Menyelam Rasa, Mengurai Kata

A Forever Blessed Sweet Sinner | A Life Long Perpetual Learner

[mynameisfate]

Grieving comes in waves. Sometimes I'm floating, but when I'm conciously living my life day by day, it feels like drowning. Twelve months since ibuk gone which was the most heartbreaking change-point of my life, and I still miss her terribly. Till we meet again in Jannah, Ibuk🤍🤍

[mynameisfate]

Gapapa kan ya di usia yg hampir menginjak kepala orang ini, belum bisa sepenuhnya membuka hati untuk laki². Udah ga ada energi aja rasanya. My everyday survival mode aja rasanya udah bikin ngos-ngosan. Jadi kalo ada yang deketin dan muncul seenak jidat, punten tak pamit undur diri aja.

[iamayeshaahmed]

Waiting for your du’a to be accepted can feel heavy, especially when days turn into months and nothing seems to change, but Allah is never ignoring you. He hears every whisper, every tear, every silent plea you make. Sometimes the delay is not a denial but protection, preparation, or something better being written for you. You may be counting the time, but Allah is arranging the outcome with perfect wisdom. And one day, when the answer finally comes in the right way and at the right time, you’ll realize the waiting itself was part of the mercy.

[mynameisfate]

My tulang-tulung thesis is arranged to be a perfect wisdom (?)

*just pls jangan dijadikan alasan untuk males2an

[mynameisfate]

May Allah forgive me, because I cannot hold my heart for not asking Him to make them pay. at least to suffer at the same level of mine for these past years.

[theambitiouswoman]

Working hard from insecurity = proving

Working hard from self worth = building

Being independent from fear = avoidance

Being independent from wholeness = freedom

Overexplaining from anxiety = seeking approval

Explaining from clarity = communication

Staying busy from discomfort = escaping

Staying busy from purpose = creating

Chasing someone from fear = attachment

Choosing someone from confidence = alignment

Avoiding conflict from fear = suppression

Choosing peace from standards = discernment

Overgiving from fear = earning love

Giving from fullness = generosity

Withdrawing from fear = self protection

Taking space from awareness = regulation

Seeking validation from lack = dependency

Receiving validation from wholeness = appreciation

Controlling outcomes from fear = anxiety

Leading outcomes from trust = stability

Being chill from fear = self abandonment

Being calm from security = groundedness

Holding back feelings from fear = disconnection

Pacing vulnerability from wisdom = emotional intelligence

Clinging from fear = scarcity

Allowing from trust = abundance

Perfectionism from fear = never enough

Excellence from self respect = pride

People pleasing from fear = losing yourself

Being kind from alignment = staying yourself

[mynameisfate]

susah banget untuk bisa setting otakku biar bener-bener fokus ke mode tesis yang membara. kaya ai'm losing the sparks of the ambitious old version of me. beneran udah kewalahan gadepin diriku :( antara optimis tapi berasa kepaksa banget malah jadi anxious menjalai hari

-Jogja tengah malam 8 Juni 2026-

[perfectquote]

“Don’t be in such a rush to figure everything out. Embrace the unknown and let your life surprise you.”

— Unknown

[mynameisfate]

kalo hidup ibarat banyak plot twistya, ini aku udah terlalu banyak di-twist dehh alias soo surprising banget iniii, kupikir tragedi itu cuma ada di sinetron atau karya fiksi, lho iki jebul realitaku

[mynameisfate]

Friday has never been so good latelyyyy

[catatanmudri]

Suatu malam aku pernah duduk cukup lama di parkiran minimarket setelah pulang kerja. Mesin motor sudah mati, langit juga sepi, tapi kepala rasanya masih ribut sendiri. Di sebelahku ada seorang bapak driver ojek online yang tiba-tiba berkata ke temannya,

“Kalau hati udah gak tenang, coba cek lagi dosa sendiri. Kadang masalahnya bukan rezeki kurang, tapi syukur dan taubatnya yang kurang.”

Aku diam, tapi kalimat itu seperti ikut duduk di sampingku sampai malam selesai. Sebab memang ada masa ketika hidup terasa berat bukan karena Allah meninggalkan kita, melainkan karena kita terlalu lama berjalan tanpa benar-benar melibatkan-Nya.

[mynameisfate]

Sebenernya kek capek gitu ya hidup as me being me gitu. I wish I grew up in keluarga cemara yg meski ga bergelimang harta tu ya it could be"home", at the very least. BUT I DID NOTTT. then adulting n gotta deal with the recent version of my siblings' character yang kok makin lama makin makin ya.

At this point, I dont think my life worth living. Kek, Ya Allah udahan aja ga sihhh, masak harus sakit2an mulu, but then realizing, dih sok sok an, emang bekalmu udah cukup buat menghadap? Itu tumpukan dosa yg super bejibun, udah taubatan nasuha? Pahala amalan wajib dan sunnah udah maksimal? Pun klo udah dilakuin, dah yakin kalo Allah menerima dan ridho?

[mynameisfate]

Males banget deh sama yg kehadirannya timbul tenggelam. Datang pergi seenak jidat. But I wont take such situation too personal anymore ketimbang stres sendiri haha.

Bakal mirroring aja. Dia ngilang 2 hari. Kubakal ga respon chatnya 2 minggu deh coba. Wkwk. Dikira usia gw masih cocok buat mainan perasaan apa. Dih, sorry ya I'm doing great without ur existence jadi klo lo beneran mau deketin ge ya put ur real effort. Kalo setengah² mah mohon maap ya. I deserve someone's best effort or not at all.

[mynameisfate]

memutuskan untuk menanamkan niat, bakalan push myself to its fullest potential agar supaya draft tesisku selesei in less than a month, dan draft bab4 ku bisa kukirim ke spv awal next week. bismilah mampukan hamba Ya Rabb

[writtenduas]

Ya الله, I’m tired of carrying battles nobody sees. Free my heart from grief, my mind from overthinking, and my soul from anything that no longer benefits me. Replace every hidden pain with peace, every delay with wisdom, and every loss with something better. I leave everything in Your hands.

[writtenduas]

“I ask Allah to make this journey of mine a source of help for me, not hardship; safety, not affliction; and a blessing, not a punishment. May He decree goodness for me wherever it may be, turn evil away from me wherever it may be, protect me from everything that may harm me, and grant me my goals and intentions completely and abundantly. Indeed, He is Most Generous and answers prayers.

من مقدشو إلى حيث شا ء الله

[mynameisfate]

Astagfirullah naudzubillah bangettt bbrp malam lalu ngimpiin ex-hts gueee yg so traumatized ituuuu. Mana wajahnya sejelasss ituuu, tapi scene nya jelas jugaaa gw lagi diperalat haha. Tobattt kata gue sihhh usssna

[mynameisfate]

Ya Allah, aku merasa lemah dan tidak berdaya, i am always in a great need of You, so please help me to go trough everything. Grant me peace and focus so I can prepare good materials for my online supervision.

[iamayeshaahmed]

‎Ya Allah, this Dhul Hijjah, make worship feel light upon my heart. Let my soul find peace in prayer, sweetness in dhikr, and closeness to You in every act of ibadah. Do not let laziness, distraction, or weakness keep me away from You. آمين