For the 5th of @crash-that-helicopter-week Tommy's Coma Dream. Part 1 (I hope to finish all parts by Thursday). Part 2 , Part 3 and Part 4.
Tommy wakes up alone in a bed that isn't his. The room has the curtains drawn, and as he gets up, there's a bell ringing in his head, it’s telling him that something is wrong, but also familiar. Next to the headboard, on a nightstand, is a wedding ring and a teacup. Tommy ignores it. He goes to what appears to be the bathroom.
"What?" He exclaims as he looks at himself in the mirror.
It's his reflection, but his face looks a little different, younger. Softer expression lines, less gray hair. He needs a shave, and his hair is a little longer too. Tommy is so confused.
He wanders, still confused, until he reaches the living room, and it's like being hit by a scene from the past. He recognizes this place, but it's been years. Tommy is in Abby's mother's place. The last time he was here, at least, he and Abby had come to visit Patricia for dinner. Shortly after, he would end their engagement, and a few months later he learned that Abby had moved there after discovering Patricia's diagnosis. Remembering now, he thinks he should have recognized the signs.
Tommy hesitantly begins to walk around the place. Everything seems so quiet and lonely. Like a haunted house, he thinks.
"Hello? Abby?" Tommy tries, fearing to get an answer.
He doesn't believe he's going to see her, or at least he hopes not. He's been avoiding facing those years for a long time, when he thought he could build his whole life on a lie, and Tommy knows that Abby paid for it. Just like Buck, indirectly.
The apartment remains silent as if he were the only living being there. When he turns to one of the shelves, Tommy freezes. His heart must have stopped for a second. Decorating the shelves are a series of framed photos of him and Abby. Some from when they started dating, others from their engagement, photos that Tommy hadn't seen in years... And then two that he had never seen and that he could swear never existed: him and Abby at their wedding. The ceremony that never happened.
"What the fuck?!" Tommy practically shouts again.
He doesn't have much time to sink into this thought, or consider whether he's trapped in one of his nightmares, because a phone starts ringing somewhere. Tommy takes a while to locate it, but then finds it inside a backpack, the same one he's used for years to carry things to work.
"Hello?" He answers without knowing what to expect.
"Tommy! Are you on your way? Have you stopped by that bakery near your house, the one with the chocolate and orange muffins? Could you bring some lemon ones too?" Someone speaks without pausing.
Tommy breathes with relief, he recognizes this voice.
"Chimney?"
"Yeah, it's me, your buddy. You were supposed to bring breakfast today, but you're running late."
"Today?" Tommy realizes he still doesn't know 'when' today is.
He looks at his phone.
"This doesn't make sense." Tommy blurts out. On the screen, the date is April 7, 2019.
"Not at all!" Howie agrees. "You're the most punctual person I know! Not even when she— Never mind. So, are you arriving?"
"No." Tommy replies automatically. "Where?"
"At the station? The 118? Where you've worked for almost 15 years?" Howie seems part annoyed and part worried. "Is everything alright, Tommy?"
"I..." Tommy breathes. Maybe it's all a dream, but how to get out of it? Maybe he just has to act accordingly, as we do in some of them. "I won't be able to go to the bakery. I'm not feeling well, actually."
"Are you sick?" Chimney sounds incredulous, but the note of concern that was there before becomes more present now.
"Yeah." He doesn't sound very confident.
Tommy knows he's not a convincing liar, which is ironic, he thinks, since he's kept a lie about himself for more than half his life, but it would be worse if he tried to do a fake mouth static now.
There's no way he's going to show up at the 118 in 2019. Evan started there in 2017. And as much as Tommy wants to see him, he fears not knowing what to do when he finds him there, in Tommy's old house, when the two would have nothing in common except the same ex (if they even still have that in common).
Chimney doesn't seem quite sure what to do after Tommy says he's just going to rest and then go to the doctor if he needs to. In the end, he accepts Tommy's flimsy excuses and hangs up.
*
Almost an half an hour passes, and Tommy remains on the couch, looking at the phone and seeing what he can find out. He sees the record of conversations with Abby. The last message they exchanged was a sort of "I hope you're happy." "Me too." He searches for her name on Facebook and discovers that she's traveling through Europe. This happened in real life, right? But why did he wake up here of all places?
Suddenly, his search is interrupted by the sound of someone knocking on the door.
Tommy apprehensively opens it and raises his eyebrows when he sees Hen on the other side.
"Hen?" He says, surprised.
"Good morning?" She says and does not wait for an invitation. She enters the room carrying a shopping bag.
"Chimney was worried, he asked me to keep an eye on you. It's my day off, but I need to be home in 30 minutes or Karen will kill me. So what's wrong?"
She says all this, but doesn't seem angry, just straight to the point. Hen finally stops, leaving the bags on the kitchen counter, and then looks Tommy up and down.
"You seem fine." She points out. "But a little off. What happened? Nightmares? Insomnia? We already told you that staying in this place isn't going to do you any good."
"Yeah, right." Tommy says slowly, then notices the opening. "Why do I live here?"
Hen looks at him again, one eyebrow raised.
"I don't know." She replies, but she seems hesitant before adding. "We told you to move on and move out."
Well that tracks, Tommy thinks, because Hen and Chimney seem like their friends, the kind who are aware of his life. Can he ask?
"I woke up today and there are things I don't quite remember." He says, sounding honest, which he is. "Could you help me?"
"Have you been drinking?" Hen asks, glancing behind him, quickly scanning for any sign of bottles or anything else suspicious. Not so much to his surprise, there are a few scattered on the floor.
"No." Tommy raises his hands, then sounds almost desperate. "I'm just confused, ok?"
Hen thinks about it, but decides to give him what he asked for.
"Your mother-in-law died and Abby," Hen considers what to say next, "well, she wanted to find herself, so she went traveling the world and you're getting divorced, right?"
"Right." He agrees, because what kind of dream is this?
But honest, Tommy can't even be surprised by this. If they had gone through with the marriage, it probably wouldn't have lasted. He was at his breaking point in 2017.
"And I never asked for a transfer after Bobby became captain?"
Hen's eyes widen.
"Not that I know of." She seems offended by the prospect of him hiding this. "Sal, on the other hand, went to the 126. At least before he comes back."
"Wait." An alarm goes off in Tommy's head. "Sal went back to the 118?"
"Sal is our Captain, Tommy. He took over after Bobby Nash died. After the plane crash, remember?"
"And Evan Buckley?" Tommy asks abruptly. An urgency growing in his chest. Because the shock of knowing Bobby is dead can't be separated from the image Tommy has of Buck breaking down alone in an empty hallway.
"Who?" Hen frowns.
Tommy stares at her. Evan moved to LA before 2019. They should at least know him.
"The--" Tommy stumbles over his words, he has to describe who Evan was years ago. "The new guy? Buck?"
"Eddie Diaz is the new guy." Hen informs him, without getting what is bothering him.
And then it hits him. Sal left in 2015, two years before Evan started at the 118... He didn't replace Sal, he replaced Tommy. The next hire would only be two years later, when Eddie joined the team.
"He must have gone to another Station," Tommy says to himself. And his face must be making a weird expression.
Because it's all weird. He didn't want to meet Evan in this dream, but now that he doesn't know where he is, where he's gone, and if he's okay, Tommy feels like he's starting to panic for the first time since he woke up here. Bobby was important to Evan, Tommy knows that. What would happen to him without the 118? Without Bobby?
For a moment it's like the lights flicker. He hears a high-pitched sound. He was cold before. He remembers... He can almost feel it again... His balance falters. And then a distant "Tommy!" seems to want to reach him unsuccessfully. Evan.
Tommy leans on the counter and for a moment he feels like he's going to fall. It was as if his body had a different weight; he could almost feel his body from seven years in the future.
"Tommy, you're really not okay." Hen now looks worried. "Do you want a ride to the hospital?"
"No, no. I'll be fine." Tommy says without being sure of it
One thing became clear to him. Tommy needs to know if Evan is okay, if he's happy in this reality. Maybe it doesn't make any difference, but hearing about him, or his absence, seems to have been the only real thing to affect Tommy here.
Before Hen leaves, he decides to test the waters. He needs to know a little more about this version of himself, to know who he can count on.
"Hen? Do you know I'm gay?" Tommy says bluntly.
Hen looks at him as if Tommy had said something in another language. And then she smiles at him, but there's understanding in her gaze.
"I had my suspicions." She says. "But you never said anything like that before."
"I'm not out."
"No." She seems to sympathize with him. "Actually, you still wear your wedding ring. You don't talk about it much."
Tommy nods. He found a version of himself that was buried deeper in the closet and in denial than Tommy ever wanted to be.
"But you don't need to make an announcement," Hen says. "It's not always easy, and I remember how it was when Gerrard was there. Is that what's been bothering you?"
"Kind of," Tommy lies. "But I'll be okay."
Hen then goes to Tommy, puts a hand on his shoulder and squeezes.
"You will."
*
After Hen leaves, Tommy spends some time going after information, then calling some people he knows in the department and at Dispatch, which is how Tommy discovers that Maddie doesn't work there. It takes a while, but he manages to get some information. Evan Buckley was assigned to the 144 after leaving the Academy, but he didn't complete his probationary year. Apparently, he was fired. After that, Tommy didn't find much else.
But then Tommy gets another clue. It turns out Maddie is in town. Not as Maddie Han, but as Maddie Buckley. She works as a nurse. Tommy finds some news about Maddie, but other than that, she seems to be doing well.
Tommy was about to go to the hospital to talk to Maddie in person when he realized the easier way out. Evan doesn't have Facebook, but he does have Instagram. Tommy has never been much into social media, but Evan is the opposite. He passes through some other Evan Buckleys and finally finds his Evan. He still uses the nickname he got at the Academy, but his account is different. "Buck," and his Instagram is basically a thirsty trap. There he is, the "Buck 1.0" he'd vaguely heard of. The person Evan was before he had the first "most transformative relationship” of his life with Abby. Which Tommy suspects never happened here. To Tommy's surprise, even though it's not June, Evan's bio has a little flag and a description that includes the words "bi and proud." So this Evan must have discovered himself earlier. Jealousy rises in Tommy's stomach.
Maybe there's another man, who didn't ruin his chance with Evan because he felt insecure, or because he was afraid of having his heart broken and then made sure it did happen like an idiot.
From the posts, Tommy also finds out that Evan is working in some bars and clubs, sometimes as a bartender and sometimes as a DJ, which seems like something new for Evan's catalog of professions.
Like a good stalker, Tommy Kinard already knows where to find this version of Evan Buckley tonight. From the photos he looks fine, but Tommy needs to be sure. That’s all.
He gets up to leave and hesitates for a moment, and then the lights start flickering again. He was in the middle of the water, he remembers... He managed to get out, but he was so tired... and bleeding... His head starts to ache again.
"Tommy! Don't leave me, ok? Stay!" The voice is familiar.It's so desperate!
Someone will break. Something has already broken…
When Tommy comes back to himself, it's as if nothing happened. He's not wet or bleeding. He doesn't feel his lungs choking. But one word still echoes in his head with desperate longing.
Whenever the universe seems to be against you, rely on the person that knows how to make it warmer ❤️
Sometimes pookies come like out of nowhere, sometimes I struggle a little with them, so @v88sy thank you for your request, im so sorry for the waiting i hope you like it yayyyy🥰🥰🥰 (i still owe you one tho👀)
tagged by @letsdosciencetoit and @sierranovembr, thanks pals. as per usual with this one, i'm making it an open tag because i have no idea who if anyone has any interest.
the only thing i've been capable of writing recently is my tommy/omc fic which will eventually come back to b/t but! i love my guy, give him the fairytale whirlwind romance i beg of you. at some point, tommy will tell buck that he needs to chill out about his ex husband because "i wouldn't be the guy who's capable of making it work for you if he and i hadn't loved each other". ANYWAY. have some whirlwind romance. context: tommy is moving up to washington to be with his man.
They're watching the sun set over Lake Shasta and handing a bottle of beer back and forth when Jack clears his throat.
"I want to ask you something crazy," he says.
Crazy's their stock in trade, so Tommy just hands the bottle back and waits.
"When we get home, there's a couple days after Liv gets back and before I have to go back to work."
"Yeah?" Tommy prompts. He doesn't think he's ever seen Jack nervous like this before. Even so, it comes as a surprise.
"Wanna get hitched?"
"What?"
"Married. Tie the knot. Put a ring on it."
Tommy laughs. "You're—you're actually serious, aren't you?"
"Yep. I spoke to Liv about it before she left for New York. If we get home before 3p.m. Monday, we'll have time to go get a license. Three day waiting period, so we could all go to the courthouse on Friday. Now her birthday's passed, she could even be our witness."
Tommy looks at Jack, at the bottle hanging from his fingertips, at the salt and pepper beard that's been coming in for the whole drive and thinks, my husband.
Jack misinterprets his silence and says, "Or we could do something less crazy. A license lasts sixty days. Or even less crazy and we can just —"
tagged by @setmeatopthepyre, thanks pal! reluctant to tag anyone in my oc musings so let's call it an open tag. show me what you're working on fam.
this au fill has taken up residence in my mind and uhhh i guess i'm writing tommy and jack's whirlwind romance now. i know, i know, there are so many other things i should be working on but! the title of the post is fuck it friday, so we are where we are.
The night before Jack has to leave, they barely sleep at all, spending the night together in Jack's big hotel bed, alternating between talking and fucking and just making out like they're a pair of kids who've just discovered the concept. Early in the morning, Tommy springs for a stupidly extravagant room service breakfast and watches Jack do the packing Tommy had distracted him from last night. When they're done, he follows Jack to the car rental place and then gives him a ride to the airport. He even pays the thirty five bucks for parking and they ride the shuttle bus together to the terminal.
They get coffee and wrestle their way to some seats where they can split a couple pastries. When they're done, Jack slots his hand into Tommy's, tangling their fingers together and squeezing gently. Tommy can't believe he didn't know this man five days ago.
When Jack's gate gets called, they both pretend not to hear it the first time. Eventually, reluctantly, they stand and Tommy walks with him as far as he can before he hands over the carry-on bag he'd insisted on holding. Jack takes it and looks at him for a long moment.
"I'm gonna see you again real soon, Tommy Kinard."
"You better," Tommy says.
One last kiss, and Jack turns to leave.
Before Tommy's even got back to the shuttle bus, he has a string of messages.
I miss you already.
You make me feel like a fucking teenager what the hell man.
I'll call you when I land.
The final one is a string of dates when Jack's kid will be with her grandparents.
By the time he's back at his truck, Tommy has put in his request for leave the following month and sent Jack the screenshot.
It's only when he's back at his house that he realizes he didn't think twice about any of it. He didn't second-guess himself, or wonder whether Jack actually meant it, or feel foolish about the intensity of his feelings.
Ngl there is some unintentional cruelty in the recent promotional material for Disney/ABC adjacent properties using BuckTommy knowing Tim has basically openly admitted to abandoning them as a concept at the behest of podcast besties in his recent interviews. ABC seems content to celebrate them as one of their Big LGBT Couples but if you know the show’s current state you know Tim is too scared of not looking cool to a micro niche podcast for Tommy to even come back briefly. There’s a dissonance there that feels like the higherups are trying to trick people into getting their hearts broken by promising BuckTommy, but that only lasted 1.5 seasons and two years later Buck’s only acceptable “love interest” according to Tim is his son.
