I’m not sure if my followers or moots have noticed, but I haven’t been very active on here for quite some time.
You may not read this entire thing, but I just want to say I started this blog two years ago because I had ideas I wanted to share with others who held common interests. With the recent news of Mark leaving NCT, I found myself reflecting more deeply than I expected. It wasn’t just about him; it felt like another sign that the things I once held onto so tightly are changing, just like I am.
To be clear, his departure isn’t what sparked these feelings; I’ve had this sitting in my drafts for a while now.
Weirdly, I’ve been getting small wake-up calls showing me that I’m growing up.
I’ve been listening to K-pop since I was 10, and I’m 23 now. K-pop has been with me through the most traumatizing times of my life. Songs like EXO's "Baby Don’t Cry" held me together at my most painful moments. As the years went on, I found other groups like BTS, GOT7, NCT, and Seventeen that gave me strength and carried me through the entirety of my high school and university life. For that, I am forever grateful.
In my first year of uni, I realized that things around me were changing quickly, and so was I. After the hardships I faced and the resentment I carried in my heart, I felt an overwhelming urge to heal and move on. I just didn’t know where to start. I sat and thought about it for a long time, and slowly, I started changing without even realizing it.
As a result, I stopped paying close attention to the things that used to keep me grounded in dire times. I stopped making note of comeback dates, I stopped watching variety shows, and my listening habits became shorter or limited to older songs. I was growing up. I began to realize that the 10, 11, and 13-year-old girl who was being severely bullied and filled with anxiety no longer needed constant comfort because she was finally ready to move on.
As I sit here in my room, freshly graduated from university and filling out job applications every day, I’m realizing so much. I'm growing distant from childhood friends whose bs I had put up with for a very long time, finding new interests, understanding myself, and setting new boundaries. I realize now that I’m all grown up. I have other concerns and worries now, and I have other reasons that make me smile.
For a very long time, K-pop in all its glory was the only thing that made me happy.
Thank you to all my moots and followers over the years who have engaged with me and my work. You’ve helped me get to this point as well, and I’ll never forget that. I won’t be deleting this blog or my works; they are a part of my history.
Looking back, I was definitely scared to let go of things, but I owe it to my younger self to be happy or to try, at the very least, to live my life to the fullest and explore new things without looking back.
I keep thinking of a line from the song "For Good" from the musical Wicked:
"So much of me is what I learned from you. You'll be with me like a handprint on my heart."
I’ll never forget what K-pop meant to me, what it did for me, and the happiness it brought me. But now, I believe it is finally time to say goodbye to this chapter.
I’ll still hold space for it in my life, just not in the way I once did.
With that being said, I'm signing off.
Thank you for everything.
Krissy💕 AKA multifandomslxt
