Oh my god dmnzjxbcnfjncbc ok but the idea that they are actually *sitting around the table playing dnd* and this shit happens is so good I'm—
Lance: Dang I rolled a 7 again..
Coran: Sorry lad, not high enough. Thunderstorm is most definitely not on board with Pike’s plan.
Lance: Ugh, Keith, everyone else is on board okay, just go with it!! I’m sick of hiding out in this cave, I wanna move the plot forward!
Keith: Look, you made me role play, so I’m role playing. Thunder thinks your plan is dumb. He, uh… He just— rolls his eyes and just keeps sharpening his knife.
Lance: Pike snatches the knife.
Coran: Hoho! Roll for stealth.
Lance: No I’m not even trying to be sneaky, I’m just taking it cause I can.
Pidge: Roll for being annoying.
Hunk: Roll for rivalry. 😛
Coran: Roll for dexterity.
Lance: *rolls* HA that’s a 16+3 baby.
Coran: Alright, Thunderstorm is thoroughly engrossed in his sharpening and does not see Pike leaning over until it’s too late. Pike snatches the knife, no contest. What will you do, Keith?
Coran: Roll— (Keith is already rolling) —a strength check to wrestle it from Pike’s grasp.
Allura: What did you roll—? Oh? Ha! HAHA!
Hunk: (leaning over and seeing it’s a nat 1) Oh no, what does that mean?
Pidge: Thunder accidentally impales himself on his own knife. 😂
Coran: Nat 1 huh?! Oh boy!! Keith you’ve rolled our first natural 1 of the game!!!! (pulls out what looks like an 8-ball and shakes it vigorously)
Lance: What the hell is that.
Allura: (head in her hands) THAT is the reason why I usually refuse to play this game with him… It’s called the Bag of Misfortunes.
Keith: Since when has anything else in this game made any sense, Hunk.
Allura: Whenever you roll a nat 1, the DM has to use a Misfortune to decide the outcome of your roll.
Coran: (begins to chortle at the result) Oh my. Alright, well…. Rules are rules. I suppose I have to…
Pidge: (leans over, sees it, and begins to cackle uncontrollably)
Hunk: (leans over too) Oh my god, it says “unintentional romance.” 😂😂😂
Coran: Alright so, Thunderstorm tries to get the knife, but he accidentally trips—narrowly escaping impaling himself on the knife, by the way—and ends up in a rather.. er… flirtatious position over Pike.
Keith: I ROLL TO STAND UP AND LEAVE THE CAVE.
Coran: Not yet my boy, we have to let your Misfortune play out before you can take action to remedy it. However much Thunder might actually dislike Pike, Pike is going to interpret this as a romantic advance in the moment. So, what will Pike do?
Lance: 😳😱REJECT??HIM??? I roll to shove him off and move away!!!??
Coran: Alright roll for … Hmmm🧐 I’m not sure what skillset you should be rolling here for, this is mildly unprecedented…
Everyone: (watching with bated breath)
Everyone: OOOOOHHHHHHH KSNXNNDNDNDNSNSNBDNDN !!;!!!!;$(“;$;;”;“
Lance: NO NO LET ME RE ROLL!!!
Coran: (already shaking the 8 ball) Oh ho ho, looks like you’ve got “do the opposite of what you intended to do” - my favorite Misfortune!
Pidge: Thunder and Pike just start making out right in front of our salads
Coran: Yeah so Pike (giggle) tries to shove Thunder away but he (more snickering, he’s really trying to be a serious DM here) he loses heart halfway through and just…
Hunk: He caresses Thunder gently on the face, realizing for the first time how beautiful his eyes are, especially in the firelight….
Coran: Yes, very good Hunk! We’ll go with that.
Keith: 😦😬Can I um. Can I still roll to try and escape this?? Or am I still stuck in the Misfortune rules..?
Coran: The Misfortune has not finished playing out yet so yes. But you may roll insight to see precisely how Thunder reacts next.
Allura: How will that work exactly?
Coran: Anything higher than a 15, I’ll let him come to his senses and slap Pike’s hand away, or punch him in the mouth, etcetera, and escape with his pride and dignity. 5-15, they can extract themselves without incident, but they may receive endless mockery from the rest of you in the cave—
Hunk: Yeah the rest of us FOR SURE are just like, shoveling popcorn into our mouths as we watch this play out, by the way.
Coran: If Keith rolls less than a 5, however…..
Keith: God. Okay. I… (accidentally meets Lance’s eyes and immediately looks away) Alright. *Rolls*
Pidge: THUNDER KISSES PIKE ON THE MOUTH!!!!!!
Coran: I—yes. Thunder… is successfully charmed by Pike, and, indeed, he.. kisses him.
Allura: MY CHARACTER STARTS HOOTING AND HOLLERING AND WHISTLING!!!
Hunk: MY CHARACTER GRABS HER AND PUTS HIS HAND OVER HER MOUTH SO WE DONT INTERRUPT THE LOVEBIRDS
Keith: WE’RE NOT LOVEBIRDS
Pidge: So like, are they still going at it? Are they done yet
Hunk: I didn’t know there’d be romance in this game :’) this is so fun
Keith: Can Thunder and Pike maybe stop kissing now
Coran: Yes, but per the rules of the game, your characters are now romantically intertwined, which should be fun.
Lance: And what the hell does that mean?
Coran: (pulling out an even larger 8 ball than before) It means every time your characters interact we get to pull from the Bag of Romance!
Keith: (standing up abruptly) I’m out
Allura: (seizing his arm) ABSOLUTELY NOT this is the most fun I’ve had in years
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