Mortuary Report

Former mortician. Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, III. Disability Rights Advocate. Intersectional Feminist. Status Quo Exile. Opinions my own. #swbk

[mortreport]

winter in san francisco is much easier if you have the right rain gear. i’m almost, not-quite, just barely two weeks out from my total hysterectomy. i am exhausted and still sore and crawling the walls with cabin fever while simultaneously overjoyed to stay inside and talk to no one else but the dogs and goldfish and plants. surgical recovery is a weird brain space. 📸: @derekthevet #latergram #photography #chronicillness #chronicpain #ehlersdanlos #endometriosis #hysterectomyrecovery #hysterectomy #fujifilm #xt2 #fujifilmxt2 #yayarea #sundayfunday #gopats (at The Buccaneer) https://www.instagram.com/p/Bre-RlLHluq/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1o8bkr7beibwq

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neighborhood kitty wasn’t a huge fan of how interested bash was in saying hello #latergram #oakland #yayarea #instacat #straycat #fujifilm #fujifilmxt2 #xt2 #shootphotography #walkabout (at Oakland, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/Brby9I_nxAS/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=2iwlowh3vbcu

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some (most) days, the doctor isn’t worth the effort required to get your meatcage out of bed, dressed, and to the hospital. guess i made the right call when i wore the middle finger dress. gynecologist/surgeon referred me to a hematologist to figure out more about my factor V mutation, which is a blood disorder that causes hypercoagulation (AKA increased likelihood of clots.) this doctor was brusque, too busy talking to do any kind of listening, and groped me without warning on the way out (oh, sorry, he was “checking my lymph nodes.”) some days you’re just too tired to make a big deal about it - and those days are when it’s good to have someone like @derekthevet in the room with you. (“uh, does the doctor usually bodily grope patients without their permission?” he asked the nurse. “i didn’t even notice, so...” she replied. that’s a yes.) back in bed now because being chronically ill in our fucked up medical system makes me so exhausted i can barely explain. #chronicillness #ehlersdanlossyndrome #ehlersdanlos #chronicpain #hospitalglam #chronicallyfabulous #model #modeling #ootd (at Alta Bates Comprehensive Cancer Center) https://www.instagram.com/p/BrWOST6nE7q/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=3pg40c3oyxst

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sometimes i wonder what it must feel like to live in a body that feels like it belongs to you, a body you can predict. what a simple pleasure that so many humans take for granted. #selfie #fujifilm #fujifilmxt2 #xt2 #ehlersdanlossyndrome #ehlersdanlos #endometriosis #hysterectomyrecovery #scars #surgery (at Oakland, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/BrTxJQKnkPL/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=s5qtng4gyf1k

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each sourdough loaf gets just a little bit better. each time i bake, i learn a little more about how the dough should feel beneath my hands, about how each stage changes the final loaf. and it never, ever stops being satisfying as all hell to slice into the finished product after so many hours of effort #sourdough #sourdoughbread #crumbshot #baking #breadmaking #bread #wildyeast #breadstagram #artisanbread (at Oakland, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/BrQtPHgnJsI/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1khsjy3dfwys

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being chronically ill means i have so many more pictures of my insides than most people do. the spine is such a beautiful, broken piece of artistry. this MRI was taken just before surgery in order to determine that the severe pain in my leg wasn’t something that would affect surgery. results discovered that i have a torn labrum in my hip - the cartilage that keeps the hip bone from rubbing against the pelvis. there’s a small cyst in there, likely a result of the tear, and the bone in the socket is being worn away - but that’s a problem for a different doctor. #mri #chronicillness #chronicpain #ehlersdanlossyndrome #hysterectomyrecovery (at Oakland, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/BrMumIInWOv/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=4ctcucex9k8i

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woke up from surgery and my mama brought me a zebra bear - in the family tradition of hospital dog, a stuffed animal who has accompanied ratcliffs on many hospital adventures. a med school aphorism is, “if you hear hoofbeats, think horses, not zebras,” which teaches med students to associate symptoms with non-rare diagnoses - except sometimes us zebras actually do exist. they gave me enough pain meds for four days post-surgical and haven’t refilled them yet, so i am desperate to sleep and having such a hard time actually doing so through the pain. gorgeous photo by @derekthevet. #chronicillness #chronicpain #ehlersdanlossyndrome #hysterectomyrecovery #photography #hospitalbed #fujifilm #xt2 (at Alta Bates Summit Medical Center) https://www.instagram.com/p/BrKJvD2njuO/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=7osvpbsjd6rw

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smol curmudgeonly doggo or ancient alien? why not both? recovery from the hysterectomy is slow - easier than bone surgery (so far), but still slow. i hurts and i’d rather be DOING. pretty much anything except laying around and laughing weird cuz it hurts to laugh normally. roland is pleased for the company/bed warmer, tho, and i’m pleased for the foot warmer. #latergram #dogsofinstagram #dog #seniordog #seniordoglove #ehlersdanlossyndrome #chronicpain (at Oakland, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/BrHsdG4HPx2/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=mmpfc4r9wzeg

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i’m one day out from major surgery - a total hysterectomy - and feeling even more than usual like my meatcage is completely separate from me. i’m sore and swollen and tired. this pic by @allanamato helps, tho. #latergram #yayarea #model #modeling #ehlersdanlos #chronicillness #chronicpain #chronicallyfabulous #portraitphotography #portrait https://www.instagram.com/p/BrBenD0HSXN/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1at4opsswtx2a

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there was definitely an office full of humans on the other side of that window. 📸: @1shotphoto #latergram #muchlatergram #photography #model #queer #queerfashion #disabled #chronicillness #chronicpain #chronicallyfabulous (at San Francisco, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/Bq3-e0zHu2N/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=vzq0tjq5j2ss

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sometimes - only sometimes - i miss having hair. 📸 by @1shotphoto way back when! #latergram #muchlatergram #photography #model #olympus #olympusom1 #shootfilm #shootfilmnotbullets #queer #queerfashion (at San Francisco, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/Bq060hRHyb8/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1srni0a8230d

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te quiero mucho, elotero. #latergram #yayarea #oakland #fruitvale #xt2 #fujifilm (at Oakland, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/BqzBMpbHM5w/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=xcvwo7dl2nmk

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first loaf of sourdough failed miserably. second loaf of sourdough burned. third time’s the charm - except now i’m addicted to the taste of marmalade spread over fresh bread and the science of getting it just right. can’t wait to see what i learn to improve the next, and the next, and the next...! #sourdough #sourdoughbread #wildyeast #crumbshot #bread #breadstagram #artisanbread #baking https://www.instagram.com/p/Bqu9o4XnY8t/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1kghu3mko28c2

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so much medical bullshit this week. send some good thoughts out to the universe that i’m able to handle it all and make it to surgery next tuesday without postponement to 2019, which would be a very expensive postponement, indeed. #linocut #linocutprint #linoprint #linoprinting #linoblock #art #artist #artistsoninstagram #chronicillness #chronicpain #illustration (at Oakland, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/BqtwVmyn_nK/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=h689tobpabbb

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when in doubt, make your dogs model for you #latergram #bashtag #dogsofinstagram #dogs #doggo #fujifilm #fujifilmxt20 #xt2 #pet #petportrait #papillon #rescuedog #rescuedogsofinstagram #rescue #justshoot (at Oakland, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/BqrKhPFnF2W/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=11vc1no8sp6hb

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i like watching people interact when they have a language of touch and physical familiarity that’s clearly been built up over many years. #latergram #xt2 #fujifilmxt2 #photography #fujifilm #sanfrancisco #patriots (at The Buccaneer) https://www.instagram.com/p/Bqp8ZednSYN/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=13adr4pm1x9dt

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popped this in the mail today to its new owner! part of my chronic pain series, where people describe their pain to me as a synesthete and i paint what they tell me. i make a lot of art that doesn’t get shared here. supposing i should fix that, eh? #latergram #watercolor #chronicpain #art #artist #artistsoninstagram #watercolorpainting #anatomydrawing #anatomy #painting #watercolorillustration #acearts https://www.instagram.com/p/BqO5qmSngBn/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=ttjboj95jm2v