Just a lil weepy thinking about post-war dadvi, his little boy (5? 6?) wanting to make tea for his Dad the way heās seen him do it a million times, because he just loves him so much and admires him and wants to make him the happiest Dad in the world, but heās still so little compared to the world around him, so he pulls a chair over to the counter and climbs on it, putting water in the teapot, opening the canister of tea leaves, and pulling a teacup - Leviās favorite teacup - out of the cabinet. but his hands are small, and when he tries to climb down from the chair the cup slips from his hand and breaks on the kitchen floor.
So, naturally Levi comes hurrying (as much as he can on his stiff knee) into the kitchen to see what produced the noise, and finds the chaos his little one has produced on the counter, and him, kneeling on the ground, with shards of porcelain in front of him. And when his father stands in the doorway, he looks up at him, tears collecting at his lash line.
āIām sorry, Daddyā¦ā heāll whimper.
āWhat happened?ā Leviāll ask in his usual monotone voice, but thereās a softness behind it.
And the boy will try to explain, tears rolling down his face, feeling so awful for making a mess, and for breaking his Dadās favorite cup, and for not being able to take care of Daddy the way Daddy takes care of him, because heās got Leviās same bleeding heart beating in his chest, the one that wants to take care, the one wants to be strong and independent. But also his introspection, his emotion, his sensitivity and empathy.
And Leviāll be transported back to his own childhood, the teacup that belonged to his mom, the one that they had to sell, the one he tried to get back, but couldnāt. And his heart will ache so bad to think that his child, his sweet perfect angle of a thing, feels even a fraction of the hurt he felt over a piece of porcelain, because of his utter devotion to him.
And heāll take the boy in his arms, and heāll hold him close, and heāll tell him patiently and gently, in his Levi way, that a cup is just a thing, and what matters most is that he wasnāt hurt. And how much he appreciates the boy wanting to do a nice thing for him, but that what he was doing was dangerous, and how important it is that he be more careful, because stoves are hot, and chairs can tip, and broken porcelain can cut one of his 10 miraculous sweet little fingers, and there are thousands of teacups to replace what broke but nothing in all of eternity could replace the boy, living and breathing, that he holds fast to his chest. (His voice is quiet, words grammatically simple, and his tone is steady but his heart is physically ACHING and flailing in his chest from how much love is trying to squeeze into it rn)
And Levi tells his son, in plain English (Eldian? Idk?), that he loves him, and that he always will, because with a tiny mind and heart at stake, thereās no room for beating around the bush with that talk like he often does. And he tells him that his parents will help him to do whatever he wants to do, and to ask for help next time.
Because if only someoneād told Levi, when he was that small, that they would help him. If someone has just loved him, and ALWAYS been thereā¦ how much easier he couldāve breathed all those years. The prospect of not having to constantly be afraid to feel. To fail.
Itās all he can think about - how he can do better, give more, than what he had - even in a moment as seemingly small as this.
(Iām sorry.)