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@myuterusthinks
Me: hey buddy
Uterus: *sniff* yeah
Me: I’m sorry I got mad at you earlier. You’re just doing your job.
Uterus: It’s okay I just always forget you don’t wanna have kids right now
Me: I know bud. How about we watch some youtube compilations of babies doing silly stuff? How does that sound?
Uterus: Yeah that sounds good
Me: I love you buddy
Uterus: ok ok I love you too now show me the babies
Uterus: so……..
Me: what
Uterus: let’s make a deal. YOU get pregnant and I’ll make this whole period business go away for 9 months
Me: buddy that’s not how that works
Uterus: FINE since you love your period so much why don’t I just start it now YOUR WHITE SHORTS WILL LOVE THAT
Me on the first day of my period: Alrighty going for a run that’ll make me feel less gross
Uterus: no
Me: Yes
Uterus: NO
Legs: Actually we’re with uterus on this one
Uterus: hey hey you should marry a woman
Me: not opposed to the idea why tho
Uterus: I’d have a best friend
Me: aaawwwwww
Me: wait
Me: am I not enough for you
Uterus: I WANNA HAVE A BABY
Me: You have to WAIT
Uterus: YOU DON’T GET IT NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME *slams door*
Me: *period starts* oh nO
Me: *has period cramps, is bloated and angry for no reason*
Uterus: I could make all this go away if we just get pregnant
Me: not today satan
Uterus: hey you like that guy right
Me: yeah why
Uterus: if you ~get together~ you could….I dunno….. have some kids…..
Me: Why are you like this
My uterus tries so hard
Uterus: heeeyyyyyyy guess what
Me: Remember our talk? What dd I tell you?
Uterus: *sigh* that if I didn’t stop pestering you you’d sell all your eggs and have me removed
Does this happen to anyone else
Me: *going for a run*
Uterus: *starts cramping*
Me: dude not time yet
Uterus: I know I just wanted to remind you that I’m at peak functional capacity ok have a nice dayyyyyy
Every time I get my period
Uterus: YOOO I built a baby cave in here it took a whole month it’s all ready all u gotta do is put a baby in it
Me: not this time sorry bud
Uterus:
Uterus: WHAT
Uterus: You LET me Do ALL this WORK for NOTHING
Me: dude
Uterus: FINE ENJOY YOUR PERIOD BITCH
ME: Wait
Uterus: HULK SMASH
Me: can we please say something witty and funny today
Brain: hahahahah
Brain: no.
Me: *makes eye contact with an attractive stranger on the street*
Brain: nice
Uterus: BUT HOW BEAUTIFUL WOULD YOUR BABIES BE
Me: sees a newborn
Uterus: can I have one? Pleeeeeaaase?
Brain: no
Uterus: BUT I WANT OOOOOOONE
Brain: I sAiD nO
Me: sees a pregnant woman
Me: awwwww
Uterus: that could be us but noooo we’re "too young" and it's "completely unfeasible at the current moment"
Me: please stop
I love kids so much
Me: *is playing with/reading to/singing a song with/babysitting/sees a little kid*
Me: can I adopt you
ME every time I see a cute baby:
Me: *sees a baby*
uterus: BABY
Me: oh boy
uterus: I WANT BABY BABY IS SO CUTE HAVE BABY
me: *is sitting with a kid in my lap*
uterus: hey you know what we should do have a baby right now you love kids you can raise a whole-ass human being
my brain: wait what no
uterus: hAvE a KiD
brain: nO