MRS. FLORA+FAUNA

[mrsflora-fauna]

This is what I do for a living now and it’s awesome. 🎃❤️ And so is this recipe! . . . #flashesofdelight #thehappynow #foodvideos #bulletproofcoffee #bulletproofdiet #workingmoms #creativelifehappylife #organickids #organiclife #foodie (at Bainbridge Island, Washington)

[mrsflora-fauna]

Thrift shopping with my little buddy. While I dig for fiber art and brass candlesticks, he treasure hunts for sparkly 🎃. . . . #thisiswhyihavetothriftshopeveryday # #getoutstayout #livecolorfully #lifeofadventure #exploretocreate #thatsdarling #myunicornlife #thehappynow #flashesofdelight #autumn #bainbridgeisland #bainbridgeislandlife #momtogs #momswithcameras #documentyourdays #documentingmotherhood #abmhappylife #abmlifeiscolorful #mcm #pnwonderland #thatpnwlife #pnwcollective #motherhoodunplugged #uniteinmotherhood #candidchildhood #childhoodunplugged

[mrsflora-fauna]

We are on a photo safari. . . . #optoutside #lifeofadventure #justgoshoot #rei1440project #livecolorfully #thatsdarling #pursuepretty #naturelovers #bainbridgeisland #bainbridgeislandlife #momswithcameras #momtogs #documentingmotherhood #documentyourdays #uniteinmotherhood #abmlifeiscolorful #abmhappylife #toddlersofinstagram (at Grand Forest Bainbridge Island)

[mrsflora-fauna]

Note from Wylder's teacher today: "Wylder is always looking out for his friends and making sure they're making the right/safe choices! He's not afraid to tell them right from wrong. ;-) " Just like his Mama. So proud! #resist #conscienceisavirtue #bekind #beethical #dogood #raisegoodhumans ✊🏻 . . . #toddlers #portrait #makeportraits #postthepeople #instagood #thatsdarling #candidchildhood #katequinnorganics #threeyearsold #momlife #boymom #bainbridgeisland #bainbridgeislandlife #childhoodunplugged #uniteinmotherhood (at Montana)

[mrsflora-fauna]

Meatless Monday "BLTA" - roasted sweet potatoes, cilantro (lettuce), tomato, tempeh bacon drizzled with lime juice, and avocado slices.

[mrsflora-fauna]

Meatless Monday "BLTA" - roasted sweet potatoes, cilantro (lettuce), tomato, tempeh bacon drizzled with lime juice, and avocado slices.

[mrsflora-fauna]

Lunch hour walk to the Sculpture Park with my number one girl. . . . #artlover #childhoodunplugged #candidchildhood #flashesofdelight #makeportraits #momlife #workingmom #ergo #ergobaby #ergobaby360 #optoutside #walking #momtogs #momswithcameras #documentyourdays #thatsdarling #documentingmotherhood #uniteinmotherhood #seattle #seattle #seattlephotographer #pursuepretty #livecolorfully #thehappynow #darlingmovement #pnwcollective #agameoftones #lifeofadventure #justgoshoot #postthepeople #SAM (at Olympic Sculpture Park)

[mrsflora-fauna]

Little Mrs. Roper ❤️ . . . #ootd #babygirl #babylove #pocketofmyhome #jungalowstyle #plantsmakepeoplehappy #candidchildhood #flashesofdelight #thatsdarling #interiordesign #momswithcameras #momtogs #documentingmotherhood #documentyourdays #bainbridgeisland #bainbridgeislandlife #ihavethisthingwithplants #howyouhome #apartmenttherapy #babiesofinstagram #pursuepretty #livecolorfully (at Bainbridge Island, Washington)

[mrsflora-fauna]

Meatless Monday "BLTA" - roasted sweet potatoes, cilantro (lettuce), tomato, tempeh bacon drizzled with lime juice, and avocado slices.

[mrsflora-fauna]

Meatless Monday "BLTA" - roasted sweet potatoes, cilantro (lettuce), tomato, tempeh bacon drizzled with lime juice, and avocado slices.

[mrsflora-fauna]

Meatless Monday "BLTA" - roasted sweet potatoes, cilantro (lettuce), tomato, tempeh bacon drizzled with lime juice, and avocado slices.

[mrsflora-fauna]

Hello again.  IT’S BEEN A WHILE SINCE I’VE BEEN HERE. 

We moved two states away from where I started this blog. And then again to an island outside of Seattle. We got new jobs. We had another baby. But I’m back now. For now. And it feels just right. 

x

H

[mrsflora-fauna]

YSL 'Top Secrets' BB Cream Skintone Perfector - REVIEW

I had never heard of BB Creams until about a month ago. I was up at 2am, lamenting about how my child does NOT make me feel young, but rather, on account of pregnancy and breastfeeding has totally eliminated any chance I might have of turning back time on my face. My skin is haggard at the moment. And no, I can't use retinal (not safe for baby), so I was feeling like a dullface. 

Anyway, I started looking into BB Creams for some reason and couldn't find ANY that were light enough for my albino skin, but also had yellow undertones. Most make-up companies think that we pale ones are all pink. Nope. Not me. I'm a golden skinned albino. Sunscreen with zinc matches better than most foundations. 

One afternoon, I took Wylder to Nordstrom (where he really turned on the charm, of course - he saves smiles for strangers) and tried a bunch of BB creams. My favorite - the - most perfect - the BEST BB Cream, by FAR (for my skin) was from YSL. 

I've been using it for two weeks and love it. Light coverage, but not as light as tinted moisturizer. It really put a pep in my step before I had to head back to work. 

Totally worth the money. BIG WIN. 

I'll post a pic of my latest make-up bag goodies later this week. I'm feeling pretty good about what's in there these days. 

x,

H

[mrsflora-fauna]

Wylder

On June 3, 2014, Wylder Maxwell Russell Modine came out of my belly screaming. I'd been rolled out of the delivery room like a luau pig, on my hands and knees. My mother had posted on facebook MOMENTS before I was carted away that I'd gone into labor (never mind that I'd been laboring for 24 hours), so as they wheeled me out, I yelled to Husband, "CALL HER AND TELL HER TO TAKE THAT F@#KING POST DOWN!" He did. She did. And at 11:46am, Wylder arrived via emergency c-section. He hasn't stopped eating or screaming since. I love him. 

[mrsflora-fauna]

PUBLISHED (part 2)

This is the second story published in the compilation. I only intended to write one, and then my husband reminded me of this story. It's actually true. Pretty much. You write what you know, right? 

There's a lot of funny material in this book, btw, so if you're looking for something hilar to read, check it out. 

FORGIVE ME FATHER : For I have sinned.

I may or may not have intentionally thrown a tennis ball with my dog’s chucker at

a mutant child who was being very nasty to his family.

This happened in the summer of 2009.

The child may or may not have been riding a bicycle with said family. My dog

MAY or MAY NOT have knocked said child from said bike in an effort to fetch - as black labs are want to do.

The child may or may not have yelled, “MOMMY SHE HIT ME,” as it laid on the ground post bike fall.

I may or may not have yelled back, “YOU DESERVED IT FOR BEING SUCH AN ASSHOLE TO YOUR FAMILY!” to the child.

It was a dark moment. I’m not proud. That’s why I’m here.

I also need to confess about a recent incident at a movie theater.

When people laugh obnoxiously in the theater – usually with a mouth full of popcorn and or milk duds –I am prone to mimic their laughs.

Loudly.

Like this:

HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. {this should be a terrible laugh noise – loud and piercing and awful}

When those people laugh at non-funny moments in the film – and they ALWAYS DO – I may laugh back louder, more obnoxiously.

If ever I’m asked to go to dinner and a movie, I decline. I know how it will end.

He’ll hate me forever after he sees what I do.

That’s why I need your forgiveness.

But really, when things aren’t funny, you ought not laugh.

STOP IT.

{a beat}

Perhaps LOUD LAUGHER didn’t know that she was making my eye twitch as she cackled and sprayed her diet coke out her nose when the rest of the theater was silent. Perhaps she doesn’t know I can hear the popcorn-gummy-bear-hotdog smacking every time she opens her big gross face to laugh at Charlie Swan’s one liners in Twilight.

Forgive me father: I went to see Twilight in the theater.

{a beat}

I paid full price.

[mrsflora-fauna]

PUBLISHED

About a year ago, a girlfriend of mine asked if I'd submit some monologues for a compilation book she was putting together. I'm not a comedian, but my kid thinks I'm funny. 

So I wrote a couple of short stories and submitted them. 

In September, Hal Leonard Publishing released "WOMEN'S COMEDIC MONOLOGUES THAT ARE ACTUALLY FUNNY" and my two stories were featured. 

So, now I'm published, and it's not even an E-Book. 

Here's one of the shorts: 

ALBINOID, I AM.

I found out today, I am albino. {A beat}

I’m not joking. {Another, awkward beat}

I can hear what you’re thinking: “But she doesn’t have red eyes? Does she?” “She’s lying.” “I’ve seen albino turtles on Animal Planet … all albinos have red eyes and feather hair.”

Well, you’re wrong. A red eye does not an albino make.  Of course I didn’t know this until today, when I found my people. 

Flashback now, to me, age 5, diagnosed by my pediatric ophthalmologist as “almost albino.”

My CRAZY mother – oh you think YOUR mom is crazy? You think ALL moms are crazy? DID YOUR MOTHER SHOW UP TO YOUR HIGH SCHOOL BAND CONCERT WEARING LINGERIE?!?! 

I digress … my crazy mother diagnosed my albinism LONG before finding said pediatric ophthalmologist … it only took her 8-quacks to find one who would agree with her.

 To be fair, I look nothing like my mother. Or my father. I mostly look like my step mother, who I thought for years was really my mother, who only gave me up to my crazy mother because she felt sorry for her. Dammit … I keep losing focus.

Did you know that most albinos are legally blind? Including me. 

Hence the ophthalmologist.

So upon the diagnosis of almost albinism, I was sentenced to death by way of photo-gray lenses. Do you know what they are? Have you ever seen a mug shot of a creepy trucker with tinted glasses? Those are most likely photo-gray. No, they never really un-tint. Yes, they are always brown and creepy.

My father denounced said pediatric ophthalmologist (and my mother) – I should mention, they’re divorced – and purchased ANOTHER set of un-tinted glasses for me to wear on the weeks I was at his house.

Evidence of the façade that lasted for 6-years thereafter is my double set of school pictures: tinted creeper child photos at my mom’s, and (same outfit) normal lenses at my dad’s.

It really is a miracle I’m not a sociopath.

By the time my mom learned about my 2nd set of glasses, I already had contacts, and she was busy diagnosing me with extra bones in my feet (she almost convinced a podiatrist to put casts on both feet to “calm the inflammation” before my dad intervened and bought me Birkenstocks to help my arches).

For nearly 25 years, my almost albinism has been my father’s family joke.

Until today, I went to the eye doctor. I can never seem to get a 20/20 prescription and I was hoping she’d give me some glasses to put over my contacts so I could see street signs again. Or for the first time.

This particular doctor was a specialist, she’s used to seeing weird eyes. But when she saw mine, she started giggling. Giddy like.

An eye doctor laughing, when you’re helpless with dilated pupils is somewhat disconcerting … so I asked,  “what the hell is so funny?”

She said, “Well, I’ve just only seen eyes like yours in textbooks. Never in real life.” {A beat} “You know, ocular albinism.”

What. The Fuck.

(Doctor) “Because your retinas sparkle.”

{A beat} (BLANK STARE, jaw drops)

 (Doctor) “No one ever told you?” (a beat) “When I look at normal eyes, the retina is like a piece of cardboard. Your retinas are like Swiss cheese. The light shines through and makes them sparkle. Red-eyed albinos’ eyes quiver in the light, yours just shine.”

That’s right everyone … my eyes sparkle like a Twilight Vampire.

Becoming and albinoid, as we like to call ourselves, was the best day of my life. There is something really liberating about never having to try to be tan again. Also, I’m a genetic goddess. A lot of shit had to happen for my eyes to twinkle like they do. It’s a shame I have to keep this secret from my mother, I wouldn’t want her to know she was right.

[mrsflora-fauna]

Road Trip: Morro Bay & San Luis Obispo.