I'm not bothering to reblog them, but the boys are BIG BIG MAD that I, and a lot of us elder nerds, applied the Paradox of Tolerance to what is broadly described as "the nerd community" so it would be a more welcoming and inclusive place. They're rolling out the same boring and lazy insults and memes they always use, in what appears to be an epic circlejerk of cringey victimization.
I don't care what these guys think, so I'm not responding to them. But this issue comes up from time to time, and thought this presentedan opportunity to clarify what I view as the big difference between a gatekeeper and a caretaker.
For too long, weird, antisocial gatekeepers did their best to make women (and anyone who wasn't a cishet white dude) feel unwelcome in gatherings of sci-fi, fantasy, gaming, and other "nerd" spaces, while they complained that they never got the attention from women they felt they deserved. Those dudes were always outnumbered by the rest of us, but they were the loudest and always got the most attention.
But one day, the majority of us sort of collectively realized that nobody ever agreed that these boys were in charge of us and our relationship with the things we loved. We told them that they didn't get to gatekeep anymore. It took years, but we slowly changed the culture to be more inclusive, more diverse, and less toxic. And holy shit did I not realize the extent and depth of the toxicity until it wasn't there, protected as I was by my demographic privilege. Jesus Christ was it toxic.
For years, these boys (most of them are still boys, well into their adult lives) have been big big mad that the majority of us, who never agreed with them, finally stood up and established a boundary. We said that all are welcome, unless you're a dick. These boys and JD Vance aren't able to cross that boundary, because it's at odds with who they fundamentally are in their core. They are bullies who like the same things a lot of nerds like. We are not the same. Our weird is amazing and fun, while their weird is ... weird. Offputting. Strange.
We aren't going back to a time when women felt unsafe and unwelcome at cons, because self-proclaimed "nerds" like JD Vance, who are just toxic bros who missed the entire point of The Lord of the Rings, Star Trek, and Star Wars, now have to respect clear and posted anti-harassment policies that carry real consequences.
We aren't going back to a time when someone had to pass an arbitrary trivia test, delivered by a self-appointed gatekeeper like JD Vance, to participate in any aspect of fan culture, because that demand is now met with the dismissive eyerolls it always deserved. Our cons, our game stores, our comic shops, and all of our spaces are safe and welcome to all because we work together to protect them from entitled weirdos like JD Vance.
All are welcome, just don't be a dick.
That's how it is now. That is massive progress. It is a fantastic thing, and we are going to protect our county from JD Vance and people like him, the same way we protect nerd culture from JD Vance and people like him. That was the point of the article I linked to with my original quote that inspired this ask:
For Vance and others, it’s not their interests in comic books or sci-fi that sets them apart now. What’s weird is their refusal to share that win with anyone who doesn’t fit the outdated stereotype of who and what a nerd is.
I'm not a gatekeeping hypocrite, as some boy declared, because I work to keep toxic boys -- who derive a sense of power and importance from bullying -- away from a community I care about. I'm, uh, ... you know ... being a caretaker.
There are a lot of us caretakers, now that I think about it. The vast majority of us, I imagine. So I am but one of the caretakers in this garden, keeping the weeds out, and protecting the plants from pests, so the garden can thrive. I'm proud as hell, and so grateful, to be part of that.
If you're reading this, odds are you are, too. Thank you for that. I love our garden.
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