2013: top 10 albums and the year i learned too much
i turned 16 in 2013. it was the year everything started feeling too big and too small all at once. i kissed my first girl and smoked my first joint in the same week. my grandmother died, and the world kept spinning like nothing happened. here are the albums that got me through.
top 10 albums of 2013:
"Pure Heroine" - Lorde this album was my bible. lorde made being an outsider feel cool, like it was a superpower.
diary, september 4, 2013 i kissed her. i kissed her, and she kissed me back. it wasn’t fireworks. it was quiet, like slipping into a pool at night. i think she’s scared of what it means. so am i. ‘buzzcut season’ played on her speakers after. it was perfect.
"The Bones of What You Believe" - CHVRCHES this album was neon lights and late-night drives.
diary, november 16, 2013 smoked too much. the room spun, and i told sara about grandma. she hugged me so tight i thought i’d break.
"Modern Vampires of the City" - Vampire Weekend they made sadness sound so clean. diane young was my anthem for pretending to have my shit together.
diary, may 22, 2013 sat on the roof with a bottle of something cheap. we laughed about nothing. the stars were bright, but it still felt like the world might end.
"Hesitation Marks" - Nine Inch Nails this was for the nights i needed to scream but couldn’t.
diary, august 8, 2013 grandma’s funeral was today. i wore black lipstick, even though mom said it was inappropriate. fuck appropriate.
"Days Are Gone" - Haim haim was the sound of late summer, when everything felt like it might fall apart but hadn’t yet.
diary, july 12, 2013 party at ethan’s. danced with a boy just to see if it felt different. it didn’t.
"Paramore" - Paramore this album was my angry-girl therapy.
diary, april 30, 2013 math test sucked. life sucked. i locked my door, put on paramore, and let myself feel everything all at once. it was messy, but it helped. hayley williams is my religion.
"If You Leave" - Daughter haunting, beautiful, sad. “youth” felt like a ghost whispering in my ear, reminding me that pain could be pretty.
diary, february 19, 2013 valentine’s day was a joke. love is a joke. except maybe it’s not.
"The 1975" - The 1975 “sex” was everything my mom didn’t want me to hear but couldn’t stop me from loving.
diary, october 9, 2013 he called me ‘mature for my age.’ fuck that.
"Trouble Will Find Me" - The National this was for the nights i felt too much.
diary, june 2, 2013 i miss her. it’s stupid to miss someone who’s not even dead. but i do. maybe one day, she’ll miss me too.
"Reflektor" - Arcade Fire this album was a whole mood.
diary, december 28, 2013 another year almost over. thank god. maybe next year will be easier. maybe it won’t. either way, i’ll survive. i always do!
2013 was a year of firsts and lasts. it broke me, but it also made me. these albums were the soundtrack to my chaos, my heartbreak, my growing pains. here’s to the music that carried me when i couldn’t carry myself.
















