Healthy vs. Abusive family environment: Chores
all family members have clearly defined chores, not only children
chores are done in “we’re family we do everything together” way and not “you live in my house and you will do what you’re told”
chores are negotiable, if a chore is difficult or otherwise hard for a child to do, they should be able to opt for something else and switch with someone
if a chore isn’t done, this is resolved by later doing another chore to make up, there is no yelling, accusations, insults or punishments after missing a single chore
chores are adapted to child’s abilities, a chore shouldn’t require the child to work for hours or get completely exhausted and take most of their time
doing chores should also come with benefits, if you’re participating in making something or maintaining something, you should have a voice in discussions about it and be given a part in decision making about it
your effort when you do get something done should be appreciated and praised
no clear definition of chores, parents make up chores as they feel like it, then yell at child for not doing it already despite never being informed of the chore
all work (or all heavy, or gross work) being pushed onto a single child with other family members and siblings get no chores or only easy ones
instead of defining chores, parents expecing the child to be on call 24/7, getting angry if the child isn’t there every second to be ordered around
parents telling children what to do in consescending and patronizing way, failing to explain how to do chores properly and getting angry when the child doesn’t do it right, or purposefully giving wrong information only to abuse child when they do as they were told
if a child expresses the desire to not do certain chore, parents going overboard to force the child to do it anyway, child’s voice silenced and the child is denied of any choice or discussion
parents making a chore up then accusing the child of not doing it all this time
parents insisting that the child should have known how to assign chores to themselves and accusing the child of being lazy or dumb for not knowing what has to be done
parents trying to force the child to do something against the child’s will and then yelling “you have to have work habits!” as if this gives them the right to force ther child into whatever they want
forcing children to do unethical chores, and things that go against child’s morality
forcing children to do work that is only fit for adults, dangerous work, work in poor working conditions (such as construction work, heavy lifting, working somewhere with no clear air or toxic chemicals, work with poisonous paints and liquids, in high places, in too high or low temperatures, when the child is sick or otherwise unfed and uncared for, struggling with mental ilness that makes it hard for them to get it done, or otherwise in severe distress)
criticizing and insulting child’s work, leaving them with “it would have been better if you didn’t do it at all” after child has done their best to finish a chore
leaving all child’s work without any praise or recognition, telling them it’s the least they could do to deserve to sleep and eat
denying the child any voice in discussions and decision making, even if the child is forced to participate in doing work for it, failing to provide child with any praise or benefits for working hard
denying a child to go on event, socialize, or otherwise taking away something they looked forward to for the sake of doing a chore, or as a punishment for not doing it
making consequences of not doing a chore unpredictable, and punishing them in different areas of their life, making them anxious and unknowing what will happen to them if they step over a line, and teaching them to expect extreme, unfair and diverse punishments, practically putting them in position where they expect their entire life to be taken away for one mistake, or one missed chore
using violence, physical abuse, emotional abuse or psychological abuse to force a child to do something, or as a punishment for not doing it
parents giving children chores in order to humiliate them and use them as house-servants, giving them all work the parents don’t want to be doing
parents making up a chore when they see the child is relaxing or otherwise engaging in an personal activity, then yelling at the child for not working, and forcing them to end their activity and feel guilty for not spending all of the time working
parents forcing a child to do work that would otherwise be paid and takes a lot of time and effort to do, and still minimize it to a “chore” and refuse to give child any money or benefit for finishing it
Abusive systems will never provide children with any stability in their work, they will not provide the children with work habits, they make work as unpleasant, unrewarding and painful as possible, and completely discourage children from doing anything at all. constant criticism and insults will burden children with perfectionism and paralyzing feeling that they can’t ever do anything good enough, and that failing to do something perfectly will end up in pain. Living in abusive system will make you less willing to work, clean, or maintain your space, and will fill you with guilt for resting, relaxing or taking time for yourself. In extreme cases it can end with executive dysfunction. Doing work for others and never gaining any benefits or even getting a voice in decision making will make you more likely to not stand up for yourself in the future, and to accept doing work for others for nothing in return. It will set you up for workplace exploitation, and exploitation by your friends, associates, even acquaintances. Also, when you’re a child, it’s your parents duty to provide you with shelter and food and you are not obliged to work it off, if they say you are, they’re attempting to keep you as a house slave, and not a part of their family.
romaincrisis
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