My Hurdle of (some) Red Flags
What is the meaning of red flags in a relationship? Well, to me, a red flag is just another way to describe issues that require addressing and not neglecting. Most of us may have had several relationships, if not at least one - many of us thrive of intimate connections. When we walk into a new relationship with someone, the hormonal compound of endorphins can increase and drastically blind us from the red flags. These red flags are here to be somewhat an essential knowledge to prevent issues within both individuals. The importance of red flags is so that, with time and experience, it will steer us to having more fulfilling relationships rather than failure.
In the many relationships that I had experienced, there has been a lot of humble realisations along with evaluation and acceptance of myself. Learning about myself is a never ending journey. Every human being is genetically, physically, emotionally and intellectually different. There is so much beauty in that because, although we are all one, we are also yet, so very unique. With that being said, the advice that I will provide can be controversial depending on how you would like to perceive it. My red flags may or may not be different to yours. Everyone has different core values, needs and wants. Keep an open mind that these are my own experiences and how I came up against the difficulties. Here are some of the key red flags I look out for
1. Dishonest and Secretive.
I am aware that everyone has a past, that they may or may not be comfortable expressing under certain circumstances. Nevertheless, our past is apart of who we once was and who we currently are. Without that necessity, we wouldn’t be able to reflect on our life circumstances today. I believe that there is a difference between being expressive and being dishonest and secretive. I was once in a relationship with someone whom always dodged questions and refused to engage in any type of conversation to do with his past. That rang alarm bells louder than a church on a Sunday morning for me. Why? Because when someone is dishonest and secretive, it often means that they have something to hide about their past. Now self reflecting… His secrecy created an insecurity within me which resulted into major paranoia. I was only 19 at that time, my brain still hadn’t yet fully developed. Although our minds can sometimes create illusions, on the other hand, it doesn’t mean that we should excuse or ignore anything that strikes as unusual or uncomfortable to us. Questions without honest answers or explanations can create chaos in our minds.
2. Communication.
The key to communication is very effective when properly applied through the use of compassion, respect and understanding. Communication is another way to talk through issues that can arise inside of our relationships, big or small. The use of compassion in communication with our partner will allow us to sympathise with whatever concerns that they may be facing, without allowing emotional distance to creep through. The use of respect in communication with our partner will allow us to sense a feeling of deep admiration for what abilities, qualities or achievements they bring to the relationship, without leaving them astray. The use of understanding in communication with our partner is so that we create an awareness to their needs, wants and core values. Now self reflecting… In the past, communication was my weakest trait. I was a master at bottling up my emotions, which I sooner or later had to face up to them. The conflicts that appeared in my previous relationships was a product of repressed aggression. With all of the above in mind, a lot of my conversations on the relationship problems at that time, blew out of proportion because I was bottling up emotions that only led to passive aggressiveness. Nothing ever gets resolved out of anger.
3. Compatibilities in Life Morals and Responsibilities.
What I mean by life morals and responsibilities is that, some people have difficulties grasping basic life skills such as: taking care of themselves, domestic skills, holding down a job, planning for their life and future and social skills and manners. I am aware that everyone will have a different set of skills that they may require most essential in life that others may deem unnecessary. However, the basic life skills that we practice/hold closely to us, are what creates compatibility within a relationship. Being in a relationship with someone that respects basic life skills, means that they can hold down the fort when times are tough. Now self reflecting… In many of my relationships I became the nurturing mother/babysitter of my partners. With having to play that role, because of the partners that I had chose, have you heard of those sayings about cups being half empty or half full? Well, mine was over-pouring. Becoming the nurturing mother/babysitter created a lot of stress on my behalf and it left me with no time or energy for myself. I let my concerns be known and I just sat back and observed. At the end of the day, we cannot change people, humans are more willingly to change for themselves rather than for others. However that doesn’t mean we have to stick around waiting for them to get their sh*t together.
In conclusion to everything I have discussed above, they are now what I avoid and consider before walking into another relationship. Those are only 1/4 of my key red flags. Red flags are just another way to sense danger. Be aware of your mind; always trust your gut instincts considering it is there to help us survive. Thank you for taking the time out to read my post and I hope that I have given some insights into what red flags are and how to deal with them. WE LIVE. AND. WE LEARN!
‘A wise person once told me, “let people do what they want to do, so you see what they’d rather do.” That’ll answer all the questions you have.’
discoholicmusic
origamiaround
areudirty
2087
theartofmadeline
