my impatient years

The name's Yuri, that means white lily in Japanese. I'm 26 and I'm still figuring out this thing called life.

[myimpatientyears]

Whenever you’re about to give up, dear self, remember that you are capable of achieving plough pose within 4 sessions and an imperfect shoulder stand within 10 sessions of yoga. It is possible, when you put enough effort and you work hard for it. It takes time and patience. Now it is the time to beautify, improve the poses, and work towards strengthening and toning your muscles even further.

Your balance is better on some days, and an atrocity on the others. It is okay to fall ungraciously (to your instructor’s horror). Laugh it out, re-focus, and try again. Take it one day at a time. 

Oh and that persistent lower back pain you have been screaming about for years? It is 85% gone. 

You can do it. 

[myimpatientyears]

One of the three crucial factors in forming close friendship, as described by research done by sociologists in the 1950s, is the occurrence of unplanned and repeated social interactions. Nowadays, for instance, a simple social plan such as having a meal have to be planned two to three weeks in advance, not to mention multiple plans that are often ended up being cancelled for trivial reasons with no follow ups. This makes things feel so forced and I am finding it rather difficult to comprehend. I suppose that spontaneity is pretty much dead when you are an adult?

Or perhaps the main issue is about priorities then.

[myimpatientyears]

Fig

[myimpatientyears]

Once Upon A Time

Dear 16 years old me: when you are 27, you are going to receive this paper. This paper means the world to you: this is your dream, and after so long, its coming true! You survived the cutthroat interview process, constant self doubt, and beat the other 150+ applicants from around the world. You are the top 22. 

You did it.

When you rejoice on your triumph, you will also soon realise that your dream comes with a hefty $71,000 price tag. Something of which you cannot afford, and may not be able to afford for many more years to come. 

So you realise that you are going to have to decline it. You have had way too many setbacks in life - you wonder why you are not in therapy yet (heh), but this is the hardest by far. It is going to be very, very painful. Your dream is right in front of you, yet you it is out of reach. It is not going to happen. 

At 27, you are going to have to let your dream die. 

You are going to cry. A hell lot. More than you have ever cried in the past few years. Your eyes swell. Your shoulders ache. You will not want to get up from your bed. Your heart weighs a ton. 

Thats okay. You are allowed to grief. A day, a week, a month, or a year. Take as much time as you like. And when you are done, you will wipe your tears and get right back up, as you always did. 

You are still going to make bad decisions in life, eat nasi lemak even though you are allergic to the sambal, scratch your eczema until it bleeds, hit a pole when you learn how to cycle, accidentally wash your face with shampoo, miss your stop because you slept in the bus, cries to Joni Mitchell’s “Blue”, dislike getting your photos taken or be hugged by others, beat the children in board games on purpose, treat people with respect (and only bite when provoked), and love Star Wars as much as you did. You will still want to be a Stormtrooper, a Jaeger pilot, or a master builder. 

You may very well still wish to be a psychologist too, but perhaps it will just take a little longer. So relax. You are not racing with anyone. You are not late. 

So your dream may die, but your stubbornness, your wit, your adventurous spirit, and your passion, do not. 

May your days ahead be kinder to you, and may you always have the strength to get yourself back up. Merry Christmas, Yuri. May the force be with you. 

[myimpatientyears]

If my life was a movie

The idea for this post came as I stepped down from the bus earlier this morning, on my way to work. If my life was a movie, it would probably be directed by either one of these talented (and maybe a little crazy in some ways) people, each with their own distinctive styles.

(His Royal Highness) Wesley Wales Anderson. Whimsical, structured, nostalgic. I would speak with an accented tone, a very strange one. Memories would be shared in a non-linear narrative. Significant memories, such as when I hit a lamppost while learning how to ride a bicycle, would probably be shot from above. And centred too, of course, because the thought of things being non-symmetrical would probably kill me. My wardrobe would be filled with a specific colour palette that I will stick with until I die. As I’m already channeling Margot Tenenbaums from time to time, let’s just say I’m halfway there. 

Wong Kar Wai. I would be one introverted loner, roaming around the city and talking to random strangers after hours. My days would be filled with sensual thoughts. Each actions, be it interactions with inanimate objects or people, would be carefully set and prepared. They would be charged with romance, lust, and emotions. You would see a lot of colours and bokeh too. 

Guilermo del Toro. I would be offered three life-long jobs; a fairy princess, a demon hunter, or a Jaeger pilot. Stories about ghosts (literally and figuratively) and monsters would always be told before bedtime. Escaping the harsh reality would be something that I yearn to achieve. Eventually I would learn that people are not always what you thought they were and that it was alright to be alone. I would also learn that you should treat yourself right and do yourself a big favour of never repeating the same mistakes again, after some majorly life-threatening incidents that would occur. By the way, did I mention that I would live in a (really) cool house?

Quentin Tarantino. (I would be damned if he’s not on this list). My hair would forever be jet-black. Beers and spirits would be my morning OJ. I would seek for revenge (again, literally and figuratively) from time to time. My daily musings would be recorded in one long tracking shots, while certain significant events would be remembered in black and whites. I would spend a lot of time in cars, looking at myself in the mirror, dine in a family restaurant, open a lot of trunks, watch TV for nothing, speak endlessly on the phone, or learn to master the samurai. 

Sofia Coppola.I would still be a MPDG - perhaps a dreamier version of one. I would live in a (really) big city. Human connection and the sense of belonging would be something that I yearn for. I would love waking up on the early morning, but of course I would be a lot happier when it is rather gloomy outside. I would buy a lot of pastel coloured shirts. Memories would be played on repeat. I foresee that I would also be forever be on an existential crisis. 

[myimpatientyears]

Hello again

It’s that time again! I missed the nostalgic feeling of having the sudden urge to have a new blog URL, to delete all of your (embarrassingly stupid) archives, and start fresh.

I suppose I should introduce myself a little, if you’re interested to know. I was born in Indonesia and I’ve been living in Singapore for the past 7 years. My brain works a little differently than others but my mother could never figure out what was wrong, so she decided that I was just weird. I grew up to be only an inch over five feet, with crooked teeth, skinny ninja legs and a mouth full of sarcasm. I have pretty bad eyesight and an intense fear of having to go for Lasik. I collect Star Wars-related stuffs - my prized possession is a beeping R2D2 candy dispenser. I also own a 12″ Buzz Lightyear whom my 7-years old self have been dreaming about.

As written in my ‘ABOUT’ page, I’ve been around in the blogging world since 2003, or probably even earlier than that (my memory always fails me). I’ve been through countless blogs - mostly those with cringe-worthy posts and bad grammar. I used to hate Tumblr until I decided that I had had enough with Blogspot and their jurassic HTML editing page. Not their fault though - I just wanted some really pretty template, and it took me AGES to get it done. So Tumblr it is, for convenience sake.

This time though, I think I’ll stick around a little longer. See ya around!