Like Morticia .. but a Spice Girl

I'm just like any modern woman trying to have it all. Loving husband, a family. It's just, I wish I had more time to seek out the dark forces and join their hellish crusade.-Morticia Addams

[whitepeopletwitter]

[ruinedchildhood]

[strictlygamee-deactivated201407]

Charlie Day doppelganger: NBA player Josh McRoberts

[proletariangf]

I refuse to believe that isn’t charlie day

[hotbully-deactivated20170419]

The gang infiltrates the nba.

[gaymaul-archive]

dear god charlie is 5′7″ and this man is 6′10″. this is uncomfortably stretched out charlie, and i am straight up TERRIFIED by that concept

[airframeextender]

[rylandgraces]

harvard? you mean from legally blonde? you know thats not a real school right?

[tonysopranobignaturals-deactiva]

[babylizard-blog]

no homo. we’re fresh out. we should get a new shipment in on monday

[knightzoned]

can you check in the back

[thursday]

*gracefully flips over a quesadilla* anyone would be lucky to have me

[whitepeopletwitter]

[missinyouiskillingme]

“I know I probably don’t cross your mind much anymore but I hope someday you see something that reminds you of me and the things we use to spend hours talking about at night and then your throat gets tight and your heart skips a beat and you finally miss me back.”

— I miss you so much

[queenannika-deactivated20130402]

[melonmemes]

[vampireapologist-archive-deacti]

I worked at Cracker Barrel when the duck dynasty guy said he doesn’t understand being gay or something I literally don’t remember but everyone lost their damn minds so cracker barrel got pressured into taking all its duck dynasty stuff off the shelves which at the time was like 87% of their merchandise and do you know how many 65 year old men thought that I was Personally Responsible for that decision

Old dudes thought I was Undercover Boss and if they yelled loud enough I’d say “ya got me. I’m the Cracker Barrel CEO. The big CB. I AM the Barrel. The Law. I’ll put that stuff back up right away.”

More than one of them yelled at me for violating their first amendment rights. Which, you know, includes the explicit right to purchase Duck Dynasty Wall Clocks at Cracker Barrel for 35.99 USD.

Corporate actually issued scripts to us to deal with the situation.

And then it got more wild bc one of my coworkers remembered I was gay and thought I must be so hurt by everything.

She and my other coworkers were like “this must be so hard for you. I’m so sorry.”

And it was really considerate and sweet but I was like

the duck dynasty man lives in a swamp and is famous for having a beard. I didn’t…… like……I wasn’t invested in his opinion.

[andhumanslovedstories]

For reasons that are very innocent, my 60 year old dad made a Twitter account with "daddy" in the handle and I truly don't know how to handle this. I ventured to mom that perhaps the name was...funny and she gave me Such a Look, and said, "don't tell him" and I was like, "YEAH FUCKING OBVIOUSLY MOM I AM NOT GOING TO TELL MY DAD ABOUT DADDY CULTURE," and she was like, "yeah me neither," and I said, "look if someone's going to it has to be you, you're married to him," and then I paused and thought, "are we the perverts? perverts who have forgotten the true meaning of daddy?" and she sighed and said, "the problem is that ever since he grew the beard he really is a hot daddy" and now I can't talk to either of my parents ever again because mom told me too much about his apparently amazingly strong biceps

[andhumanslovedstories]

YEAH MUH BOY THAT IS THE NIGHTMARE SCENARIO

[birdschoolalum]

I worked with a doctor who was the “father of emergency medicine” in my town so his twitter handle was

EMO_daddy

[andhumanslovedstories]

OH NO

[the-witchs-brew]

[hilarioushumorfromouterspace]

[butterflypeaflowertea]

love is so embarrassing . also the only thing that matters

[sunbathe]

me revisiting my scene phase playlist

[i124you]

me having a depressive episode