dad jokes

  A homely place for the jokes that make you laugh and cringe in equal measure. If it's good because it's bad or so bad that it's good, this is where it belongs.  

[mydadjokes]

My 7-year-old came up with this and decided to share it with me: What do you call a penguin’s smile?

A penGRIN

via reddit

[mydadjokes]

Why shouldn't kids sleep during the day?

Because kid napping is illegal.

via reddit

[mydadjokes]

A cheese factory exploded in France.

Da brie is everywhere!

via reddit

[mydadjokes]

I told a Saudi friend my best joke and he didn't get the reference.

It's like he's living under Iraq.

via reddit

[mydadjokes]

Did you see the dog's new outfit?

It was quite fetching.

via reddit

[mydadjokes]

Courtesy of my 5 year old daughter: what did the sofa say when it’s leg was broken?

Couch

via reddit

[mydadjokes]

What do you call it when people accuse Johnny Depp without listening his side?

Heard mentality

via reddit

[mydadjokes]

My son was so happy with the response to his joke yesterday he wanted me to share this one with you too. What’s the most reliable part of the human body?

Your fingers. You can always count on them.

via reddit

[mydadjokes]

Real life conversation with my wife.

Wife: Let's have Vietnamese food tonight.

Me: Oh, Pho sure!

Wife: {Eye roll}

Me: Thanks for making a quick decision. It's really Hanoi-ing when you can't decide.

via reddit

[mydadjokes]

what's brown and rhymes with Snoop?

Doctor Dre.

via reddit

[mydadjokes]

A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of 3. He says “uno, dos...” poof.

He disappeared without a tres.

via reddit

[mydadjokes]

I know exactly how many trees I’ve cut down in my lifetime.

I kept a log.

via reddit

[mydadjokes]

What starts with and "e" and ends with an "e" and has only one letter in it?

An envelope

via reddit

[mydadjokes]

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef

via reddit

[mydadjokes]

wife: I saw a baby on the way to work

me: how do you know?

wife: how do I know ‘I saw a baby on the way to work’?

me: yeah, did it have a tiny briefcase or something?

wife: what?

via reddit

[mydadjokes]

My 5 year old just ran out of her room to tell me this joke she just thought up: what did the cow say after he was fed?

Moooooooooore!

I've never been this proud of anything in my life.

via reddit

[mydadjokes]

I accidentally swallowed Scrabble tiles.

My next trip to the toilet could spell disaster.

via reddit