Since my last post, I have experienced a major high and now I’m back to square one. (NOTE: this entry, has no main direction. I won’t be surprised if you will be confused.)
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One: I ended my service as a pastry chef and now in search of my next move. I know what I want to do, but it’s a list. A long one.
Two: I keep having mind blocks... whether that be whilst driving, eating, talking with someone, in bed waiting to fall asleep- it’s been continuing on for the past few months.
Three: I’m tired... of talking, thinking, overthinking and I’m mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted... and still traumatised.
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First, I want to say that I’m proud of my girl HF, for finally stepping out of her shell, to be healed and heard, to love and find herself again. She’s one of the main motivations that I am even writing this post.
(There are so many things I want to say. I keep typing and deleting so I can find the right words to say.)
This girl, HF, is a fighter. She fights with passion, in anything she does. When she opened up to me about her current life, since the last time we spoke, it really hit me.
We smile for others, we give energy, but we can’t give it to ourselves. People think we overreact about our emotional state, and only you and DF can really understand.
You reminded me to remember my worth. You reminded me that it’s okay to cry and look ugly af. You reminded me to not apologise, for things happen for a reason. Even when I struggled to speak, you both said to me, ‘it will be okay’.
I have never met anyone, other than you two, that can understand me better even when I don’t say anything. You were the first people I came running to, when I was in my deepest, darkest place.
Now here we are... pushing each other forward for a stronger, better and healthier us. I am so glad I got all of those thoughts out of my system with you.
I am still trying to pull myself up and away from that memory. But at least I’m trying.
Despite having your own battles, you still encouraged me and I am so grateful. This is just the beginning. Much love to you my girls. You know who you are.