I GET WHAT I WANT WITH HEX APPEAL

My unofficial weight loss blog

[moronicgirl]

Week 2 review

I can tell I’m starting to be a lot more health conscious. I think that in another two weeks the temptation will mostly be gone to eat fast food and out of boredom.

I still drank a lot last week, but managed three nights of sobriety. Not in a row, but still three out of seven nights is great progress for me. TW self harm/substance abuse

Saturday night I had been drinking with my brother and boyfriend and ended up staying awake until nearly 9:00 am belligerently yelling and crying at my boyfriend. I know there was no reason for it, truthfully. I mean, I know that things are broken in me and I have a lot of undiagnosed issues, but there was no reason for me to take it out on him. This has been happening a lot more lately (only when I have had a lot to drink)

I’ve known my bf and we’ve been close since high school. We have about 12 years of friendship as our foundation so when I get like this, he’s so forgiving it shocks me. We dated for almost two years from 2010-2012 but I left the relationship for an old fling. We stayed best friends. After his dad passed away in 2015 he moved in with me and we slowly picked our intimacy back up. Anyway, long story short, he knows my history, my family, my problems, etc and vice versa. I just hate that my self medicating is more frequently getting so out of hand that I lash out and have these episodes. Today my head is still pounding because I kept hitting myself over and over and over while I cried Saturday night/Sunday morning. Self harm is something I thought I had locked away years ago but it’s been creeping back. I’m going to try not drinking at all this week because my body, my mental health, and my relationship are all begging for it.

We recently moved to Dayton a few months ago but are still in the process of gathering our shit from the apartment in WV. All day yesterday he let me talk and vent and cry. If nothing else, I have the most understanding and patient and caring s/o in the world. I often think about what I’d do without him and after so long, after everything I’ve watched him go through, and everything he’s been through for me, I don’t think I could live in a world without him.

[moronicgirl]

It's hard to be positive.

[moronicgirl]

Another day of trying to keep up with eating the rainbow

[moronicgirl]

It was a sober night for me!

[moronicgirl]

Pretty much just having a bowl of Brussels sprouts for dinner because I ate rice and chicken earlier. I've had plenty of water and need to cool it before it gets too late on me. The shitty thing about setting an intake goal for water is that if you get started too late, you pretty much have to piss all night. TW ahead...drinking I'm trying not drinking tonight. One of my biggest triggers to go out and buy liquor is when my roommates all get home at once. It just gets loud and loose in the house, lol, and makes me want to drink to cope with how anxious I feel. My living situation is kind of odd right now (I moved out of state about three months ago) so without going into detail it's not as simple as just hiding in my room until everyone settles. Anyway, I really want to hang out sober this evening but as it gets closer to that time I'm having second thoughts. I don't believe in TMI here so I'll just follow that up with how much I can tell my body needs me to stop drinking at least for a few nights. I shit nothing but liquid like four times today. My body is tired and I'm putting it through too much all the time. That went from "eat your vegetables" to "my body is breaking" really fast guys s o r r y

[moronicgirl]

Decided to put some make up on and use snapchat to make me feel better about myself ✨

[moronicgirl]

[moronicgirl]

Sometimes I feel like I'm stuck inside this big, fat body forever. Sometimes I feel like I'll never get my drinking under control.

[moronicgirl]

Last week review

So last week I went grocery shopping and basically gave my best attempt at setting myself up for success. I would say intake was maybe halfway to goal. I ate breakfast a few times, had some smoothies, took in a lot more vegetables and didn’t really eat fast food or bread until the weekend.

Unfortunately the only night I was able to talk myself out of needing to drink was Tuesday, the night I went to the store. Wednesday-Saturday night I was still drinking heavily. I finished my list of triggers and shared it with my significant other. Last night I was able to get to bed at a decent hour and sober.

I gave my first week of wellbeing my best shot and I’m ready for week 2

[moronicgirl]

Some whole wheat noods with a quick sauce of onions, peppers, crushed tomatoes, spinach, and spices. And cheese. Duh.

[moronicgirl]

Black pepper mayo BLT lettuce wraps

[moronicgirl]

Did some light food prep this afternoon to get myself back in the groove of things. Like chicken instead of fast food burgers, and peppers and hummus instead of chips and snack cakes 😬😒

[moronicgirl]

I'm making a list of everything I can think of that triggers my nightly drinking so I can begin the quitting process.

[moronicgirl]

It's hard to get back into the swing of things. My biggest struggle for the past year and a half has been alcohol and fast food, but after moving to Dayton two months ago even I've also found it hard to resist junk food in my own house. I live with four guys and there's always a fridge/freezer stocked with frozen, processed treats and Mountain Dew. I don't know which beast to tackle first. My eating habits at home, my fast food addiction, or the real elephant in the room... all the cheap whiskey I drink.

[moronicgirl]

I couldn’t wait any longer so here it is! I’ve lost 40 pounds since October 2013. I am out of the 220’s for the first time since 2008.

[moronicgirl]

Goals

[moronicgirl]

Do people still use Tumblr or have they all officially gone to insta to document their fitness journeys?

After much consideration I’m blowing the dust off of my page and giving it another shot. It’s been just under three years since I fell off and kinda stopped coming here.

In those three years I’ve also gained 90% of the weight I had lost back BUT! I’m ready to lose it. I’m keeping all of my “old” progress pictures and posts up as motivation but since it’s been a while, I figured I’d kick things off with a recent picture.

Most of my regain is in my face and midsection and thankfully a lot of the muscle definition I developed in my legs has stuck around.

What’s up?!

[bloggingmusic]

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