Note: The original link was giving me trouble, and I think it's because it's a reblog, so I'm making an original post just to link.
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No disrespect to PD but I just really wanted Will to get the tampons.
So I wrote it.
Here you go. Itโs not heavily edited, written in 3rd person POV, and meant to give you a laugh. I hope it gives you a laugh.
โGuys, shut up, my wifeโs calling,โ Will announced to the still rowdy car. Smiling despite it, he slid his thumb across the screen and hit the speaker button in a fluid motion. โHey babe, youโre on speaker,โ
โCan I not be?โ
Three pairs of eyes slid his way; Damon from his left, Michael from the rearview mirror, and Kai rotating around from the front passenger seat, each with a salacious gleam. Grinning, Will turned toward his window and dropped his voice. โWhy? You got a secret you wanna tell me?โ
His wife huffed. โNot like thereโs any secrets in this family anyway. Can you pick me up some tampons on your way back into town?โ
The scandalous vibe of the group immediately dissipated in the face of real world responsibilities. Will shifted to check the clock on the dash - nearly midnight. They had finished up some meetings in Meridian and stayed for a late dinner before starting back to Thunder Bay. โYouโre out?โ
โI had a box, but our son thought they looked fun โgrowingโ in the toilet water. The pharmacy hereโs already closed, not that they carry my brand anyway.โ
โIโll call Banks,โ Kai offered from the front, already pulling out his phone. โMaybe she can run some over.โ
โThanks, but she uses a different kind.โ
Will scrunched his face. โDoes it really matter?โ
โDo you have a favorite condom brand?โ
The only sound that could be heard in the car was the low music as each man considered the question. None volunteered an answer.
โThought so.โ He could hear her smugness on the phone and imagined that look she got when she knew she was right. He had to remind himself his wife probably wasnโt up for sexting now, given her physical state. Though he had heard that organisms help with cramps, so maybeโฆ
โSo, can I count on you or am I free bleeding in your bed tonight?โ
Will blanched at the idea. Michael was already hitting the freeway exit. โYou can count on me,โ he said, not at all excited about it. โSend a picture?โ
A few minutes later, Michael pulled into the empty parking lot of a 24-hour pharmacy. โThank god,โ Will muttered, opening the door and stepping out. โWish me luck.โ
โEmbarrassed?โ Kai asked, laughing to himself.
โNah,โ Will lied. As much as he loved sharing everything with Em, he loved her even more for keeping that part of her life to herself. She even promised to handle The Talk with the girls when they were old enough. He was only slightly concerned that Indie was getting close to that age. What was next? Bras? Boys?
His mind pulled hard left away from that thought.
How did Michael do it? They only had Athos for a few years before she was a teenager. He felt like it was going by all too quickly, and couldn't imagine how Michael handled it.
On the other side of Michaelโs Land Rover, Damon stepped out. โYouโre going too?โ the driver called in disbelief.
โAnd miss this moron wandering around the Pink aisle?โ
Will rolled his eyes and swung the door shut behind him. He made it five feet before he heard all three doors shut and shook his head. โYou guysโ suck balls.โ
The four men strutted into the pharmacy the same way they strutted to face any opponent, with confidence and swagger. Once inside the door, they came to an immediate stop, unclear of where to go next. The bright florescent lights spanned across the ceiling of the large store, shining down on the many, many aisles.
โWhere would they be? Near the medicine?โ Will asked.
โSheโs not sick, dipshit,โ Damon said.
โWell, I donโt know!โ
โWe should ask,โ Kai reasoned.
โIโm not asking.โ
โEither ask or I leave you here,โ Michael told him. โI want to see my wife tonight.โ
Will grumbled, grabbing a cart and heading farther into the store. His eyes swung from side to side, looking for any sign that he was nearing his target or a store employee. He hoped for the former.
He found the latter.
A young girl stocking the bottom shelves of the paper goods section. Brown flyaway hair that had parted from her ponytail stuck fell around her face. She looked fourteen. A wire ran from her back pocket to one of her ears, muffled music playing as she focused on her task. He hated himself.
โUh, hey,โ he said from the end of the aisle. She jumped, dropping the 12 pack of extra-large toilet paper rolls. Quickly, she pulled the headphones from her ear. โSorry,โ he offered weakly. Clearing his throat, he continued, โUh. Where are the, uhโฆโ
Exhausted and not nearly as entertained as he thought heโd be, Damon interjected. โWhereโs the girly shit.โ
โThe what?โ
โYou know, the shit girls use.โ
She blinked, eyebrows drawn in confusion and probably fear. At nearly forty and with five children, Damon still had that effect on people. โMake-up?โ
Will could feel Damonโs irritation twisting at his side. โTampons!โ He shouted to cut his friend off. โI need tampons.โ
Michael and Kai tried not to be obvious with their laughter, hiding behind their hands, but Will could still hear them at his back.
โOh,โ the girl gasped, but then she gathered herself. She pointed deeper into the store. โThree rows down, on your right.โ
Will nodded, looking to where she was pointing. โThanks.โ He pushed the cart. He didnโt even know why he had the cart, other than it was giving him something to grip. How many boxes was he going to need? He should have asked. He pulled his phone out, checking to see if Em had sent that picture.
Nothing. He sent a question mark, hoping for the best.
Behind him, Kai said, โYou really shouldnโt be listening to music if you canโt hear the door. Anyone could come in.โ
โMove it along,โ Damon called. โYou canโt be everyoneโs hero.โ
Will found the aisle just where the girl said it would be and walked in. He scanned the shelves, looking for something that was familiar. Heโd seen the box below the sink a hundred times. It sat right next toโฆ her face wash? Mouth wash? Extra toothpaste? He really needed to pay more attention.
Was it a pink box? Nearly every box was pink. Some were black. Who were those for? Did she want the pretty one with the nice applicator or - what was super? Super meant better, right?
He checked his phone again. Still no picture.
โWhatโs the hold up?โ Michael asked. He seemed to be avoiding looking at the boxes all together.
Will shook his phone. โNo picture.โ
Kai picked up a random box. โReusable? How- โ he flipped it over. โItโs a cup?โ
Michael cleared his throat, casting his eyes to the box in his friendโs hands. โI heard Rika and the kid talking about that. Apparently, itโs better for the environment.โ
โAthos uses it?โ Will asked, grabbing a second box. โIs that healthy?โ
โSays it last ten years,โ Kai read aloud. โMedical grade silicone. I wonder if Banks would like it.โ
Damon grabbed the box from Kaiโs hands, ignoring the glare he received. He tossed it into the cart, along with five others that were on the shelf. โDecision made.โ
โHold up,โ Will said, โI donโt even know if thatโs what Emmy wants.โ
โItโs good for the environment and is reusable so we never have to do this again. Whatโs there to consider.โ
โUm, what my wife wants,โ Will argued. โWhat if itโs not comfortable? What if it doesnโt work for her?โ
Damon motioned to Michael. โCall Athos and get the details.โ
The three men looked at him like he was insane โ which, consideringโฆ
Michael scoffed. โItโs past midnight. Sheโll be sleeping.โ
Damon arched a brow. โDid you sleep youโre first week at college?โ
Michael pulled out his phone, ignoring the way his friends laughed. Holding it out, he waited as it rang and rang, silently daring her to not answer.
โDad?โ Athos questioned on answer, a note of curiosity, but not sleep, in her voice.
โDo you use a โ whatโs it called?โ he asked the guys.
โA menstrual cup,โ Kai finished.
There was a beat of silence from the phone, before a whispered, โItโsย neverย what I think itโs going to be.โ Raising her voice, she answered, โYeah, and how do you even know what that is?โ
Will took the phone from Michael. โIs it comfortable?โ
Athos laughed. โIs this for you, or someone else?โ
โItโs for Em.โ
โThen shouldnโt I be talking to her?โ
โThis is an emergency.โ
โA menstrual cup emergency?โ
Damon snatched Michaelโs phone from Will. โListen, you little brat,โ
โNo, you listen, you werido,โ Athos broke in, still laughing, โDonโt get her anything she doesnโt already use.โ
โI donโt know what she uses,โ Will shouted at the phone. Then his eyes diverted to the end of the aisle. A second later, his friends did the same.
The employee stood at the end, the cart of items left to be stocked next to her, staring at them in bewilderment. Will could only imagine how they must have looked to her; four grown men arguing over tampons and cups at a quarter past midnight.
โHey, little girl,โ Damon taunted, โyou wannna help us?โ
โOh my god, Uncle D!โ Athosโ voice rang from the device in his hand. โYou canโt say things like that to people.โ
Damon hung up on her, tossing the phone back to Michael, who was only thankful he still had the reflexes to grab it mid-air. He started towards the end of the aisle, to the girl, but was pushed back by a hand on his chest.
โIgnore him,โ Kai said, stepping in front of Damon. โHeโs unstable. Weโre working on the proper combination of meds, but until then-โ Kai lifted a shoulder as if to say, What can you do?
โOkay,โ the girl answered, not giving away how she felt about Kaiโs explanation. Damon suspected she might be too stupid to have processed what he said. Then she stepped forward, motioning toward the shelf. โDid you need help?โ
The men paused, staring at her. She really did look young, her face round, eyes big and brown. She was small too. โIs it even legal for you to be working this late?โ Michael asked, suspicious.
She nodded slowly. โIโm nineteen.โ
โOh,โ Will said as they all immediately relaxed. The last thing he wanted to do was talk to some young kid about period stuff. Honestly, this is the first thing that had gone right all night in his book. โGreat. Then, yeah. I need tampons for my wife, and I donโt know what Iโm looking at.โ
โDo you know what size she needs?โ
Four gazes landed on back her. โThereโs different sizes?โ Kai inquired with astonishment.
They spent the next half-hour quizzing the girl who proved to be a wealth of knowledge. She gave the menstrual cups a glowing review, assuring Will that his wife would be happy with it, but also recommended a variety box of tampons that she pieced together was Emโs usual picked based on what Will could finally remember once he stopped panicking.
โWhatโs this one?โ Damon said, pulling another box off for her.
โThatโs a disk,โ the girl said. โItโs similar to a cup, except you can have sex with it in, so thereโs no blood.โ
Kai looked over boxes, inspecting the difference from the one he was already holding. โReally?โ
โAfraid of a little mess, Kai?โ
โMy sheets are expensive,โ Kai responded, not bothering to feed into his goading, and tossed a few of the new products into the cart.
Feeling like heโd done his due diligence as husband of one Emory Grayson, mother of his children and woman who warmed his bed each night, Will pushed the cart to the front. Not only had he taken the girl's advice, but he filled the cart with everything in the aisle that had piqued his interest. His girl would be well stocked, and the aisle was a little less intimidating at the end of it all.
Tapping his card against the reader, he looked at the angel in disguise sent to save him. She looked tired but hadnโt given any indication she wasnโt happy to help. โYou like the night shift?โ
She shrugged. โIโd prefer morning so I can do want Iโd like with my nights, but the manager gives those to his favorites.โ
โAnd youโre not?โ
She smiled, her eyes slanting in a way that communicated a deeper message. โIโm a bit of a troublemaker. Donโt always do things by the book.โ
Will grinned, feeling like he knew exactly what she was talking about. He liked her, he decided. โWell, my friend, have a good night.โ
Things usually worked out for his friends. One way or another.
โ
The horsemen get the girl her morning shifts (cause in my head they occasionally use their influence and amassed power to do nice things for people they like).
Emory thought she hit send on the picture and fell asleep. She was very happy to wake up to not only the right brand of tampons, but the cup, since she wanted to try it. She was also impressed he did it without the pictureโฆ until the boys ratted him out.
Damon makes sure all the women have multiple cups so they donโt have to worry about cleaning it right away.
Kai still invests in the whatever cup he picked. I donโt know. Itโs probably women owned, though.
Rika got a very confusing phone call from Athos the next day, but it made sense eventually. She had a good laugh at Will and then made sure the boys knew they couldnโt just go around asking people what products they use.
Michaelโs just happy itโs over.
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Thank you for reading! As always, likes, reblogs, and comments are appreciated and welcomed.
facts, as much as emmy grew up and changed, deep down she was always that nerdy girl from highschool. she wouldnโt be friends with girls like alex, rika or banks. winter & emmy forever!! โหเท
