riptide 130 spoilers below the cut
something i've been thinking about in 130 is how jay's like. somewhat quiet suicidality is Present. particularly when the four are talking about what role aurora could have on the ship.
aurora has her astrolabe. she could also be a/the navigator (as is pointed out in the episode) and how that couples with, since at least 117 (and honestly, its been lurking for long before that) jay has had this pretty constant state of fear and suicidal-ness and self-blame.
like in 117, she expresses to lizzie like. what if, because she came to help lizzie, her closest friends don't make it out alive?
the end of 118, when aurora is calling for the riptide pirates, she literally is like 'theres a voice in the water telling me to jump and i think i should' in the midst of a battle/trying to escape. after that interaction with her grandmother. "oh it was for plot reasons" it was actually for jay 'suicidal' ferin reasons
especially with the like. slowly sown distrust/fear we're seeing between her and chip in recent episodes (her knowing that he's hiding something from her/from the others). guys. she's literally giving him opportunities to talk about it and hes not. that is not going to lead to them having a physical altercation she is fucking Scared!!
chip and jay have never Had that type of relationship, its never been a 'we're angry let's duel' type of relationship, that's not who they are. right now jay is probably scared about the Reason chip isn't saying everything.
bringing that back to the bit in 130 i mentioned at the top. like. maybe, in her mind, they are already replacing her. chip isnt telling her who he has to kill, and they just so happen to have a new potential navigator.
we as the viewer know that he's not going to kill her, that she isn't on the list calypso has given him. but she doesnt. i am really curious to see what she does in the coming episodes, and if what she knows (or thinks she knows, or fears) influences how reckless she is/if she becomes more reckless with her safety.
all that is to say, i love jay ferin immensely. i love where her character is in this moment, and i think it's brushed over a lot because the way shes played is not loud and in your face (not that there's anything wrong with that, either! i just like seeing the different way the party is played and how that comes through their actions and expressions and the way they speak
