I feel incompatible with life

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@myemohours
I feel incompatible with life
As someone who likes being alone all the time usually, you know shit is getting bad when feeling alone starts to actually hurt you for once and you just want someone to hold you and be there.
ādo you want to talk about it?ā
no, i want to kill myself because of it.
me when someone suggests therapy after every inconvenience
I don't want to die but I don't want to live like this, and I don't see another way to live.
I have to study for a test tomorrow but I can't bring myself to care about my future.
i really do wonder that, if i were to bleed out and die, would my parentsā perception of me as a miserable, angsty, loveless, lifeless, cold, teenager change? would they tell people that i was a loving person, that i was empathetic, that i had āso much future leftā? or would my death only confirm their beliefs?
scared of death but i wanna die
iām so fucking tired. of everything. i just wanna sob and sleep for so long
Is it really that hard to love me?
Sometimes Iām desperately afraid of death, others, Iām certain I died years ago in every way that matters.
I don't want to die but I feel like this is the only option that will make me feel at peace.
I want to cry but have no tears left
āBed rotting,ā pretty damn accurate when you already feel like youāre dead.