Feel free to sexually harass me if youāre male. You know what they say āBoys will be boys.ā. Although Iām not sure any of you will want to do that since Iām not very modest, therefore not attractive.
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The new principal at my school used two phrases while addressing new dress code rules to a class.
"Modest is hottest." and "Boys will be boys."
He should have said something more along the lines of: āThe school dress code was established to provide our students with a safe and orderly learning environment that is free from distractions.ā
Letās start with the phrase āModest is hottest.ā Shall we?
Modest-Having or showing a moderate estimation of oneās own talents, abilities, and value.
If modest is hottest, then itās not modest.
You are literally sending the message to young girls, who are already struggling with self confidence, that hiding their body makes them more attractive. You are establishing a sense of shame in these young, developing minds and bodies. A human has the right to wear whatever they feel comfortable in. Showing less skin doesnāt make you any more attractive. Showing more skin does not make you any less attractive. When someone calls you attractive that just means that they are attracted to you.
At what point in your career did you find it appropriate to define my āhotnessā? Why are you at all concerned with how āhotā I am? You are teaching us, through modesty, to be objects of sexual arousal. Iām sorry, but I donāt dress myself to look āhotā for anyone. I dress myself as a way of expressing myself and my body. āIf covering up my body is supposed to make people sexually/physically attracted to me, then how would those people feel if I decide to have sexual relations with them, without clothes on?ā āHow am I supposed to love and feel proud of my naked body and develop a sense of sexuality when exposing my body is deemed shameful and unattractive?ā Since when should being āhotā be my concern. I donāt want to be with someone who just thinks Iām hot. I want to be with someone who loves and respects all the parts of my mind, personality, and body. THATāS what you should be teaching, not āHow to be hot.ā.
My body is not a sinful temptation that needs to be hidden.Ā
My body is not your personal, sexual object.Ā
My body does not overshadow my character.Ā
My body is not any more sexual than a manās body.Ā
My body is not here to look āhotā for you.
Next up is āBoys will be boys.ā
Being a boy refers to your gender. Thatās all.
It does not make you constantly sexually aroused, animalistic, or sexually uncontrollable, but for some reason society has come to the conclusion that you are this stereotype. This is extremely sad. This gender stereotype is unfair to all men. By telling them who they are as a man you are absolutely taking away their moral agency. āBut heās a teenager. Heās raging with hormones.ā You donāt think Iām raging with hormones as well? Believe me I am. Men are not stupid. They are not unable to see when someone is not consenting to sex. Itās not āin their natureā to rape because they are a man, itās not āin their natureā because ITāS WRONG TO RAPE SOMEONE. Raping someone is a cognitive choice. (how modestly the victim dresses does not affect them being raped). When the few people that do sexually harass people happen to be male and you use the excuse āBoys will be boys.ā you are not only excusing their behavior, you are condoning it. Itās this āBoys will be boys.ā mentality, culture, and attitude that condone sexual assault. Whenever the excuse āBoys will be boys.ā is used, itās just an exercise of male privilege. Itās this attitude that condones sexual assault. You are giving them a free license that makes it okay for them to be sexually violent, that says āWell Iām a boy, itās just who I am.ā Sex needs to stop being about āno no no bad dirty gross shamefulā and start being about āYes. Letās have consenting sex because I want to.ā Consent. THATāS what you should be teaching, not āWell you know how they areā¦ Boys will be boys!āĀ
Boys are not sexually uncontrollable.
Boys do not have a genetic, animalistic, violent nature.
Boys are not born with a natural desire for destruction or control.
Despite what society and culture keeps trying to cram down everyoneās throat, having a penis doesnāt make it okay to sexually harass someone. The false idea that men canāt control themselves is so unfair and completely ridiculous.
āāāāāāāāāāāāāāāāāāāāāāāāāāāāāāāāāāāāāāāāāāāāā-
The next day He called me down to his office to discuss my concerns. (Students and teachers told him about it, which I expected)
I spent a good hour and a half arguing with the principle about his comments when he called me down to his office, today. I offered to send him what I posted if he was interested in reading it. He said āNo, that wonāt be necessary.ā I explained to him that I wanted him to read what I wrote and I would appreciate it if he did. He said āNo, I donāt really care to read it. Thatās okay.ā
I asked him what he meant by the phrase āboys will be boysā and he explained that if a girl is inappropriately dressed that it can lead to inappropriate, sexual touching and staring (sexual harassment). If a boy chooses to sexually harass someone, itās his choice no matter what his gender is.
He explained to me that boys are more āwound upā than girls are. I didnāt quite understand what he meant by that so I asked him for a different adjective and after a minute of mumbling he chose the word āaggressiveā but then followed that up with āā¦well I donāt think thatās the correct word to useā¦ā. I agree, not the best word to use, eh?Ā
I asked him to explain why boys are different than girls in this regard and he said āWell to start, all boys are attracted to girlsā¦ā I interrupted with āNo. There are actually boys who are attracted to other boys.ā He laughed and said āOh, yes of course!āā¦ I guess that part must have slipped his mind.
I asked him, in general, what the difference is between girls and boys. He said that boys āmisbehave moreā and are āoutgoingā. He said that girls are āreservedā. Thatās all. Thatās the word he used, āreservedā. Boys and girls are different because they have different organs and hormones. Being a girl doesnāt automatically make me reserved. Just like being a boy doesnāt make you automatically misbehave. I explained to him that by using the phrase āBoys will be boys.ā, he is excusing and condoning bad behavior from boys, such as sexual harassment and rape. āBut thatās not reality, thatās your opinion.ā he said.Ā
He explained that his daughters ābehaveā and that his nephews were disrespectfulā¦ because they are boys. I said āThat has nothing to do with their gender. They act that way because of how they were raised, the environment they are living in, and the choices they make.āĀ
I told him that the phrases he used were sexist and stereotypical and unfair to all genders. I explained to him that many students and people of society were offended by what he said and the phrases he used. I told him that I thought he should apologize for what he said and explain to students and society that this kind of message is not okay or appropriate.
He said he wouldnāt apologize for that, but he would give me an apology, which was āIām sorry you feel that way.āĀ
After he dodged almost every question I asked by sharing his plans to improve LHS, he decided that he had had enough of not being able to answer my questions or concerns and ended our discussion by saying āIām going to end this discussion.ā and I was sent back to class.
There is so much wrong with what this principal is doing that I canāt even list it, but yeah hereās your takeaway:
He explained that his daughters ābehaveā and that his nephews were disrespectfulā¦ because they are boys. I said āThat has nothing to do with their gender. They act that way because of how they were raised, the environment they are living in, and the choices they make.ā
They are disrespectful because you have specifically told them they can do whatever they want and you will excuse it because theyāre boys!
Lakeland Senior High School and his name is Mr. Martinez
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