Basically my diary

[myboringlifeat21]

Getting back in my groove ( finally )

So as we arrive to the middle of the year I have finally started to feel like a person again, well at least less like a ghost just floating around not really making any progress (which don't get me wrong is needed sometimes at least for me to recuperate) but I'm glad to have some purpose in my life again. I got a new job (yippee) something part time and nothing too serious, just something to pass the time really in-between assignments and such ( plus who doesn't like getting money 😉) another new thing is I have got a weekly planner and I am thrilled finally starting to properly keep an eye on things and start saving money. writing this shows me that I've really not done too bad since we are only half way through and I'm sure you have have a lot better than you think too. So give your self a pat on the back ffs its only half time.

[iguessweallcrazyithinktho]

[stvr-bloom]

literally anything posted by @andvys

[myboringlifeat21]

audiobooks

I've been bewitched body and soul ( thanks Mr Darcy for that line) by audio books as I've been listening to them almost constantly. I started listening around December last year and deleted tik tok recently as that was taking up most of my time ( which is embarrassing but not uncommon ) and in that time I have managed to finish almost 3 books in only a few weeks so in total since December I've read about 10 books give or take. I'm dyslexic so I've never really been into to reading as I reread the same page over and over again panicked I've missed something or I just can't read a certain word and that makes me lose concentration ( unless its some good fanfic😂) . However audio books have been a saving grace and help me feel like I'm watching live theatre there's even a selection of jane Austin's books ( that I've clearly been diving into ) that are read by celebrities and they are acted out as if it was a film and it makes the experience so much more enjoyable. It's also really helped in some ways with my loneliness, as it helps me escape without having to really concentrate the way I do when reading. Obviously It's not a cure ( well not really for me ) but its something.

[myboringlifeat21]

The power of communication

if you read my last post this is kind of a update/part 2 of that.

I have spent the last two and a half hours speaking out my feelings with my friend. It was a rough two hours and there were times where I thought it was going to end even worse than I could imagine but mysteriously it actually worked out. What I have taken from this situation is that when we are honest with those who truly love you same as you love them no matter how complicated and hard a situation gets they will hear you out and in return you hear them out and together if the relationship is still salvageable make the effort to rebuild the relationship while meeting every one's needs. Is this going to be easy? God no, however it will be worth it. I've always said communication is key but I've only ever taken my own advice once. I will certainly take this piece of advice again.

[myboringlifeat21]

Female friendships in your 20's

UGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I'm going through a development in my life (or at least I'm trying to) where I reflect on my life and how I can strive to make it better because I am unhappy. this includes decentring those who clearly don't value me the way I value them and instead of putting that energy into someone who doesn't reciprocate it, I can put it into a relationship with myself and my self worth. I HATE confrontation so I've slowly been distancing myself from those people not cutting off all ties just putting my mental health first (I am aware I sound like a complete dickhead) and I don't mean it in a horrible way I'm still friendly and polite I'm just not going to drop everything for people who don't do the same for me anymore. I no longer want to be a door mat in other words. However I have been I guessed "called out" I don't really know what else to call it (or maybe "confronted" is a better word to use) of how I'm acting differently so I have just decided to be honest, not hostile or accusing. Just saying how I've been feeling for the past year. I don't know if this will be turned into a fight which is not what I want at all but I will be honest I've communicated that I'm not trying to upset anyone and my reasons behind what I'm doing and I've not been mean in my explanations but I still feel like a jerk for doing so. I just can't spend every other week in tears anymore for being the last to know or balled on or being seen a weak link or wounded animal. I'm sick of being picked up and dropped whenever is convenient for others while I'm expected to bend over backwards at a moments notice. Whatever will happen will happen and if this is the end of the friendship then that will be okay because life moves, on people out grow one another and there is no one to blame for that.

[medievalthymes]

bro your whimsy. you forgot your fucking whimsy. your solemn and somber attitude is scaring the hoes

[myboringlifeat21]

Being lonely in your 20's

It seems stupendously unnecessary how difficult it is to meet people in your 20's when your in online school and don't go clubbing. I only know people I went to school with and I don't exactly want to be in their company ( I'm sure they don't want to be in mine just as much) as we have no similar interests and I'm now seen as the girl who's mum was a teacher that died. I'm marked, branded forever to stick out like a sore thumb to them. Only to ever receive pity glances and dull small talk in sickly sweet voices about how good I'm going and their so happy of how far I've come. I don't want that ( I know I probably sound like a complete dickhead but these people had nothing to say to me before so why should I make time for them now, to stroke their ego when they don't know a single thing about me so how would they know "how good I'm doing" I just personally find it patronising). All that being said I'm really struggling to meet new people that are around my age and have similar interests. I'm from a very small town so I know most people around my age in my area and a good 80% have gone away to uni and we got out of touch. its not like I haven't searched up clubs and group activities but they all cost money to join without the grantee of meeting anyone and they are mostly are in London which is scary. I don't know its just good to vent sometimes. We'll see, who knows what's gonna happen I hope it's something good.

[myboringlifeat21]

Ghosted....

For the first time in many years I was talking to a guy. I know shocker, but I was and it was nice. I say nice sparingly as it lasted for a little under a month though it was still my first contact with boys in a long time so it counts to me. However I'm 99% sure its over and I've been ghosted which sucks balls but I'm not going to let it get in the way of my 2025 as being realistic was it the greatest love story of our time ?No. was it nice while it lasted? Yes. But that's life, I'm not gonna take it personally (maybe a little I am human you know) as at the end of it we weren't compatible so life moves on plus it gave me a new confidence boost and the giddy up I needed to truly start my new years resolutions. Let me make this clear though I will NEVER and have NEVER change my appearance for a man I will however change for me and to be in a better place with myself than I was previously. To make an awfully short story complicatedly long and uninteresting and then short again there's always more fish in the sea and who knows what life will bring me next so you have got to keep moving instead of holding a candle for someone that's just going to burn out.

[myboringlifeat21]

bloody sick bugs

I fear my good people that my immune system... may have been compromised (dramatic gasps). I know I thought I escaped the winter colds too but no unfortunately it got me at the last second. Isn't it just great when the only time your siblings share it just happens to be their germs. I feel a tickling at the back of my throat and I know I'm next on the bugs list, taunting me on when it will strike. Making me cough at random times never knowing when it will deal me the final blow. Isn't that just super.👍

[myboringlifeat21]

F*cking infinity hoop

Jesus Christ! As part of my new years resolutions I've decided to live a healthier life and the main form of exercise I've chose to do is the good old infinity hoop. Me and the hoop (as I affectionally call it because I can't be arsed to write infinity every time) have a sort of love hate relationship. I love the beginning of the allotted time I give myself to use the torture device but it makes 15 minuets feel like fifty and thirty feel like ninety and the amount of sweat I produce..... (TMI) but its like I'm a fucking tap, I've never sweat so much in my life and in such a short amount of time!!!!. Saying this I will be continuing my use with the hoop because I've lost 2 links already in a small amount of time not to brag ( I'm totally bragging pat on the back for me) and it has been making a difference in my mental health as well. I feel accomplished after even doing 10 minuets of exercise as its the small achievements that make all the difference. I will update on the many adventures of me and the hoop as we go along as we have just started our relationship and things are still developing.

[angeleyes003]

The shortness of life

so many of us go to bed each night cuddled up cozy with the entitlement of seeing the sunrise the next moring

but its never promised

it's never certain

we all live with a strict set of rules each of us make for our selves whether it be food we decided we can't eat or clothes that we decided make us look uncool

a useless set of rules that make us unable to live life to the fullest

to truly be happy with what little time we could have left

because tomorrow is never promised

its never certain

so eat that little extra slice of cake and enjoy it

wear those sandles with ur favourite pair of socks

don't make ur self small so others around u can stand tall

put ur self out there because we never know when we will say our last hello or goodbye we never know when we will share our last kiss or dance our last dance

because tomorrow is never promised

its never certain

it's a gift given with every sun rise we wake up to so live as if today is our last because it very well could be

[myboringlifeat21]

my 2025 so far.....

I have decided that 2025 will be my year. That this will be the year I get my shit together and sort some of life out instead of drifting long life being invisible and inconsequential, I'm not saying I want to broadcast my life or be outrageously famous, but I want to make some meaningful connections this year if possible in platonic and romantic senses, better myself academically and have a better relationship with my body and mental wellbeing. I don't think I'm shooting for the moon with this but I do know its going to take some hard work and so far I've been putting the work in however its only the 26th of Jan and I've had some days where I've found it hard to get out of bed and that's okay just because it a new year doesn't mean the last one doesn't exist anymore those things still happened last year and nothing is going to change that but, with the new year brings new opportunities and I plan to grab as many as I can this year as 2025 will me my year.