Favourite/Funniest Line's from Crooked Kingdom
"Let's go." "Me?" "No the idiot behind you."
"How is-" "Nina is fine. Jesper is fine. Everyone is fine except for me because I am stuck with a gang of hand-wringing nursemaids."
"Now why can't people be this easily trained?" Kaz murmured as he crouched to oblige the dog with a belly rub.
"Did you know I am next in line for the Fjerdan throne? They call me Princess Ilse of Engelsberg." "There is no princess of Engelsberg. It's a fishing town."
"Has anyone noticed this whole city is looking for us, mad at us, or wants to kill us?" "So?" "Well, usually it's just half the city."
"Big, blond and blind. The Fjerdan way."
"If I live I'll buy you waffles." "You don't have enough money to buy her waffles."
"Do you know what Van Eck's problem is?" "No honor?" "Rotten parenting skills?" "Receding hairline?"
"Isn't that how things are done around here? We all tell Kaz we are fine and the do something stupid?" "Are we that predictable?" "Yes."
"It seems everyone is forming alliances." "They're called friendships Kaz."
"You are very welcome Nina Zenik. You may repay me in the costumary way." "Waffles?" "Lots of them."
"I need to do this. I've never been to my mother's grave. I am not leaving Kerch without saying goodbye." "Trust me, you care more than she does."
"You are stupid about a lot of things Wylan, but you are not stupid. And if I ever hear you call yourself a moron again, I am going to tell Matthias you tried to kiss Nina. With tongue." "He' ll never believe it." "Then I 'll tell Nina you tried to kiss Matthias. With tongue."
"Come on, let's do steal all my dad's money. "Isn't it your money?" "Okay, let's go steal it back."
"I think you 'd flirt with a date palm if it would pay you any attention." "If I flirted with a plant, you can bet it would stand up and take notice."
"Yes, yes, Nina Zenik is hungry. Now, will someone feed me before I am forced to cook one of you?" "Don't be ridiculous. You don't know how to cook."
"On a dare I ate a literal through full of waffles and nearly went back for seconds."
"Pick up the pace." "If I spill a single drop of this it will burn straight through the floor onto my father's dinner guests." "Take your time."
"I am Dunyasha, the White Blade, trained by the Sages of Ahmrat Jen, the greatest assassin of this age." "Doesn't ring a bell."
"Fate brought me here." "And does fate pay your wages?"
"My parents thought I would drown because I crawled into the sea as a baby, laughing." "Perhaps they were worried you would talk yourself to death."
"Kaz. You may not be glad we are alive, but we are glad you are alive."
"You are better than waffles, Matthias Helvar." "Let's not say things we don't mean, my love."
"Are you mad?" "I'd probably be happier if I was."
"You have to be the craziest bastard I ever met." "I'll take that as a compliment."
"My leg! My leg!" "I recommend a cane."
"What is wrong with him?" "Same thing that's always wrong with him. He's Kaz Brekker."
Jesper followed Wylan down the hall. "Hey." Wylan kept going.
"Jes, I 've thought about this-" "Thought of me? Late at night? What was I wearing?"
Wylan ran his tongue over his lips and spat in his father's face.
He was pale, with tufty orange brows and a hunched posture that gave him the look of a giant shrimp.
He felt bad for the guy. Not bad enough to wake him up and untie him, but still.
"I 've been shot!" He had not been shot.
"How about I push you in the canal and we see if you know how to swim?"
"Tell you what. When the day comes, mark it on your calendars. I can think of a lot of people who 'll want to throw a party.
"Wait. Is my tie straight?"
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