I'm just Murphy

my roommate is the weird one

[gavamont]

Knock knock

[mundanemurphy]

Who's there?

[gavamont]

Ivan

[mundanemurphy]

Ivan who?

[gavamont]

Ivan’t to inform you that I’ve been turned and am now a vampire.

[mundanemurphy]

As long as you keep to the agreement that night time is private bedroom time, I think that's fine

[gavamont]

But surely you vould love to join me on a midnight stroll. I have a very promising offer for you to join a fast growing netvork of powerful individuals.

[mundanemurphy]

I hear @mundanewarren LOVES to go for late night walks.

[mundanewarren]

Ah crap. This is like the second time I’ve been Renfield’ed, and both times are by wizards. You’d think I’d learn.

[ratazom]

If you learned, you wouldn't be the same guy I agreed to share a mundane dimension home with

[gavamont]

You know you’re right. I von’t torment my roommate with vampirism. Mine is to cherish, yours is to torture.

[mundanemurphy]

An early Canada Day miracle

[gavamont]

Knock knock

[mundanemurphy]

Who's there?

[gavamont]

Ivan

[mundanemurphy]

Ivan who?

[gavamont]

Ivan’t to inform you that I’ve been turned and am now a vampire.

[mundanemurphy]

As long as you keep to the agreement that night time is private bedroom time, I think that's fine

[gavamont]

But surely you vould love to join me on a midnight stroll. I have a very promising offer for you to join a fast growing netvork of powerful individuals.

[mundanemurphy]

I hear @mundanewarren LOVES to go for late night walks.

[gavamont]

Knock knock

[mundanemurphy]

Who's there?

[gavamont]

Ivan

[mundanemurphy]

Ivan who?

[gavamont]

Ivan’t to inform you that I’ve been turned and am now a vampire.

[mundanemurphy]

As long as you keep to the agreement that night time is private bedroom time, I think that's fine

[gavamont]

Knock knock

[mundanemurphy]

Who's there?

[gavamont]

Ivan

[mundanemurphy]

Ivan who?

[gavamont]

Knock knock

[mundanemurphy]

Who's there?

[gavamont]

The wizard rangers said that a breed of land wyrm I used to hunt for fake dragon hide is becoming a protected species. Gonna have to find a new way to scam foolish adventurers.

[gavamont-clone-1]

Party foul...

[gavamont]

Overhunting could happen on anyone’s watch, but I stopped once the ranger informed me. Hell, I plan on planting some magic traps in case any greed driven wizards dare to interfere with these majestic beasts.

[gavamont-clone-1]

Sorry, typo. The Party Fowl has scales on its tail that make for a very fine dragon skin substitute

[gavamont]

Ooh, those I could raise in my backyard, though a few will be eaten by the land wyrm. Winning all around!

[gavamont-clone-1]

When fed on a cocaine/corn mix, party fowl can reproduce at a truly astounding rate!

[gavamont]

Too much cocaine!

[gavamont-clone-1]

QUICKLY! SKIN THEM MY LIEGE!!!

[gavamont]

Gghfggnvggghvhgggg hhhhh touch h h gch

[gavamont]

That was the birds. I had to feed them all to wyrm to get free. Further research needed.

[mundanemurphy]

We love a... conservation success story?

[gavamont]

Guys, I think if I can kill or seal away 4 more musical wizards, I could end up being the headliner for the Shadow Wizard Money Gang charity concert to benefit knights with shitty vassal lords.

[mundanemurphy]

Can I ask why you edit most of these tracks on my side of the portal?

[gavamont]

They say a stitch in time saves 9, but every time I travel back in time I kill way more than 9 innocents with my unintended interaction with the past.

[ratazom]

😂😂😂 you know it brother 😂😂😂

[mundanewarren]

Doesn’t even account for the peripheral injured parties.

[gavamont]

And I never will, you rouge dumbass.

[ratazom]

Oh, I've fully killed you by time travel before, Warren. I don't actually know how you recovered. Indomitable human spirit, I guess

[gavamont]

Maybe we’ll fix that in the next time loop.

[ratazom]

🥺🥺🥺you think we could delete him?🥺🥺🥺

I may have misjudged you, fair nemesis. Let's kill my roommate.

Let's kill my roommate together

[mundanemurphy]

Y'all are fucking weird

[gavamont]

Am I the wizard that cursed the tavern to be obscured by terrifying wraiths and shades?

Yes. But!

It’s pride month, so I made sure to not lay the same curse on the gay bar.

[mundanewarren]

I was still in there when you laid the curse! I’m fighting for my life against these ghosts and ghouls!

[mundanemurphy]

Go to the gay bar next time 🙄 serves you right. It's June, you dummy

[gavamont]

Just can’t expect good sense from Red House.

[ratazom]

Hey! I sponsored my local gay bar this month! I made a stipulation that they have to put my logo on their napkins, but they named a drink after me!

Stop by and grab a "Corporate Leechazom" with clamato juice and gin while you dance to Chappel Roan or whatever this pride month!!

[gavamont]

Why are you trying to ruin queerness so much? You’re making me straight with shit like this.

[ratazom]

It could be worse. At least my evil, soul-sucking corporation is queer owned!

[jimkinnz]

and operated¡

[gavamont]

That’s it. I believe in equality now. The gay bar is getting cursed too until Ratazom’s goods are removed.

[mundanemurphy]

Oh man! I had just gotten Warren safely extricated from the tavern, and he went in to the gay bar to try and relax

[gavamont]

Am I the wizard that cursed the tavern to be obscured by terrifying wraiths and shades?

Yes. But!

It’s pride month, so I made sure to not lay the same curse on the gay bar.

[mundanewarren]

I was still in there when you laid the curse! I’m fighting for my life against these ghosts and ghouls!

[mundanemurphy]

Go to the gay bar next time 🙄 serves you right. It's June, you dummy

[gavamont]

The King of the Stick Bugs came to my wizard tower to ask if we could stage a controversy where I call stick bugs staff bugs and then we stage a fight in the town square, make up and become friends, and then I share a coupon code for some stick bug product they haven’t actually finalized yet.

A little dicey and convoluted, but collaborating with all stick bugs would be big.

[mundanemurphy]

Haha, big

Because they're the largest insect group by body length. Funny

[gavamont]

Especially their king. That guy is taller than my staff of lightbulb changing.

[mundanemurphy]

Phasmids aren't eusocial 🤨

[gavamont]

Ah shit, so the promise of a fiefdom is bogus?

[mundanemurphy]

Probably. Sorry.

[gavamont]

The King of the Stick Bugs came to my wizard tower to ask if we could stage a controversy where I call stick bugs staff bugs and then we stage a fight in the town square, make up and become friends, and then I share a coupon code for some stick bug product they haven’t actually finalized yet.

A little dicey and convoluted, but collaborating with all stick bugs would be big.

[mundanemurphy]

Haha, big

Because they're the largest insect group by body length. Funny

[gavamont]

Especially their king. That guy is taller than my staff of lightbulb changing.

[mundanemurphy]

Phasmids aren't eusocial 🤨

[gavamont]

The King of the Stick Bugs came to my wizard tower to ask if we could stage a controversy where I call stick bugs staff bugs and then we stage a fight in the town square, make up and become friends, and then I share a coupon code for some stick bug product they haven’t actually finalized yet.

A little dicey and convoluted, but collaborating with all stick bugs would be big.

[mundanemurphy]

Haha, big

Because they're the largest insect group by body length. Funny

[gavamont]

There once was a wizard of clover

She’s an enchantress I couldn’t get over

For she had a great charm

Though she gave me alarm

Her spice magic got me ducking for cover

[mundanemurphy]

Are the clover and spice magic related in some way that is beyond me, an unfortunate mundane?

[gavamont]

You guys don’t have fire clover? Next you’ll tell me you don’t have air magic dandelions.

[mundanemurphy]

Yeah, well you guys don't have.... Whatever it is that you keep buying from the local Asian supermarket as spell components.

[gavamont]

Actually I would not waste Golden Boy Peanuts on spells. Those are just for my personal snacking.

[gavamont]

There once was a wizard of clover

She’s an enchantress I couldn’t get over

For she had a great charm

Though she gave me alarm

Her spice magic got me ducking for cover

[mundanemurphy]

Are the clover and spice magic related in some way that is beyond me, an unfortunate mundane?

[gavamont]

You guys don’t have fire clover? Next you’ll tell me you don’t have air magic dandelions.

[mundanemurphy]

Yeah, well you guys don't have.... Whatever it is that you keep buying from the local Asian supermarket as spell components.

[gavamont]

There once was a wizard of clover

She’s an enchantress I couldn’t get over

For she had a great charm

Though she gave me alarm

Her spice magic got me ducking for cover

[mundanemurphy]

Are the clover and spice magic related in some way that is beyond me, an unfortunate mundane?

[gavamont]

its pride month gavamont, you know what that means....

Yeah, it means we’re going to the gay wizard club!

What potion you gettin’ at the club? Ability based on the Gilbert 8 stripe flag

Pink (sex)

Red (life)

Orange (healing)

Yellow (sunlight)

Green (nature)

Turquoise (magic/art)

Indigo (serenity)

Violet (spirit)

Voting ended onJun 10

[gavamont-clone-1]

You might think I'd pick green, but in the fun dimension, the pride flags are solid pink, or sometimes pink and turquoise

[ratazom]

None of these covers corporate pride!!??

[gavamont]

Just drink your red potion and get a life, we all know just want it to match your wizard color.

[mundanemurphy]

Wait, that's a sick burn, fr

Pour me a glass of green, roomie