I fantasize about the day I send the family group chat my suc1d3 note and “I’m sorry”.
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@llsadgirl
I fantasize about the day I send the family group chat my suc1d3 note and “I’m sorry”.
I was going to go outside so I checked the weather app and it’s 89 F but feels like 109… never mind i think I’ll stay in the basement where it’s cold.
I would be 2 years 1 month and 28 days without self harm if I hadn’t started again. But I am 2 months without it so I’m happy about that I guess. But I think I may have a new addiction and I’m terrified that my life is just going to be one addiction after the other, slowly getting more and more serious and deadly. I just want to feel alive but I can’t unless I take a pill. I’m dizzy and feel not real but I can feel. I can smile and it’s not forced.
I know what self harm addiction feels like and this feels kinda the same but I don’t think I’m addicted. If I was addicted then how can I go days without?
What does drug addiction feel like? Maybe I’m only addicted to the adrenaline of sneaking one quickly while someone is in the bathroom. Or addicted to the dizziness and euphoria feeling especially when I almost pass out because I’m so dizzy (which is mostly just me because I don’t take my iron pills)
Cleaned my room by putting some totes away the other day and now I feel less depressed. Wish I had down that sooner. My gpa is supposed to be cleaning a room in the basement for me. But he had a lot of stuff. So it’s going to be awhile. But that’s okay because I need a job to buy all new stuff so then my current room can have my tv and bed still so it’s a guest room again.
I started birth control pill (sprintec) on the 24th for PMDD (I don’t know if I’m actually diagnosed with it. My doctor didn’t say it but I’m pretty sure I have it). I never wanted to go on it for multiple reasons but I decided to give it a try. So far everything’s been fine with it. The 20 mg of hydroxozine I take every morning for allergies and itching definitely help too.
I think I have PMDD and genuinely how do I cope because I can not do this every month. I refuse to go in pills and I am taking vitamin E and B6 which helps a little bit but the only reason I’ve survived it this long is because of self-harm and I don’t want to do that anymore. I can’t enjoy anything like this. I feel so empty but also so full. I don’t know.
Seeing things that would make such a beautiful photo but not having a good camera to do is heartbreaking.
I shouldn’t have started cvtting again because now I don’t know how to stop. It’s different this time though, I can barely feel it and I need the feeling of the pain.
Being jumpy 24/7 is so embarrassing like why did a quiet cough from my neighbor scare me.
hey man. remember how i had a mental breakdown in front of you and got concerningly suicidal yesterday? yeah. on completely unrelated news i just got my period
when people talk about Pmdd they never talk about how exhausting it is. How the anxiety tires you out, how you’re so sick of the same thoughts over and over, how you’re just tired of feeling awful for almost half the month every month, how you’re tired of being a burden so you bottle everything up but that just exhausts you even more. How every little thing makes you spiral. How even physically one of the symptoms is fatigue.
Pmdd is so exhausting. I’m Tired.
I wonder if you wish for a different daughter instead of me. - user jay says on medium/twenty - silas melvin/@/eternaldroplets on twitter/if my body could speak - blythe baird/mother - maia baia/home is not a country; "mama" - safia elhillo/acts of desperation - megan nolan
Some of our favorite quotes from Artemis ii so far:
"Copy. Moon joy."
"I have two Microsoft Outlooks, and neither one of those are working."
"Houston, if you could give me about 20 new superlatives in the mission summary for tomorrow that will help out my vocabulary a little bit, that would be great. Thank you."
“If you’ve ever seen the top of the spotlight of the top of the Luxor at night in Vegas, this looks like what it wants to be when it grows up.”
"To all of you down there on Earth... we love you, from the moon. See you on the other side."
"We just went sci fi.
"It is so great to see Earth again. To Asia, Africa, and Oceania: we are looking back at you. We hear you can look up and see the moon right now. We see you too."
"We will always choose Earth. We will always choose each other."
“It’s a bright spot on the moon, and we would like to call it Carroll.” (The name of Commander Reid Wiseman's late wife)
"Amaze amaze amaze."
"I said that we do not leave Earth, but we choose it. And that is true."
"Christina has been sleeping head down in the middle of the vehicle, kind of like a bat"
"It's really fun to be floatin' around, it just makes me feel like a little kid."
"Trust us, you look amazing, you look beautiful."
"'Homo Sapiens' is all of us, no matter where you're from or what you look like. We're all one people."
"We're going to power cycle the toilet from the ground."
"I'm proud to call myself the Space Plumber."
"We were all eagerly awaiting the chorus." (After Mission Control cut off Pink Pony Club early when waking up the crew)
"Copy heart. Copy bracelet." (In response to Wiseman giving his daughters heart hands and showing them the bracelets they made him that he was wearing)
“Welcome back. We are still here. They are in space.”
"Copy. Bubble wrap nominal."
"We have rediscovered the chocolate snacks."
“The truth is, the moon really is its own body in the universe. It's not just a poster in the sky that goes by, it is a real place."
“We will build ships. We will visit again. We will construct science outposts. We will drive rovers, we will do radio astronomy.”
"I've seen a lot of new perspectives, but my perspective has not changed because I launched with the perspective that there is enough for all." (After being asked if they had a new view on humankind.)
"On behalf of all Canadians, we wanted some reassurances of your preferences for maple syrup over Nutella on your pancakes."
"And we have a great view of the moon out window 2. Looks a little smaller than yesterday." (Reid), "Guess we'll have to go back :)" (Mission Control).
I never thought I would see my grandma fan girl over live footage of a tornado touching the ground less than 20 minutes from us.
Fuck anxiety because why am I too anxious to go outside on my deck? In the backyard.
Me because I got to witness a major historic event but it was a Good One for once
Bring me back to the 2010’s. I want my childhood back