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my closest thing to a journal

[mysimplethought]

i miss you so much it hurts

[mysimplethought]

you are all prayers manifested.

[mysimplethought]

how can i trust that he’ll stay when he says he will? my past has only ever shown me that someone can promise forever and still break their word.

[mysimplethought]

you’ve given me nothing but reassurance and absolutely no reason to not trust you. the more my feelings grow for you the more i get scared, scared that I’m only going to get hurt. it’s hard to trust that you’ll stay when my past has shown me how little weight words have

[mysimplethought]

i miss the girl that could blindly trust her partner. the one that never thought they would leave. that because they promised forever meant that they would stay. that girl was happier, naive maybe, but blissfully unaware of the pain of losing a person that she trusted and had love for

[mysimplethought]

there’s only so much i can blame on my ex, at one point or another i need to take a look in the mirror and ask if i’m the problem

[mysimplethought]

i’m scared that maybe you’re too good for me. that maybe i’m not worthy of you and your love. what if i’m too broken to be loved

[mysimplethought]

i’m not always the happy go lucky kinda girl and it does scare me that maybe if im not that girl then you’ll leave

[mysimplethought]

you’re my calm when i was used to butterflies

you meet me with understanding when i was used to gaslighting

you share when i’ve been used to giving

you put in effort when i used to be told i ask too much

you express your feelings when i used to have to guess

you are all that i want and more than i ever knew i needed

[mysimplethought]

i was curled into a ball, laid on your couch in front of you, silently crying and suffering as you continued to enjoy your game. if you care to “protect” and “care for” me, then why is this now the third time when my pleas have been dismissed

[mysimplethought]

am i going to continue to fall second to your hobbies? will i be considered less important to you? do i have to learn to accept it or do you need to reprioritize?

[mysimplethought]

maybe me getting ghosted is my karma for ghosting others

[mysimplethought]

I don’t want your “kindness” if it comes with a price

[mysimplethought]

crashing out over someone I didn’t even know a week ago is a new low for me

[mysimplethought]

i truly don’t know how to be nonchalant when I start liking someone

[mysimplethought]

why do i find myself disappointed over this man that i didn’t even know three days ago

[mysimplethought]

i know i can achieve my goals, i just need them to believe it too