I just realized I could rant and rave to a tumblr blog completely anonymously, and it's not exactly like screaming at rats with my shirt off, because there's still a chance, however minute, that someone might read this! And really, what's the point of ranting and raving if no one is going to hear you? I do that all the time in my head, and it's boring.
I play roller derby. It's awesome. I'm not necessarily awesome, but I work my ass off and I'm getting better. Monday I fell and re-sprained my ankle, worse than I ever have before. Awesomely, I had just ordered new skates that morning. So I was all depressed and shit, especially considering that all of the refs came to check on me (while I was on the ground writhing in pain, but simultaneously trying desperately not to seem like a complete pussy), and not a single, solitary "teammate" came to see if I was ok. Two or three saw me hobbling around afterwards trying to gather up my stuff and gave me a perfunctory "are you ok?", but nothing. Mostly because I suck.
Oh, and I'm terribly off-putting. As you can probably tell from this post.
The thing about derby is that you hear all about the wonderful sisterhood and cameraderie that comes along with joining up, but that's such bullshit. It's high school all over again, just with older people, and you get to sometimes take out your frustration on the people you don't like instead of just seething. The seething still happens, because girls tend to act like that, but at least there's a chance to hit it out.
So I guess I'm just disappointed that I've now known these women for almost a year, and I actually give a shit about maybe three of them, because they're the only ones I actually trust. Were I a better athlete (or pretty), my injury might have gotten more attention, and I think that's bullshit.
I'm too old to get my feelings hurt like this, I think.
