Cassie Diaz

This tumblr is my Cajita Project & shares some of the key points in my identity that also comes out in my beliefs.

[mycajita2020]

John Rollin Ridge’s ‘The Life and Adventures of Joaquín Murieta’ was the first novel published in California, the first novel published by a Native American, and the first American novel to feature a Mexican protagonist.

In my family there have been some strong characters in the face of political action and history. One of which has been Joaquin Murieta who I am related to through my dad’s ancestry. In a way it brings me closer to the Native American and Mexican history which can feel very removed as I question my representation for either. Another way I have felt closer to my familal history was when my family decided to take a vacation one summer to the Midwest. We did so more for the sake of my grandmother who wanted to visit the historical sites of the Lakota tribe she had come to find out she was largely related to. We visited the Crazy Horse Memorial and the site of the Battle of Little Bighorn. With each museum it became easier to understand more and more of my family’s specific history. It was also interesting to understand my place in the world through a historical sense and still pushes me a bit to take advantage of my privileges now. 

[mycajita2020]

Mormons Once Aspired to Be a 'White and Delightsome' People

A historian looks at the legacy of racism in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

One of the biggest controversies in my identity has related to the topic of religion. While most of my family is Catholic, my mother decided to join a different religion. The experience I had with this faith may be mostly due to the geographical placement but I find that hard to believe as Oregon isn’t the most conservative state. In my time as an active member of the church, I have always been the minority. It was hard not only to be the only family with different colored skin in that congregation but also to be only one out of a small handful in the whole region. As I got older my physical appearance not only became isolating but my rejection of some of it’s values also made things difficult. I had plenty of racist, sexist, homophobic, etc. remarks made to me from both youth my own age and older leaders. After some point everything broke down my confidence in the religion and I felt better becoming inactive. Since then I have lost a few friendships but gain many more. I have also learned more of the history of the church I was never taught, which included their participation in adopting out Native American children to raise them in their homes which hurts me to hear as many of the children taken came from the same tribes my grandmother stems from. Though I would not like to make a general statement about the church, I continue to feel it is better I do not associate with the organization any longer. 

[mycajita2020]

Students protest immigration policies

More than 30 students walked out of Tillamook High School after lunch Thursday, equipped with homemade signs – and sombreros.

Tillamook, Oregon is where I spent most of my childhood and graduated high school. Since the time I moved to this town my identity was always bringing up issues and discussions. From the schools not having Latino/Hispanic as an option on personal information documents to the groups of white high school boys who would rally together in the hallways chanting “Build the wall!”, my town rarely ever made me feel welcomed. In the video with the Author, Helen Hill, she explains briefly some of the historical influences the community has had trouble letting go. In fact we had two separate elementary schools that weren’t integrated until around 2010, a few years after I moved there. The way it was explained was that it was the result of “income segregation” which looked more like racial segregation due to many systemic issues. While I don’t enjoy going back home very often because the microaggressions and discriminatory values are hard to ignore, I am still slightly hopeful for the community. In high school there were times some of my peers lead peaceful protests like in the cases of the photo and news article I linked. There is still lots of work though that needs to be done and I will cheer it on as it comes. 

[mycajita2020]

LCHC Scholarship Essay

When I was little I had always told people that I was only half Latina. It was easier for me to allow people to believe my mother was white than to admit that I did not know my native language. I always hid this part of my life because I felt like an impostor in my own skin.

My junior year of high school, I decided to take a leap of faith. When the morning came to leave, I found out I wasn’t the only one setting sail to the leadership camp for the next few days. On the car ride in the presence of people who I was supposed to identify with, I felt absolutely alone. Once again, I was faced with the question of how Hispanic am I really? 

Once at camp, we met other kids who I had never pictured myself meeting. With each new person I met, La Cima slowly showed me that I was no different than these kids. The reality was that I never needed to question my authenticity. La Cima showed me to take pride in this culture and the people I share it with. Since then, I have realized the power of my voice and the genuine impact I can make. In the last few months I have read handfuls of stories of people who struggled with the similar situations. For instance in my current writing 121 class we read a story of a woman reflecting on when she was younger and how she was ashamed of the cultural differences between her and the white family that was over for dinner one Christmas. Once she was older and had more time to reflect, she better understood what her mother had always told her, “You must be proud you are different. Your only shame is to have shame.”(Amy Tan) I know that this culture and the places it stems from will always be a part of my identity and I should have never hid it. My subtle differences provide me with different insight and this is can be what guides other people to embrace that.

I have decided to pursue a career in early childhood education at Portland State University as a way to assist and make an impact on the future of our nation. My most recent experiences with my identity have continued to show me that the world needs more diversity and more of those who aren’t afraid to make that change happen. I never want to hide who I am and where I come from again, because without it I am only a small fraction of who I truly am. I want to inspire the next generations and the kids I’ll work with to truly embrace their identities. In all my future goals in my education and career are to create more of a diverse perspective wherever I am, help build confidence in those who are different, and teach why this variation is so important.

*This was an essay written reflecting on how my Hispanic/Latinx identity was influencing my future plans in college. I was awarded this scholarship with the promise I would continue to work with the Lower Columbia Hispanic Council at least once a year to give back to my community. I am always afraid of working with other Latinos because all my life I’ve been seen as too Americanized but every year since I attended these camps I’ve been welcomed without hesitation. 

[mycajita2020]

La Cima Leadership

La Cima Leadership, Randle, Washington. 1K likes. La Cima exists to impart leadership and life skills to Latino youth. / La Cima existe para

My senior year of high school I decided to be a part of the first ever leadership camp for the Latinx community on the Oregon coast. This program provided me the first insights to my social justice education and a stronger connection to my identity. I continue to go back as a counselor every spring and am always grateful to have this opportunity. I've had many great mentors and been able to be a mentor/friend to my fellow Latinx youth. This is one of my favorite spaces and experiences to come out living in a small rural community.

[mycajita2020]

Racial tokenism goes against diversity

As of 2016, Brandeis’ undergraduate student body was 5.4 percent African American. While this number is bound to have increased with diversity efforts implemented by the University, to call the campus truly diverse is inaccurate. There have been several instances where, personally, I have been one of few Black students in the room. The same can be said for other students of color at predominantly white universities. This in turn creates stressors for students that impede their learning and overall ability to thrive in the university setting.

One of the biggest things many of my Latinx friends and I came across in high school was being used as tokens. Personally I always knew I was chosen for positions and shown as proof of diversity in classes because honestly, the only difference between me and my white peers was my appearance. I have always been fully aware of being very “whitewashed” which made me more palatable for the majority around me. 

As much as it brought me many friends and a feeling of inclusion, this didn’t really address my tokenism. It honestly didn’t feel like I could do much because of the racism that was so strong in our community. There were so many instances I was the only POC or woman in the room which made challenging this narrative of inclusion so much more intimidating. 

One instance for example was when I was on student government and met with statistic annalists for the district.They informed us that our diversity ratio was very low in general but especially for honors/ AP classes and if we had ideas for the district to address this. I thought their numbers did reflect the realities of our schools and especially in my honors classes. I was yet again the only POC in the room so my conformations were shot down with denial and dramatized anecdotes by other students. As our town’s population was 80% white and %15 Hispanic, I never felt so silenced.

(https://datausa.io/profile/geo/tillamook-or#:~:text=The%20population%20of%20Tillamook%2C%20OR%20is%2080%25%20White%20Alone%2C,and%2092.7%25%20are%20U.S.%20citizens.)

[mycajita2020]

Johnathan Mendoza has written and performed some of my favorite slam poems! I think it’s because I can relate to most of the aspects that come with a torn identity.

[mycajita2020]

Every February, the conversation around racial representation in the media reignites. This year, the release of Marvel’s much anticipated Black Panther has been a shot in the arm for the movement—inspiring hashtags such as #Isawmyself that accompany social media storytelling about the first time a young person of color saw themselves reflected in media or popular culture. While this is a vital conversation, it should expand into other other avenues that affect they way our young people percieve themselves.

One of the reasons I decided to go into teaching was because I really wanted future children to see more people like them in places they spend most of their lives. Even as a kid I knew I never had a teacher of color and rarely saw men in elementary schools in general and sometimes it made me uncomfortable. Representation really matters and though I didn’t have someone to look up to for an example, I decided I wanted to be that for someone else. So far teachers in my community have supported my idea to go into education since the beginning because they could understand that part of my motivation. It is very comforting to believe that the very people who taught me, wanted to continue to make sure they could make more of their future students feel welcomed by investing in my future.

[queenstravelingdarling]

Dear Latinos: Yes, you can be racist.

[mycajita2020]

!!!

[a-real-feminist]

[mycajita2020]

In my family I have been able to watch issues related to sexism and toxic masculinity that is very rampant in Latinx culture affect all the women in my family throughout generations. The idea of a men and women’s assumed gender roles has caused my family lots of pain. Though I admire the women in my family for being strong single mothers and teaching their children to be strong people this is a cycle I am afraid of. In the poem, “The Way to a Women’s Heart”, Fonseca describes an experience I am very familiar with. In the end she is able to take this as a lesson and figures out what is best for her. This is also a goal of mine, but I hope to also see more sexual education for all youth. 

Through my experiences with my relationships I understand that there is still this idea that is ingrained in Latino men that they must be macho without apology. I understand I’ve helped uphold these expectations in the past but with the more women’s studies classes I take, the more I realize how much can be learned. This really goes for all men but I know it can be a very harmful system in Latinx culture as men aren’t the only ones who participate in keeping these ideals alive. 

[mycajita2020]

Estoy Cansada

03/18/2016

To those who tell me I am not American:

I first want to apologize for giving myself this wrongfully dubbed classification, bc like my lightly toasted skin and eyes darker than this nation’s history this must be terribly misleading

To those who tell me I am not Mexican:

I'm sorry I thought I could be apart of the Latino lineage even though I was born here in America and can basically only tell you, "I'm tired" in Spanish it's just,

I'm tired

I'm tired of having to tell everyone I meet,

"Lo siento, no hablo español."

"I'm sorry I'm actually not catholic."

"I'm sorry I've actually never stepped foot in Mexico"

Tired of hearing over and over,

"Well how are you Mexican?!"

"Oh you're joking right?"

To tell you the truth I think what's the most exhausting part of it all is the feeling of constantly trying to prove your Hispanic heritage and American Citizenship at the same time

Always trying to fight a battle that on either side you're seen as the enemy

Or like trying to decide which box you should check because you don't know who you are anymore

Because you only know the person you're not

The person they tell you you have to be

But it's clear that no matter what you do, neither side will see you as this unique piece of patchwork between two cultures

A true modern hybrid that is still working out all the kinks

That is still finding it's place and purpose in this world

To those who tell me who I am

I am sorry to say this but

I am too tired to apologize anymore

I am too tired to let you strip away what I thought I knew about myself

I am too tired of letting you decide who I should be

But I'll never be tired of telling you who I am

I'll never be tired of standing up for our rights

I'll never be tired of learning about where I come from and who my ancestors were

I'll never be tired of wearing this skin and hearing my gringo accent in Spanish class

Because even though I may be tired I am not done so for now I'll just let you sleep on it

I wrote this poem in high school for my first poetry slam. All throughout this time I was very confused about my identity because I lived in a small farming community that is a majority white. The Latinx community is the only sense of diversity to this town and were all generally 1st or 2nd generation immigrants who worked on the farms. I was usually lumped into this group yet could relate more to the more American experience of my white peers. I was always questioned about the validity of my identity on either side and how it was impossible to be both.