Week 2 review
I can tell Iām starting to be a lot more health conscious. I think that in another two weeks the temptation will mostly be gone to eat fast food and out of boredom.
I still drank a lot last week, but managed three nights of sobriety. Not in a row, but still three out of seven nights is great progress for me. TW self harm/substance abuse
Saturday night I had been drinking with my brother and boyfriend and ended up staying awake until nearly 9:00 am belligerently yelling and crying at my boyfriend. I know there was no reason for it, truthfully. I mean, I know that things are broken in me and I have a lot of undiagnosed issues, but there was no reason for me to take it out on him. This has been happening a lot more lately (only when I have had a lot to drink)
Iāve known my bf and weāve been close since high school. We have about 12 years of friendship as our foundation so when I get like this, heās so forgiving it shocks me. We dated for almost two years from 2010-2012 but I left the relationship for an old fling. We stayed best friends. After his dad passed away in 2015 he moved in with me and we slowly picked our intimacy back up. Anyway, long story short, he knows my history, my family, my problems, etc and vice versa. I just hate that my self medicating is more frequently getting so out of hand that I lash out and have these episodes. Today my head is still pounding because I kept hitting myself over and over and over while I cried Saturday night/Sunday morning. Self harm is something I thought I had locked away years ago but itās been creeping back. Iām going to try not drinking at all this week because my body, my mental health, and my relationship are all begging for it.
We recently moved to Dayton a few months ago but are still in the process of gathering our shit from the apartment in WV. All day yesterday he let me talk and vent and cry. If nothing else, I have the most understanding and patient and caring s/o in the world. I often think about what Iād do without him and after so long, after everything Iāve watched him go through, and everything heās been through for me, I donāt think I could live in a world without him.















