I had a friend who was dating a girl, and the girl left him for his boss. They all had to work together. I can’t imagine how hard it must have been.
Years later my friend opened his own business, but he took all his hurts with him. He hardly opened up to anyone, viciously arm-wrestled for authority, boiled hate at meetings, and ran things under a strict disciplinary cage.
I get it. If I had gone through what he did, I might have become the same person, too.
But I still miss who he was and who he could be.
The hard truth is that our trauma and trials are not always the worst things that happen to us. The worst is when we let it define us by a lie—that the world is bereft of any good, to never trust again, to retaliate first, to repay bitterness and contempt. It is a harsh internal whisper that says, “Never again, I’ll show them.”
All of this is understandable. Trauma is a brutal scar to manage. No one can forgive easily or recover quickly. But without finding resilience, therapy, or trusting good, safe people again, the sour whisper of distrust can slowly destroy you and everything you touch.
I hope I am not misheard. I believe you have a right to be angry. I have said many times: forgiveness does not mean friendship and you have your own tempo for healing. No one must let the abuser back in. Your anger comes from a real wound, a demand for justice.
At the same time—there is a stark difference between anger and contempt. I grieve for those define themselves by what‘s been taken, and for myself when my wounds become the portal by which I wound others.
You may have been embarrassed, stabbed in the back, betrayed, and cheated, and it may take a lifetime to recover. It will take so much work you never wanted to do. I can only hope, for you and me both, that in our pain we will not pass on more pain, but pass on wisdom and justice, to still believe that goodness is possible. That often means reconstructing a safe world which was taken from us, that others may reap the harvest of that haven.
God help us, may we be angry for and not against, and may we be strengthened for the painful work of healing.