My Haven Instagram: Msmedusaa

@msmedusa

《 Capricorn.Scorpio.Witch. Wanderer.Artist.Lover 》 "You have to put up with the risk of being misunderstood if you are going to try to communicate. You have to put up with people projecting their own ideas, attitudes, misunderstanding you. But it's worth being a public fool if that's all you can be in order to communicate yourself." "You care enough, that you want your life to be fulfilled in a living way, not in a painting way, not in a writing way...you really do want it to be involving in living, corresponding with other living objects, moving, changing, that kind of thing." -Edie Sedgwick

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I don’t know how to fully explain how I feel like I’m a jar, running out of air, filling up with sand just to know I’m also spilling out from a hole underneath. Why can’t I just be happy around happy people? Why do I feel everything and nothing at the same time? What happened that stole my soul? I am just the drywall you break through. I am the empty peanut shells you brush aside in the morning. I can’t feel anything fully because nothing will let me get close enough to the flame or far enough from the booze. I am screaming into a room of the deaf and blind. Or am I just the hollow cave? Am I the one with the caution tape people are scared to pass over?

#personal

v-207

All I want is for someone to talk about me like this fr

totallyfuckd

REBEL N°8 - Vincent Gallo - F/W 2004-2005.

by Terry Richardson.

jurijurijurious

What kind of man would put a known criminal in charge of a major branch of government? Apart from, say, the average voter.

--Terry Pratchett, Going Postal

fceriegifs

Brandon Lee as Eric Draven

THE CROW (1994)

six-demon-bag

CRIMSON PEAK (2015) dir. Guillermo del Toro

soulmvtes

sunday nights are for reflecting on your entire life and the fragile state of your present moment and what the future may look like

charitydingle

Late Night with the Devil 2023, dir. Cameron Cairnes, Colin Cairnes

movie-gifs

The Nightmare Before Christmas dir. Henry Selick | 1993

All these years and nothing has changed. I'm empty. And I'm alone. I'm lucky to have these glimpses of happiness when I'm able to make other people feel good, whether that be at work with my clients or with friends. I don't know how to hold on to that feeling. I remember that I have felt connected and happy before at some point. It's not a normal memory though. It's a memory that feels like recalling a dream. I just know that I haven't been the same since. Some part of me hasn't been the same, hasn't healed. Will never heal. I'm glad that I could help make people feel good, I fucking love that. But I wish the people I need would reach out to me, see me, hear me. Make me feel something. I wish people realized that I am so tired of holding everyone up. I am so fucking tired of having to be so strong for so fucking long. I just want to disappear quietly. Just be left alone. I'm not sure why I care to write any of this, who knows will read it. I sometimes hope someone does, but sometimes I hope not. Nothing ever happens anyway. Even if someone says they care, nothing changes, no one actually does anything. It's tiring to thank people for their fake empathy. I'm tired of feeling everything and nothing at the same time, all the time.

11.24.24

#personal

I have so much in my head but it's so hard to ever express it. Let alone, tell anyone about how I truly feel.

We've all been hurt. We have all been lied to and broken at some point. Pain is not selective. Why do I live in fear? Why do I give in so easily to that feeling and to the memories that haunt me and put walls up for love? For care? Why can't I believe that things are possible for me? I just push people away from my own addiction to pain.

#pain #trauma #personal #trust #trust issues