& // machiavellian.

" all i wanted to do was make everything better for ME! "

[moroniic]

WHEATLEY // PORTAL

       " oh, remember the time i took over the facility? greatest moment of my life!  but you just wanted to leave! didn't want to share in my success. well, so you know, i would be happy for you if you succeeded...apart from right now, obviously. "

yes this horrible horrible orb man is back

if you knew him from before though no you didn’t

he doesn’t remember that other city anymore or his previous time in spirale. last thing he remembers is the moon

made to make really, really bad ideas

still adjusting to an android body

no mental filter on him & often comes off as rude even when he means to be nice

tried to kill his best & only friend for funsies but dont worry he’s chill now. kinda

just don’t give him an inch of power for the love of god he WILL fuck it up immediately

can’t read but can learn languages fairly well

[moroniic]

((getting this blog back into working order but it might take a bit bc. gestures to everything ghfjkgdh but im not willing to change my blog theme, so.))

[isolaradiale]

hello! i would like to re-app wheatley of portal 2. his app can still be found under the right 'error' button navigation. i'd also ask that he have his personal housing in golden ward returned to him ('wheatley's lair'), thanks!

Welcome back to scenic Isola Radiale, Wheatley!

You’ll be placed back in your personal housing!

You’ll retain everything from your previous stay!

Enjoy your stay!

— * alkaphrah

[moroniic]

@perpetualquestions​

       “ hey, wait a second - say that again? ” he hadn’t been listening to her words the first time, and -to be honest- wasn’t going to the second time, either. but her voice sounded familiar somehow, and he frowned a bit - trying to remember where he’d heard or met her before. “ hmmm. wait, don’t tell me! it’s - it’s somewhere in here, i’m sure of it!” he tapped his chin in thought, before letting out a defeated sigh. “...no, actually. can’t remember - it’s gone. thought i had it. who are you again? familiar voice. ”

[isolaradiale]

hello! i would like to re-app wheatley of portal 2. his app can still be found under the right 'error' button navigation. thanks!

Welcome back to scenic Isola Radiale, Wheatley!

You will be housed in your PERSONAL HOUSE.

You will retain everything you had in your previous stay.

– mod pleiades.

[gallixie]

lonely is an acquired taste. it goes down too bitter, too sour, too stinging. but you get used to it. i’m getting good at lonely, getting good at bitter. what i wouldn’t give for some sugar, but i’ve run out and so have the neighbors, and all that is left is the sour.

lonely is an acquired taste, but you can get used to almost anything.

[moroniic]

  where the water tastes like wine // no longer accepting.

 ↪ @losingmyjustice​ said: “ what’s freedom to me? some say that when we end, that’s freedom. ” (h.)

       “ ugh. do you have to be so...morbid?  - ” wheatley frowned, crossing his arms; he wasn’t much one for poetry - for more reasons than just his difficulty reading. it was often so...abstract and more often than not, depressing. he had to assume it was some form of poetic metaphor, otherwise the statement became all the more unpleasant to think about. why were humans always so fixated on topics like this? he didn’t really care one way or the other, unless it affected him in some way - which it was at the moment, by making him think about this very ghoulish subject.

        “ it’s - you know you just. die at the end, yeah? that’s what humans do - i’m, sorry to tell it to you, mate but that’s it. i’ve seen humans die and that’s all that happens. you just...end.  “ wheatley made a face of disgust, suddenly recalling the various ways the other test subjects had died. “ or are you talking about freedom from this place? ‘cause...that’s not right, either. i’ve died here and you just come back. can’t really call it dying, then i suppose... ” he muttered the last part like an afterthought. “ well. anyway, wouldn’t recommend it. dying, i mean. ” obviously. 

         “ plus, it’s not so bad here - tons better than dying, if you ask me. ”

[screenshotsofdespair]

[moroniic]

   where the water tastes like wine // no longer accepting.

  ↪ @landsharkbite​ said: “ joy? well, i think there’s more of it in the world than there was. ain’t mine to have, but it’s there. people dance more now. they smile more, i think. ”

       “ well, there’s- there’s quite a bit about this place to like if you ask me. and for a lot of people, i imagine! i mean, it’s kind of a wreck back where i’m from...” he decides to casually leave out the fact that he was the one who left it like that. never a pleasant subject to dwell on for long. 

      “ i’ve heard the same for a lot of people, actually...guess it’s bound to happen with people from so many different places, yeah? ” wheatley mused aloud, tapping his chin thoughtfully. he wasn’t so dense as to be oblivious to the fact that many people were confused and distraught when winding up here, but he’d never experienced that frustration, himself. in fact, he’d always been quite glad whenever he found his way back here...as long as She wasn’t.

        his smile faded though as he considered the second part of what she said, tilting his head a bit. “ what, ah, what do you mean ‘not yours to have’? i mean, even if you’re not happy about the same things most people are, there’s probably something else you’re happy about...? maybe dancing isn’t your thing, either - certainly isn’t mine...”

[moroniic]

       random starters // no longer accepting.

   ↪ @spiderstaff​ said: “ i’ll just live in the forest as a goblin. “

        “ in the forest? you mean - the creepy one here? ” wheatley frowned a bit, crossing his arms. he had no idea what a goblin was, but it sounded like some kind of animal, anyway.

        “ is it that bad at your apartment? ” he assumed that’s why she’d choose to live in the woods - clearly not considering the idea that she might simply have a house in the mistwood. “ it’s the humans, right? probably. i mean, it took me a bit of getting used to - living around them. with them. luckily i have my own lair now. no humans! unless...i wanted them.  ” he scoffed a bit at the very thought, though after a moment it turned into an uncomfortable silence. his lair got lonely - but he wasn’t about to admit that.

        “ can you... afford a house? it - it took a while for me to be able to get one, you know? expensive... ”

[dovingmemes]

random sentence starters: the third

change around as you see fit!

“ i want to be like you. “

“ that is … literally illegal. you’re describing something illegal. “

“ what’s the plan here ? “

“ please just … come home. “

“ all i’m saying is that jurassic park could happen ! “

“ jeez , who pissed in your cornflakes this morning ? “

“ i’m a simple person. i see a cool rock , i pick it up. “

“ you’re so cute and i literally can not handle it right now , so i have to go— “

“ hey , uh , what do you got there ? “

“ we’re not friends. “

“ so , do you come here often or … ? “

“ slow down , i just want to get to know you … “

“ i’m angry at you ! i’m upset ! and you … you don’t even care ! “

“ will you promise to marry me in the future ? “

“ what are your thoughts on having kids ? “

“ oh , come on ! they were literally holding hands and becoming self aware of their own mortality ! it was a sad moment— stop laughing at me ! toy story 3 didn’t have to do us like that ! “

“ you’re my best friend. i’ll always have your back. “

“ … do you want to do something stupid with me ? “

“ you don’t have to be jealous , you know~ “

“ sing me a song. “

“ did you do this ? “

“ for once can you please be honest with me ? “

“ lets run away together. anywhere. i’m tired of this life. “

“ are you binge watching that show on netflix again ? “

“ how much britney spears i’ve listened to in the last 72 hours is none of your business ! “

“ god … i can’t look away , it’s like my eyes are drawn to it. “

“ why are you leaving ? “

“ admit it … i drive you wild. “

“ you’re so infuriating. “

“ i hate this town. “

“ i’m one call away , okay ? just one call. “

“ you want me so bad , don’t you ? “

“ i’ll just live in the forest as a goblin. “

“ you don’t know what i’m capable of. “

“ you want a tattoo of what now ? “

“ i can’t believe i’m confessing this but … i really really like you. “

“ look me in the eye when you’re breaking my heart ! you don’t get to look away , dammit ! “

“ i can’t believe we’ve just sat here for four hours and have done nothing. “

“ hey , hey , hey … guess what ? “

“ you are my platonic soulmate. “

“ someone thought we were a couple so like , we totally just hit best friend goals. “

“ the bigger the boobs , the stronger they are. that’s anime logic , at least. “

“ i can’t believe i fell in love … like an idiot. “

“ i’ve never fallen in love before … what’s it like ? “

“ hello ? 911 ? i’d like to report a murder of my remaining brain cells …. “

“ wow , look who remembered my existence. “

“ you want to hear a story ? oh uh … well … uh … l — let me tell you all about how this boy’s life got flipped turned upside down— “

“ … not many people really talk to me … “

“ tell me all about you. anything. everything. “

[moroniic]

       siri please search for ‘sorry i tried to murder you’ cards

[moroniic]

         there we go, that should do it

[moroniic]

       siri please search for ‘sorry i tried to murder you’ cards

[moroniic]

nurotoxin​:

      ❝   YOU .   ❞     there’s  a  edge  to  her  voice ,   the  sheen  of  muted  frenzy  dappling  her  eyes  as  they  remain  fixed  on  his .   it’s  anger  that  shifts  into  something  feral ,   something  restless .   it’s  HIM ,   they’ve  brought  him  here  too ,   gifted  him  his  very  own  stupid  little  body  to  waltz  about  him   —   recognition  was  nigh  instinctive .   &   as  if  sensing  her  discontent ,   the  idiot  spots  her  presence  all  the  same .   he  takes  a  step  back   &   she  takes  two  forward   ;   the  corners  of  her  lips  twitch  upwards  into  a  friendly  little  paradox ,   doing  nothing  to  offset  the  pure  rage  tinting  austere  gaze .

     ❝   i wasn’t expecting you to be so enthused about our reunion .   what a relief ,   here i thought i might have been the only one .   really ,   i don’t think you can begin to know the emotions i’m feeling right now .   ❞

     a  glance  at  where  he  plans  to  escape   &   she  switches  direction ,   plans  to  cut  him  off .   look  at  tyrant’s  polite  smile ,   the  restraint  in  her  eyes   ——   she  considers  herself  quite  generous  at  the  moment .   although  NOT  GENEROUS  enough  to  see  his  existence  practically  negated  like  Chell  currently ,   nor  to  render  him  as  nothing  more  than  a  bad  memory  /  a  ghost  /  a  wayward  figment  of  imagination like Caroline .   &   how  gracious  of  her  to  allot  him  with  even  a  moment  of  reprieve .

    it  was  only  a  matter  of  time  before  patience   &   restraint  become  encroached  with  talons .   this  prospect  of  peace  was  temporal ,   something  faux ,   &  will  eventually  suffer  a  bitter  end .   she ,   the  executioner ,   can  terminate  it  with  ease .

    ❝   where do you think you’re going ?   it just so happens i don’t have any tests to perform for the rest of the day .   what a nice coincidence .   a lesser man might even call it fate .   we have a LOT of catching up to do .   i’d love to hear all about your time on the moon before you go on your RETURN TRIP .   ❞     a  half  -  jest ,   as  signaled  by  the  quiet  laugh  that  escapes  her .   in  the  first  place ,   being  stuck  on  the  moon  was  too  good  for  him .   if  only  she  had  that  cryogenic  chamber  on  standby ,   although  rogue  A.I  figures  that  room  of  screaming  robots  she  mentioned  to  Chell  could  bode  well .

     ❝   but first ,   would you like to hear something funny ?   i was just passing along the Golden ward just the other day ,   &   guess what interesting little thing i so happened to see equipped with a bright sign ?   ❞     a  pause .   it’s  a  rhetorical  question  that  needs  no  answer ,   but  GLaDOS  allows  time  for  his  thoughts  to  jostle  around  like  loose  pieces  of  metal ,   another  act  of  kindness .   when  she  speaks  again ,   there’s  a  quiet  humor  to  her  voice ,   a  bitter  chuckle  before  it  turns  more  demand  than  request .     ❝   …   why don’t you give me a grand tour of your lair while we catch up .   ❞

       it was hard to read her nearly monotone, carefully modulated voice - the cold, polar opposite of his own. but he didn't think that he'd ever heard her voice carry such a sharp edge to it since... he wasn't going to think about that day. it happened so long ago and yet it felt so fresh in his mind; a wound she'd torn open without regard when he was first introduced to being in the mainframe. briefly, his eyes flickered to something similar to a glare - though the remainder of his body language and expression remained the same; terrified.

      it didn't take long for the glare, too, to give way to horror as she moved to intercept his path to the door; another yelp escaped him. the fact that she seemed to have cleared her plans for the day as soon as she'd seen him absolutely didn't bode well, and he immediately felt a sinking pit where a human's stomach would be as she threatened to send him back to earth's satellite. he didn't even know if that was possible in spirale, but he had absolutely no intention of letting her find out.

      as she mentioned the signs, he hesitantly glanced up at one - indeed brightly lit for a display visible from down the street. “ damn. i -i mean, yeah...guess those do stand out a bit! wasn’t really the greatest idea, in hindsight - but i suppose that’s why they say hindsight’s fifty-fifty. whatever that means, sure it refers to that sort of thing... ” he was rambling once again and even he was having difficulty shutting himself up at this point.  it was a nice idea, until she decided to come back here. didn’t she have enough fun killing him the first time around? he already knew the answer to that, and immediately wheatley was glad that he didn’t voice that aloud. the android’s shoulders twitched a bit in what was likely nervous tics; something he hadn’t really had to worry about as a core with limited body language.

      “ a - a tour? “ admittedly, his ‘lair’ was so large, he hadn’t even fully explored it. and while the idea of her being inside his lair was very, very unpleasant, the thought of possibly dying again if he refused was even worse. “ it’s - it’s really not in the state for-  for guests at the moment. haven’t done my, um...fall cleaning. like spring cleaning, but - for this season. ” a nervous chuckle. “ haven’t hired the interior decorator yet, either - it’s just horrendous in there, you’d hate it. really. i should really clean it up before you come in. ” why did she want to see it, anyway? to make fun of it? or to map it out to use in some diabolical plan? probably both, now that he thought of it.

      ...then again, his lair was named so for more than his own ego; it was capable of being re-arranged by him, much like the facility had been when he was in control of it. just a much smaller version, much more manageable to him. he’d never tried it - being quite happy with the way his home was at the moment - but at least he had something in mind in case she decided to try and kill him. again. which he was quite sure was her plan at the moment, anyway. she would, theoretically, be in as much danger as he would be. with that thought in mind, he felt an uncharacteristic surge of confidence.

      “ ... but - ah, actually y- you don’t really look like you’re in the mood to take no for an answer. wasn’t really - didn’t really fit your...you. ” another weak, obviously forced laugh. . “ ...after mulling it over for a minute - i, uh  - you, do you want me to...get the door for you, then...? ” even if he had a back-up plan, he still didn’t like inviting her in. “ i’ll need to - you know... ” wheatley gestured to the space behind her where the door was, though he immediately drew his hand back - as if she were going to snap it off if it got too close to her. “ or - you can go ahead. your choice. you - you’re in charge and i haven’t forgotten that! this time, i mean.  ”

[aperturret]

someone revoke my art privileges @oneangrykneegremlin

[moroniic]

       “ oh, it’s almost that time of year again when we’re all supposed to hand out candy to the tiny humans? er - not only humans, in this city i suppose. still, seems like it’s largely a human thing... does cake count as candy? actually, nevermind - don’t know how to make that, anyway. ”

[moroniic]

why do i hc wheatley is bi & largely attracted to men?? what straight man talks like this