so, i absolutely love cooking! it's a passion of mine, i've been cooking for my family for years, people seem to find my food edible enough, and i recently found myself unable to cook at all for about a week, resulting in this little list coming into existence! i'm most likely going to make more of these, simply because the dynamics in a kitchen are varied as hell, right? we have romantic couples who cook together as a hobby, there's professional restaurant kitchen settings, baking oriented stuff, cooking with kids, there's a LOT to be done w the topic! so these are more for the chaos of someone who cannot boil an egg to save their life, vs. someone who enjoys cooking and is widely considered to be a dab hand at it! DO NOT ADD TO THIS LIST! but i do hope you enjoy it as much as i enjoyed making it!
" hey, hey, it's okay! we'll scrape off the burnt bits! "
" here, let me chop the onions, okay? you can dice the peppers and beef; just be sure to do them on separate boards, yeah? "
" you... you know the wine was for the stew, don't you?! "
" i swear to you, i don't know how this happened. i followed every single instruction, word for word! "
" taste this and tell me what you think! "
" oh my god... this is AMAZING! you should have your own cooking show! "
" you're kidding me! no way this whole thing is vegan! it's just too good! "
" so, um... i might have possibly accidentally tipped the entire jar of cayenne pepper into the soup... and by might have, i mean definitely. "
" i think i'm gonna have to ask you to leave the kitchen before you hurt somebody. "
" it says here to fold in the eggs... now, tell me, how exactly does one do that? "
" i might have over-exaggerated my cooking skills... and blown up the oven. "
" look, it sounds gross, but i'm telling you, when it's cooked right, it's the best thing ever! "
" i lied to my date and now they think i'm this amazing cook when i'm absolutely not, so please, can you spare me the lecture and just teach me how to cook? "
" woah, woah, woah... try chopping like this. yeah, that's it. you won't chop off your hand this way. "
" so, um... how exactly did it manage to stay frozen solid on the inside, but scorch to a crisp on the outside? "
" okay, remember when it asked for fifty grams of sugar? yeah. i accidentally used salt. "
" well, at least we know the smoke alarms work, right? "
" i ruined three knives, i have a roast chicken embedded in my ceiling, my oven officially needs therapy, and so do i! wanna call it quits and order a pizza? "
" i swear, you're one of those kitchen gods who can make ice cubes taste fantastic! "
" this is the fun part! take that tenderiser, and beat the absolute crap out of that pile of steaks. "
" i'm trying so hard not to judge you right now, but... onion goggles?! "
" how on earth did you get pasta sauce on the ceiling? "
" you know every single firefighter in town knows my name? and my top three favorite comfort foods to bring each time i trigger the fire alarm? yeah. that's my culinary reputation. "
" hey. it's okay. this isn't the first time i've burnt dinner. i have taco bell on speed dial. "
" sometimes recipes just don't work out. and that's okay! what matters is that you tried. "
" i didn't realize it was even possible to burn water! "
" ah... i see where you went wrong. the recipe uses paprika. this is chilli powder. "
" quit eating the batter, or we'll have no cupcakes at all! "
" no! no way. i'm not tasting anything cooked by you; not since your orange juice gave me food poisoning. "
" the last time i tried to cook, my pot roast ended up on fire and put a hole in my dry wall. i had to hang paintings over it until i could refill the crater. "
" no, you cannot cook chicken medium-rare. wanna know why? because that means it's raw. and you'll end up with food poisoning. and i'll have to tell you what a moron you were to even think that was an acceptable thing to do in the first place. "
" i thought you teaching me how to cook would be all soft and friendly, like the great british bake-off! but it's more like hell's kitchen. "
" no tears in my kitchen, thank you! "
" six fires in three hours is your personal best! only problem is, we're making fruit salad... "
" i understand that it's meant to be salted caramel, but... exactly how much salt did you use?! "
kianamaiart
izzy806
blakekathryn
titsay
romaincrisis
stormborns
ellievsbear
germansingergirl
