ms. z

[risk-repeater]

this job market is a fucking nightmare

[elfscafe]

sometimes i still see him

[mrszealous]

hey emo boy😻💦💦

[bloodykora]

Made these for an edit and decided that I'd share them with yall :)

[mrszealous]

ive never seen brown eyes look so blue

[aqukana]

asa refusing to turn denji into a weapon and denji refusing to let asa die to kill yoru is beautiful and heartbreaking when they mirror each other's personality, history, suicidal tendencies and they literally won't give up on each other even when they've given up on themselves

[lineycantdance]

Fairytale Motifs in Pokemon Black and White

In a previous post, I claimed that the romantic subtext between N and the player character in Black and White extends far beyond the moment on the Ferris Wheel. This subtext is established through the frequent use of fairytale tropes and motifs.

In this meta, I consider how N embodies the Cursed Prince archetype while also sharing some attributes with the Maiden Trapped in a Tower.

N as the Cursed Prince

The most well-known example of the Cursed Prince archetype is the Beast in Beauty and the Beast. The Beast is a young prince who has been cast under a spell that transforms his outward appearance to reflect his inner brutish and callous nature. He is essentially a man-child who must endeavor to shed his harsh exterior and be restored to the noble young man he always had the potential to be. The prince's breaking of the curse is representative of maturation during a troubled adolescence.

N has royal lineage and is crowned the King of Team Plasma during the game's prologue. His abandonment in the wilderness and subsequent "rescue" by Ghetsis can be viewed as a metaphorical curse. In addition to grooming N "since his infancy" to be a perfect pawn and figurehead, Ghetsis also alienated N from the rest of humanity through isolation and manipulation. N finds it difficult to understand people and identifies more with Pokemon, thus making him almost more akin to a creature than a man.

While N is perhaps less hostile and harsh toward the "Beauty" i.e. the player than your typical Beast, he does at times engage in villainous behavior, puts up a front of confidence, and adopts a dismissive posture toward the player. Case in point: the Ferris Wheel.

The inciting incident in many Beauty and the Beast stories is the Beast capturing the Beauty in some shape or form. He may hold her hostage or take her prisoner, though this is usually temporary. This is how I contextualize the moment in which the player is trapped, albeit briefly, in a confined space on the Ferris Wheel with N who leads you there under false pretenses. N deliberately deceives the player in order to buy his grunts time to escape, then throws down the gauntlet while the player is still reeling from the shock of his betrayal.

I think it goes overlooked how stone-cold N is in this moment which is a shame because it adds an interesting wrinkle to his characterization. He laments humanity's propensity for cruelty and dishonesty, but he, too, is not above these human shortcomings.

This moment is even more of a sucker punch given that the game intentionally invokes the Rondez-View Ferris Wheel's association with romance beforehand only to subvert it. The name of the Ferris Wheel is a play on the word "rendezvous" which can refer to a date, and the ride serves couples only. Additionally, the electric bulletin board in the Nimbasa City gate advertises the Ferris Wheel as a place where a "heart-pounding encounter" will take place. This turns out to be true, but not in the way one might initially expect; rather than referring to the exhilaration of young love, the player's heart pounds from the suspense of N's reveal.

Though the Beast takes the Beauty captive, it is he who becomes completely captivated by her. I've already written about how N is utterly mystified by the player from the moment he lays eyes on you. After the moment on the Ferris Wheel, N becomes all the more determined to try to figure you out.

In the Chargestone Cave, he continues to ask you probing questions, and if you don't answer them to his liking, he responds with displeasure and perhaps a touch of condescension.

If you respond "No" when N asks if it surprises you that he says you're chosen:

"If you don't understand what that means, it's not likely to surprise you."

If you respond "No" when he asks if you have a dream of your own:

"As if anyone without a dream could ever understand me!"

Compare this to N's more even-keeled, unperturbed reaction when you respond "Yes" to these questions:

"Of course. Such news should be a surprise."

"You have a dream... That's wonderful."

To me, this contrast is indicative of N's expectation and desperation to feel understood by the player.

Overall, N's demeanor in this location strikes me as betraying his immaturity and youth. He tries to act like he has all the answers, but all this posturing is simply a way to overcompensate for his self-doubts. Furthermore, his outburst at the Professor, while I think offers an interesting critique of the Pokedex as taxonomy, is peak angsty teen behavior.

N takes a notably different tack the next time he sees the player outside of the Mistralton gym. He tries to understand you better by speaking with your Pokemon, yes, but perhaps more significant is that he drops his confident front and displays uncertainty, vulnerability, and empathy for the player. In other words, this is the moment when the Beast starts to reveal his true self. Also of note is that Skyla just told the player that Team Plasma already moved on ahead toward Icirrus city, so N hangs back to chat with the player entirely for personal reasons.

Despite N's growing sympathy for and fascination with the player, and despite all his doubts, he continues down the path that Ghetsis laid before him. Again, this is typical of this kind of storyline; even though the Beauty sees past the Beast's veneer, he's not quite ready to let go of his Beast form. N befriends the legendary dragon, storms the Pokemon League, and defeats the Champion with the intent of separating people and Pokemon for good. Only the player stands in the way of him accomplishing this.

As the final showdown approaches, N's posturing and dismissive demeanor toward the player reappear in full force. He calls your perspective on Pokemon battles "ridiculous" and downplays his feelings for the player, stating he "actually kind of liked you a little" but was kidding himself.

However, the tyrant-prince in his faraway castle is not the heroine's gravest threat; the true villain is the wicked witch—the murderess of the innocent—a role played by Ghetsis. N is crushed but ultimately accepting of his defeat at the hands of the player; at this point Ghetsis berates and dehumanizes N for his failure, reveals the true extent of his evil machinations, and expresses his intent to eliminate the player in a surprise extra battle.

In a split-second moment that is presented somewhat ambiguously, N intervenes on the player's behalf to heal their Pokemon before the fight with Ghetsis. This crucial detail is easily missed amid the commotion, but it is a pivotal point in this storyline! N calls the player's name, a bell chimes, and then when the fight starts, the player's Pokemon are auto-healed.

Although I've seen some people suggest that Cheren heals the player in this moment, further evidence points to N being the player's intercessor. Moments earlier, N went out of his way to heal the player before his battle with you, saying there is no honor in fighting a weakened opponent. This establishes that it would be in his character to take issue with Ghetsis jumping straight into the fight. Additionally, Ghetsis's dialogue just before the fight supports this interpretation. He yells, "I won't allow anyone to stop me! No matter who does what!" which sounds like something he would say in response to someone doing something he didn't account for.

Ghetsis never accounted for N exercising agency to aid the player in your moment of crisis. Nor did he account for N developing a bond with the player which ultimately proves stronger than all of Ghetsis's manipulations and whatever sense of loyalty N may have felt for Ghetsis. This moment is huge in terms of N's character development!

The Beast's intervention/sacrifice on the Beauty's behalf earns her forgiveness which in turn breaks the curse over him. This is usually accompanied by a love confession. Given the player in BW is a silent protagonist, the closest we get to this is the heartfelt conversation between N and the player before the credits roll in which N unambiguously expresses his sincere admiration and respect for the player.

Since we only have access to one side of this conversation, it's left to our imagination to read between the lines. As N bares his soul to the player, the tone of his words is affectionate and remorseful. N expresses feelings of unworthiness with respect to the player, saying there's no way he could measure up to you. This begs the question, what exactly does he feel unworthy of? The player's sympathies? Forgiveness? Companionship?

What's more, N recounts his recollections of your first meeting which tilted his world on its axis and shattered his preconceptions (this is a common trope in love declarations, by the way). He goes on to say that he needed to put his beliefs to the test against you in battle "more than anything." Finally, his parting words encouraging the player to follow their dreams are poignant and affectionate ("If anyone can, it's you!").

The events in the throne room constitute a spiritual death for N—he is defeated by the player and learns that his whole life has been a lie. But this is necessary as the Beast must die so that the Prince can rise. N's new journey of self-discovery will restore him to a newfound sense of life and purpose. Indeed, we see N in the sequel fulfilling his duty as hero and king by confronting his father, passing on the torch to the sequel protagonist, and articulating a new dream to act as a bridge between people and Pokemon.

Now that the Prince's curse has been lifted, his happy ending usually entails taking the Beauty as his bride in a sacred marriage. Together they can restore balance to their kingdom. This is the only part of this story structure that remains unfulfilled in Black and White and its sequel games. However, all signs point toward a heartfelt reunion between the player and N. By the end of the sequel, he plans to set off on a new quest in search of the player and express his gratitude and feelings to them. N speaks about the original player with unmistakable reverence, wistfulness, and longing. This longing is reciprocated as we learn from the player's mom that they set off abruptly in search of N. That the player and N circle each other in this way suggests that their true sense of belonging lies in each other.

This makes sense given that the game establishes N and the player as yin and yang counterparts, equal and opposites, two sides of the same coin, etc. While the original heroes of legend were brothers described as twin heroes, the player and N are twin flames. Some dialogue from the sages in BW's post-game also hints at the depth of this connection. In particular, Giallo, while referencing the player and N's links to their respective legendary dragons, says that if two people truly understand each other, even if they are as far apart as the sea and the sky, it's like they're right beside each other.

Reading N as a Cursed Prince gives greater significance to details that often go without much analysis such as N's deception and capture of the player in the amusement park, the game designers' deliberate choice to draw attention to N's stunted development by directing the player toward his childlike playroom (the cursed prince is a man-child!), and N's intervention on the player's behalf before the final fight with Ghetsis.

Also, N's original concept art makes it even more clear how he fits into the cursed prince archetype before his design was sanitized.

At the same time, N is a mirror image of the player and resembles a typical Pokemon protagonist. N captures the box legendary, proving his heroic status, challenges the Pokemon League, and defeats the champion all before the player accomplishes any of these feats.

As Ghetsis points out, "Added to all that, his heart burns with the desire to improve the world." Unlike the player who merely wishes to defend the status quo, N possesses what the player will always lack: the ability as an outsider to radically reimagine a future that aims to redress harms perpetuated by this status quo. In my estimation, this makes him a much more admirable character than the player.

N as the Maiden in the Tower

An alternative lens through which to analyze this story is to consider N as a maiden trapped in a tower and the player as the hero who rescues him.

In many ways, N resembles a stereotypical princess character. He has two step-sisters, a wicked (step)parent in Ghetsis, and the ability to talk to wild creatures. N also seems to have the gift of foresight as he often speaks of envisioning the future. It's unclear to me if this literally means he has visions or he's just using his imagination. Either way, his daring to imagine a better world is a kind of power in itself.

N's seclusion in his castle is metaphorically identical to a young maiden's imprisonment in a high tower. It represents a loss of autonomy and total subjection to the will of the parental figure. The maiden's golden hair is a symbol of her untarnishable goodness, and she is a beacon of innocence and hope. It's noteworthy that descriptions of N by other characters like his sisters and the sages foreground similar idealized feminine traits: his generosity, beauty, innocence, kindness, and purity.

Although N is permitted to leave his tower after he is coronated as Team Plasma's King, he remains metaphorically trapped in its walls throughout his journey. He is captive to his rigid ways of thinking and to the pain and suffering he was exposed to during his youth. The player begins to penetrate these walls and shows N a different point of view. But N doesn't truly escape Ghetsis's influence until he casts it off during the climactic moment in the throne room when he stands with the player and against Ghetsis.

In the Rapunzel tale, the prince and the maiden fall in love and devise a plan to escape her tower, but they are discovered by the witch who thwarts them. She cuts off Rapunzel's hair and banishes her to the desert. Then, she throws the prince out of the tower whose fall is broken by thorn bushes that leave him blind. The two wander the desert for ten years before they reunite, and Rapunzel's tears restore the prince's lost sight.

Upon discovering N's defeat and the player's status as a true hero, Ghetsis attempts to eliminate the player and reconstitute N as a puppet ruler. Although Ghetsis is not successful, he does reveal his true intentions. N learning the sorry truth, much like the cutting of the maiden's hair, can be viewed as a loss of innocence. N must undergo a journey of self-discovery, so he departs the region and wanders for two years which is a kind of self-imposed banishment.

Meanwhile, it can be presumed that the player at some point grows listless and, like the blinded prince, lacks direction. Eventually, they leave the familiarity of the region to seek out N. The yearning to reconnect with him is so urgent that they leave behind a worried mother who has no means of contacting her child.

The eventual reunion between these two characters would entail the healing of each other's wounds and the restoration of the player's lost sense of purpose. N is very clear-eyed about his new dream, and certainly there would be room for the player to share in the synthesis of their previously held ideals.

Conclusion

Ultimately, the narrative of Pokemon Black and White tells a love story between the player character and N. Whether you want read it as romantic or platonic is up to you, but the love is there either way. I suspect that the romantic elements are largely kept as subtext because N's interactions with player are identical regardless of the player's gender. If the protagonist were strictly female, my guess is that the romantic elements would have been a lot more overt—GameFreak did something similar, for example, with Shauna in X and Y whose interest in the player is only addressed when you play as a boy. Basically, as usual, heteronormativity is at the scene of the crime.

It has always frustrated me how large portions of the Pokemon fandom treat shipping the player and N as nothing more than the ridiculous fantasies of silly fangirls. I remember reading a Nuzlocke comic back in the day that dedicated an entire installment to making a mockery of the idea. Still, even fans who aren't as derisive about any it often treat it as a funny footnote that's entirely incidental to the game. I hope I've been able to demonstrate how the relationship between N and the player, including any romantic implications, is not only structurally at the heart of the story, but it's also metaphorically and thematically resonant.

[slasherscream]

i hate that em dashes are becoming indicative of ai writing... i just learned how to use those beautiful things and i love a sentence that's too long and never ends pls dont piss me off

[artioptera]

The Parallels of Max and Nathan's Photography, and How Jefferson Exploited Them Both

Life is Strange is, at its core, a story about photography.

Max and Nathan are the only two students in their class who are defined by photography; not just talented, not just interested in it, but dependent on it. They both need it like air. There's an unspoken connection there that the game never explicitly names, despite how obvious it is once you see it.

Sure, Victoria’s life revolves around photography too, but for her, it’s largely about status and vanity. And Chloe, while supportive, doesn’t seem to fully understand Max’s passion beyond a few passing comments and the gift of William’s old camera—which, honestly, feels more like a touching coincidence than true understanding of her friend's passion.

Max and Nathan, though, could uniquely relate to each other through photography. Their styles are polar opposites, yet I think they’re driven by the same core desire: to capture how they feel inside, to externalize their inner worlds.

Nathan photographs death, decay, and suffering because that’s the world he’s trapped in; the slow drowning he feels existing every day. His work feels like self-portraiture through horror.

Max, on the other hand, photographs quiet moments of beauty and authenticity. As she says herself:

“I’m happiest when I’ve got a great image in my lens. I’m not lonely, not afraid…” (Ep. 1)

Both of them are trying to stave off their anxiety and loneliness. Both are trying to capture their emotions and make it all visible and tangible. The way they search for meaning through photography and literally cover their walls with their own work is, to me, one of the most powerful parallels in the game.

This leads me to another parallel I don’t see discussed often: Jefferson’s fixation on both Max and Nathan for their artistic eye.

Nathan doesn't just latch onto Jefferson. Jefferson latches onto Nathan, too. He recognizes Nathan’s hunger immediately— not just for personal and fatherly approval, but for artistic validation. Jefferson realized he was the first adult who truly saw that desperation, and he exploits it. He even admits as much:

“[Nathan] tried so hard, but you can’t just throw a few subjects around and expect a cohesive style or theme… But he had an eye for shadows.” (Ep. 5)

Max is similarly drawn in by Jefferson’s photographic style, which makes her vulnerable to his influence. And he's drawn to her, too, in a way he isn't to Victoria or Kate or even Rachel. From the moment he meets her, Jefferson fixates on her like a hawk, just as he did Nathan. He sees something special in her:

“…You do have a gift… to frame the world only the way you envision it.” (Ep. 1)

He also recognizes her anxiety, her self-doubt as an artist, her awkwardness— and uses all of it to push her in the direction he wants. Sound familiar?

And you could argue that Jefferson’s praise of Max was just a means to an end—a way to lure her into the Dark Room. But that same manipulative tactic was also how Jefferson lured in Nathan:

“I told him what he needed to hear. In return, I had access to the Prescott fortune. Who do you think paid for this glorious dark room and equipment? How else could I get all these hip new drugs for my subjects?” (Ep. 5)

The point stands: Jefferson saw Max and Nathan as uniquely artistically-minded and vulnerable individuals who he could take advantage of. He saw them both as genuinely talented artists...

But also as uniquely hungry for personal and artistic approval due to their genuine passion for photography, in a way that he could exploit each of them for his own goals.

If Max had grown up in Nathan’s environment, it’s not hard to imagine her acting out in similar ways to him. Which raises an uncomfortable question:

If Max had been more vulnerable — and had met Mr. Jefferson earlier — how much influence might he have had over her too?

Because of these commonalities, I genuinely believe Max/Nathan has the potential to be one of the least toxic ships. They could understand each other on such a deep, soul-baring level. They could understand each other through their art and help each other— Max's anxieties and loneliness, Nathan's chaos and self-destruction.

Canonically, Max actually does understand Nathan's photographs — she saw the artistry in them, even if she called them "creepy", even while she suspected him of horrible crimes.

So what if they’d met before those crimes began? (That question is the core premise of my fic, Seraph and Sentinel!)

And finally, one last detail: Nathan stealing Max’s photograph. Why did that image mattered to him at all? What did he see in it? What did he recognize?

Maybe he saw someone doing, in her own way, exactly what he was trying to do with his own work; capturing reality and genuine emotion. Reaching out through an image and hoping, quietly, that someone else might understand.

(Thank you to @betty-fran for inspiring this post ❣️)

[p41nkillers]

ihave this theory stuck in my head lately that jefferson targeting those close to nathan using them to frame him - that hes responsible for the kidnappings hope im not the only one who thought about this lol

edit: i hope it make sense if it does sound stupid feel free to criticize hoping to hear any one of ur guys opinions abt this 👍

[p41nkillers]

... p a r a l l e l ...

[p41nkillers]

[amoristt]

wdyt nathan would think of a reader whos into rude/mean people🧍

i think if nathan ever realized someone enjoyed being talked down to/humiliated, he'd find it funny as well as weird asf bc he tends to project his feelings onto others . he himself does not tolerate that behavior bc it means weakness which is a big fat NO-NO so why would anyone like that??

if he isnt already bullying them, hes definitely going to start. of course his attempts dont really work, so he digs in harder because it really fucking bothers him reader isn't getting shitty back. and he has this strange feeling in his chest like excitement, like something not quite prey-drive but not quite happiness. whatever it is, he doesnt like it, as it forces him to look a but more inwards than he'd like to.

he quickly realizes his horrible attitude towards them is just not hitting the same. the bane of a bullies existence is indifference, everyone knows that, but what about when instead its *enjoyment*?? he really loses his footing and it throws him off.

unfortunately for his target, nathan starts to distance himself when he realizes he A. can't effect them the way he wants to with power dynamics, and B. he realizes he also lowkey kinda likes it. he likes when he spits something shitty and instead of getting up in arms, the person LEANS INTO it.

honestly its a really fun dynamic id love to explore one day. maybe w a one shot lol

[mrszealous]

hes such a freak

[dispatchiscalling]

COFFEE RUN. robert robertson & dispatcher!reader — hey look, there's a new guy that needs to be added to the office coffee order

Fridays were the best. Not because of the work, since that never stopped, but because it was a finish line. But with all the onboarding going on—new dispatchers coming in left and right to replace the regularly occurring vacancies—you had to put in a little extra work these days to keep team morale up.

You knew about Robert long before he arrived at SDN. Blazer couldn't stop mentioning how she had someone in mind for the Z-team, someone perfect and capable, and how she thought he could be a great fit for them.

He looked smaller than you expected. You caught glimpses of him throughout the day: his arms and face were faintly sunken from malnutrition, and the bags under his eyes were prominent. In one word: cute. Despite his less-than-ideal condition, he seemed to be in good spirits.

When you finally had the chance to speak with him, it was the end of the day. He was involved in a sweet conversation with the other new hire, Waterboy.

"Rough day?" You leaned against Robert's cubicle, hand on your hip.

He jumped slightly, whipping his head over his shoulder. You raised an eyebrow in response, tilting your head.

"Sorry...?"

"No, no, don't apologize, I'm..." He cleared his throat as he turned, rubbing the back of his neck. "I'm a little jumpy. Force of habit."

"No, I get it." You smiled and introduced yourself. "Blazer told me today's your first day, and..." Your smile slowly dropped as your gaze drifted behind him to his ruined desk. "What is that..?"

"Cream."

You grimaced, "Cream?"

"Donut cream." He clarified.

"Which I am going— cleaning up!" Waterboy interjected, peeking out behind Robert's figure.

You smiled at the other new hire. "Thank you. While you get to that, though, I came to ask you about both of your coffee orders."

Robert's lips pursed, eyes narrowing slightly in confusion. "Isn't there a coffee machine in the break room?"

You hummed affirmatively. "But we like to treat everyone at least once a week with some of the stuff with better quality."

"Ah." He nodded slowly. "And you're, like—you're the coffee girl, or something?"

"Well... not officially. Over time, we've observed that a few of us get discounts at the cafe nearby, so we go there in rotation. Saves the network a little bit of that recreational money." You answered.

You were trying not to seem like you were picking him apart with each passing second. The little freckles under his eyes were almost invisible under the sunset's glow, but for every freckle, he had two scars. He was a retired hero—who, you wondered?

In the end, it didn't really matter to you. You were more than happy to have a cute face in the office. He had a nice voice, too. Which you were actively tuning out...

"—I'm guessing?"

Your eyes fluttered as you returned to the conversation. "Um... Sorry, I zoned out for a second. What'd you say?"

Robert's eyes widened and immediately darted to the side. "Oh, I was wondering if you guys got that discount 'cause you're... uh, pretty."

Your cheeks heated until they burned. "That's... the theory, yeah."

"But if it works every time, it becomes fact, no?" He let his head drop to his shoulder, giving you no chance to avoid those deep brown puppy eyes he had going on.

"I—I guess?" You just came here to take their coffee order. You didn't sign up for feeling this awkward. "If you say so."

Robert shoved his hands into his pockets, meeting your eyes. "I say so."

You failed to suppress your grin, dropping your gaze to the floor. "Okay."

"Okay," he echoed with an awkward chuckle, mirroring your beaming smile. "And I like black coffee."

"Noted." You hummed. His eyes were stuck on yours and yours on his, until you took a deep breath and diverted the conversation. "Waterboy?"

"Oh, I don't—drinking coffee isn't really feasible for me. I'm practically bursting—lots of water in here." He pat his abdomen. "So I just eat the grounds."

You blinked, brows furrowed. "Like... the actual coffee? From the package?"

"You—right, you got it!" He gave you a thumbs up.

"Alright... also noted." You shared an amused glance with Robert.

"You should let me come with you sometime," he started, grabbing his backpack. You began to walk towards the elevator after saying your goodbyes to Waterboy.

"Need to get away from your band of misfits that badly?" You peeked at him from the corner of your eye.

"Yes," His eyes flipped to the ceiling with the annoyance he suffered with throughout the day. "Very badly."

The soft elevator music played in the background of your conversation. In closed quarters, his proximity was much more real—he smelled like fresh linen with a faint hint of metal. His shirt was untucked and unbuttoned just enough for you to catch some more scars.

You swallowed your curiosity and laughed softly. "You're welcome to tag along."

Robert shouldered his backpack, his gaze dropping to the floor. "Can't promise any extra discounts, though."

"What? Don't say that. You've got a sad, nerdy kind of thing going on. That's big nowadays."

"Are you speaking from experience?" He shot back, looking up at you.

You could hear the smugness in his tone and smiled knowingly. You underestimated him. You thought he'd be sad and pathetic, a little mopey and a lot of sulky. You still think he's sad and a little pathetic, but he was surprisingly quick with it.

You smiled and shrugged noncommittally. "Maybe."

He chuckled lowly. "Noted."

Those coffee runs were just the beginning.

idk how i feel abt this but i eat sleep breathe robert robertson now so

[justlikearat]

Me personally i wouldn't let them in.

+ indoor and the visitor checking. Theyre both human! Yippie!

adeuce but theyre in no im not human..

anyway thier bodies are from Justin Bieber and Zac Effron.

Heres them hanging out.

So. Yeah <3 lore below cut

AUGH posted early wtvr…

okay so…!!! Ace!! I talked about him in my last post before i redid his sprite THREE TIMES.

He’s was out with some friends for a vacation when the whole end of the world thing started happening, and he got separated from them after they had a huge fight over what to do, he realized too late that they had his backpack with his phone, so he can’t call his brother to come get him. He comes to yuu’s house to use their phone, but his brother’s phone goes to voicemail, so he decides to stay and try again later. (Spoiler: his brother’s not going to come pick him up. His brother is dead.)

Deuce had a fight with his mom, he had promised to stay away from his ‘friends’ (read: gang he was a part of) after he had been arrested a few too many times, and he went back to them, she found some drugs and knives in his room, and confronted him, to which he got upset, and ran away. He stayed with his ‘friends’, and was planning to go back, but this pissed his ‘friends’ off, so they beat the crap out of him, and abandoned him way away from his hometown. He has to hide in a small brick house for a few nights, where he gets into a fight with a visitor, and then has to run until he finds a house to stay in, which happens to be yuu’s. He lies about this and just says that his friends had forgotten about him when travelling.

Lmk if yall have more questions!!

[limdsay-loo]

yall letting him in?

[lunar-muse]

Ubi amo, ibi patria ...

(Also known as headcanons of being in a romantic relationship with Kaeya Alberich that I promised weeks ago)

A/N: Proofread as much as possible, please forgive me if there are any grammatical errors, I've been working on this post for so long the words are melting into alphabet cereal

Kaeya doesn't have a fixed type. He's met people from all walks of life and has developed a more open mind than most, especially because of his expeditions. However, he prefers a romantic partner who can keep up with him intellectually.

By this I don't mean you need to have a high IQ or be a chess champion; I mean you have to entertain intelligent conversation. Conversations with him aren't just bland discussions on politics or what weather you're having today (although he will participate for your sake), his topics of choice are usually extremely abstract or philosophical in nature. Expect debates and what-ifs that can range from ridiculous to thought provoking. He's also fond of deep discussions on whatever book, drama or even a TCG card that catches his interest.

If you're the type who shoots down flights of fancy or are extremely unimaginative (I’m talking about someone who says “Oh, I can’t think of anything” when offered an extremely basic role-play scenario) , Kaeya will get bored. He's a man who appreciates a challenge and enjoys pondering in general, so if you keep trying to pull him down to Teyvat all the time you'll find the romance fizzling out quickly.

As a lover, you will also be Kaeya's sounding board. Kaeya's job has him brainstorming solutions almost constantly and sometimes he needs help organizing his thoughts. So he'll bounce a few of his ideas off of you if you have the time, even more often if you're receptive. You don't have to contribute to solving the problem, just saying his ideas out loud helps him make sense of the storm in his head. Sometimes he'll accidentally slip into cribbing about his work and annoyances or the incompetency of the latest recruits. He doesn't mean to, but it happens. At this point you'll be his closest confidant so you really can't blame him.

Speaking of work, the most you'll get of Kaeya (save for bumping into him while in the city) is on government holidays and the weekend. Unfortunately he's a busy man and is already out the door by sunrise (we have to remember he's military and they have crazy reporting hours) and returns almost close to midnight. If you're living in (which will come much, much later into the relationship) and are already in bed by then, he'll snuggle against you as quietly as he can. If he wakes you up he'll murmur an apology and give you a chaste kiss on the lips, or wherever he can manage, and promptly falls asleep.

This man deals with official business and gathering intel so he's pretty much dead when he gets back home. On days he can afford to leave the tavern early, he rushes straight back to you. He's still tired though, so he's more loose lipped and cuddly than he usually is.

If you're awake on a busy day, you'll get to see a rare dog-tired Kaeya. He still smiles at you and presses his lips softly against your own in greeting but his flair for dramaticism is visibly muted. He'll still sass you but he's surprisingly direct. If you're both in the mood for it, he won't mind sharing a glass of wine with quiet conversation. But after his ablutions he heads straight to bed. Pillow talk- and sex- is more of a weekend thing.

Due to his schedule, dates are often brunches. He'd prefer not to bring you to the tavern because technically he's still working then. He can't really concentrate on eavesdropping or interrogating with you right around the corner. Especially because Kaeya has to play the 'bad guy' on many occasions and he'd rather you not see that part of him, especially when he could rather entertain you and make you laugh over a Chicken Mushroom Skewer or Sticky Honey Roast at the Good Hunter. Besides, it gives him more one on one time with you.

I've already mentioned this in my other posts, but Kaeya doesn't trust easily. He tests the people around him whenever the mood strikes him and silently gauges their reactions to predict their next moves. This still applies to you as a lover.

He will test your loyalty. It's not that he doesn't trust you but he is incredibly insecure, a fact he tries to cover with his devil-may-care attitude. He'll watch from the upper floor of Angel's Share as you search for him below, twirling the stem of his glass. His lone eye will not waver from you as the man he pressured into approaching you does his task- an admittedly weak attempt to woo you after all you've seen of Kaeya.

How you respond is carefully catalogued in his head, every micro-expression stripped and sorted for analysis after. But don't fret, if he sees you're genuinely uncomfortable he will come for you, playing the knight in shining armor as he waves the man off. The other won't mind, the comfort of mora jingling in his pouch is much greater than the offense.

Is this a red flag? Yes. Does he want to manipulate you on purpose? No. The thing is, it is important to realise that Kaeya is not a soft man. He may be caring, thoughtful and enjoys taking care of you but this doesn't disregard his secrecy and 'the ends justify the means' mindset. So if you're expecting a soft lover boy, you will get him... along with the occasional sting (but let's admit it, every Kaeya simp has a thing for degradation).

As for taking care of you, on the occasion that you fall ill expect to be coddled by him. He'll take an off from captaining (yes, Jean knows it's an excuse for him to go home, but she doesn't have it in her to say no) and spend the day playing nurse with you instead. If you're stubborn he'll chastise you and drag you back to bed (but he will refrain from kissing you on the mouth, he has far too many responsibilities to fall sick). If you're content to be taken care of, and even order him around, he will tease you but assist most efficiently. If it's something serious he'll try to cheer you up and distract you as much as he can- though it's more of an effort to ignore his mounting anxiety.

He also doesn't mind reading to you if you'd like it. In fact he has plenty of experience with story-telling and will do his best to save you from boredom. If you want some quiet time instead he'll just read by himself beside you, checking up on you intermittently to give you your meds.

If he's the one who's sick he will deny it until he physically can't anymore. Then he's quite eager to be taken care of and though he will still tease you, you can tell he genuinely enjoys being taken care of by you. The guilt sets in when you've been taking care of him for a while, if the illness is extensive. He assures you he'll be fine without you spreading yourself thin for his sake, but if you insist he drops the matter quickly. Kaeya knows the burdens someone can carry for the sake of love. The last thing he'd want to do is make things harder for you by being stubborn.

Now, everyone knows this man is always looking out for fun. If you're with him, better be prepared for a lot of impromptu adventures- whether that be exploring Mond night life or a long walk to Windrise and back. Monotony is kicked out the door when Kaeya is around.

But of course, he is perceptive. If you can't always keep up with him he's capable of respecting that, though don't expect to be let off without a tease.

"My, my. Who know the great (Name) was such a slacker?"

"I see someone's already preparing for retirement. Will you have me helping you cross the street next? Haha, alright, I won't pressure you."

That being said, if you are more of a homebody most of this exploration is mental. Like I said, he values intellectual conversation so he'll constantly think of new topics for discussion... or just blurt out whatever is on his mind. If he gets too bored though, he will resort to pranks. Don't worry, nothing particularly malicious, but definitely mildly inconveniencing. Stuff like mixing up condiments or surprising you with icey hands.

Still, he would appreciate a trip outside once in a while, lest boredom gnaw on his brain to numbness.

Gift-giving, acts of service and quality time seem to suit his love style. Words of affirmation did seem applicable too but we have to remember he's trained himself to say what the other wants to hear and how they want to hear it. Perhaps this may bleed into the beginning of your relationship but the more he relaxes around you he drops the sickly sweet praises in favor of something more genuine. Compare his earlier praises for the traveler to his highest friendship level line for context.

I've mentioned this earlier, but Kaeya is an amazing listener. The kind of person who, even if they may not have the slightest clue about what you're info-dumping about, will nod and add his own remarks. This is one of the rare moments where you get to see him drop the "tall, dark and handsome" charade and just stare at you with this dopey smile that's almost alien on him. Your excitement seems to bleed into him and he eagerly reciprocates.

Coming to the point of affections, I do see him into a pda but it varies with the situation. I don't think he'd hold your hand and frolic on the streets, instead he'd offer you his arm.

It's surprisingly traditional for him, but the learnings of a noble household are hard to forget. Especially when they serve him well. It's also a romantic way of 'claiming' you to speak. Kaeya is not violently possessive to the point of restricting you, but his insecurity of losing you can manifest in gestures like these.

He'll be all smug about it, calling you lucky as his chest fills with pride. If you didn't know any better, if he was preening himself on your attention.

But it's all a cover for the warmth gathering at the tip of his ears.

"Blushing? Me? Hah, you have quite the imagination, my dear."

"A bounce in my step...? Has Jean been lending you her novels? I didn't realize you were such a romantic!"

But he'd prefer this out of office. After all, his subordinates already find him questionable and he doubts they'd respect the sight of their captain skipping about with his arm looped with yours.

When at work his love gets more subtle. He'll give you a smile as he passes, brushing against you as he murmurs "Wait for me, I shan't be too long" or a silent conversation through looks alone, especially if you're in the same room.

(He searches for you amidst the crowd as the ambassador continues her audacious tirade. He leans forward to smother his growing smirk when he finds you and you see him tilt his head almost imperceptibly to the side. But it barely lasts. When Jean looks over he's back to his previous impassive attention, as if the little exchange with you had never happened.)

He doesn't shy away from kisses either, both in public and private (though please don't expect one when he's being watched on official business). Your poor, unsuspecting self will be attacked by surprise pecks on the cheek at every turn when out in the city. Particularly during shopping.

The soft pressure on your upper cheek shocks you out of your daydreams and you're greeted by that familiar, self-satisfied grin. "Well hello there." Kaeya holds you by the waist, already reaching for your grocery bag with the other. "What a pleasant surprise to run into you here!"

"Slacking of? Me?" He huffed, pushing his lips into a pout and furrowing his brow. The dilating star of his eye reminded you of cat pawing at yarn. "How could you think so, when I have nothing but the highest regards for you, hm?" He steals away your rebuttal with a peck on your lips, smiling all the more as Marjorie hides her own with the back of her hand.

When not having his arm interlocked with yours, Kaeya enjoys guiding you gently with a hand on the small of your back. It’s his own way of saying “taken!” without being all over you. He fancies himself a gentleman, as trained by the Ragnvindrs, and will treat you as such.

Speaking of gentleman, he will carry your bags for you. If you refuse his assistance, he will huff and sulk until you give in. Whether it’s your handbag, a shopping bag, a satchel, a purse, etc., he will relieve you of the load.

“Please, let me.” He flexed his bicep subtly, your groceries dangling on his arm. The way he’s beaming at you is almost boyish and young, as if the slyness had never been there. “What’s the use of lifting if I can’t lift your burdens?”

“What do you mean ‘that’s cheesy’? Is chivalry dead to you? I’ll have you know it’s the mark of a true Knight of Favonius!”

But of course, as the Cavalry Captain there is only so much time he can spend with you. Expeditions can take him away for months and despite his love for you, his duty as a knight comes first. He clears his schedule and prepares before time to spend the last few days before the journey with you, whisking you out on dates of a more private nature. He also gets quieter during this period and lets you do most of the talking, content with holding your hand and thumbing your pulse as he nods along. There is a heaviness to him despite his graceful gait; his gaze lingers on you and his smile seems hollow and strained.

Kaeya is a careful man, but he acknowledges the risks that come with his line of work. It didn’t seem to matter too much in the beginning, though thoughts of Klee and— though he’d never admit it— Diluc had curbed his recklessness, with you it felt like a different burden altogether. You who had so much faith in him, you who would wait for him into the early hours as he sweet talked all sorts of folk in the tavern, you whose laugh he adored the most; ambrosia in the city of wine and song… he almost scoffed at the thought. Look at him. How many times had he sworn to never open his heart to another? Yet here he was, holding your wrist like a sailor clinging to a rotting plank. And what if he couldn’t come back? What if he kept you waiting forever?

For once Kaeya surrendered the silence to the chirping crickets, having little faith in his voice with the thickness of his throat. The rhythmic pulse of your vein beat against his thumb and he adjusted your head against him. If you had commented, he had only smiled. Whatever playful rebuke came to mind died long before it reached his tongue. He felt your pulse once more, breathing in quietly. Like it or not, your heart was another burden to bear— though a much more appreciable sort.

His cryo vision caught the setting sun, flashing suddenly in the corner of his eye. His attention drifted to it and he reached to fiddle with the holder. Sometimes he’d take the sphere out and turn it this way and that, though it was usually the long nights that made him do so . By now he was sure he’d be able to tell the make blindfolded, groove for groove.

His stomach churned at the sudden heat that passed over him. Flames erupted in the eye of his mind, engulfing his entire right side, eating away the uniform he no longer donned. It twisted this way and that in its barbaric dance as it sunk its amorphous fangs into his skin and feasted in delight. He felt the boils fester and swore the afternoon breeze carried the stench of burning flesh and leather.

Then he blinked and the flames were gone. He flexed the fingers of his right hand, an odd emptiness occupying the dread that consumed him prior.

Kaeya smiled, a dreadfully determined thing he was glad you couldn't see. Here he was, a living threat to Celestia, reject of the Heavenly Principles and cast out of the only family he'd come to know. Yet you'd let him hold you? You, who could not fathom the lengths he would go to for the sake of this city, and now, you?

Well then. It would seem he would have no choice but to return to you alive and well. No matter the cost.

But don't think he'll leave you completely alone. See, Kaeya always has his eye on you, even from Sumeru or even Inazuma if his travels take him that far. Why, he has Vile and a dozen other informants all around Mondstadt, his eyes and ears away from home. They're already looking after the Knights, Treasure Hoarders and the Winery, so why not add little you to their roster? Don't worry, nothing too invasive. Just to check if someone is giving you trouble, how your health seems from a distance, if you've gotten into trouble yourself if no one's given it to you already and how you're doing in general. And... well... if your eyes wander in his absence.

He also keeps in contact through letters as often as he can. He writes in a descriptive, almost story-like way that makes it easier for you to imagine you're there with him. And he expresses how he'd love for that to happen in each one. If his absence is particularly long he'll send you little gifts and trinkets long with them. Never wine though. Oh no, "The bliss of Death After Noon can only be truly relished in the presence of your fine company", as he'd say so himself.

Surprisingly there is a lot of tough love with him. Yes, he'll give you cheesy one liners, yes he'll hold the door open for you and yes he'll go on numerous soliloquies into the early hours of lone nights for your sake. But he will also call you out if you deserve it and will not be gentle about it.

Kaeya eyes your hunched form from the doorway, though you do not see the slightest bit of sympathy on his face. "I assume you'll be working till dawn again?" His silvery voice is flat, holding none of the usual animation. "How typical of you to push work to the penultimate moment despite-", he held up his fingers one by one as he counted, "-one, two- four days time! Really, you absolutely must hold class on the art of procrastination." Whether you accept his words in begrudging silence or turn back to give him a tongue lashing of your own, Kaeya's lips remain firmly pressed into a thin frown. You get the feeling that you've disappointed him more than you've upset him.

He has a similar disposition during arguments. Cold and snide, painfully direct. Kaeya will stand up for himself even if he desires your companionship, so if he believes he's in the right you best be prepared for a long battle of the wills.

But he rarely raises his voice in them. He doesn't need to. Kaeya faces extremely volatile political situations on a weekly basis and he knows how to use his patience to unnerve his opposer.

If you're the type to take on a more aggressive defense or are prone to going ballistic often- he'll let you scream your heart out and brand him with insult after insult, all the while watching comfortably while resting his cheek on his palm. Don't worry, he is listening, but he's also preparing to unleash the most soul-shattering jabs at your character the moment you stop for breath. And he won't falter if you speak over him, instead he'll continue in that low, eerily level tone. His eye will never leave yours. But if you continue to be unreasonable (i.e. not hear his side out) he will simply walk away and ignore you until you're ready to be civil. Even then he is full of condescension.

But if you're the type to avoid conflict or are sensitive to it, he will be gentler. But he'll still make it clear he's upset. He will refrain from any snide digs, though it's hard; he has a tendency to get snappy when defensive. Arguments are resolved surprisingly amicably if you're open to just talking it out without any finger-pointing or name calling. Just keep in mind that if you dish something out with an intent to hurt him, he'll give it back to you ten times worse.

In fact, there's actually a way to tell when Kaeya's mad at you. He'll try to maintain casual and open body language, but if you look closely he's actually quite stiff. Physically restraining himself from saying something ugly - because Kaeya Alberich does not in fact want to get ugly with you. Condescending quips corrupt his playful sassiness and his lax smiles tighten. People usually look away when they get defensive or feel threatened, but Kaeya is one of the few who's stare doesn't waver. In fact it becomes harder and more- for the lack of better word- dead. Think of Cillian Murphy's iconic death stare as Thomas Shelby but imagine he's smiling (which, if you ask me, makes it much worse), that's the closest I can get to an example.

It's not that he's trying to intimidate you (though it definitely serves him well when he's interrogating someone), there are just a thousand possible outcomes he's predicting from what he'll say to you- especially how he'll say it- and he just defaults to 'empty'. It's actually one of his most vulnerable moments because he's steeling himself for whatever is coming after. The problem with him is that you have to figure out most of his cues by yourself because he will not risk opening up too much about his inner world. One, because it's ruined him before, two, because he doesn't know how to be emotionally open anymore after years of suppressing them.

You can't just tell him "Everything is fine now that I'm here, I believe in you and love you and you don't have to hide around me, I know this in't the real you," and actually expect him to go "Oh, I'm such a fool for hiding my true self after having secrecy instilled in me during my formative years which has both stressed and traumatized me and still does! Let's hug it out and make love and talk about how much we love each other!" . If you actually say that to him he will just stare at you for a good while. A few minutes actually. In absolute pin-drop silence. Then his shoulders will start to shake. Then he'll burst out laughing, slap his knees, collapse on the floor and wheeze like an asthma patient.

You stand absolutely frozen as the Cavalry Captain rolls about on your floor, wheezing and flopping like a dying fish. If it wasn't for his laughter you'd think he was being electrocuted by Lisa for delaying yet another book return. "Archons!" He gasps and you know he doesn't call on them often, "You're so- so-!" He doubles over in laughter again, rubbing a tear rolling down his cheek. ... His laugh dies down shortly and he just... lays there catching his breath. Slowly, he sits up and rubs his face. His lips twitch into a smile again despite himself when he gazes up at your confused and embarrassed self. "The real me? Really?" He huffs out something that sounded somewhere between scoff and a sigh, though he looks quite endeared yet annoyed. "Did you try to compete with Dahlia's tolerance? You call me a sap and yet here you are spouting a drunk bard's prose."

Thankfully, Kaeya does not get mad often. Even when he' had an exceptionally foul day he'll give you plenty of signs- or just straight up ask you- to give him some alone time. The only time I see him actually getting mad is if you cross a boundary, such as poking around his study, not giving him space, pestering him for his secrets or forcing his eyepatch off.

You can also trigger his anger if you doubt him or his words, i.e. accuse him of being a liar (though this is a more reasonable argument considering he will hide plenty of secrets from you) like everyone else does. If Kaeya loves you, it's because he feels comparatively safe with you than most others. If you start to doubt him it's nothing less than heartbreak for him, which is why he reacts so strongly to it.

But then in this case, he does know he's in the wrong and it's unfair to you. It will take a day or two of distance for him to come crawling back with none of his dramatized bravado in sight and actually apologize to you. Kaeya may have pride that borders on arrogance, but he's not an asshole- well, at least not that big an asshole, as he consoles himself- and he will accept his mistakes and try to be better.

Overall, I won't say a romantic relationship with Kaeya is easy (are any of them?) and he's definitely has his... issues. But you will not find many men as sweet and devoted as he is. He has his secrets and he has his trouble, his future is uncertain and he finds himself obsessing over it constantly. But one thing he is certain about is that he is absolutely, irrevocably, ridiculously in love with you.

And maybe, just maybe, he'll try taking that chance he took three years ago. But there's still a long way to go before he even considers it.

A/N: Well, I hope you like this. Once again, thank you so so much for reading and loving my work!

There was initially going to be an NSFW portion for this but I cut it out at the last moment. Might consider posting NSFW headcanons of him after, though I'm not too confident about writing smut. Let me know if I you all want it.

Well, take care of yourself now, till the next post!