Derby.Human. @mxtntreble - Tumblr Blog

A type of journal entry, I guess...

Saturday night, I was at Walmart. I was kinda wandering. They didn't have what I originally went for. At check out, I saw someone with a cool hoodie. While debating if I could safely compliment them as I checked out and began following this person and their companion out, I caught your face.

Running into my old best friend in the same Walmart my ex goes too was not something I had on my bingo card.

And seeing you, all I could do was remember the positives. Of how much I miss you.

Then that spiraled. I have been thinking of my most recent ex. He dumped me on June 1 of this year. And I just...i miss him.

I miss my best friend.

I miss being truly happy.

My depression has been so bad recently, and the betrayal of America with this election is not helping.

Hooray for having one safe space on the internet.

This is just rambling, and that's okay.

I just miss people

kidzbopdeathgrips

*slams you with my fucking PUSSY

were-ralph

bonersniper

CUNT force trauma

shaddad

entalhando no plástico de material descartado, o trabalho de duke riley

caecilius-est-pater

You see, back in the 1800s, fishermen on whaling boats out to sea for months would hand carve intricate mixtapes out of wood or whalebone as gifts for their wives and sweethearts back home.

vntg-aes

unwelcome-ozian

lovelifeinlove

furiousgoldfish

I just realized how poorly I handle doing anything wrong. I accidentally made a mistake today and someone got upset and I apologized and made it right and that should have been the end of it.

But instead I withdrew into my room, had an emotional breakdown and started planning to isolate myself from humanity, never talk to anyone ever again, leave all of my friendships and just stay in that room forever trying to calm down. I became scared of every human being I've ever interacted with, convinced that they all by now decided I should be tried for my mistake and would only tell me how they're ashamed of ever been associated with me.

It's the freaking shunning, that's whats triggering me, it's the fact that after punishment as a child I would be subjected to shunning and the entire family would act as if I was poisonous, wouldn't look at me or talk to me, and seethed in anger if I was out of my room, that's what I'm now expecting as a logical consequence to getting anyone even slightly upset. It really was unsafe for me to get out of my room or interact with anyone! And now I re-live that whenever something minor happens, just because my brain is trained to expect it. I can't function in a community if any mistake has stakes this high for me.

thepeacefulgarden

loveyourlovelysoul

If you've been highly criticized/yelled at in your past after any sudden decision you've made or if you have been played around or been unappreciated while you were just trying to do something good/nice, the shameful/guilty feeling born at those times may still be lingering inside of you. Anytime you make a sudden decision/choice without asking for confirmation about its nature or give away something from yourself (even something material like eg. a very little amount of money) it makes you wonder if you've done the right thing or if you've been deceived somehow. This happens cause you have unconsciously learnt from similar past experiences that you're "not good enough" or a bit "too stupid/naive" to make good decisions by yourself.

This feeling may have been hindering you also in other situations, like when given an important choice or something similar you may try to avoid taking a final decision without asking for guidance or suggestions to others (generally those who criticized you, like eg. your caregivers), leaving them in charge of your life so that you won't be making mistakes or feel like a failure. But this way, you may end up never really experiencing life as you deserve to. You may end up chosing things you don't want or blocking yourself when given important occasions out of fear to fail and be seen as the usual "stupid" person you were and still are (only in your mind: you're not that for real, ever). You're not stupid nor naive nor any other adjective you have been called/calling yourself: you meant your best and just didn't know what to do exactly or how to act maybe, or you were a bit too impulsive; but you had to try and learn your lesson like that. You were so criticized because you were triggering a trauma in the other person but you had to make that mistake in order to experience life and understand something (and tbh you were very likely made believe that the mistake you made was bigger and much more important than it actually was). Please forgive yourself and remind yourself you have grown and learned all you need to try and protect yourself if that's the case. There's nothing wrong in giving away when done with pure intentions, don't ever feel guilty about it. Even more for giving to yourself.

prettylucifherr

Look into my eyes on the first thrust

prettyboyfucks

wanna have a cute lil freak in the passenger seat next to me during a road trip. a vibrator stuffed inside of their wet little hole, kept in by a tight pair of undies. no matter how much you squeeze your thighs closed, cross your legs, shift positions, you can’t escape the feeling of those vibrations relentlessly buzzing inside of you. every time we pass a speed bump, it thrusts up into you a little bit and makes you whine. by the time we get to our destination, you’ve already cum a handful of times, got the car seat all wet and now have to walk to our hotel room with your slick running down your shaky thighs. soooo so cute and sloppy and fucked out before we even start. all of that only to warm you up to take my thick, long strap the second we get in bed. should be so easy to just slide it in and fuck that needy hole.

sugarhigh1

Being fingered by your partner under a blanket while you're cuddling<3 they're just kissing your neck and whispering praises into your ear while you're softly grinding against their hand , letting out the prettiest whimpers and whines