Mummy and Jay

Holly, 21, this was my pregnancy blog and now it's my Mummying blog. My son is Jay and was born on the 7th of September 2013 :) we live alone together, his Dad is not in the picture and won't be.

[mummyandjay]

April 18th

Need to copy this into Jays book! Today I gave Jay a spoon and a pot of porridge. He did so incredibly well! He fed himself half the pot. He didn't seem to have a preferred hand, he used left and right. He fed me a few spoonfuls. He didn't make much mess with the spoon, although he dipped his fingers into the porridge a few times. Once he wasn't hungry any more he started to play with the porridge more, rubbing his hands in it and putting a bit in his hair, but his actual hand eye coordination with getting the spoon into the porridge and his mouth amazed me. He chatted to me the whole time, and a few times made aeroplane noises as he lifted the spoon to his mouth :')

[mummyandjay]

This isn't the place for this, but I don't have a baby book for Morgan yet... Morgan will be 9 days old in 6 hours time. She weighed 7lb14oz. At the moment she basically just sleeps all day, and eats. And poops. She hardly cries at all, only really if she doesn't get fed. Apparently this is because she was born by caesarean, and she should start perking up a bit soon. She's 100% super adorable and I love her soooo much. I was nearly entirely convinced before I had her that I wouldn't be able to love another baby the same amount as I love Jay, and I was wrong. They're both wonderful little creatures.

[mummyandjay]

March 11th. 36+2

I haven’t written on Jay’s blog about my 2nd pregnancy really. But I think I will now.  I feel quite bad about the fact that Morgan is growing quietly away in my womb and I’ve barely had time to think about her. I look after Jay, and if I’m not looking after Jay, I’m doing uni work, and if I’m not doing uni work, it’s because I’m either doing housework or I’m too ill to do anything. She hasn’t had the focus he has had, at all. And never will, in all truth.  Anyway. My last birth was such a horrendous experience for me. I’ve written about it on this blog. I re-read it the other day. The biggest problem was the stitches coming out of my episiotomy and the resulting severe infection. But even if that hadn’t happened. The midwife went to the wrong hospital, I wasn’t given painkillers, I requested to have Jay on my chest for a minute with his chord uncut and that was ignored, I asked to deliver the placenta naturally which was also ignored, and I was left in a dirty bed for hours.  So, I’m pleased to say that after requesting an elective cesarean a few months ago, today I have finally received my date. April the 1st! That is three weeks today! I’m pleased it’s at 39+2 rather than 40+2 - I’ve been very nervous they’re going to try to wriggle out of it and one of the ways I thought that might happen is them booking it later rather than sooner.  I wonder if the weeks will start to drag now? They’ve flown by so far. I imagine they won’t drag because I am still so busy all the time, and even though over the last few days my pain and discomfort and tiredness has increased, it’s a different kettle of fish being able to think, ‘only 21 more days of this’. Unlike last time, where I had no idea when it would end.  I feel unprepared now that I know when she’s coming. I guess we mostly need to stock up on nappies... more little newborn vests... tidy up all the mess in Jay’s room! Man. Also I want to get her a hat for the hospital that’s similar to the one Jay first wore - he had a little blue striped one with a knot tied in it. I want to get her a pink one the same. 

[mummyandjay]

[mummyandjay]

Feb 1st 2015, 1am

Last 2 nights: Jay went to bed at 10, slept until 8. Tonight: I had the audacity to put him into bed at 9. Now we are back downstairs with Shaun the sheep on. The only difference in the day today was that he had one tiny nap and that Pete destroyed his bedtime snack by feeding him an hour before he was meant to have his bedtime snack. Now he's watching TV not eating a new snack and not drinking a new bottle. I held it together until I saw Pete had also left the freezer door open. Then I cried a bit because honestly, how many mother fucking times do I have to tell him every little thing? Jay is adorable. I promise. Just because this whole year so far he hasn't slept like normal or seems to be ill in one way or another constantly doesn't mean he's not adorable. When you ask to see his 'belly belly', he shows you, and smiles. He points at lights and gets excited when you acknowledge the light, and will also point if you ask him where the light is. He can find his truck, and the 'little dude' (the truck driver). He can find captain bear, and captain bear's boat. He refuses to say 'juice', so when he wants a drink he cries a lot and some times points at the kitchen. He still hasn't started on his toast.

[mummyandjay]

Yesterday (dec 30th 14) Jay attempted 'bath time' and 'duck duck' Bath time = baa fiigh Duck duck sounded pretty great though :)

[mummyandjay]

I feel bad writing this on here, this blog is meant to be about just Jay. But I need to get it off my chest. How selfish can men be, I mean like really?  I'm 22 weeks pregnant.  I got about 6 hours sleep last night, and that's not counting the two times I had to go to Jay because he keeps waking up and just jumping up and down in bed holding all his blankets.  I got up at 8, got Jay out of bed, started walking down the stairs and saw a spider so I took him back and left him with Pete. I collected and chucked out the spider, then put some washing up in the sink and unfolded Jay's high chair. I went back, collected Jay, brought him down and put him in his high chair. I peeled and cut up an apple, cut up a banana and peeled an orange, put these on Jay's highchair, then did the washing up. Then I checked the washing in the machine and it was still damp so put it on dry again. Then I hoovered the sides and floor in the kitchen. When I finished I came into the living room to hoover the floor as it was dirty from last night. I took some clean washing upstairs. I asked Pete where I should put it - is it okay in that pile from last time? He sighed and said yeah whatever. Came down again, changed Jay's nappy, put some clothes on him. Put him down to play and made myself a cup of tea to have for my breakfast. After a while the clothes finished in the dryer so I put a new load in to wash. At this point I felt really light headed, so I sat in front of the machine waiting for my head to level out. Pete eventually came and asked what was wrong, can't I come and sit in the living room with him? I said I didn't want to stand up because I felt faint. He said he'd take Jay to the co-op with him to buy bread but that he wanted me to sit in the living room because I was making him uncomfortable. He asked what he could do to help me. I said he could put his cleaned clothes away, but otherwise I just need to sit down. He hoisted me onto the sofa where he insisted I try to stop 'looking like a dead horse'. He took Jay to the shop and when they came back I had been laying down for about 20 minutes and felt a lot better. He made us some toast with sausages and put Jay into his highchair and gave him a piece of toast too so he wouldn't cry watching us eat. I thanked him for the toast when we'd finished. He said he was going to go smoke now, and I asked, can you get Jay down and pick the bits of toast he's thrown off the floor? And he said, can't you just do it? I said, you said I should ask if I want you to do anything. He said, yeah, I smashed it out yesterday. Then he went to smoke. I picked Jay's toast up and hoovered him down, folded his chair up and put it away. Then I went and washed up the grill Pete used to make the food, and our plates and stuff. I started crying and I ran the bath and put Jay in his car seat so he could sit with me while I had my bath. I carried on crying for a while. I asked him to pick up the toast because I'm pregnant, I literally had just minutes before had a turn where I had to lie down, and I thought I should probably try taking it easy. He said no because YESTERDAY he cleaned the bathroom - which he'd put off for 8 days because even though it only took 20 minutes, he couldn't possibly do it on a day when he had work. He cleaned the bathroom and he washed up a few bottles, and timed the oven chips and chicken popcorn yesterday - and he actually had tried handing over the cooking responsibility to me and got grumpy because he said he'd decided to wash up instead. That is the only housework he's done in a week because he's been at work.  I just think how much worse is this all going to get? He's so selfish. And then he'll come over and try kissing me and then gets pissed off when I don't respond passionately. I'm sorry, I'm not feeling enthusiastic and affectionate towards someone who is lazy to the point they'd rather watch their pregnant arthritic girlfriend hoovering on her hands and knees than just do it themselves. The real salt in the wound is how much he MOANS about anything he ends up doing. He moans about anything he does do, then when I'm upset about everything getting on top of me, he says I should just ask him - when what is the result? He'll either say no or do it in a strop. If I was some random girl he knocked up I would understand his attitude but he SAYS he loves me. How can you love me if your own laziness and comfort is so much more important than my wellbeing?  I just want to run away.

[mummyandjay]

November 18th 2014, Jay is 14 months, 1 week and 4 days

Jay is being such a little pickle recently. He throws his dinner. He mashes it into his table. He pours his drink on his table as well. 

Typical day right now - and this changes by the week so who knows - Jay wakes up around 8am. I take him downstairs and feed him, at the moment either he eats fruit and toast or I feed him shreddies. Then I take him back upstairs and get him changed out of his nappy and pyjamas and into his clothes. Then we'll play. He likes to play with a work bench shape-sorter type wooden toy that my Mum got him for his birthday, it has cylindrical coloured blocks that you're meant to hit through with a hammer, but he just pushes them with his finger. He likes a game where you say, 'There he is! I'm gonna get him!' and chase him, he runs away a little bit and then collapses laughing. If you say, 'Jay! Belly belly belly!' he will likely smile, lift his shirt and slap his stomach. He also likes to slap mine and Pete's. If you clap and say, 'clap clap!' he will nine times out of ten start clapping and smiling. He can walk all the way to the park now. He mainly goes on the swing and the slide, although if he walks up to something else, I will try to put him on it. Anyway, around 1 he will have lunch. This is unfortunately likely to end up as fruit or toast after failed attempts at something else, like scrambled eggs or soup. He then will often have a nap for around an hour. Then it's playtime again until 4 or 5, when he has dinner. Again likely to be fruit and toast! Although tonight I did try to give him pasta, a little of which he ate. And at lunch today actually he had cheese slices and crackers. Then it's playtime again. Then he may have a bath around half five, which he likes. He splashes, walks up and down the bath, and plays with an orange sieve cup thing he has. He babbles a lot all day too. Then I will get him out and he will have a bottle at around quarter past six. This bottle will be either cows milk with formula in it, or it will be that but with a banana blended in, depending on how much he's been willing to eat. Then it's upstairs at ten to seven ish, I change him into his pyjamas and sleeping bag, sit him on his mat and brush his teeth. Then put him in the cot and hand him the mickey mouse toy he sleeps with, and make sure his dummy is in his mouth. He usually just goes to sleep without argument, but sometimes cries a little for five minutes before dropping off. He rarely wakes in the night but if he does he's normally very easy to soothe back to sleep by just placing him back onto his back and putting his dummy in his mouth (a lot of the time he's crawled into the corner and he just looks confused!).

[mummyandjay]

9th October, jay is 13 months

Interesting developments: He points, sometimes he will point at a person you ask him to, sometimes he won't, and sometimes he points randomly. He also points at my dinner when I'm eating and screeches. Two days ago we were waving and saying bye to his auntie and he said 'buh buh'. He can shake his head 'no', although he's not doing this lots he has a few times. "Can mummy have the dummy?"... *no*. He shoves things at me and puts his arms up like he wants to be held, and when I can't understand what he wants me to do with things or what he wants other than being held, he sits and screams and cries. Earlier he actually threw a tin at me because I couldn't work out what he wanted me to do with it.

[mummyandjay]

I would like to opt for an elective caesarean. My first birth didn’t go the way I desired at all. My main requests were to receive an epidural, for my cord to be left uncut for a minute after delivery, and I did not want the placenta to be delivered with assistance of an injection. All these things did not go ahead. The injection lead to me feeling very I’ll after delivery. The stitches I received for my episiotomy broke down and the resulting infection meant not only was I in pain for weeks, but on painkillers that left me unable to properly function. This all resulted in an overwhelming feeling of a lack of control of my own body. I feel this is what lead to my diagnosis of subclinical anorexia nervosa, as my weight seemed to be the only thing I could control after going through a very out of control birth experience and recovery. I want an elective caesarean as I feel I will be able to know that certain things will be in my control - I WILL receive the epidural, I will know when the baby is coming, I can decide who can and cannot see me after the operation, and when. This will help lower the chances of my eating disorder and depression returning after birth, at a time when I will need my energy, willpower and dedication in order to care for my two children. I am requesting this out of fear for my mental health and in an attempt to do my best to help myself to cope better than last time.

[mummyandjay]

October 5th

Just managed to get Jay to point at my sister and say 'there', I said, "Where is auntie Lily? You point!" I had to say it a few times but he did it! :D

[mummyandjay]

24th September, Jay's 9-12 month check up

I thought this was going to be health orientated, but it was a developmental check up. She also weighed him and measured his length, but mainly it was just a questionnaire about how he plays. The only things he scored lower than average on were the fact he doesn't roll a ball back to you if you roll one to him, and he doesn't help you to dress him by straightening his arms or flattening his feet for shoes. Everything else he scored average in - he babbles, he walks, he will lift things to find toys, he will give you a toy, he can sit down and stand up in a controlled manner. There were other things, I am so tired.  He has started waking every night at around 2, so I am exhausted. He wasn't too bad last night, he woke at half 1 needing to be changed, I changed him and also gave him a snack because he'd not had dinner. He went to sleep without crying after that, but still babbling away, which meant I was up til half 2, not wanting to go to sleep until he was definitely sleeping in case he woke me again. So tired :(

[mummyandjay]

September 16th (This picture is from last week) Jay has six teeth. He is drooling a lot because of the teething. He gets bored very easily. He is exhausting. He thinks it's funny if you're carrying him up the stairs and there's someone behind us. He still likes to be chucked around.  He has three meals and a bottle every day. At the moment he goes to bed at 7pm, sleeps til 6:30am, and he has around half an hour's nap, usually when he's in the pram at some point. 

[mummyandjay]

May 4th

Three times today I've turned round and Jay has sat himself up!

[mummyandjay]

Easter Sunday 2014 April 20th Jay can crawl forward a little bit He has two teeth He loves being thrown up and onto the bed or sofa He loves his bouncer Mirrors can make him stop crying When my Mum sings him 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star' he stops crying  He eats fruit puree and jarred dinners, rucks, rich tea, but mostly toast He likes to smack the floor (or whatever he can reach) like a drum He loves peekaboo Sometimes he gets excited and squeaks He makes the noises 'BA' and occasionally 'DA', as well as other little chatty noises. He is always fighting stillness, he wants to move  The chair he used to sleep in he now can fall out of He sleeps in his cot well and most nights he is fine being left in it and barely cries or complains He's very friendly and people are always saying things like, "Such a happy baby!" Every toy (and anything else) goes straight in his mouth.  He likes the swings at the park although remains unamused by everything else!

[mummyandjay]

Jay has the tip of a front tooth on the bottom poking through as of March 10th :)

[mummyandjay]

March 4th - 5 months 25 days

Jay is a very energetic smiley little boy. He has a cardigan size 9-12 months that fits perfectly, such a big boy! He has a bouncer that you attach to door frames that he has just started to understand how to use properly and he loves it. He smiles a lot all day and laughs often. He pants and makes squeaky noises. Yesterday he was blowing loads of raspberries. He loves to be upright and is always throwing himself around. His sleep schedule at the moment is in bed at 9, sleep by 10, up at half one for dummy, up at half three for dummy, up at half seven for first feed of the day. I don't get an awful lot of sleep! He used to nap a lot more than he does now. But his sleep schedule seems to change weekly anyway so hopefully soon he'll start sleeping through. I've not weaned him very much so that might be why. He's still mostly on milk and somedays I don't feed him any solids at all. Mostly when I do feed him it's chocolate pudding (baby chocolate pudding) because he hoovers it up. When I'm eating he grabs at my food and he always stares when anyone's eating or drinking. I'm going to try and start a better schedule with solids but I'm so busy all the time. Mostly because of the bottles I guess! So making less a day would be great. In fact writing this has made me feel like boiling and mashing some potatoes. I shall!