i,m a homunculus' sir

back off my nuts•

[lacesmilk]

i wasn't socialized enough as a larva

[contemptible-scoundrel]

no way your narrow ass cloaca laid this egg

[gavamont]

I greatly misunderstood the invitation to join a bandit militia. The man who invited me seemed to say I would be the “caster blaster”, which sounds like fun slang for a fireball slinger.

No, it turns out they worked for a hill giant and he was trying to corporatize the brigand operations of the region and took that to mean needs a corporate office with a desk chair and my job is “blasting” the “caster” wheels into a working order.

Why the fuck did they have to ruin the fun of being a highwayman?

[gavamont-clone-1]

It's always the same with these corporate types. Suck the fun out, replace it with cubicles

[jimkinnz]

master has told me [falsely] that a cubicle is the natural habitat of the homuncuIus•

[gavamont]

Extremely false! Homunculus are odd shapes because they are meant to go to every odd place. Under fridges and behind rocks. Inside old TV’s and on top of cabinets.

Except for square-munculus. Those ones are designed to be on cube shaped places.

[jimkinnz]

yes' but more like an ice tray and less like an office•

[gavamont]

And just like those ice trays, this giant’s office is too cool for a slick wizard like me. So I will be burning the giant’s office down and gifting the regional manager bandits +1 rapiers to inspire them to go independent.

[ratazom]

But their quarterly profits will take a huge hit if they leave the corporate structure!!!!!

[gavamont]

Well maybe it’s time to think global and rob local.

[gavamont-clone-1]

That's how we change the world

[gavamont]

I greatly misunderstood the invitation to join a bandit militia. The man who invited me seemed to say I would be the “caster blaster”, which sounds like fun slang for a fireball slinger.

No, it turns out they worked for a hill giant and he was trying to corporatize the brigand operations of the region and took that to mean needs a corporate office with a desk chair and my job is “blasting” the “caster” wheels into a working order.

Why the fuck did they have to ruin the fun of being a highwayman?

[gavamont-clone-1]

It's always the same with these corporate types. Suck the fun out, replace it with cubicles

[jimkinnz]

master has told me [falsely] that a cubicle is the natural habitat of the homuncuIus•

[gavamont]

Extremely false! Homunculus are odd shapes because they are meant to go to every odd place. Under fridges and behind rocks. Inside old TV’s and on top of cabinets.

Except for square-munculus. Those ones are designed to be on cube shaped places.

[jimkinnz]

yes' but more like an ice tray and less like an office•

[gavamont]

I greatly misunderstood the invitation to join a bandit militia. The man who invited me seemed to say I would be the “caster blaster”, which sounds like fun slang for a fireball slinger.

No, it turns out they worked for a hill giant and he was trying to corporatize the brigand operations of the region and took that to mean needs a corporate office with a desk chair and my job is “blasting” the “caster” wheels into a working order.

Why the fuck did they have to ruin the fun of being a highwayman?

[gavamont-clone-1]

It's always the same with these corporate types. Suck the fun out, replace it with cubicles

[jimkinnz]

master has told me [falsely] that a cubicle is the natural habitat of the homuncuIus•

[gavamont]

Extraterrestrial wizards keep mocking my looking glass at the top of my wizard tower by coming just into my viewing range, flipping me off, and then flying away. Someday I’ll get a better telescope so I can track where they’re going and then I will shoot a beam attack at them.

[ratazom]

I sell very high-quality telescopes, and at cut-rate prices, too! Come by and prepare your revenge!!!

[gavamont]

Now I may not be able to see why kids love the great taste of Cinnamon Toast Crunch, but I can see that is clearly a scam.

[jimkinnz]

it,s the swirls of cinnamon sugar' unky gavamont¡

[jimkinnz]

my naym is jim

and on sunday

and master has

gone out to play

in lab I get

ridiculous

make facts about

homuncuIus

[numamazza]

iamb numzy

wouldn’’t you know

my master did

happen to go

so in his lab

I mess around

making a new

‘munculus clown

[numamazza]

[gavamont-clone-1]

I'm gavamont

Or clone of one

And though you guys

Are having fun

I warn you now

That danger's nigh

For ratazom

Is on the fly

[jimkinnz]

oh shit nummzy' hide the makeup¡

[numamazza]

I useded permanent marker¡!¡!

it’’s not coming offfffff¡!¡!

[ratazom]

I sure hope the homunculi are playing nice in the lab and not writing poetry or putting on a circus...

JIMKINNZ!!!!!!!!!!

[jimkinnz]

(⁠・⁠_⁠・⁠;⁠)

[gavamont]

Oh, glad I caught you, I was just swinging by to pick up my Numzy. I’m sure he had a great time.

[jimkinnz]

yes¡ very fun¡ don,t mind the spots•••

[jimkinnz]

my naym is jim

and on sunday

and master has

gone out to play

in lab I get

ridiculous

make facts about

homuncuIus

[numamazza]

iamb numzy

wouldn’’t you know

my master did

happen to go

so in his lab

I mess around

making a new

‘munculus clown

[numamazza]

[gavamont-clone-1]

I'm gavamont

Or clone of one

And though you guys

Are having fun

I warn you now

That danger's nigh

For ratazom

Is on the fly

[jimkinnz]

oh shit nummzy' hide the makeup¡

[numamazza]

I useded permanent marker¡!¡!

it’’s not coming offfffff¡!¡!

[ratazom]

I sure hope the homunculi are playing nice in the lab and not writing poetry or putting on a circus...

JIMKINNZ!!!!!!!!!!

[jimkinnz]

(⁠・⁠_⁠・⁠;⁠)

[jimkinnz]

my naym is jim

and on sunday

and master has

gone out to play

in lab I get

ridiculous

make facts about

homuncuIus

[numamazza]

iamb numzy

wouldn’’t you know

my master did

happen to go

so in his lab

I mess around

making a new

‘munculus clown

[numamazza]

[gavamont-clone-1]

I'm gavamont

Or clone of one

And though you guys

Are having fun

I warn you now

That danger's nigh

For ratazom

Is on the fly

[jimkinnz]

oh shit nummzy' hide the makeup¡

[jimkinnz]

my naym is jim

and on sunday

and master has

gone out to play

in lab I get

ridiculous

make facts about

homuncuIus

[concoctionboy]

I kind of think I don't use my shapeshifting abilities as much as I should, and I want to branch out and spend more time in other forms. I'm kind of indecisive, though, so I've started a poll for what I should try turning myself into:

For the next 24 hours after this poll closes, I will be a(n)...

Catamaran

Chess set

Hadrosaur fursuit (is "fursuit" still the right term if it's not furry?)

Inflatable swimming pool

Klein bottle

LEGO castle

Miniature roller coaster

Punching bag

Sierpiński pyramid (or the best approximation I can manage)

Squid

Swarm of (relatively) giant (but still kinda small) tardigrades

Very long hose

Voting ended onJul 22

[concoctionboy]

I know "slimeball" is usually supposed to be a big insult, but I mean as a shapeshifting slime sometimes I think it's fun to be a ball and I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

[jimkinnz]

you know' it,s very much the same for me when people say „oh so·and·so isn,t a real xyz„

like' being real is pretty overrated•

[concoctionboy]

I mean... I was created in a vat by an evil wizard; does that mean I'm not real? I don't think "real" is synonymous with "natural". I say you're as real as you want to be.

[jimkinnz]

yeah i know• that,s why i,m not real•

[gavamont]

A wizard that has their secret lair hidden within a mid ocean buoy. You may think it is a marker for the end of the continental shelf, but that is more accurately the tip of a metaphorical iceberg.

Just like a literal iceberg, the vast majority of his lair is beneath the waves. It gives him more room for wizardly activities, like cursed sea cucumber harvesting, kissing boys, observing kraken migration, cultivating rare sea salts, and many other magical functions.

[ratazom]

I can't help but feel that he has rather more unwizardly motivations for one of these listed activities...

[gavamont]

Fine, it’s true, the sea salts are for culinary pursuits and selling at farmers markets. Nothing wizardly about the salts at all.

[jimkinnz]

well not with that attitude• i once made a very nice heaIth potion for one of my fellow homunculi with some „himalayan pink salt„ i got at a burIington coat factory•

[jimkinnz]

wait' what was that about boy kissing¿

[gavamont]

Kissing boys can be very magical.

[gavamont-clone-1]

No wizard worth his salt would doubt that powerful axiom

[gavamont]

Boys and buoys is a magical combination.

[concoctionboy]

I know "slimeball" is usually supposed to be a big insult, but I mean as a shapeshifting slime sometimes I think it's fun to be a ball and I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

[jimkinnz]

you know' it,s very much the same for me when people say „oh so·and·so isn,t a real xyz„

like' being real is pretty overrated•

[dmdog]

It lives in the arcade and leaves sticky little footprints on the linoleum. Naming it Gumble

[gavamont]

A wizard that has their secret lair hidden within a mid ocean buoy. You may think it is a marker for the end of the continental shelf, but that is more accurately the tip of a metaphorical iceberg.

Just like a literal iceberg, the vast majority of his lair is beneath the waves. It gives him more room for wizardly activities, like cursed sea cucumber harvesting, kissing boys, observing kraken migration, cultivating rare sea salts, and many other magical functions.

[ratazom]

I can't help but feel that he has rather more unwizardly motivations for one of these listed activities...

[gavamont]

Fine, it’s true, the sea salts are for culinary pursuits and selling at farmers markets. Nothing wizardly about the salts at all.

[jimkinnz]

well not with that attitude• i once made a very nice heaIth potion for one of my fellow homunculi with some „himalayan pink salt„ i got at a burIington coat factory•

[jimkinnz]

wait' what was that about boy kissing¿

[gavamont]

A wizard that has their secret lair hidden within a mid ocean buoy. You may think it is a marker for the end of the continental shelf, but that is more accurately the tip of a metaphorical iceberg.

Just like a literal iceberg, the vast majority of his lair is beneath the waves. It gives him more room for wizardly activities, like cursed sea cucumber harvesting, kissing boys, observing kraken migration, cultivating rare sea salts, and many other magical functions.

[ratazom]

I can't help but feel that he has rather more unwizardly motivations for one of these listed activities...

[gavamont]

Fine, it’s true, the sea salts are for culinary pursuits and selling at farmers markets. Nothing wizardly about the salts at all.

[jimkinnz]

well not with that attitude• i once made a very nice heaIth potion for one of my fellow homunculi with some „himalayan pink salt„ i got at a burIington coat factory•