Hoo Boy I'm Fucked

Yikes™ Mental illness feels blog. Autistic, BPD, STPD, and Bipolar II. Eli; xe/xym, Aquarius, minor

[mydisorderedass-blog]

That ndfw: someone does something v nice and you're v appreciative and you're just like "Aww, they're literal SATAN" and you're just left like ????? Those are not the words I requested

[mydisorderedass-blog]

therapist: it sounds like you've had a rough couple of days

me: yes definitely, if by "couple of days" you mean "almost every day for a while now" and by "rough" you mean "trying and failing to handle a cycle of intense emotional reactions, depression, and self-destruction"

[mydisorderedass-blog]

When you realize that you're being super irrational and Unstable and you're stuck wondering whether or not it's a Borderline Thing, an oncoming-hypomania-episode Bipolar Thing, or a Schizotypal Thing.

[mydisorderedass-blog]

That schizotypal/borderline feel when you read about someone else's delusion/hallucination and suddenly your brain mimics it and you're now Fake and Unreal and Not Really Sick Just Looking For Attention

[mydisorderedass-blog]

That schizotypal feel when you have a dream about running away, so Obviously It Is A Sign. You're in no danger, but you Must Prepare for the Event™ and Wait. Because it will happen. You Know. The dream was A Sign.

[mydisorderedass-blog]

*Banging pots and pans together* I NEED VALIDATION AND ATTENTION I NEED VALIDATION AND ATTENTION I NEED VALIDATION AND ATTENTION I NEED VALIDATION AND ATTENTION I NEED V-

[cciel-remade-deactivated2016070]

hey can i have a promo? i was bpdylan & largetiddy but i impulsively deleted my blog and lost everything 

[damdadido-nightcore-deactivated]

promo me i remade i like star wars n i post aesthetic read my links

[inablers]

Sick is just something I’m not very interested in being anymore.

Alexis Oldham (via @inablers)

[mydisorderedass-blog]

That gr8 nd feel when, even though you only have four in-class classes and the other five are distance/satellite courses, you still feel the need to drop them all and run because it is Too Much but it's your graduating year so you can't. And your entire self-worth was built upon being able to graduate a year early, and you've already been accepted to the university, but you missed two answers on the last 16-question "quiz" so your grade dropped 6% and you just. Suffer. And have a full on meltdown/burnout episode, including splitting on yourself so hard you not only completely devalue yourself, but become actively suicidal and hope to your Gods they take pity and fucking end your joke of a life already.

[bpdslime-blog1]

fun mentally ill things

never washing off your makeup

there is garbage all throughout your room

never washing your clothes or your dishes

what the fuck is a shower

when you just looked at the clock it was 12 but now its 4 am and you dont know how that happened

up all night, asleep all day

u either dont eat at all or you eat until u need to puke

those days that you just cannot get out of bed

‘have you tried yoga?’

[mydisorderedass-blog]

That autistic/schizotypal feel when you're showering with the lights off because otherwise it's Sensory Hell, but then you realize there is a Man there to Kill You, and He is hiding behind the shower curtain. And when you turn on the lights in a fit of panic, you find out to your horror that He is now inside your mirror. Always watching. Waiting.

[mydisorderedass-blog]

I'm so tired of being mentally ill. Not being able to feed yourself sucks. Things not going the way they're supposed to causing uncontrollable rage and tantrums suck. Everything just sucks, and I'm fucking exhausted. But I'm still "Not that bad" fuck you, fuck off, fuck everything

[mydisorderedass-blog]

Seriously. If you have an obviously pedophilic shipper name (bip/per, er/eri, etc.) I'm gonna block you. I don't want that shit near me. Honestly. Go awayyyyyyyyyyy

[mydisorderedass-blog]

My friend died a little under three months ago. I really miss her. We hadn't known each other long, and she was a good forty years older than me, but she was there when I needed her. I regret putting off our visit. I regret that conversation wound down. Maybe if I'd talked to her, she wouldn't have killed herself. Gods, do I miss her. I hope she's okay now.

[mydisorderedass-blog]

That bipolar/borderline feel when you only realize you're hypomanic because you have so much energy and anxiety that you had to take two sleeping pills to be able to function throughout the day, even though that's not what they're for and you never do stuff like that, you screamed at people for no reason, are actively suicidal, everything's the end of the world, and you tried to force yourself to do a week's worth of work in two hours.

[mydisorderedass-blog]

That nd feel when: "I'm just super mentally ill right now."