[artifuls]

Things I have learned since becoming an Adult™

-don’t tell ur coworkers jack shit. You might think they’re your friends but they will sell you out for a paperclip -everything men tell you is a lie -store brand vanilla ice cream is better than name brand -pregnancy tests from the dollar store work just as well as $20 ones -don’t lie to your doctor -seriously don’t -at some point your card will get declined for $6 and nobody but you will care. It happens to everyone at some point in their life -you will become bffs with your mom (unless she’s a mean person, then skip this one) -you’ll wish you took the advice adults gave you when you were younger, even though it annoyed you at the time -people you went to high school with will become teachers, doctors, etc but they will still do drugs and it will be weird. That’s life, my dude -never underestimate the power of new underwear

i don’t like kids. 

in general, i suppose. i’m not very fond of little kids. i don’t want them. they give me headaches and i cannot deal with their antics. 

HOWEVER

you know what i do when kids talk to me? i smile. i answer them. i tell them their scribbles look really good. i open their juice boxes for them and ask to hear more about their power rangers. 

because although i may not be fond of children, i was one. i remember being a kid and how much sour adults impacted my life even today. so when a child who is screaming and crying with a runny nose walks past me, i put on my smiling face and ask them what’s wrong instead of rolling my eyes. 

because that’s what you do. you tolerate children even if you tend to dislike them. because kids are so impressionable and remember everything. i cannot bring myself to enjoy being around children. but that doesn’t mean i let them know. 

[princeasimdiya12]

Woah.

[steakandcheeeese]

I always get the ‘I thought you hated kids’ when people see me being nice and talking to littlies and all I respond is ‘sure, I’m not a fan of kids and I’m not really planning on having any, but I’m not a complete asshole’ Don’t be a dick to kids, it’s super uncool.

[yourweeaboobs]

and if you see a baby smiling at you please for the love of fuck smile back. you smiling back allows babies to develop an awareness of their impact on other people and how their emotional expression impacts others - basically their social abilities. when you smile back, the baby’s brain registers ‘i expressed a positive emotion and this caused the other person to express that same positive emotion’. 

[kittywinks-deactivated20190120]

Don’t be that asshole a person carries in their memories for years and struggles against daily. Be nice to kids.

[crownedboi-deactivated20161011]

If a little kid waves at you or says hi to you, please do it back. They’re learning to interact with adults. Acknowledge them!

[spoonshares]

I think this also applies to when kids ask you about your disability. Adults know better, but kids are still learning! If a kid asks “why do you have to be in that chair?” your answer suddenly has a lot of weight in a developing human’s brain who might have an impactful influence in 20 years.

[jewghoul]

When you work at Lush and customer comes in and bites the soap because they think it’s cheese

[bransidhe-deactivated20201122]

this happens way more frequently than you think, i assure you

[stygianzinogre]

Well if you frickers stopped literally presenting soap as deli food maybe it wouldnt happen?

[jewghoul]

who goes into a bath store and thinks something covered in glitter is cheese

[one-million-cats]

who goes to the store and just takes a bite from the cheese

[prasejeebus]

JESUS

[grawly]

[fauxfable]

my talents include

-choking on nothing but air and spit 
-asking ‘what?’ and then immediately processing what you said 
-making a fool of myself trying to get wild cats to let me pet them 
-compensating for hours of procrastination with minutes of panic and superhuman speed

[supradist-deactivated20200325]

How to #roll #flip

[extradimensionaldream]

she earned my vote

[pastweeks-deactivated20200512]

shut up

[frankenfemme]

I’m literally with Her

[crpl-pnk]

draw stick figures. sing off key. write bad poems. sew ugly clothes. run slowly. flirt clumisly. play video games on easy. you do not need to be good at something to enjoy the act. talent is overrated. do things you like doing. it’s ok to suck

[kumagawa]

had a dream obama and the guy who plays air guitar at the mall were about to fight and obama said “ violence for violence is the rule of beasts “ and i woke up because that was the rawest shit i ever heard

[raffleupagus]

I can’t fucking get over this. It has to be my favorite line of dialogue in any work of fiction in 2016

“Violence for violence is the rule of beasts” - Barack Obama

do you ever get so annoyed at everything that you start to get pissed off at even little things like a spoon clinking against a bowl or sounds of people talking  

[alternativeblkgal]

I think it’s called sensory overload. It’s really common in people with anxiety

[reynabeth-deactivated20180821-d]

it can also be a result of sleep deprivation, stress, or ever dehydration !!

[vietbit-deactivated20201010]

*collapses on my king sized canopy bed with lavender satin sheets and goose down pillows in a baby pink silk robe holding an empty (but once full) swarovski crystal wine glass, throwing a maincured hand loosely over my eyes* im in love

[getstuffedmalfoy]

this is draco

[memewhore]

[evolvedleo-deactivated20170414]

I’M THE MOM

[kadywicker]

who else is terrified about finding out whether or not your rights and safety are going to be jeopardized in 7 days lmao

[kadywicker]

the fact that poc/lgbt ppl are reblogging this talking about how scared they are of a trump presidency bc of his policies/who he’s putting in office, as well as latinx and muslim ppl reblogging with their fears that they’re literally going to be deported while cishet whites are saying “it doesn’t matter dumbass stop being so dramatic” or even “it’s funny because this could go for hillary too since she’s taking away gun rights” really tells you a lot

[glumshoe]

The TSA Instagram account is nothing but ridiculous weaponry confiscated from carry-ons - mostly batarangs.

[ben-walker-deactivated20230713]

do you ever lay in a position so uncomfortable you can actually feel it damaging your body but ur too lazy to move

[jontronshat-deactivated20150806]

4 word horror story

“I heard my wife knock on the bathroom door, but then I remembered…. our bathroom doesn’t have a door”

[imhangingwhataboutyou]

I’m sorry, but the confusion of why your bathroom doesn’t have a door far outweighs any feelings of horror this might evoke.

[jontronshat-deactivated20150806]

can’t afford door.. the horror here is the realities of life

[pajamazam]

So what fuck was your wife knocking on

[jontronshat-deactivated20150806]

this dick

[mitochondrionion]

It’s not even 4 words???

[thatsthat24]

This post is a mess

[thisblogisnolongerinuseitisold]

So there’s a Japanese slang term, ‘chuunibyou’, that roughly translates to “Middle School 2nd Year Syndrome.” It is used to describe the stupid phases people go through when they are 14, like pretend to be really hardcore, act like they know everything, say they have mystical powers, etc.

I’m so happy this term exists.

[sammyadeactivated-deactivated20]

#in english we call it ‘what are you like 12’ and i think that’s beautiful