[kittykatninja321]

there are sexual violence narratives everywhere for those with eyes to see them

[surrealties]

vividly, too vividly

[fawnfeedee-deactivated20260120]

I think something that I deeply appreciate about the book My Dark Vanessa is the complicated relationship that Vanessa had with her abuser, Jacob Strane— something that I haven't really seen in other media.

Usually, victims are portrayed to hate their abusers with every cell in their body; they're shown angry, wishing for revenge— or plotting it, and often focus on the negative memories and feelings rather than any of the positive ones they might have had with them.

However, in My Dark Vanessa, Vanessa was often seen in denial and even feeling guilty, which shows how effective Strane's grooming was, leaving her beating herself up, even in adulthood, 'Sometimes I think I ruined his life. Sometimes I think I was the one who seduced him.'

I think it is important to have this sort of representation— showing victims of abuse who haven't got it all figured out, who still feel anything good for their abuser. It is reassuring for victims who feel similar and it offers a narrative that not everyone thinks about; abuse can be physiologically insidious, and victims' emotions or experiences are not always straightforward or clear. The victim might even blame themselves due to grooming and society, and not come forward if they believe they're not the "perfect" victim or if they even believe that they're at fault in any way.

Kate Elizabeth Russel didn't write Vanessa's positive feelings towards Strane to excuse his behaviours and actions; she wrote it to show how abuse and grooming can often be complicated, how victims can feel love, longing, admiration, and even choose to go back to their abusers. I think this is especially important to acknowledge because, in real life, when a victim comes forward— no matter what shape that takes, whether going to court, social media, or telling someone— the victim is expected to have done everything "correctly". What I mean by this is that the victim is expected to: have lots of proof, not react to the abuse in any way (such as fighting back), and leave the abuser. This isn't realistic, and if a victim does happen to react, have little or no proof, and stay, then the already slim chance of them being believed goes down. Think of Amber Heard, for example. Amber described instances where she defended herself (this is called reactive abuse), which led to everyone either believing the abuser Johnny Depp or claiming that "They were just as bad as eachother."

I think that the way Vanessa's abuse and her reactions to it were written display how victims can internalise responsibility and guilt, even for actions that they were coerced, forced, or manipulated into. By reading this book, it challenges what readers might assume "real victims" look like, how they should feel, and what they should do. It makes readers aware that there is often more going on beyond the surface, beyond what the victim can explain, and beyond what others can see. Not everything is black and white; not everything is simple.

[authored-evidence]

i hope this isn't too much to share, but your writing has impacted me deeply, not as a sexual abuse victim, but just as a girl. it's reached inside me and pulled feelings out that i've never really been able to put into words. and even before it, i've always had this weird fixation on sexual violence. it's this thing in media and real life that i'm so drawn to for some weird, morbid reason, and i can't seem to figure out why.

and on some level, i understand this fascination is okay. writing about it is okay even if i'm not a victim because it's something that should be talked about by everyone and not just victims themselves. this closeness i feel to vanessa and every other character who is a victim of sexual abuse i feel is okay. i know this.

but i always worry people will wonder why i would write about that if i've never been through it—why i'm so fascinated and borderline obsessed with it when i haven't. what reason would a girl have an obsession with sexual violence if she hasn't been through sexual trauma herself? i know it's a bit of a nonsensical thought, but it's something i wonder so much in relation to myself. why do i care about this so much? why do all these characters feel so personal to me? is it because i'm a girl? is this the threat of violence vanessa was talking about? the knowledge i could be one of them?

sorry if this is a lot, and half of it is more of a ramble than anything. i just wanted to know if you have any idea how to deal with this. this worry and fear of writing what i want to write because i don't feel i fit the "criteria" to be able to write it.

part of me wants to reply with that photo of jemima kirke, "you guys are thinking about yourself too much" but that's flippant and I do empathize with the anxiety over this dilemma. it seems rooted largely (entirely?) in perception and identity, which are big things to wrestle with, especially once you reach the point of publication, but worrying about things like what people will think about you once they read what you write when you still are writing is jumping the gun--that's a concern to deal with once you are actually faced with it. does that make sense? if you aren't publishing yet, don't waste time worrying about problems that might arise when/if that happens.

also, this is me reading into this question, but: if you are harboring a fantasy that if you position yourself just the right way, everyone will understand your good intentions and no one will accuse you of being a sick fuck for writing what you want to write, understand that you will never pull that off. there will always be people who will call you evil for writing fiction. one of the best things you can do for yourself as a writer is turn your back on the fantasy of being Good. you can be a good person in your real life, but on the page, you must be Everything and that includes Bad.

if the anxiety is more rooted in yourself, like "what is wrong with me for wanting to write about this?" that is probably a sign to do more psychological exploration, reflection, maybe therapy, definitely more writing. I don't know why you have this fascination but I don't think it's bad or weird or offensive. it might help to try being grateful for feeling inspiration at all rather than focusing on the question of why you're inspired by this particular thing. it also may help to think about how many writers have spent decades-long careers writing fucked up stuff--horror writers, thriller writers, transgressive weirdos. writers who write about rape do tend to get put into a weird martyr-ish, activist role, but I think there is more awareness of how demented and harmful that is compared even five years ago when mdv published. remember that any question of why did you write this can be answered with "none of your business."

also--and I don't say this in an accusing way but it seems important to note--if you don't have the trauma history, if you don't have ptsd, or any figures from your past who want you to stay silent, you have an enormous amount of freedom compared to writers who are carrying that weight. what do you want to do with that freedom? what risks might you take with it?

[gaysadist]

If there's sexual abuse subtext no there isn't, if there's allusion to sexual abuse you're ruining it for everyone else by talking about it, if there's a metaphor for sexual abuse you're reading too far into it and it's actually a metaphor for anything more palatable, and if there's on-screen sexual abuse? Well that's exploitative torture porn, of course.

[mysteriouswye]

k.e.r. back on tumblr who else cheered

[authored-evidence]

ok, here again. I opened up asks and going to see what happens. I have lots I am newly willing to share, believe doing so could be good for me.

[whitegownsandflowercrowns]

JPITV Fics in Chronological Order!

I really love this show and I really love all the fanfic written for it so I'm sorting it all into one post. I figure there has to be someone out there who wants to read all of these in chronological order, so I am providing the guide to do so!

Stories in which different chapters cover different periods of time will be split up by chapter and bolded.

Stories which either AU new characters into JPITV or AU the JPITV characters into other worlds will be italicized and placed in the most accurate time location.

This post will be regularly updated with new fics.

(I am running with assumptions for months in most cases; in canon, I assume that the play is set in March 2018 and that Shelby left school in November 2017, and I work with those dates.)

*Shortest fic for this fandom.

**Longest fic for this fandom.

Pre-Canon

"Pure Heroine" from i think that it's love by @frommybedroom. Set from presumably June to September 2013, Shelby-centric, follows the girls (minus Nell) in sixth grade when they first discover Lorde.

how it goes by @mysteriouswye (sharingsotries on AO3). Presumably set sometime in 2014, Beth-centric, follows her trying to push down her discomfort around Ivy's dad.

The things we used to talk about by @i-contain-frickin-multitudes (Tina_ya_boi on AO3). Presumably set sometime in 2014, Shelby-centric, follows Raelynn quasi-coming out to Shelby at a sleepover.

you are (not) so rotten by @mysteriouswye. Set from presumably October 2016 to March 2018 (mostly pre-canon with a small bit of canon), Beth-centric, deals with her feelings surrounding Carter and how they develop over the years.

"Melodrama" from i think that it's love by @frommybedroom. Set from March to November 2017, Shelby-centric, follows the girls (minus Nell) in sophomore year when they hear Green Light and Melodrama for the first time, and then deals with Shelby's abuse at the hands of Carter in junior year.

he made the big mistake of dancing in my storm by @erikahenningsen (revengeparty on AO3). Set from presumably May to November 2017, Shelby-centric, deals with her abuse at the hands of Carter.**

But honey, I'll be seein' you 'ever I go by Catlovers85 (I do not know if this author has a Tumblr account). Set in November 2017, Raelynn-centric, follows the girls (minus Nell) learning about Shelby's "sabbatical."

But You're Not What You Thought You Were by @didmymakeup (didmymakeuponice on AO3). Set primarily from November 2017 to March 2018, follows Shelby in Atlanta and bounces back to some moments prior.

During Canon

shut my eyes to the song that plays by me (UnfridgedProphet on AO3). Set between Scenes 4 and 5, Ivy-centric, follows her listening to Pure Heroine for the first time in a while following the allegations against her father.

your name doesn't have a memory by me. Set during Scene 10, follows everyone's thoughts throughout.

she won't go away by @mysteriouswye. Set around Scene 13, Beth-centric, follows her and Ivy discussing their feelings around the play's recent events.

wake from a dream by @frommybedroom. Set during Scene 16, Beth-centric, deals with her thoughts during the dance.

i’m waiting for it, that green light, i want it by me. Set in March 2018, AU in which Carter is the only JPITV character to remain, the other characters are replaced by my favorites, and they and live out the story of JPITV (albeit not identically).

Post-Canon

With Love, Die In A Hole by me. Set in March 2018, Beth-centric, follows her trying to assert some boundaries with Carter with the help of Raelynn and Nell.

kiss of judas by @mysteriouswye. Set in an unknown post-canon time, Shelby-centric, deals with her reflecting on her abuse in the context of the story of Jesus and Judas.*

brand new sounds in my mind by @friendofthefrogswastaken (friendofthefrogs on AO3). Set presumably in April 2018, Beth-centric, follows her and Shelby having a conversation where Shelby tries to convince Beth that her relationship with Carter is inappropriate.

we were friends once by me. Set in May 2018, Ivy-and-Shelby-centric, follows them being tricked by the members of feminism club into finally talking to each other.

Everybody Scream by YeahThatsCool (I do not know if this author has a Tumblr account). Set presumably from June to August 2018, primarily Shelby-centric, a collection of scenes between the girls during summer (and Carter FINALLY getting his ass beat).

we'll use our fire only for warmth by @erikahenningsen. Set presumably from June to August 2018, Raelynn-centric, follows Shelby and Raelynn getting together and dealing with the fallout from junior year.

[nerd-at-sea5]

something about ivybeth makes me go so insane

[whitegownsandflowercrowns]

Laura Lee and Beth Powell you would have been best friends

[mysteriouswye]

happy ocd awareness month to beth powell

[mysteriouswye]

sorry for all the mdv i saw one post and spiralled

[templetv-deactivated20260211]

"My Dark Vanessa" by Kate Elizabeth Russell

[imsorryimlate]

He’s always going to be old. He has to be. That’s the only way I can stay young and dripping with beauty.

— Kate Elizabeth Russell, My Dark Vanessa

[velvetring08]

This part wrecks me. Like, Vanessa knows everyone else grew up, built real lives, become full adults. And she hasn’t.

It’s not even about stalking old classmates on Facebook, it’s about what they represent: the versions of life she could’ve had. The version of herself she could’ve become if Strane hadn’t derailed everything.

[victorianvamps]

My Dark Vanessa, Kate Elizabeth Russel

[esotericswiftie]

hypothesis: the great tragedy of my dark vanessa is not what strane did to her, but the way she never healed from it. the way it consumed her life.

it’s why his suicide is smack dab in the middle of the book, why it’s just another plot point rather than the climax. i saw people complaining about how the story dragged on after his death, how the 2007 plot-line felt unnecessary or out-of-place. what they’re missing is that mdv is not about vanessa’s relationship with strane, not really—the main story is her reckoning with herself.

the actual climax of the book is her revelations with ruby in therapy, the reveal of what the past 18 years has entailed for vanessa. strane’s ultimate fate is therefore, to a certain extent, extraneous: irrelevant outside of its effect on vanessa’s ability to move forward. this is vanessa’s story, not strane’s.