Half measures and reasonable approach
To truly be. To truly be with all of your being. To dive head first into a pool with no water, closed your eyes and prayed for a splash. I’ve loved the concept from afar, longing to one day be permitted to stray from safety and comfort under this warm pacifying light. when the hand reaches out from above the figure too tall to see her face obscured by the fog of the night. She drags me away, trying to pull me from the safety of lamp post and into the dark unknown night. I forget how much I craved the bliss of living honesty and the fear floods in. I panic, kick and scream and memories I can pinpoint for a second till they flow back into the stream of consciousness currently washing over me. I grasp on to anything I can, frantically trying to free my hand I wriggle out of her grasp, escaping. I’ll stay with the somewhat familiar and the warm light, sometimes there’s a dead cold white radiating from with in the orange glow, never red with passion
I wish I desired it more but it seems I am only scared of the ladder. My desire calcified and now carcinogenic or at least that’s what tell myself to believe what I choose to imagine of myself.