I tried to make minimal eye contact with the other patients, while simultaneously trying to give each of them…

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Let's Talk About Making a Safety Plan

Let’s Talk About Making a Safety Plan

The concept of the safety plan isn't new, though I can't seem to find any information online about when exactly it came to be widely used as a suicide prevention technique. Still, it's a new thing for me, so I thought I would share my experience in making one with you all, and hopefully if you or someone you love is thinking about suicide, maybe it will be helpful for you. So first things first,…

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Therapy

Yesterday a I spent the morning freaking out about going to therapy. I had myself convinced that my new therapist was probably going to have me committed. Because I was loosing my mind, it took me extra long to get ready. So, I ended up leaving late, with not enough time to get there early to fill out paper work. Then I got lost and couldn't find the place. So I ended up getting there right on…

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Liebster Awards Recently, AnxiousWriter, from the blog Warrior, not Worrier, nominated me for the Liebster Award. I'm really touched that you thought of me.